Stethoscopes and Strollers

Hey Doc!

I spent a whole lot of money on laser hair removal, ignored multiple red flags, and now I'm back at European Wax Center getting my Brazilian waxes.

And I'm taking full responsibility for my hairy cooch. 😂

Yes, we're going there today. And I promise there's a point.

I knew something was off from the very first consultation. The person doing my treatments wasn't giving me the information I needed, the actual laser sessions weren't being done properly, and I could literally SEE the patches of hair she was missing.

I knew better. I said something. Multiple times.

And I kept going anyway.

Now, I could spend my time being pissed about the money I wasted, the incompetence, and the fact that I have to start this whole process over again.

And I would be completely justified.

But being justified doesn't change the fact that I made choices that contributed to this outcome.

That's what I want to talk about today.

Because I see this same pattern in so many areas of our lives as physician moms.

The toxic job where we keep ignoring the signs. The conversations with our husbands that never seem to change. The frustration with coworkers who apparently cannot do a single thing correctly without our intervention.

It's always somebody else.

And sometimes, those people really ARE the problem.

But when we focus exclusively on what everyone else is doing wrong, we miss the opportunity to recognize where we have agency.

In this episode, I'm sharing:

• How ignoring my own knowing turned an expensive beauty treatment into an even more expensive lesson.
• Why taking responsibility for your decisions is NOT the same as blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong.
• How constantly focusing on other people's incompetence can keep you angry, resentful, and stuck.
• Why recognizing your role in a frustrating situation gives you the power to make different choices next time.

You can acknowledge that someone else did something wrong AND take responsibility for the choices you made along the way.

Both can be true.

And when you start looking at your life through that lens, you may discover that you have a lot more control than you've been giving yourself credit for.

I'm certainly not thrilled about having to get waxed again. But I'm also not sitting around seething every time I pick up my trimmer.

That's growth, Doc. 😂

🎧 Listen to this episode of Stethoscopes and Strollers for a very intimate (and slightly ridiculous) story about personal responsibility, trusting yourself, and making choices that lead to a more peaceful, joyful life.

What did you think of the episode, doc? Let me know!

Subscribe to ✨Stethoscopes and Strollers✨ on your favorite podcast platform so you never miss an episode.

Apple Podcast | Spotify | YouTube

Connect with me: Website | Instagram | Facebook 

Join my Email list to get tips on navigating motherhood in the medical field.

If you are going through a transition -- becoming a parent, leaving a job, figuring out how manage it all, schedule a strategy coaching session and get clarity and strategic next steps for the life and career you want.

Strategy Coaching Session with Dr. Toya

Hey Doc!

I remember when I first started learning about mindfulness and meditation. I couldn't get my mind to shut up long enough to meditate, and instead of feeling relaxed and centered, I felt like I was doing something wrong.

Apparently, even relaxing was something I needed to work harder at. 🙄

And I know I'm not the only physician mom who's experienced this.

We're constantly being told to be more mindful, more present with our children, more intentional with our time. Which sounds lovely until you're sitting on the floor playing with your kids while simultaneously thinking about your patient in the ICU, next week's family trip, and the laundry that's been sitting in the dryer for three days.

Just be present, they say.

Okay. And who's handling the other 50-11 things happening in my brain?

In this episode of Stethoscopes and Strollers, I'm talking about why the pursuit of mindfulness can become another source of stress and guilt for physician moms when we ignore the bigger picture.

Because being present isn't just about learning to quiet your mind. It's about creating a life that actually allows you to.

And that requires support.

I'm also getting into something a little more uncomfortable: our tendency to say we want a different life while insisting we can't make the changes necessary to create it.

The job you can't leave. The city you can't move from. The circumstances you've convinced yourself are completely nonnegotiable.

Yeah, we're talking about those too. 😬

And somewhere along the way, I go on a little tangent about coaching and one of my clients who's now living a life she once thought wasn't possible. Because seeing physician moms make these changes is genuinely one of my favorite things in the world.

Here's what I want you to take away from this episode:

• Mindfulness shouldn't become another obligation that leaves you feeling inadequate.
• Being truly present requires practical support that reduces your mental load.
• Creating the life you want means being willing to question your "can'ts" and make changes, even if you start with baby steps.
• Self-help doesn't have to mean doing everything by yourself.

You don't need another book telling you to meditate for 30 minutes a day without addressing who's making dinner, getting the kids to soccer practice, or dealing with your office manager.

You need a life that's structured to support the things that matter to you.

And sometimes you need help figuring out how to build it.

We were never meant to do any of this alone, Doc.

🎧 Listen to this episode of Stethoscopes and Strollers and let's talk about what it actually takes to be present.

What did you think of the episode, doc? Let me know!

Subscribe to ✨Stethoscopes and Strollers✨ on your favorite podcast platform so you never miss an episode.

Apple Podcast | Spotify | YouTube

Connect with me: Website | Instagram | Facebook 

Join my Email list to get tips on navigating motherhood in the medical field.

If you are going through a transition -- becoming a parent, leaving a job, figuring out how manage it all, schedule a strategy coaching session and get clarity and strategic next steps for the life and career you want.

Strategy Coaching Session with Dr. Toya

Hey Doc!

Before you tell me you don't need a personal brand because you're not trying to become a social media doctor, hear me out.

You already have a personal brand. Whether you've intentionally built one or not.

And no, I'm not about to tell you to start making TikToks between patients. 😂

I'm talking about protecting your professional identity, documenting your accomplishments, and making sure you have options when your career takes an unexpected turn.

Because the days of working at the same hospital for 30 years straight out of residency are pretty much gone. You may change jobs, start doing locums, move into leadership, build a business, or decide you're done with clinical medicine altogether.

And when that happens, I don't want you scrambling to remember which hospital you worked at in 2018 or trying to reclaim a Google profile that's still attached to a practice you left three years ago.

In this episode, I'm sharing why every physician needs to take ownership of her personal brand, even if she has absolutely no interest in entrepreneurship or social media.

We're talking about:

• Protecting your online identity: Why claiming your Google profile and other physician listings matters, especially when leaving a job.
• Keeping your CV updated: How documenting your accomplishments regularly protects you from forgetting just how much you've done.
• Recognizing your transferable skills: Those protocols you developed, presentations you gave, and projects you were voluntold to lead? They count.
• Owning your accomplishments outside medicine: Your Etsy shop, creative projects, or other ventures may become valuable assets in ways you never anticipated.
• Creating career options: Why building and protecting your professional identity now gives you more flexibility when life changes.

I also share how one of my clients is benefiting from a platform she started building years before she transitioned out of clinical medicine.

You don't have to know exactly where your career is going to start preparing for what's next.

And you certainly don't need to become an influencer.

You're Dr. You Incorporated.

You've spent years building your expertise, reputation, and professional accomplishments. Make sure you're the one who owns and protects them.

🎧 Listen to this episode of Stethoscopes and Strollers and take the first step toward protecting your personal brand.

What did you think of the episode, doc? Let me know!

Subscribe to ✨Stethoscopes and Strollers✨ on your favorite podcast platform so you never miss an episode.

Apple Podcast | Spotify | YouTube

Connect with me: Website | Instagram | Facebook 

Join my Email list to get tips on navigating motherhood in the medical field.

If you are going through a transition -- becoming a parent, leaving a job, figuring out how manage it all, schedule a strategy coaching session and get clarity and strategic next steps for the life and career you want.

Strategy Coaching Session with Dr. Toya

Hey Doc!

I'm going to need you to start talking your shit.

Seriously. Because all that excellent work you're doing? The patients who love you, the charts you close, the problems you solve, the department you help keep running?

People are not paying nearly as much attention as you think they are.

And if you're waiting for someone to notice your contributions and reward you accordingly, you may be waiting a very long time.

In this episode, I'm talking about why bragging is one of the most important things you can do for your career, even if you have absolutely no desire to climb the leadership ladder.

I share a lesson from an unexpected place: my husband's work as a licensed HVAC contractor in our family business. Watching him downplay the expertise and effort it takes to solve problems that other contractors couldn't figure out reminded me of something I see physician moms do all the time.

We dismiss our accomplishments because they're just part of the job.

Except they're not just anything. That's your expertise. Your experience. Your value.

And when you don't communicate that value, you leave it up to other people to decide what you're worth. People who may be far more impressed by the colleague who never stops talking about himself. You know the one. 🙄

We're getting into why visibility matters for everything from compensation and job security to OR block time, administrative responsibilities, and getting the call schedule you actually want.

And we're talking about the particular danger of humility for women, especially Black women, who've been conditioned to believe that making themselves smaller is somehow admirable.

You don't have to want a promotion to deserve recognition. And you certainly don't have to be humble about being damn good at your job.

🎧 Listen to this episode of Stethoscopes and Strollers, then send it to five physician moms who need a reminder to talk their shit, too.

What did you think of the episode, doc? Let me know!

Subscribe to ✨Stethoscopes and Strollers✨ on your favorite podcast platform so you never miss an episode.

Apple Podcast | Spotify | YouTube

Connect with me: Website | Instagram | Facebook 

Join my Email list to get tips on navigating motherhood in the medical field.

If you are going through a transition -- becoming a parent, leaving a job, figuring out how manage it all, schedule a strategy coaching session and get clarity and strategic next steps for the life and career you want.

Strategy Coaching Session with Dr. Toya

Hey Doc

We spend plenty of time talking about what motherhood costs us.

The mental load. Childcare. Career complications. The never-ending question of what these people are going to eat.

All valid.

But motherhood has also given me access to something incredibly valuable: community.

And recently, I realized I haven’t appreciated that enough.

I’m in multiple local mom groups. I can ask for childcare recommendations, swim schools, resources, advice, free stuff...and apparently get 10 different opinions on any topic I could possibly imagine.

I can also use these communities professionally. As I’ve become more intentional about growing my business locally, I realized I have access to thousands of women simply because I’m a mom.

That’s a privilege.

And I’m going to use it.

In this episode, I’m talking about the resources and relationships that become available to us through motherhood, why physician moms sometimes overlook them, and how we can stop trying to figure everything out alone.

Because your community doesn’t always have to understand every part of your life to be valuable.

And if the community you need doesn’t exist? You can create it.

You already have the kids, Doc. We might as well use some of the benefits that came with them. 😂

In this episode, I talk about:

• Why motherhood gives us access to powerful built-in communities
• Looking beyond physician mom spaces for support and resources
• Using local mom groups for everything from childcare to business connections
• Creating the community you wish existed
• Appreciating motherhood for something beyond how much we love our actual children
• Why asking other moms instead of figuring everything out yourself can make life a little easier

Motherhood asks a hell of a lot from us.

It’s okay to notice where it gives something back, too.

🎧 Listen to the full episode of Stethoscopes and Strollers.

What did you think of the episode, doc? Let me know!

Subscribe to ✨Stethoscopes and Strollers✨ on your favorite podcast platform so you never miss an episode.

Apple Podcast | Spotify | YouTube

Connect with me: Website | Instagram | Facebook 

Join my Email list to get tips on navigating motherhood in the medical field.

If you are going through a transition -- becoming a parent, leaving a job, figuring out how manage it all, schedule a strategy coaching session and get clarity and strategic next steps for the life and career you want.

Strategy Coaching Session with Dr. Toya

Hey Doc,

I spent most of my career as an OB/GYN saying, “Pregnancy is not a disability.”

I believed it.

Then I had my second baby.

That pregnancy gave me a very different understanding of what it means when someone says, “I can’t do this anymore.”

I had pain that made walking excruciating. I stopped working at 30 weeks, six weeks earlier than I had with my first pregnancy. And I finally understood something I wish I had understood more deeply for my patients:

Sometimes pregnancy really can be disabling.

And for women physicians, admitting that can be especially difficult.

We’ve been trained to push through discomfort, show up no matter what, and make sure our personal lives don’t inconvenience the system. Add the pressure of not wanting your pregnancy to create more work for your colleagues, and suddenly you’re negotiating with a body that is very clearly telling you to sit your ass down.

In this episode, I’m talking about why your capacity during pregnancy may look completely different from what you expected, including what you were capable of during a previous pregnancy.

I’m also getting into the bigger issue: the culture of medicine that treats pregnancy like an individual scheduling inconvenience instead of a normal part of life that institutions should be prepared to accommodate.

Because you should not have to prove your dedication to medicine by pushing your pregnant body beyond what it can safely do.

Your colleagues will figure it out.

The schedule will get covered.

The department will survive.

And when you’re the colleague, partner, or leader making decisions that affect another pregnant physician, you have an opportunity to help create a culture where she doesn’t have to choose between taking care of herself and proving that she belongs.

If you’re pregnant, considering another baby, working alongside pregnant physicians, or leading them, this episode is for you.

Listen to this episode of ✨Stethoscopes and Strollers✨ and send it to a physician who needs to hear it.

What did you think of the episode, doc? Let me know!

Subscribe to ✨Stethoscopes and Strollers✨ on your favorite podcast platform so you never miss an episode.

Apple Podcast | Spotify | YouTube

Connect with me: Website | Instagram | Facebook 

Join my Email list to get tips on navigating motherhood in the medical field.

If you are going through a transition -- becoming a parent, leaving a job, figuring out how manage it all, schedule a strategy coaching session and get clarity and strategic next steps for the life and career you want.

Strategy Coaching Session with Dr. Toya

Hey Doc,

“You worked so hard for this.”

I still hear some version of that when people find out I stepped away from clinical medicine.

And yes. I did.

I worked hard to become an OB/GYN. I fought to become the surgeon I wanted to be. I sought out mentorship, built my skills, became someone other physicians could learn from, and eventually got exactly what I had been working toward.

And then my life changed.

My priorities changed.

I changed.

In this episode, I’m sharing part of a conversation I had with surgeon and coach Dr. Amy Vertrees on The Business of Surgery podcast. While I was telling her about my transition away from surgery, she said something that stopped me:

“Everything I did in the past is going to hold me hostage for the future.”

Whew.

Because that is exactly what so many of us do.

We look at the years of training. The sacrifices. The skill we worked ridiculously hard to develop. The salary. The expectations attached to being a physician. And instead of allowing all of that to be part of our story, we turn it into evidence that we have to keep living the same story.

For me, there were even more layers.

Was I betraying the version of myself who fought so hard to become an excellent surgeon?

Was I reinforcing stereotypes about women stepping back after having children?

Was I letting down the patients who specifically wanted a Black physician caring for them?

Those weren’t small questions. I had to work through every damn one of them.

Eventually, I realized that being excellent at something does not obligate me to do it forever.

And neither does being well compensated.

Because golden handcuffs are still handcuffs. Platinum ones too. 😂

In this episode, we talk about the identity crisis that can come with changing your career, why leaving something good can sometimes be harder than leaving something obviously toxic, and how I stopped making decisions based on who I used to be and started paying attention to the life I actually wanted now.

Your past self does not get to dictate the rest of your life.

She might actually look at you and say, “Damn, girl. Good for you.”

Listen to the episode and decide what you’re ready to stop letting your past decide for you.

What did you think of the episode, doc? Let me know!

Subscribe to ✨Stethoscopes and Strollers✨ on your favorite podcast platform so you never miss an episode.

Apple Podcast | Spotify | YouTube

Connect with me: Website | Instagram | Facebook 

Join my Email list to get tips on navigating motherhood in the medical field.

If you are going through a transition -- becoming a parent, leaving a job, figuring out how manage it all, schedule a strategy coaching session and get clarity and strategic next steps for the life and career you want.

Strategy Coaching Session with Dr. Toya

Hey Doc,

You can stop breastfeeding.

You can stop pumping.

You can know all of the benefits, have enough milk, have a baby who breastfeeds well, and still decide:

I don’t want to do this anymore.

I know that can be an especially complicated decision when you’re a physician.

We know the evidence. We know the recommendations. We know exactly what we’re “supposed” to do.

And when you’re already spending hours away from your baby because of work, breastfeeding can become the thing.

At least I can do this for her.

That was part of my experience with my daughter.

I was making enough milk, but barely. If I didn’t drink enough water, missed a meal, or skipped a pumping session, my supply would drop and I’d spend the next few days trying to catch up.

Everything revolved around producing enough milk.

I made it eight months.

I wanted to make it a year.

And eventually I had to admit that breastfeeding was taking a significant toll on my mental health.

So I stopped.

And the relief was almost immediate.

In this episode, I’m sharing part of an older conversation from the Mom & Mind podcast because I know there is a physician mom somewhere who needs permission to make the decision that is right for her, her baby, and her family.

We talk about:

• How breastfeeding prolonged my postpartum anxiety
• Why pumping felt like its own special form of torture 😂
• The additional pressure physician moms can put on themselves because we know the benefits of breastfeeding
• Why breastfeeding and mental health deserve a much more nuanced conversation
• The guilt that can come with stopping even when you know it’s the right decision
• Why unsolicited advice to “just keep going” can make a struggling mom feel even worse
• How to support another mom without immediately trying to fix her problem

Because sometimes she doesn’t need another suggestion for increasing her supply.

She doesn’t need another supplement, pumping schedule, lactation consultant, or “Have you tried…?”

She might need you to listen.

She might need you to tell her she’s not a bad mom.

She might need someone to say, “It’s okay to stop.”

And if you don’t know what she needs, there is a very simple way to find out:

Ask her.

“What do you need from me right now?”

That question goes far beyond breastfeeding. I use it in my marriage. I use it with my clients. And it can completely change the way we support the people we love.

So if breastfeeding is working beautifully for you, wonderful.

If you love it, wonderful.

And if breastfeeding is making you miserable and you desperately want someone to tell you that you’re allowed to stop:

Doc, you can stop.

You don’t have to suffer to prove that you’re a good mother.

Listen to the episode, and please send this one to the physician mom who needs to hear it.

What did you think of the episode, doc? Let me know!

Subscribe to ✨Stethoscopes and Strollers✨ on your favorite podcast platform so you never miss an episode.

Apple Podcast | Spotify | YouTube

Connect with me: Website | Instagram | Facebook 

Join my Email list to get tips on navigating motherhood in the medical field.

If you are going through a transition -- becoming a parent, leaving a job, figuring out how manage it all, schedule a strategy coaching session and get clarity and strategic next steps for the life and career you want.

Strategy Coaching Session with Dr. Toya

Hey Doc

I love outsourcing.

Cleaning. Childcare. Grocery delivery. The random tasks that somehow require 47 emails and a phone call during business hours.

Please. Take them.

But there is one thing I do not want you to completely outsource:

Knowing what is happening with your money.

In this episode, I’m sharing a conversation I had with Dr. Felecia Froe on the Money with Mission podcast about my own money story.

I grew up in Trinidad and Tobago watching my parents work hard, build businesses, and use their money generously. But nobody sat me down and taught me about investing, taxes, wealth building, or financial independence.

Then I became a physician.

And shockingly, between learning the Krebs cycle and trying to keep actual humans alive, nobody taught me much about money there either.

I eventually started educating myself. I learned about investing. I stopped assuming my financial advisor was performing some kind of financial wizardry. 😂 And I started understanding something that became incredibly important later in my career:

Knowing my financial situation gave me choices.

When I was burned out and miserable in medicine, money mattered.

When I decided not to buy into partnership and walked away from a well-paying job without another job lined up, money mattered.

When I invested $10,000 in my first coaching program and started seeing possibilities for myself outside of traditional medicine, money mattered.

Not because money magically fixes your life.

Because understanding your money gives you information. And information gives you options.

In this episode, we talk about:

• What I learned about money growing up in Trinidad and Tobago
• Why I eventually stopped using a financial advisor and started educating myself
• How my husband and I talk about money together
• Why we’re intentionally teaching our children about money early
• The connection between financial knowledge and my decision to leave a job that was burning me out
• Why investing $10,000 in coaching felt enormous at the time and what I got from that investment
• The importance of understanding your value as a physician
• Why I believe every woman should know what is happening with her own money, even when someone else manages the day-to-day finances

You do not need to become an investing expert tomorrow.

Start with the basics.

Know where your money is.

Know how much you have.

Know what debt you have.

And please, Doc, know whether your taxes are being filed.

Your husband may be wonderful. Mine is. I chose well. 😂

I still know what is happening with our money.

Listen to the episode, then go check your accounts.

What did you think of the episode, doc? Let me know!

Subscribe to ✨Stethoscopes and Strollers✨ on your favorite podcast platform so you never miss an episode.

Apple Podcast | Spotify | YouTube

Connect with me: Website | Instagram | Facebook 

Join my Email list to get tips on navigating motherhood in the medical field.

If you are going through a transition -- becoming a parent, leaving a job, figuring out how manage it all, schedule a strategy coaching session and get clarity and strategic next steps for the life and career you want.

Strategy Coaching Session with Dr. Toya

Hey Doc,

This episode is a plea.

Please take care of yourself.

There has been a lot of loss in the physician community lately, and it has made me take a harder look at the care I’m giving myself too.

Because I can preach about putting yourself first all day long, but meanwhile my Peloton has basically become furniture and my eating habits have been…questionable. 😂

And it reminded me that taking care of ourselves isn’t one thing.

You can exercise regularly and be struggling mentally.

You can eat well and be completely unsupported at home.

You can go to therapy and still be working in a job that is slowly destroying you.

You can look incredibly functional from the outside while barely keeping your head above water.

Physicians are particularly good at that last one.

We are trained to keep going. Sometimes we’re outright praised for ignoring what our bodies and minds are telling us because patients need us, there’s nobody to cover the shift, and somebody has to get the work done.

Then many of us become mothers and bring that same conditioning home.

In this episode, I’m sharing part of a previous conversation from the Mom & Mind podcast about physician burnout, anxiety, sleep deprivation, motherhood, and why asking for help is one of the most important skills we can develop.

We talk about:

• Why some of the qualities that make us excellent physicians can make anxiety harder to recognize
• The medical culture that teaches us to push through even when we’re physically or mentally unwell
• Why sleep and support matter so much during the postpartum years
• The belief that we should be able to handle everything ourselves
• Why asking for help isn’t limited to hiring someone. Family, friends, neighbors, therapy, coaching, and community all count
• What it means when your current life simply does not allow you to adequately care for yourself

You deserve help. You deserve rest. You deserve care and support.

And if taking care of yourself feels impossible within the life you’re currently living, I want you to seriously consider what needs to change.

Because life is too short, Doc.

Listen to the episode. And then check in with yourself, for real.

What did you think of the episode, doc? Let me know!

Subscribe to ✨Stethoscopes and Strollers✨ on your favorite podcast platform so you never miss an episode.

Apple Podcast | Spotify | YouTube

Connect with me: Website | Instagram | Facebook 

Join my Email list to get tips on navigating motherhood in the medical field.

If you are going through a transition -- becoming a parent, leaving a job, figuring out how manage it all, schedule a strategy coaching session and get clarity and strategic next steps for the life and career you want.

Strategy Coaching Session with Dr. Toya