Stomock

Riding in from the untamed western regions of The Healing Power of Stomock, Cowboy Joe has an important lesson to learn. Guest starring a poorly imitated Sam Elliott.

Cowboy Joe

The open plain

the great divide

the amber grains

the cattle drive

the mountain snow

the endless sky

coyotes call

as you pass by

a dusty trail

a steady gait

a rattlesnake

lies in wait

Hey,

Cowboy Joe,

riding the roan,

lonesome and saddlesore.

Pull the reins,

Cowboy Joe.

Make your own way.

You don't have to be a metaphor.

A silver cape

A techno beat

Fishbowl stacks

Upon your feet

Dipping snuff

Carrose coupé

Not quite straight

Not quite gay

City or country

Alone or with friends

Ain't nobody

Gonna fence you in

Announcing the debut album from Homeschool Mom, a devout group of southern evangelical christian folks who do not judge you. In Sharia Law, they tell of the absolutely real threat which is ever-current, ever-threatening, and ever-totally-real: Sharia Law. It's in that neighborhood. Over there. You know the one. We can't go there.

He did and he does.

The ultraconservative evangelical band Homeschool Mom's first release revisits a favorite conspiracy theory from a few election cycles ago. I'm sure they still believe this but they've moved on to more fashionable conspiracy theories for the current election cycle.

From Gut Work and from our hearts, this song speaks to and from our hearty, healthy upbringing. Swing back, my friends.

Featuring the deep-gut vocal stylings of Tall Paul.

And here's the song in the original English. Enjoy the slightly-off shaker, the many many layers of slightly off vocals, and the excessive echo that makes it art.

First we had M-ma, a ditty with an unreliable narrator, then we had Umlaut, the same ditty rendered in unreliable German.

Here's the latter.

It's the song that sees noTHING, Naaaah-THING!

The boys at Blistarr made a birthday song for half of Stömock some years back. Here 'tis, minus the cussy bits at the end where their true feelings came through.

Here's a charming ditty from Nö Shit, in which the Right Stomock (because he is always right) tells the tale of No Shit Sherlock, a gangsta version of Sherlock Holmes. The song, like NSS himself, is NSFWUACS (not safe for work under any conceivable circumstances).

I would post more info about the album, but for some reason all Stömock history escapes me at this moment. Was this our last album? Was it followed by the ironically-named Stömock Renaissance? What happened to The Unlistenables? They could have been great.

At this moment I can remember only a blur of digestive fluids and greasy meats.

NSS himself, of course, is played by Benedict Cumberbatch in all official Stömock fanfic.