Stories Lived. Stories Told.

What are you creating in your relationships?
What does 'healing' mean to you- both individually and collectively?
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La Shanda Sugg describes herself as a storyteller, storyholder, reflector, and soul hugger. She is the co-host of the Labors of Love Podcast and “Chief Love Officer” of Labors of Love Counseling and Consulting.

Heddy Nam is a liberatory coach and facilitator for people, organizations, and networks working towards social change through Rosalee Consulting. She is a healer, speaker, writer, and co-host of The Labors of Love podcast. She lives with her husband and rescue dog as guest settlers on occupied Tongva territory, colonially known as Los Angeles, California.

Today, Shanda and Heddy introduce themselves and describe their relationship as podcast co-hosts, friends, and chosen family and what it means to them to have their relationship be a “practice ground.” Abbie, Heddy, and Shanda talk about healing, presence, communication, and curiosity. 
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Stories Lived. Stories Told. is created, produced & hosted by Abbie VanMeter.
Stories Lived. Stories Told. is an initiative of the CMM Institute for Personal and Social Evolution.
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Music for Stories Lived. Stories Told. is created by Rik Spann.
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Please be aware that this conversation contains mentions of disordered eating, domestic violence, and sexual abuse.
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What does it mean to take a "not knowing position?"
How can you change the moment in the moment?
What else can you listen for?
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John Burnham is a consultant systemic psychotherapist and supervisor, with over forty years of working with families, couples and individuals. He works at Parkview Clinic, Birmingham Women and Children’s Hospital where he was formerly Director of Systemic Training, and continues as course lead for the supervision training course and a supervisor on the MSc in systemic psychotherapy.  He is formerly Director of Training at KCC in London. As well as training in the UK he teaches in a variety of contexts overseas including, Scandinavia, the Netherlands, the United States and South America. He is a past Visiting Fellow at Northumbria University and a Fellow of the Academy of Social Sciences. He has written extensively about systemic practice, training and supervision.

In this conversation, originally published in October 2022, John shares when he first became a storyteller and why it is important to take the risk of sharing your story so that others feel safe to do the same. Abbie and John discuss learning to appreciate the process of "unbecoming" and celebrating (not judging) others for their experiences and growth; using John's PPRR (Problems, Potential, Resources, and Restraints) to understand the many, many layers of everything we do; and exploring explore the wonders of Systemic Therapy. John shares the things he has learned from those he works with, including the resoluteness of the human spirit, experiencing real awe, and how he learned to be less certain and seek clarity instead. Finally, John explains finding a willingness to understand and being deliberate in every interaction and what it means to “Listen to Speak” and “Speak to Listen.”
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Take the Survey here!
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Stories Lived. Stories Told. is created, produced & hosted by Abbie VanMeter.
Stories Lived. Stories Told. is an initiative of the CMM Institute for Personal and Social Evolution.
...
Music for Stories Lived. Stories Told. is created by Rik Spann.
...
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Explore all things Stories Lived. Stories Told. here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.
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Where in your life are you living or telling a singular story? How can you make space to explore more stories for yourself and others?
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Nana Bonsu is an experienced senior leader. Nana is a qualified social worker, family and systemic psychotherapist, and systemic supervisor. Nana is the Director of Relational Practice in Camden. Nana has worked in children’s services for over twenty years, both in children’s statutory services and CAMHs (Child Adolescent and Mental Health Services). Nana has a proven track record of developing clinical services in several London local authorities, transforming practice culture. Nana has led on the design and delivery of systemic practice as a whole system approach to practice and innovation. Nana is passionate about developing services that challenge social injustice, is collaborative and draws upon unorthodoxy. Nana is keenly aware of the impact of racism, poverty, and powerlessness on life chances, and passionately believes in the importance of possibilities. Nana is an experienced lecturer, teaching at the Tavistock and Portman, Institute of Family Therapy, and for the Association of Family Therapy. Nana was one of four Directors at the Institute of Family Therapy. Nana has written several publications:
Bonsu, N. (2020). How can we further embed systemic social work while working in this way? Murmurations: Journal of Transformative Systemic Practice, 3(1). https://doi.org/10.28963/3.1.14
Bonsu, N. and Smith, E. (2023) Understanding, exploring, and supporting children’s identity development: Practice  Tool (Research in Practice, Dartington Trust)

Today, Nana shares stories of the experiences she has had that led her to be who she is and do what she does today. Abbie and Nana explore the power of stories to expand imagination; the power of celebrating and honoring the lived experiences of children; and the power of using a “whole system approach” to create interdependent communities.
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Take the Survey here!
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Stories Lived. Stories Told. is created, produced & hosted by Abbie VanMeter.
Stories Lived. Stories Told. is an initiative of the CMM Institute for Personal and Social Evolution.
...
Music for Stories Lived. Stories Told. is created by Rik Spann.
...
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Explore all things Stories Lived. Stories Told. here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.
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How can you begin to embrace communication as a transformative force for change in your life?
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Kongit Farrell is a licensed marriage and family therapist with specialties in conflict resolution, trauma, couples therapy, and human sexuality. She is the founder of the Center for Healthy Marriage and is an adjunct professor of Clinical Psychology at Pepperdine University. Kongit is an alumna of the CMM Institute and AC4 Fellowship programs at Columbia University and serves on the executive board of YPO's Peace Action Network. She splits her time between the US and Central America.

Today, Kongit and Abbie discuss their shared curiosity around interpersonal communication, explore some ways to define and describe healthy relationships, and offer some practical tools for naming and creating the relationships and social worlds you want.
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Stories Lived. Stories Told. is created, produced & hosted by Abbie VanMeter.
Stories Lived. Stories Told. is an initiative of the CMM Institute for Personal and Social Evolution.
...
Music for Stories Lived. Stories Told. is created by Rik Spann.
...
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Explore all things Stories Lived. Stories Told. here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.
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Where in your relationships can you name the meaning you are making? Where can ask others to name the meaning they are making?
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Laurie Budlong-Morse is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and an AANE Certified Neurodiverse Couples Therapist with a private practice in Indianapolis; she also creates educational content and offers online services with a focus on mixed-neurotype relationships. Laurie holds training in postmodern and social constructionist methods of therapy as well as mindful self-compassion, both of which deeply inform her work to facilitate what she calls "cross-neurological dialogue". As a person with lots of lived experiences within neurodiverse relationships up, down, and all around her family tree, Laurie is passionate about helping others appreciate and meaningfully navigate neurological differences.

Today, Laurie introduces herself and her experience navigating neurodiverse relationships both personally and professionally. Abbie and Laurie discuss meaning-making, storytelling, and assumptions in relationships. Abbie and Laurie explore the role of common humanity and self compassion in helping us better understand ourselves and others.
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Stories Lived. Stories Told. is created, produced & hosted by Abbie VanMeter.
Stories Lived. Stories Told. is an initiative of the CMM Institute for Personal and Social Evolution.
...
Music for Stories Lived. Stories Told. is created by Rik Spann.
...
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Explore all things Stories Lived. Stories Told. here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.
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What is "perceived oughtness"? How does it show up in our lives? How can we reflect on this force and make new choices?
How can we embody curiosity to understand ourselves and others well?
What is the relationship between “beliefs,” "meaning," "action," and "emotion"? How can we come to understand the complex dynamics that exist to find healing for our past and a new way forward for our future?
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Dr. Barbara McKay is a systemic psychotherapist, supervisor, and teacher. She has served on the Board of Trustees for the Association for Family Therapy and the Board of Stewards for the CMM Institute for Personal and Social Evolution. She worked as Director of the Institute of Family Therapy for 13 years. Barbara works with social work leaders to enhance their systemic and communication abilities.

In this conversation, which was originally published in March 2022, Barbara shares her journey into Systemic Psychotherapy and how she first encountered the Coordinated Management of Meaning (CMM) Theory in her work. Barbara explains "unwanted repetitive patterns" and why it's so important to understand and deconstruct them. Abbie and Barbara explore what it means to be "CMM-ish," what it looks like to bring curiosity into our relationships, and what "cosmopolitan communication" can change in our lives. Both Barbara and Abbie discuss the stories they hold around gender and the ways that CMM shows up in their lives. Finally, Barbara explains how she uses the language and tools of CMM to create better social worlds in her overlapping professional and personal life.
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Stories Lived. Stories Told. is created, produced & hosted by Abbie VanMeter.
Stories Lived. Stories Told. is an initiative of the CMM Institute for Personal and Social Evolution.
...
Music for Stories Lived. Stories Told. is created by Rik Spann.
...
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Explore all things Stories Lived. Stories Told. here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.
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What are the tangible changes that you can be a part of making in your social worlds?
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Gro Emmertsen Lund is an independent scholar, education specialist, author and researcher; she is a part of The Taos Institute, USA, serving as a Taos Associate and Faculty Advisor. She is also part of NO!SE (Network of Independent Scholars in Education) in Denmark. She has published a number of articles and books and are active in public debates in Denmark and Norway. Gro has a bachelor’s degree in teaching and a master's in evaluation from the University of Southern Denmark, as well as a Ph.D. from the University of Twente in the Netherlands. Gro gives keynote speeches, teaches, holds presentations, participates in podcasts, and facilitates organizational and cultural development and change processes in schools, educational institutions, day care, health care, psychiatry and the social sector.

Today, Gro and Abbie discuss social constructionism, change processes, and absenteeism in schools. Gro explains combating school exclusion with school inclusion; differentiating between problem-deficit thinking and relationship-resource focused thinking; and balancing the positive and negative impacts of diagnoses for students. Finally, Gro shares examples from her work of schools that have done significant, meaningful, and ongoing work to becoming learning organizations and better support students and teachers.
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Gro's English Publications:
Haslebo, G. & Lund, G.E. (2015). Practicing Relational Thinking in Dealing with Bullying in Schools. In: Dragonas, Gergen, McNamee, Tseliou (Edt). Educations as Social Construction. TAOS Publications Worldshare. Read here. (pp.168-190)
Lund, G. E. (2017). Making Exclusionary Processes in Schools Visible. Ph.D.-thesis. Twente University.
Lund, G. E. and Winslade, J. M. (2018). Responding to Interactive Troubles – Implications for School Culture, Wisdom in Education: Vol. 8: Iss. 1 , Article 1. California State University San Bernardino.
Lund, G. E. (2020). Creating school harmony. In S. McNamee, M. M. Gergen, C. Camargo Borges, & E. Rasera (Eds.), The SAGE Handbook of Social Constructionist Practice.  London: Sage Publications.
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Stories Lived. Stories Told. is created, produced & hosted by Abbie VanMeter.
Stories Lived. Stories Told. is an initiative of the CMM Institute for Personal and Social Evolution.
...
Music for Stories Lived. Stories Told. is created by Rik Spann.
...
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Explore all things Stories Lived. Stories Told. here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.
Explore all things CMM Institute here.

How can we celebrate our own individuality (and the individuality of others) by being honest about our needs, finding unique ways to meet them, and saying out loud the things we appreciate about each other?
How can we celebrate children's individuality in school settings and beyond?
What happens when we learn, not only how to tell our own story, but to hear the stories of others as well?
What does it look like to set boundaries that allow us to say our "Best Yes"?
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Stephanie Higgs is, above all else, a passionate educator. Since graduating with her Master's Degree in Education she has taught pre-K, second grade, and fourth grade; she now works as a gifted educator and differentiation coach, where she supports both students and her fellow teachers in accommodating individual learning needs. In 2021, Stephanie was named the Tennessee Performing Arts Center (TPAC) Teacher of the Year. After 13 years in education, Stephanie is expanding her reach by sharing resources, ideas, and advice for educators around the world on her Instagram page.

In this conversation- originally published in February 2023- Stephanie tells the story of her path to becoming a gifted educator. Abbie and Stephanie discuss differentiation, what it looks like for her to balance educational standards with individual needs, and the value of the support system of teachers that Stephanie collaborates with. Stephanie shares her teacher's perspective on storyliving, storytelling, and storyhearing. Stephanie and Abbie reflect on mystery in our lives. Stephanie shares how learning about self-regulation has helped her heal and find more empathy for herself and others. Abbie and Stephanie talk about the classroom through the lens of social worlds. Finally, Stephanie describes her idea of a better social world.
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Stories Lived. Stories Told. is created, produced & hosted by Abbie VanMeter.
Stories Lived. Stories Told. is an initiative of the CMM Institute for Personal and Social Evolution.
...
Music for Stories Lived. Stories Told. is created by Rik Spann.
Find Rik on  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.
Listen to our conversation with Rik in ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ep. 8⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.
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Visit the Stories Lived. Stories Told. website.
Follow Stories Lived. Stories Told. on Instagram.
Subscribe to Stories Lived. Stories Told. on YouTube.
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Explore all things Stories Lived. Stories Told. here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

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Learn more about Cosmopolis 2045.

Where can you find paths to engagement?
How can you redefine excellence for yourself?
What would it look like for you to embrace curiosity in your own life and stories?
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Emily Ruth Rutter is Professor of English, Associate Dean of the Honors College, and affiliate faculty in Women’s, Gender, and African American Studies at Ball State University. She is the author of four monographs, most recently White Lies and Allies in Contemporary Black Media (Routledge, 2023). She is co-editor of Revisiting the Elegy in the Black Lives Matter Era (Routledge, 2020) and the forthcoming Black Saturation: Selected Works of Stephen E. Henderson (University Press of Mississippi, 2025). She is the recipient of numerous awards and grants, including from the National Endowment for the Humanities. Her essays have appeared in African American Review, MELUS, South Atlantic Review, and Tulsa Studies in Women’s Literature, among other journals and edited collections.

Today, Emily introduces herself and shares some of the stories that make her believe that education transforms lives. Abbie and Emily explore the paths to engagement in conversation about antiracism, bias, and intersectionality, especially for white people. Emily explains inclusive excellence as a framework and explores how to make it in our social worlds. Abbie and Emily discuss  mythical norms, epistemology (how we know what we know), imagination, and curiosity.
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Stories Lived. Stories Told. is created, produced & hosted by Abbie VanMeter.
Stories Lived. Stories Told. is an initiative of the CMM Institute for Personal and Social Evolution.
...
Music for Stories Lived. Stories Told. is created by Rik Spann.
Find Rik on  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.
Listen to our conversation with Rik in ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ep. 8⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.
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Visit the Stories Lived. Stories Told. website.
Follow Stories Lived. Stories Told. on Instagram.
Subscribe to Stories Lived. Stories Told. on YouTube.
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Explore all things Stories Lived. Stories Told. here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

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How can research help us change the stories we tell about ourselves, our mental health, and our shared trauma?
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Spozhmay Oriya is a PhD candidate in the Educational Psychology program with focus on collective trauma, faculty of Education, Simon Fraser University in Vancouver, Canada. She has BA in psychology and MA in Education. She was assistant professor at faculty of Psychology and Educational Sciences at Kabul University in Afghanistan since 2007 until 2021. Most of her teaching and research is in psychology. She is learning trauma and collective trauma integration and group facilitation with Pocket Project and Academy of Inner Science based in Germany since 2019. Her research interests are collective trauma, war, and trauma-informed education. She has conducted research with national and international researchers and has some publication in international journals.

Today, Spozhmay describes her journey into being an educator and researcher. Spozhmay explains one of her early research projects studying the mental health of female students at Kabul University. Abbie and Spozhmay talk about the practical benefits of conducting research for helping us better address issues in our social worlds. Spozhmay discusses collective trauma in the context of ongoing war, poverty,and violence in Afghanistan. Abbie and Spozhmay discuss a researchers job to make meaning from research. Finally, Spozhmay shares about her efforts to provide support to her students following the November 2020 Kabul University attack. 
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Stories Lived. Stories Told. is created, produced & hosted by Abbie VanMeter.
Stories Lived. Stories Told. is an initiative of the CMM Institute for Personal and Social Evolution.
...
Music for Stories Lived. Stories Told. is created by Rik Spann.
Find Rik on  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.
Listen to our conversation with Rik in ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ep. 8⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.
...
Visit the Stories Lived. Stories Told. website.
Follow Stories Lived. Stories Told. on Instagram.
Subscribe to Stories Lived. Stories Told. on YouTube.
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Explore all things Stories Lived. Stories Told. here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Subscribe to CMM Institute on Substack.
Connect with the CMM Institute on LinkedIn and Facebook.
Access all CosmoActivities for FREE!
Participate in the CosmoParents Survey.
Visit the CMM Institute website.
Learn more about Cosmopolis 2045.