#StoriesAboutSongs

This is the first song I wrote for this project. When I wrote it there was a completely differently idea in mind. I had reached out to an MC that I produced back in the '90s and asked if they wanted to do a project that I would produce and we would both rhyme on, and I sent them this track as a demo.

I never heard back, and I also realized album that I was originally planning to release on 7-3-22, wasn't going to be ready in time, so I came up with the concept for the Songbird EP, and followed the basic direction of this song for the foundation.

LYRICS

This is brain food, patience and trust, my main tools

Trust in myself, and I trust that I can’t lose

Due to the fact don’t worry about who's who

Focus on myself, easy task for a recluse

…But no web of deception not trying to confuse

Answers right there in your face like Blue Clues

Let the violin play, to calm a violent state

And try to find the space to create

And, for those that relate, take time to thank you

And, for the loved ones who it ignored it, praise due

You showed me the light, so I switched to phase 2

Wade through…the rough waters, plus, a maze too

Angst grew from setbacks, that’s why I let tracks

Provide insight and take flight like jet packs

The future is great...

Subliminal Hook: Make the future a promise...

And, if I got a second chance, what would I differently

One thing for sure, mark some friends as enemies

Seriously, it’s frustrating but curiously I wonder

Are their acts malicious or a blunder?

Sometimes it feels the same, the pain takes us under

AMC ate his own words then switched to numbers

A truth hunter, I’ve been tracking it for years

But every time I catch it’s scent it just disappears

It’s crystal clear, has no intentions of being found

Fine, when it sneaks back in town, I’ll still be around

TRUTH…I'm right here!

I can't explain but when I first made this, I pictured it being good theme music for Arcade's Murderworld. I imagined if you were trapped in the pinball machine, this beat would randomly come on.

This EP is focused on processing anxiety, often through venting, and often through dark or dry humor. This song certainly captures that.

LYRICS:

Let the drums pound, start a countdown

And how art thou? I’m fine

And, this rhyme? ….all about style

Right now, switch it up, proceed to another route

Go further out, far beyond the mortal realm you know about

Showing out, no real reason, just instinct

In sync with the universe, a cosmic entity

My energy radiating bright like there’s ten of me

Like KMC. Have a tendency to honor true MCs

Whose rightful legacy’s often absent like truancy

It’s lunacy, between you and me, it had me losing sleep

Had to learn, hard to earn is more than just empty speak

What’s a peak? I’m Keni Burke rising like a beak and wings

I’ve seen some things, reveals my age similar to trees and rings

Wondering, how can I get that songbird to sing?

My answer? Take it by the day like a calendar

The challenger must’ve not saw my last encounter

The ten count didn’t matter, hurts to watch their ego shatter

But I got a job to do, line em and watch em scatter

Plus I got em pinpointed, and my style’s been poignant

Still find time to laugh, bathe in some enjoyment

This important, it’s a hinge moment, an intense omen

Hence I go with the flow, word to Prince Po

One rap’s greatest lyricists, plus other gifts

As for me, Imma ask the genie for another wish

In time they’ll discover this is loving like a mother’s kiss

Pump your fist if you wanna if you wanna hear a bit more of this

OK, I see you in my mind, so I’ll proceed with a different script

Efficient with my words and the rhythms that I mix em with,

Bliss and wit, origin unknown like fish n chips

Your hissy fits?(la, la, la, la), not listening

And, yeah, I know that feeling too, in fact I find it interesting

My discipline tells me keep working like we’re mission men

Eventually we’ll hook some more like fishermen

I wish to win, yet feeling tired like a Michelin

Hence the bad joke…that’s the price of admission kids

Still Victorious 2.0 by RedefineHipHop

I don’t know if others have/had this experience, but when I would first leave therapy, I would feel great, with a capital G. There was something soothing about those conversations. I’d have an extra bounce in my step. I’d get in the car, and often feel like improvising/freestyling. It was like I let the bad energy out, and so I would maximize and celebrate before it would eventually seep back in.

That’s what this song is trying to capture. While on a lot of the other songs on this album, I’m intentionally trying to sound drained, apprehensive, overwhelmed, uncertain, frustrated, and a range of other emotions, here I wanted to sound confident and in control. I leaned back into that braggadocio energy from the 80s and 90s, but with personal subject matter. A lot of the songs I write are built from improvisation, but then edited and re-recorded. That’s the technique I used for this, but I did something different here. This song has a lot of pauses in the flow because when I’m doing improv, particularly as a writing tool, I don’t pressure myself to be completely steady. If there is a pause for a bar or two so that I can think about what I want to say, that’s fine. Where if I’m improvising outright, that’s the opposite of what I want to do. In those moments, I want to clear my mind of thinking about anything, until I get into a zone where I’m on autopilot, and then I can carefully and quickly zoom in on certain things. It’s like if the car was on auto-drive, but you do a slight adjustment because you see a pothole in the road.

To keep that feeling, I left a lot of those pauses. I also am flowing in a somewhat unconventional way, but doing so with this confidence in my flow. It’s about being comfortable being myself. Embracing my difference.

This Funkadelic loop is great, and I, like countless others, am a huge fan of their music. As for the loop, this is one that wouldn’t loop naturally with the DDJ-200, so I had to do it manually, taking it back to how I did things in 1986-1988 with the Casio SK-5, hitting a button every 2 seconds. You can clearly hear the imperfections of my timing in the way it’s looped. I was going to go back and fix it, but decided it was perfect for the concept, that sometimes it’s ok to embrace your differences and that you don’t need to hide your flaws, only seek to improve on them.

When the beat was looping, before I started “writing” this, I thought about how ill Kurupt would sound on this beat, with Snoop on the hook. Then, when I found that Above The Law scratch hook…it felt like stars aligning, and then Presyce’s cuts are a work of art to close it out.

LYRICS:

Every step that I take is a step towards my throne

I won’t sit there alone, it's not a house or a home

In fact it’s a poem, purest thing I’ve known

Haven’t know it for long, but I’ve known all along

I find peace in a song, love the past, though it’s gone

Cause it helped make me strong, and now it’s full grown

But Imma leave it alone

How much pain can I condone

Before the love within me turns into stone?

Like Paul Pierre Duvall

Reaching out to the crowd, and made time stall

And here’s the coup de grace

Crystallize the sands of time , and then defy the law

Leaving them all in awe, winning by a draw

The strangest thing you've ever saw, but that’s just who are

Though not always from afar

Curiosity attracts, before we’re back to the start

But I’ve mastered art

Not cause I’m skilled, nor I’m smart

Cause I feel from the heart

Give my all, not a part

Revealing all my scars

These are my memoirs

I’ve even-ing the odds

No needs for applause

I’ll proceed with a...pause

…

One of my so-called flaws

Is trying to be rational when emotion seek to alter the course

I’m all for the force of nature being the primary source

Empathy I endorse

that’s a promise, not a chore

It’s my natural state of being, what is yours?

This was actually the first song I wrote/recorded for this project, and when I did it, I originally was either going to put it on a different project, an 7-song EP I was thinking of doing, or just going to release as a one off. But, the same night (I think) I wrote something else and that started the idea of the “Affair Use” concept.

I first heard this beat when Low Profile used it in ‘89 for a b-side cut, “The Dub B.U. Just Begun”. I was definitely a Low Profile fan, of both W.C. and DJ Aladdin, and this song was one of my favorites. That song is about 122 BPMs, only slightly slower than the original song, Brooklyn People “Peace and Love”. From the moment I heard that Low Profile song, I wondered what the sample was, but I didn’t learn until many years later in the internet era. It’s a great track. The lyrics are simple and effective, and the beat is a monster.

I generally try to avoid samples that have been used, especially from songs/groups I’m a big fan of, but I made an exception for this because slowing it down so heavily gave it this somewhat different feel. Literally, as soon as I slowed it down, the lyrics just started flowing out of me. At first, it might seem out of place to have this sad-ish sounding song after I just celebrated my joy on the last song, but this is sundown. And, while I am trying to remain positive, I’m still in a strange place, and uncertain of what is next. I’m not losing faith here, I’m just reflecting on what got me to this point. I imagine this song being me, having just found the place I’m going to settle for the night. I’m sitting outside, looking up at the moon, pondering life; past, present and future. Somewhere in this process, I drift off to sleep and the thoughts continue into the dream state.

There’s a lot of cool little “easter eggs” in this one.

LYRICS:

If you ever see me out in the freezing rain

Please leave me be, I’m probably releasing pain

Feel like I’m ready to burst, at least a vein

So I’m just trying to ease...my...brain

So please refrain, from the urge to call my name

All I’m saying, all this praying is all in vain if

I can’t stay focused to attain it

I can’t explain it, I thought I elevated

But anxiety crept up like an assailant

No matter how I paint it

It’s tragic, ain’t it?

But, like they say, ‘you gotta take it to gain it’

I guess I need a new way to tap in to it

Ya know, emotionally fluidity when making music

So I if I lose it, the pain that is, I can still use it

Mixing cryptic talk, with thought that’s lucid

I’m full of peace and love, come and get some

And stop putting issues in places where there ain’t none

I’ll be here meditating until the fight comes

Glance off in the distance as I take in the night’s sun

However, this isn’t a fairytale. There aren’t often, perhaps never, magic answers. Just because I’ve found this Private Eden…how do I know it’s real? Or that it will last? I don’t.

Continuing the metaphor of that place being a physical place, as I’m standing on the shore, directly in front of me is a forest era. There are tall looming trees. Even though it’s still about an hour before sundown, once I step in that forest, I can’t see more than a couple feet in front of me. It’s dark and intimidating. I want to trust that this is my personal safe place, but trust can be hard, generally speaking.

And while most of my life I’ve been pretty comfortable being trusting of people, trusting in ideas and other abstracts can be more difficult. Additionally, although I’m comfortable being myself, I’m not always happy with the result of how it makes me feel “too different” in the eyes of some. And honestly, that only really applies to one, yet still unknown, person who I would like to spend the rest of my life with. Essentially, my only doubt is worrying I’m so different that I’ll never find that person. This is the only song that really corresponds with the album artwork, and the song subtitle (“The Unfulfilled Caterpillar”) reflects that. This is arguably the “weirdest” song on the album, hence the main title, “Truly Me”. The song title isn’t a figure of speech at all.

I originally wrote this verse to a loop of Babes In Toyland’s “Magik Flute”, but when i went back to record it, I couldn’t figure how the flow worked, so that led me to Woodcat.

Woodcat was a 4-piece, Minneapolis-based band, and I was connected to one of the members of the band, Marea, who played Cello and shared vocals duties. I specifically remember seeing them live at 7th Street Entry and their show really impressed me. I am a legit FAN. Their sound was unique with a blend of drum machines, guitar, cello, and haunting melodies and singing, that had a folky feel. There are some really great songs on their album, including “Sithe”, “Dancin”, “Ulv” and “Witches”, the latter which is what I sample here. When I chose to sample this, I didn’t yet have the idea about it being a moment of me walking through a dark forest as the concept, but surely the music and the vocals are fitting for just that.

LYRICS:

One of the questions that I ponder in a darkened room

‘Does anxiety exist in a vacuum?’

Or is it interactions? Distorted passions?

The absence of following the masses?

Imagine independent thinking, everlasting

Vs playing in the role that we were cast in

And I’ve been blinded by the brilliance of a million feelings

Simultaneously erupting, both with hurt and healing

This is simply physics, life scientific’s

Mixed with statistics, and the will to give it

All I have, review the math, and check the variables

But even when I’m sinking, clear thinking, in my periscope

Still I speak in parables, to hide what is unbearable

To share with you, so I find something to compare to

But never dilute, I try to fully capture the magnitude

Of the deepest secrets of my darkest moods

So now I seek asylum from own problems

Before I find myself living inside of one

What was I hiding from?

I let my best parts get overshadowed til I was numb

Still I’m focused on the textures, and all the extras

Driven by the cause, not consumed by what the effect is

Let this be an update to my directives

Fine tune my perspectives, get a little introspective

See me for who I truly am, not just the sketches

Come deep inside

See how far the distance stretches

The road to recovery, a way to rediscovery me

And still haven't found ONE capable of loving me

And how do I feel, well, between you and I

Like A caterpillar, denied to be a butterfly

“Affair Use” takes me on a journey to find and understand what true happiness means to me.

“Silver Lining” sets the tone to start off that journey, revealing some of the life challenges, as well as personal flaws, that inspired the rejuvenated need to discover what truly makes me happy.

The main loop is from a Bauhaus song called “Swing The Heartache”, which is fitting in a couple ways, but primarily I was attracted to the noisy sound of it, and I like that things in the song aren’t perfectly on beat…it’s a bit of wonderful chaos, similar to what I’m trying to create. The song itself is great, and has all these amazing isolated parts, from the music to the vocals. Fun fact: I originally thought about looping and recording this to Sly Stone’s “Trip To My Heart”, a song that I absolutely love, but opted out since it’s been prominently used before.

This is really the only song that (somewhat) followed what my original production plan was for the album. I initially planned to make the album using prominent loops the way I do, but then accent them with classic drum machine sounds, such as the 808, 909, Linn Drum, DMX, Drumulator, Alesis HR-16, and so on. But, when experimenting with that, it didn’t sound quite how I envisioned it, so I abandoned that idea.

The truth is, that is a reflection of how my brain works. When I’m in a creative mood, my brain is not good at learning new things, and I haven’t done production since 1995. So, while I do have the ISLA S2400 and a Novation Launchkey, both which can program drums, I got them both recently and I haven’t really learned how to use them…BECAUSE I’ve been in creative mode, which is ultimately a good thing.

That in mind, I chose to focus on where my energy was, and put the primary focus on the writing, album concept, vocal recording, etc… However, while trying to understand MIDI and hooking up the Launchkey to Ableton, I did lay some additional 808 bass hits to this.

The last line is a reference to MC Shan’s “Juice Crew Law”, from the “Born To Be Wild” (‘88) album, which is a favorite of mine. When I came up with the last line of “Silver Lining”, and landed on using the word “refinement”, my brain pretty much immediately remembered that Shan used that word on “Juice Crew Law”, when he says, “Now that I have the power, I’m making refinement…” (which is used as the song’s scratch hook), and so to make that connection, I just quoted his follow up line to end the song,“Revealing the snakes is my next assignment”. I should note, that may not be an exact quote, but that’s what I’ve always thought he said, and thought it was a great line.

LYRICS:

This is affair use

I’ve felt my fair share of abuse

Now I’m finally prepared for recognizing the clues

Revising the rules

Which prize will I choose?

Relighting my fuse

Hmph, and I’d be Surprised if I lose

The silver lining that my analyzing finally exposed

The deepest crevices of where heaven is

And I suppose, even the devil knows

I guess I’m just slow to dispose

Of all the clutter people mutter, taking space in mind

I take too much time verifying if it’s benign

Plus I…try to be kind, understanding, and patient

I guess I need new relations for the space that is vacant

On the trip from my heart to my soul, it’s an emotional toll road

But I’m never paid what I’m owed

So I paved a new road, made for strictly saving the soul

My bags are packed, I’m just waiting for the signal to GO!

Sometimes a simple hello is all takes to connect

I’m tuned to seeing past the features that the eyes can detect

And might I direct…attention,

To the seeds that grow to apprehension

Shared trauma, melodrama from a bad decision

Sometimes we’re stuck in a system of our own designing

A mental prison blocks our sun, keeps us from shining

The silver lining, assuming that you find it

Is a lesson learned could help you turn a failure to refinement

…and revealing the snakes is my next assignment

This is the competitor for the most jarring transition, but fitting. I’m at my “Private Eden”, and it feels great to have arrived. I think most of us know, or at least have an idea, what happiness means to us, but there’s often something that just keeps us from reaching out to grab it. It can be scary to trust in things, or people, or to believe in ourselves, along with a host of other challenges that just exist naturally in the world.

For me, two of the things that have brought me the most joy in life are, unsurprisingly, creativity and love, including the love for creativity. That also works the other way, because when it comes to love, and how I like to express that to people, I like to be creative, and in a multitude of ways. For one, I don’t like to just follow the traditions and do what’s obvious, and have my relationships (whether friendships or dating) be cookie cutter. I try to make a point to be intentional with each of the closest people in my life. That has had tremendously lopsided results, especially in dating. On one hand, people I have dated, generally seem to really appreciate that, but on the other, at some point, in many, if not most long term relationships I’ve had, they’ve also taken issue with the lack of some the more “traditional” things, which I’m not necessarily against, I have just noticed that so many times people use the “standards” as a way to coast through relationships without being fully intentional, openly communicative, or to actually deal with any issues or problems, and instead think saying “I love you” and giving flowers fixes things.

The song I sample here, “Play With Fire”, is from Barbara and Ernie, and it’s a powerful song and sounds both beautiful and haunting, especially once I slowed it down so much. I had to use the vocal part as well. Barbara Massey has an amazing voice. This song is from the album, “Prelude To…”. I had this song for a while, but revisiting it last year led me to finally get the album, and it’s great. I’d suggest giving it a listen if you enjoy great early 70s Soul albums. Listening to the album I learned (via Discogs) that even though Barbara didn’t release a wealth of solo material, she recorded with some legendary artists; Quincy Jones, Esther Phillips, Melvin Van Peebles, Grover Washington Jr., Cat Stevens, Jimi Hendrix, Eddie Kendricks, etc… And, this song was co-produced by Warren “Evy Itta” Curry, who I was in a rap group called 3rd Dimension a.k.a 3D Crew in ‘’84/’85! I provided him with the “Play With Fire” sample, looped in my rough demo format, and he built everything else from there. Means a lot to me to have him on the project, for several reasons, and one is because of the importance of that time in my life.

Lastly, “Creativity + Love = X” is me standing on the shore of my Private Eden, enchanted by my surroundings and expressing how that feels. This song is really powerful for me personally. And, if not obvious by now, the X = happiness.

How do you know when the healing’s done?

Or if it will even come?

Is it based on how deep that the feeling’s from?

Choose to believe some is better none

Find the right one, lift a few pounds from the ton

Like...sometimes when walking out in the sun

And I can feel my wings growing, can’t wait till their done

Cause then I’m gonna run, jump off the edge of my woes

Spread my arms, close my eyes, and just see how it goes

You see, I’m opposed to censoring what I compose

With what I disclose, it’s my soul I expose

And nobody knows, how much more there is to be told

Not Even me, cause I suppressed some memories from so long ago

I could dig em up, I suppose

But I ain’t into opening the doors I would rather close

To letting the pain take over, I came rather close

But had love in my life when it mattered most

And add a dose, of creative catacombs for the mind to roam

That’s two of the greatest feeling’s I’ve ever known

Ok, I might actually contradict myself here because this actually is probably the weirdest song on the project, and there’s a lot going in, in a short amount of time, and that’s part of the concept.

This song takes place in the final moments of my first night’s sleep in my “Private Eden”. The music fades in slowly, and doesn’t hit full volume until my verse is almost complete. I’m envisioning that last part of the verse being the moment when I first wake up, but I haven’t opened my eyes yet. I don’t want to. What if all this was a dream and I’m going to open my eyes to the same problems and anxiety. I WANT to hold on to this moment as long as I can.

I layered my vocals, and it’s meant to symbolize I’m having an inner-dialog. The two different vocal tracks are at slightly different volumes and are each tuned differently and with different types of effects, to express my different viewpoints on the steps I should take.

The more popular phrase is a long goodbye, because it’s hard to let something end, and that’s exactly what I’m trying to do here. BUT, in life we often know what we should do, but struggle with doing. Part of me knows I need to just trust, or continue pushing towards a solution if this indeed is not it. So, it should be a “Short Goodbye”, and I should open my eyes and face reality, and that is ultimately what I am going to do, despite not wanting to.

Originally, I wanted to ask Presyce to find a “sound” to scratch, rather than words or a quote like every other song, and what I usually do for hooks. I wanted him to scratch as if he was doing a guitar solo or similar. But, I still like everything to be conceptual, so I just put the word “goodbye” in my itunes search to see if I could find a song (Rock, Punk, Soul, Funk, Folk, etc…) that had “Goodbye” in the song title, that had an instrument part that would work for scratching. Then, while listening to “Never Can Say Goodbye”, I noticed how the vocal is buried in the beat on some parts and when scratched it sounds more musical than vocal. It reminded of the whispered legends from the 80s that certain DJs could do a thing called “Turntable Talk” where they made a record say something it didn’t by scratching it a certain way. I first heard that in 1984, from DJ Pill from North Carolina, who was an older GI, who took the 3D Crew under his wing and mentored us. The most “famous” and amazing version I’ve ever heard of the technique is the “Hijack Scratch” from UK’s finest, Hijack The Terrorist Group, one of my all-time favorites. This “goodbye” scratch isn’t exactly that technique, but it’s a nod to it.

The idea is that although I do open my eyes at the last words of the song, the listener never knows what happens. It’s a sort of “choose your own adventure” moment. Do you think I truly found happiness? Was it all a dream? It’s left open-ended. And, to contradict the song title, it goes on for a time after my verse, first a long scratch solo, and then the beat plays on for a bit after. It’s an intentional contradiction.

It’s a question I’ll have to answer in the future. The work is still in progress, but I feel like I’m getting really close…

I might need a plan B, alternative true me

But what would that plan be? And how will it suit me?

Did I give my all? ABSOLUTELY….

NOT, but I did give A LOT, and I gained a lot

And I lost so much, maybe more than I thought

Took what I learned, and I taught

Wrote my own narrative, but still forgot the plot

But the world doesn’t stop

So I’m preparing a crop of

Medicinal musical therapeutical

Themes that are beautiful, but slightly unusual

We’re living in strange times

Not here not here to change minds

If this is the last time for these joy and pain rhymes

Imma spread my wings and y’all can clock my hang time

And say goodbye at the same time…

Not long before starting work on this project, I purchased a whole new home studio to record in. It' s a simple but fairly quality set up. And, I'm still learning how to use and/or maximize most of the equipment.

For the second half of 2021, I was super active feeling creative, as well as digging for inspiration. I would spend as much time as possible, every day after work, and nearly all day on weekends, sitting in my studio chair...doing something. I would listen to music for inspiration. Randomly have scratch practice or DJ sessions. If a beat caught my attention, I would improvise, and that might lead to writing. One thing that I did less of, but did dabble in, was trying to learn how to use my ISLA S2400 sampler and the Launchkey Novation.

The Launchkey has a bit of an easier learning curve, so there was a week in December of 2021, where I spent time teaching myself how to use it in conjunction with Ableton, and triggering MIDI sounds. In fact, that week I made 6 beats (and one interlude) using only the Launchkey and the drum/instrument kits in Ableton. I released all 7 of those as an instrumental project called "The Forbidden Meditation Method". This is one of those beats.

This is not the production sound that I'm intending to make moving forward, but it was just a way to learn how to use MIDI and better understand Ableton. What I did find was these kind of beats are perfect for the rhymes I wrote circa '85-'87. I found myself rhyming a lot of those old verses to those beats when I was having my creative sessions.

Being that the lyrics to "If You Learn One Thing..." was me tapping into my some of my vocal and stylistic energy of the 80s and 90s, I decided to try that verse to this beat. As I noted in the other version of the song, I was planning to do another version anyway since that was a complete beat jack from Rumble & Strong. This isn't exactly what I had in mind, but I felt it worked so I just included it as a bonus song.

LYRICS:

Imma take this opportunity to let you know

I bide my time when I write a rhyme, take it slow

Make it so that I will never regret

Not even one word spoke, hope I never forget

The lessons learned from a life lived of speaking my mind

I’m seeking divine enlightenment, and I’ll never quit

But I’ll admit, I do get off track at times

But that’s fine, even though I can’t rewind

Every day’s a new chance to finally claim what’s mine

I pay no mind, to the pain I left behind

No, I’m lying, I think about it ALL the time

The force that binds my future to the heart of the rhyme

I put 20 years in without seeing a dime

And even after, the money that I made inspired laughter

In lieu of crying, or trying to encourage the hereafter...

The mere matter of fact is I that had to adapt

And when they try to box me in, I brace for impact

Can’t hold me back, I’m breaking boundaries and barriers

And, climbing over walls, defying laws, invading areas

Of my mind that they sought to confine

But I’mma decline and let my deepest parts just shine

And run at least a hundred miles past the finish line

That’s a sign of my mind state, I don’t race to win

I chase the wind to feel it on my face again

All aces in, the tears, they may chafe my skin

So I blend my redemption with the taste of sin

Say amen, praise for the state I’m in

To find the state of mind to create again

I found my dreams in purgatory and we made amends

And I transcend beyond the realms of normalcy

How to be yourself’s the best thing that you could learn from me…