What's the story today?

Walmart shopathons, milkbar shootouts, maudlin dad-thoughts and inconsistent release schedules!

All that and more in this -- the blackest of fridays -- known colloquially as...RUSH HOUR 4!

What's the story today?

Become friends with your enemies, and celebrate that accomplishment by going to the only place you can get one hundred million dollars worth of movie making paraphernalia without breaking the bank: Walmart!

Make your way to the hub of the community wheel, but don't get killed by a joyriding prostitute or strafed by a biplane on its way to bombard a political ralley, because then you won't get a chance to be cruel to the horrifically mangled veteran who mans the doors to all the world's joyful capitalist bliss!

Or don't. Who cares?!

The world's your lobster!

There's a she-wolf in the closet. Open up and set her free!

Get fucked, or die trying. (Awooooooo.)

What's the story today?

FIlm festival warfare (finally) commences!

New Family Matters! New Seventh Heaven! New world! Same old shit!

Get bombed unexpectedly, and keep your steel handy while you watch your life crumble around you!

Say goodbye to yourself and hello to the audience of lunatics!

You are now the audience. You have become lunatic.

It's the best way to spend $100,000,000,000: the cash-sink known only as...Rush hour 4!

What's the story today?

Chopping up your production staff with a claymore sword; blowing off steam and proving your girlfriend's age at the old saloon; death threats, death traps and death wishes with old friends and new enemies.

Have a sasparilla, bet your son's future, and meet some friendly part-time 'tutes!

And if all else fails, you can always marry Scott Joplin's bones!

All that and more, in this, the rootinest, tootinest town not big enough for the two of us: Rush Hour 4

What's the story today?

A talkshow where nobody talks, resolving rap-style beefs at gunpoint, low-stakes film festivals and no-stakes betting with everyone's favorite terroristic radio personality: Jeeves!

All that and more, on this, the only silent movie shot in full surround sound: Rush Hour 4!

What's the story today?

Double-secret detention, general elections, specific rap contests to choose the path forward for the new UPN.

Will the new Mouth-Face be a DJ Chauffeur-Usher-Butler, or an MC Satan-Baby? The choice is yours western man: are you the Batman or the Robin in your on the low gay hookups?

Or are you a wildcard agent of chaos, AKA the Joker?

Only time and taste will tell.

So, start your engines, lose your son, find him again, remember you're an auteur, and rush to the theater to win hearts and minds with that mysterious, community-unifying golden ticket known only as Rush Hour 4!

What's the story today? The TV is on the radio, and the radio is on TV! Everything is everything, and nothing is worth anything!

Lose your mind, grab your son, and escape the whimsical death-bed reveries of your boss on a goofy daytrip to the ol' ilicit movie theater.

It's an experience that will widen your eyes until you're no longer the (chinese) man you once were!

Lose yourself in the music, the moment; you own it, you better never let it go -- your weapon, that is. Because Nicki Minaj's ass won't abide cowards.

Nut up. Then, shut up and enjoy the sidewalk strolling trip to the cinema known only as Rush Hour 4!

What's the story today? It's not easy directing comms, but it is easy to beat your coworkers ex-wife with a golf club. Learn the finer points of responsibility with Carl Winslow, find out about Big Son's new album, and get excited for an age of holy terror.

When the war ends, the election begins!

Vote with your dollar and struggle to hang onto your sense in this: the Adam Sandler cohosted insanity-simulator (featuring Jim Carrey) known only as Rush Hour 4!

Catch it simultaneously on the new Nickelodeon and the new UPN. Because we deserve nice things. And if we can't have those, we'll have to settle for this instead.

What's the story today? Heart-pounding escapes, Weezer mixtapes, how to abandon your son, and how not to lose your mind in the treacherous terrain of new media!

Hello DJ Mush-face, goodbye Dave Grohl.

RIP.

We hardly knew ye.

It's out of the frying pan and into the Presidential campaign, in this, everyone's favorite New-Nickelodeon property: Rush Hour 4, part 8!

It's the summer of holy terrorism all year long, so have a nice time, why don't you?

(Don't get dragged by a chariot out there!)

What's the story today? Solo broadcasting, shadow-warfare, endless advertisements in your Bible, and Stephen King-style dark energy in your flagging Simpsons episode! All that and more while you wait in the queue of the ice cream truck known only as Rush Hour 4!