Rob heads into the demon realm because reality has become an AOL pump and dump email. Three days ago Trump said the Hormuz Strait would reopen itself. Now we're blocking it ourselves and picking a fight with China.

This episode: JD Vance walks into Pakistan negotiations like a demonic Mister Rogers and spends 20 hours demanding Iran accept terms they already rejected. Netanyahu confirms on camera that Vance was reporting to him the entire time. Trump celebrates shooting down 101 missiles as a win — the cost breakdown says otherwise ($4 billion, 15% of our annual interceptor missile production, one engagement). Roger Stone talks Trump out of firing Tulsi Gabbard. Trump promises pardons to the whole team.

Then the important stuff: the look-maxing clavicle kid who keeps smashing his face, an astronaut who circled the moon and came back to tell us "Earth, you are a crew," Coachella Airbnb hosts canceling on people for more money, and the Luigi assassin leaving handwritten confession notes like he's writing to his pen pal.

Creative Solutions: contractual campaign promises with recall provisions, and a new political party — the Adult Only Promiscuous Consensual Sex Positive Party With Non-Coworkers 27 and Older — to solve Washington's blackmail epidemic.

Support: RobBernsteinComedy.comPorches: [email protected]Live in Chicago this weekend opening for Dave Smith