The government's pitch for Flock cameras is stolen cars and missing kids. So I priced it out. The share of your insurance premium that exists because of car theft comes to about six dollars a year — that's the entire upside you're buying with a permanent record of where you drive. And Amber Alert recoveries have sat flat at roughly 45 a year since before Flock existed, because most missing-kid cases are runaways and family abductions, not a stranger pulling a kid into a car.

Also this week: Bessent insists there's nothing magical about $40 trillion and the administration has a plan too discreet to share. Trump lifts the ground beef tariffs and the trust-the-plan crowd has to explain why this is the exact Trump-approved price of a steak. Fauci gets a legal defense fund while the rest of us pay our own way. Jon Ossoff walks through the April 8th stock buys, the "great time to buy" post, and the tariff reversal three hours and forty-one minutes later. And the Supreme Court's mail-in voting ruling shows a system where whoever exceeds their authority first gets the win and eats no penalty for it.

Plus the debut of Tales From The Flock — a KCPD officer charged with running the Flock system 2,300 times to stalk his ex.

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More at robbernsteincomedy.com ($5/month) and robbernsteinmerch.com. New episodes every Wednesday.

Google spent $10 million buying all of Spirit Airlines' back-end data — every corporate email, every flight route, everything — and they're using it to train their AI models. Rob explains why this, and not the singularity, is how the human race ends up back in caves.

Also: Nancy Mace's arm tattoos and the case against going goth in your 50s. Why shaming a dude for having a dad bod is the most feminine thing on the internet. An Iran war update from a guy who has officially reached the "okay, whatever" stage of Donald Trump, plus who's actually winning the economic war over the Strait of Hormuz. Why Candace Owens earned every penny of that $300,000, and what happened when the Andrew Wilson debate transcript got run through AI — and then hit with two follow-up questions. Fauci ducking a second Senate panel, the David Morens emails, Newsom and Whitmer in the podcast suit, an ABC News reporter's lab leak story getting routed to Fauci for approval, and Jeffrey Tucker on what the lockdowns were actually buying time for.

Tickets and porch dates: robbernsteincomedy.comSubmit a porch: thefireticks.comBonus episodes: $5/month at robbernsteincomedy.com

Audio only road episode.

Covering The country has given up, SPLC arrests, DT IRAN, Ice Electric Gloves, Cops dressing like bushes, Lesbian Outrage over Lioness, WNBA including men, Aoc isn't woke anymore, trump hiding in food carts and Binface.

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Nobody knows what's going on in the world, and this is the one show honest about the fact that we're making it up as we go.

Fifty thousand fighting-aged men invade a Spanish enclave, take a dump, and turn around and go home — and it remains genuinely unclear who got pranked. Rob offers some creative solutions for Iran, including outsourcing the whole invasion in exchange for half the oil. Trump calls off the biggest military action since World War II for roughly the eleventh time and says the Iranians are secretly begging, no matter what they say in public. The pool vandalism case gets closed for lack of evidence. Todd Blanche decides the weaponization of the Justice Department wasn't so bad once a promotion is on the table. Mamdani hands the podium to someone else rather than say the word "ID" out loud. Lindsey Graham gets filmed taking assignments from Netanyahu on the ICC prosecutor and immediately suggests Speaker Johnson put his name on it instead. Japan gets a bailout that we're not calling a bailout. A naked man survives a jump off the Brooklyn Bridge and gets arrested for it, which is no way to treat a hero. Democratic donors close the checkbook. Massie, MTG, Tucker, and Joe Kent take a photo together and Rob pitches the Turtle Party. And Deborah Birx goes on MSNBC to walk the fence on Fauci while the host begs her to say he's a saint.

Extended episode and travel gripes at RobBernsteinComedy.com.

Porch Tour dates at PorchTour.com.

www.porchtour.com for live dates. Episode starts with the latest from Iran and Trump grifting. Then we move onto the Fauci hearing and how the Dems want us to move forward, the republicans who got Fauci to repeatedly plead the fifth and how the Fauci Enablers in the media are spinning it.

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Longer episode with more content at RobBernsteinComedy.com for $5 to sub. If you want to check it out I accidentally did the first few minutes of paywalled episode publicly on my site which starts of with a conversation about being a hippy on your own time and Female Leg Spreaders.

Audio only Short episode from the porches of Sandpoint Idaho. Back in studio next week wednesday. Covering the Stomach Bug, a political party of podcasters, The Saudia Arabia nuclear deal and the latest from Iran. www.porchtour.com for live dates. I recorded this yesterday. I have video but can't upload it from the road.

Episode kicks of with parody news intro. Not our classiest. Then we've got more on the Gram Man's passing. We move onto if taco bell is causing this nations loose stools. I know I sat on one. Then we've got how Tarrif's are getting in the way of your kids ability to play boring board games and why that might actually keep them from becoming patsies in murder trials. Get your porch tickets: www.porchtour.comHave your porch porched: TheFireTix.comwear my merch on your porch: RobBernsteinMerch.comSit on your porch and watch my extended extremely premium episode: www.RobBernsteinComedy.comWear Sheath On A porch: Sheath.com promocode: RYM

Rob breaks down Trump's full 720 back to war with Iran, the Taylor Swift wedding money-laundering theory, a cracked support beam in the old Pfizer building, and a sales-tactics analysis of why Trump's closing moves are finally failing him. Plus Patriot missiles to Ukraine, a Tyler Robinson trial check-in, and the sketchy US-Israel military arrangement.

Shorter mid-week drop. See Rob in Galveston Sunday — full dates at RobBernsteinComedy.com

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Cold open News intro, then a long weekend recap — gas station idiocy, the roadside sandwich, and why every pool has become a strip club. Into the meat: the MKUltra congressional hearing, the CIA's refusal to be investigated, and a full breakdown of the Four Levels of Evil framework. Then Trump's financial corruption — the 600 tariff trades, the memecoin scheme that fleeced his own fans, the UAE's $250M "investment," and Trump's on-camera defense that his family can't help insider trading because the presidency is just too powerful. Closing with Trump storytime and Marco Rubio pitching a biometric face-scan passport process because that won't go anywhere bad.

Back from the Porch and straight into the nightmare — a Newport storyteller show for liberals, a month-long dealership hostage situation, and the hotel industry's war on your dignity. Then we get into it: the Supreme Court dumped a pile of end-of-term rulings all at once, so we break down birthright citizenship in Trump v. Barbara (and why "it's not the baby's fault" is secretly an argument for total socialism), the Monsanto failure-to-warn case and the corporate immunity loop it creates, plus the campaign finance, trans sports, and presidential removal-power decisions. Also: a life-saving PSA about the summer diarrhea parasite, France blaming America for its own heat wave, Trump's billion-dollar crypto year, the incredible shrinking Iran MOU, and a Twitter Clip Theater closer featuring an MK Ultra hearing, Thomas Massie turning the tables on a Fox reporter, Pam Bondi refusing to admit Coca-Cola isn't nutritious, and the great 350-foot reflecting pool gash mystery.PORCHTOUR.com - upcoming showsRobbernsteinmerch.com - Tees and stuffwww.robbernsteincomedy.com - support the show and watch the extended showSPONSORS:Sheath.com (Promocde: RYM)