Stream of Consciousness

http://drift.strikingly.com |On the part of the 'being neglected', it hurts sometimes. However, attributing this 'negative affect' towards some bad intention on the part of the other person, is the easiest interpretation, but it's not realistic. Thankfully, my parents put me into perspective, before I sink further into self-gazing and self-'legitimizing'.

http://drift.strikingly.com Having been entangled by thoughts that I can't set straight internally, I turned for the recorder again (after determining to avoid this self-involved behavior last month). During distress I sill keep analyzing myself, how and why () feels worse to + a morsel of social interaction on top of NONE previously. Eventually found the problem is within the question itself.

http://drift.strikingly.com ||
Ongoing stream of curiosity and figuring out towards clarity, this podcast is my mind in a drift bottle. Not being able to read or get education, my own senses and reason is my education in a secluded life.

I connect my firsthand perception dots using the plainest rationality.

However I can never know whether these thoughts are ingenious, cliche or simply worthless.

Now, I want to ... I have to find out.

http://drift.strikingly.com/blog/14-1| I was piecing up the pieces about her which she just randomly revealed. This experience of being INSIDE her life has opened my eyes about how life can be non-linear.

http://drift.strikingly.com/blog/14| I wasn't always this self-involved 'thought-chewer', in the drastically different environment in NZ, I was a sponge soaking in greedily.

http://drift.strikingly.com/blog/13-slow-tv-2
1. (little digression) Anomalies are the peepholes (for scientists) to look into the mechanism of our body/mind and everything.
2. (back to slow tv) As the walls of 'criteria' melts, the nuances of the thing itself begins to seep in.

I'm spelling out my gut feeling towards the notion of Slow TV. I used a whole lot of little analogies to convey my perspective (to make up for my lack of language tools), e.g. compare slow TV to the Buddhist's wooden fish. In multiple senses: A. serving as a frame to gather attention. B. (the screen/ the striking sound) serving as a handle to switch mode of attention. C. its monotony pressures you to zoom in.

A train ride. Recorded sounds of everything from the station, on the train, all the way to the city of Tianjin. And my little thoughts along the way.

My stable persona wasn't formed within a social context, so I don't really HAVE a persona, I'm a blank slate or a piece of floating ice. I could (or have to) change like a chameleon just to fit in, move across the board like ice with little friction.

Education and motivation have always come from within myself.

PS,If you know any solution for Vergence Dysfunction (of the eye), please let me know. I'd really love to read again.