Traveling solo is easier for my head to cope.

With this fallible human mind, and occupying only this tiny dot of perspective in space and history, I can't really bring myself to eloquently boast I'm RIGHT. Not actually doing this because it's right in a MORAL sense, but it's the only selfish rational thing to do -- to spare the time and energy from defending against A SINGLE STATE in my ever-flowing stream of cognition, instead I'd rather use that time and energy to move forward.

Time is finite for everyone, time spent on expressing would of course detract from thinking.

But then of course, this freedom is granted to ME now cuz I'm not in a position where I have to be self-assured all the time in order to push forward to GET things, to make a living.

When it's a job, I guess you have no room for doubt? cuz you're presenting the PRODUCT, you're presenting whatever you have or know as the END STATE, you can't say I know 'this is not good enough' etc etc.

It's second instinct for me to try eliminate any feeling of alienation from another person.

By judging a person's knowledge or perspective as 'inferior' (because it's less intellectual, or less 'enlightened'), I'm in fact suffering from the narrowness of my own knowledge -- because the tiny part relating to 'intellectual mindset' is the ONLY part I RECOGNIZE (hence think of it as the only important knowledge), thus it's the only part I SEE, oblivious to the rest of his/her knowledge (which of course is his/her home base).

It only takes a short switch to a circumstance in which none of the things I KNOW would be of ANY USE, then I'll be the one in awe of their vast unfathomable knowledge and realize what a snob I was. So narrowminded to forget that ALL KNOWLEDGE IS IMPORTANT (in the sense that it serves a function), after all they're acquired and developed by people to get through each and every lifepath which is just as solid and REAL as any other.

If you look really intently and peel off the layers of your inner perception, then Proust of course is just giving the plainest description. Words are pulled out to verbalize the qualia of the consciousness (which is just the plainest mental presence). The words are just external manifestation of the unseen experience, which is JUST AS solid.

If you 'totally see what another person means', at this moment, both of your minds are referring to the same experiential qualia and logic with these word tokens. THEN, all adjectives evaporates, you don't feel any wish to give judgement or evaluation towards this person.

I never left this little place where I grew up in, however, I wasn't ever really part of it.

http://drift.strikingly.com/blog/1-walk-with-timemark| This recording is long and not eventful, but could be good for transporting one's mind. In this tape, you'll hear live sounds from this tiny town in China where I live. …… 'At times I even think a foreign accent might be a good thing, people will hear you and think 'Hey her English is pretty good" instead of 'what's with the tiny vocabulary and constant faltering'