Gratitude is a combination of things, primarily two: a thought and an emotion.

Selfish gratitude is needy. You are grateful for what you’re getting. It’s contingent and dependent.

Gratitude offered with appreciation asks for no reward. And while gratitude so offered feels nourishing it can also feel empty.

Lincoln Stoller is a former mountaineer who now specializes in psycho-, hypno-, and neurofeedback therapy, in tandem with numerous other counseling and coaching services.

Lincoln lives well outside of the bounds of normalcy. He says we should “just keep doing out-of-the-box stuff. And if people aren’t calling you a little crazy or a little nutty, then you probably aren’t exploring enough of the boundaries.”

Today’s conversation revolves around the high-risk potential of hard-charging performers and achievers, whether they exist in sports, business, or other areas of life.

I’m in the minds business; I’m also in the programming business. I sometimes think of therapy as a programming problem. That’s not a bad idea, but you can’t take it literally.

Taken literally, “to program” creates a series of steps that always choose between right and wrong. Programming requires such steps to exist, that you can discern them, choose between them, and follow them to the end of the path. None of these requirements are met in the minds of real people, but we can still talk about those rare situations when they are. The right steps are often called “good ideas.”

As a therapist, my job is not to come up with good ideas so much as help people learn how to find them. I avoid the word “teach” because the process of finding good ideas is not taught. I can show a person how they’re sabotaging themselves, how to relax, and experiment, but there is no formula for finding good ideas...

“Life is the balance between holding on and letting go.”— Rumi

I felt it important to respond to a journalist who asked what people might expect at their first therapy session. Many come to me who are ambivalent about beginning therapy, and I’ve been to a few therapists myself.

I’ve not felt good about these first sessions with other therapists. A good therapist is wise but ignorant, and makes no attempt to hide it. No therapist is an expert because no two clients are the same.

An honest therapist knows as little about what to expect as you do. When I make my ignorance clear, everything goes beautifully because it’s you who guides me. I’ve never met a therapist as comfortable with their ignorance as I.

The journalist’s seven questions concern protocol, method, and service, but this is not what therapy is about. If you’re inviting someone to “therapise” you, you’ve lost your way at the start. No one is going to figure or straighten you out. You do this yourself, or else it doesn’t happen.

“The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.”— Albert Einstein

Is Intelligence a Real Thing?The history of intelligence is odd. It’s variously defined and plays different roles. Even within one culture, different standards are applied to different genders, ages, and people of different inclinations.

Historically, intelligence was assumed as something you did or did not have. In the past, people did not have much education. More accurately, the lucky ones did and the unlucky ones didn’t. It was assumed that intelligence preceded your ability to learn and it could be measured by what you knew.

Despite now having tests to measure intelligence, it’s still rated based on what you have learned. Our IQ tests are supposed to measure a person’s fundamental aptitude, but this is a fiction. It’s convenient because it ends up justifying the original premise that your intelligence is what you can learn. What you can learn is measured by what a particular group, inevitably the group in power, thinks is valuable.

We’re told these IQ tests are justified because people don’t change their scores over time. This is a “low IQ” argument which is a good reflection of how notions of IQ justify themselves. People don’t change their scores on IQ tests over time not because they can’t, but because they choose not to learn how to...

“The term neural synchrony… refers to how the brains of people carrying out an activity together will start to behave in the same way.” — Morten Pedersen, technologist

MysteriesThe Keys in PsychotherapyPsychotherapy’s MysteryEmpathySynchronyBecoming Synchronized

Sociogeny is the development of social phenomena, such as common behavior and social patterns. In non-humans, we identify these as instinctive behaviors because we cannot identify them as reasoned thoughts. In humans, we take an entirely different approach because we believe our thoughts are free and our patterns chosen. This is a mistake.

People act according to what they feel, not according to what they say. We have a poor understanding of other people’s feelings. I know this from my experience dealing with many types of people and from my clients. My clients are trying hardest to understand others and themselves, and despite this, they make uncertain progress.

The amazing thing is that we see ourselves as individual, rational agents, thinkers, actors, and personalities when we are not.

If you’d like to examine how many of your thoughts are your own, schedule a free, zoom call at: https://www.mindstrengthbalance.com/schedule15

“The questions you ask determine what you think.”— Lincoln Stoller

A one hour interview about all the exploits that led me into the counseling profession. Chris offered some casual humor about mental health and addiction, and I took the opportunity to bait the hooks he offered. The dynamic of him being lighthearted and me being serious persisted throughout our conversation.

In this episode of "Conversations with Rich Bennett," Rich sits down with Dr. Lincoln Stoller, a neurofeedback trainer, clinical counselor, and hypnotherapist. They explore the transformative power of brain training, how anxiety can become a self-fulfilling habit, and the impact of neurological patterns on personal growth.

“Being slightly paranoid is like being slightly pregnant–it tends to get worse.”— Molly Ivins

Balance is the first thing we lose when our mental health begins to fail. Balance is a combination of appropriate awareness and response. Appropriate refers to things that are effective in bringing one back into balance. This definition is recursive because balance is recursive. It changes as situations change. Call it resilience: an ability to return to an effective, functioning state...