In this episode, AJ drags Tara into one of her more ambitious ideas: trying to figure out what The Universe According to Roarke (you know, that game Feeney made for Roarke) would actually look like if it were real. Cue hours of overthinking, caffeine-fueled hilarity, and way too much ChatGPT involvement.

Here’s what we came up with:

Gameplay Basics: Earn XP for solving cases, lose XP for bad coffee, and gain nothing but regret when you didn't hide your candy stash well enough to outwit the Candy Thief.
Health & Energy: Coffee gives you buffs (until it doesn’t), candy, pizza and soydogs can literally save your life, and Nadine’s baked goods might be the most overpowered healing item in the game.
THE ADMIN GATEKEEPER SYSTEM: Want to visit Dr. Mira for Emotional Stability Points? You'll need to get through the Admin Gatekeeper System First! For Roarke it's a breeze, for Eve? Not so much.
Galahad: Chaos Cat™. Might save your life. Might eat your pizza, but will probably ignore you.
Special Items: Jenkinson’s tie is now a weapon. Santiago’s loser hat gives you -10 charisma but +10 morale because everyone else is laughing at you.

NPCs We Love:

• Dr. Mira: Therapy = moral checkpoints. Ignore her too long and your emotional stability tanks.

• Dennis Mira: Offers hugs and hot chocolate for +50 morale, that's why we love him.

• Feeney: Built the game, can’t beat level 12, and blames everyone but himself.

• Summerset: The judgmental healer you didn’t ask for but desperately need.

There’s also a whole moral-choice quest about Magdalena Purcell, a health system based on The Candy Thief, and a surprising number of mechanics involving Trina-induced trauma. Basically, it’s chaos, caffeine, and character growth — just like the series.

By the end, we decided this game would absolutely exist in Roarke’s world… and Feeney would still be complaining about level 12.