What do new moms really need to hear during those first months with their newborns?

When a baby is born, a mother is also born. Some people may not realize this because all they focus on is the baby.

We can’t blame them since babies are the epitome of joy. They symbolize hope, purity, faith, innocence, the future and all the gooey stuff in between. Their adorable little cheeks, tiny little fingers and toes can soften any heart. They have an entire life ahead of them, untainted by the realities of humanity.

However, at the same time, the woman who carried the cherub is also beginning a new journey called motherhood. And that can be daunting, exciting, scary, thrilling and emotional all at the same time.

As I’m writing this, I’m in postpartum recovery after giving birth to my second child. Having just done it all over again makes me self-reflect on what I would have loved to hear when I first became a mom.

So I came up with a list of empowering tips that hopefully new moms would find value in.

From one mother to another, please take my words to heart especially during the vulnerable first couple of months.

You won’t know everything. No new mom ever does.

However, you have the right to ask or refuse help, to cry as much or as little as you want, to take as long or as little as you need to heal, and to hold your baby as much or as little as you want.

And those who try to impose their own expectations for your baby without considering you first don’t have your best interests at heart.

Because the mother-baby bond doesn’t end when the umbilical cord is cut. Both of them are sharing a new adventure, learning and growing together.

Some decisions are hard to make and some are easy.

Making a decision like, “Where do you want to go for dinner?” may be easy for someone and hard for someone else.

When I was in my early 20’s, some of the simplest decisions would stress me out.

There were days when I couldn’t decide if I should wear blue, black or gray pants because I honestly thought wearing the wrong colour would ruin my day.

Deciding what to eat would often take hours because my head would go into overdrive, weighing all the options, taking into consideration my diet, my cravings, my budget, what I have or haven’t tried, what’s trending, “what was that place my friend recommended again?”, “let me check Yelp” and so forth.

The luxury of having all these choices was actually a burden for me. *Cough*…“First World Problems”.

But then as I got older and the more I knew myself, those decisions failed to stress me out.

Indecisiveness isn’t a natural trait of mine but during those years, I let what everyone else was doing influence my decision-making skills and I wasn’t being true to myself.

I have a full-time day job. I’m a mom. I’m a blogger. I have a lot of things going on. 

It can be overwhelming and almost every month, I reach a breaking point. But somehow, I manage to get myself together, patch up those loose seams and carry on.

Last summer, I became fed up with that cycle so I asked myself, “What can I do to minimize the build-up so that the breaking points don’t happen?”

Every day, we are exposed to constant streams of information within access to our fingertips, telling us about the magical ways to live happier, healthier and wealthier.

We can’t do everything and we shouldn’t do just anything but we can’t do nothing; therefore, I think it’s important to put a critical lens on all that information and reflect on what actually works for us.

I began thinking about all the self-improvement information that I’ve gathered from workshops, conferences, Ted Talks, podcasts, conversations with friends, co-workers, and family, random articles/videos in my social media feeds etc.

And I distilled all this information into 3 realistic and meaningful practices that I can actually do for myself almost every day. Since following them, I feel like I’ve been more grounded.

I hope sharing my self-care practices will inspire you to wade through that information overflow and filter what resonates with you to help maintain a sense of calm in the sometimes chaotic mess called life.

Also, I’m curious to read this in the future to see how I have evolved.

Disclaimer: I am not a medical expert so please consult your physician before following any of this blindly. Be smart about it, ya know?

Does the word therapy still relate to"crazy people"? Like, "Wow, there must be something seriously wrong with you!"  

When I was growing up, the idea of getting help for your mental health was rarely talked about. And when it was discussed, it was usually about a Hong Kong celebrity going to rehab. I'm an Asian mom and I do therapy. 

Here are my 3 aha moments/lessons learned during my first session. Asians shouldn't suffer in silence. Mental health matters. 

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Have you ever seen someone on Facebook or Twitter or whatever social media channel detail their entire divorce or break-up for the world to see? He said/She said.

Or do you know someone who only talks about how horrible their life is going? Every time you meet up with them, it's like, "I wonder what shitty thing they're going through today?"

I was thinking about oversharing the other day while working on my new eBook, "A Brutally Honest Dating Guide." I was writing the Chapter on How To Have A Great Date and going into detail about being authentic. Then it hit me, "How can someone be authentic enough without sharing their life story and scaring the shit out of the other person?"

There’s a fine balance between under and oversharing. 

You don’t want the other person to come out of the date not knowing a single thing about you. If you give short, generic responses, the other person may think you’ve got something to hide, that you’re closed off and untrusting of others. They won’t want to share with you, and you can’t build trust with them. You need to show your personality and provide enough substance for them to be interested in you. 

If you give too much, it can alienate the other person and make them feel uncomfortable with the amount of private information you’re revealing to them.

So how do you be authentic without oversharing? Tag someone who can relate to this⁣

Did you find this helpful?

Let me know in the comments below :)

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It's easy to go through the motions of life. The sun rises. The sun sets. Another day. Another night. Rinse and repeat.⁣

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I'm guilty of this. There's just so much to do every day. But instead of measuring our productivity and effectiveness by the number of tasks we've completed, let's measure it by how we are, how we feel, how we present instead⁣.

So instead of to-do lists, you should create this instead. Tag someone who can relate to this⁣

Did you find this helpful?

Let me know in the comments below :)

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What do you do when you have an issue with someone?

Sometimes, it's hard to decide what to do. In this video, I share with you the 4 options you can take when you experience interpersonal conflict. 2 options involve the other person and 2 options involve yourself only.

1. Fight: Have an open and honest discussion with the other person.

2. Flight: Cut the person out of your life.

3. Passive aggression: I don't like you but I'll keep hanging out with you.

4. Acceptance: Accepting the person for who they are

How do you deal with interpersonal conflict?

Tag someone who can relate to this⁣

Did you find this helpful?

Let me know in the comments below :)

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31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents 

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We all have the same 24 hours in a day.⁣

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What you do with those hours and how you prioritize your time make the difference between someone who gets sh*t done and someone who doesn't do sh*t.⁣

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Which one are you?⁣ Tag someone who can relate to this⁣

Did you find this helpful?

Let me know in the comments below :)

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Growing up, I was the nerdy, Asian kid who studied on Friday nights, went to Chinese school on Saturday mornings, practiced piano every day after school.⁣

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I was on a mission. ⁣

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Yeah, it sucked not getting invited to parties, not being popular, getting teased for wearing hand me downs, having to play by myself during recess or lunch when my only friend was away or sick. ⁣

⁣HOWEVER, I'm grateful my mom didn't step in to fight those battles for me because during those moments of being alone and feeling left out gave me the skills to deal with adversity as an adult. Tag someone who can relate to this⁣

Did you find this helpful?

Let me know in the comments below :)

https://www.sumonsleeve.com

Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads:

https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE

Facing your fears exercise worksheet

Self-reflection exercise worksheets

Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist 

23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship

31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents 

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♥ Let's CONNECT! 

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When you see someone you perceive is struggling...how do you feel?⁣

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It's a natural instinct to offer help. We don't want to watch others suffer. ⁣

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From offering unsolicited advice, money, visiting without being asked etc...if the person receiving it refuses, how do you feel? Tag someone who can relate to this⁣

Did you find this helpful?

Let me know in the comments below :)

https://www.sumonsleeve.com

Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads:

https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE

Facing your fears exercise worksheet

Self-reflection exercise worksheets

Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist 

23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship

31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents 

Free Self-Improvement Resources -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

♥ Let's CONNECT! 

♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve

♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve