SHOULD YOU HAVE KIDS? TIME, SPACE AND PRIVACY FOR YOURSELF

How do you make time for yourself? Aren’t they always in your space? Does it seem like you can’t even have an adult conversation without being interrupted?

We all have commitments (job, husband, wife, friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, ageing parents, deadbeat brothers, failure to launch sisters, pet cat, pet dog, your pet iguana, volunteer work, business, job, side hustle etc.).

So I’d ask you the same question: how do you make time for yourself?

Prioritizing ourselves, practicing self-care and self-growth are things everyone should strive to do.

SHOULD YOU HAVE KIDS? COSTS, EXPENSES, AFFORDABILITY

Kids are so expensive. How are you able to afford them?

Yes, it costs money to raise children. I’m definitely not denying that.

But the affordability piece is unique to the individual making the decision.

I’m neither a millionaire nor am I broke. I can afford to have them because I make having them affordable.

SHOULD YOU HAVE KIDS? KID STUFF, CLUTTER, CLEANING

How do you deal with all that kid stuff shit in your house? You must be constantly cleaning!

It’s called managing expectations, letting go and not caring about what others think.

No matter how hard you try to minimize the sheer amount of shit you accumulate as a parent, you can’t control it.

From gifts, hand me downs, practical items you needed to buy for those first years to all those random crafts your kid makes, eventually you will get rid of them.

SHOULD YOU HAVE KIDS? FOOD, EATING, COOKING, GOING OUT TO RESTAURANTS

Do you get to go out to eat? What do they eat? Do you have to cook all the time and buy everything organic?

Yes, I get to eat out but do I get to go to any restaurant I want?

Nope.

Pubs, bars, fine dining aren’t exactly kid-friendly and there’s a lot of planning involved when you want a date night with your partner (at least until the kids can stay at home by themselves).

SHOULD YOU HAVE KIDS? DO YOU GET TO SLEEP?

Here’s the part where I can give some insight into being a parent, the good, the bad and the ugly.

When I talk to women who are on the fence about having kids, they often want me to confirm or deny things they’ve heard or seen. And almost always, I’ll answer, “It depends.”

Do you even get to sleep?

Yes, I get to sleep. Some nights are good and some nights are tough; but doesn’t everyone have trouble sleeping?

From snoring, sleep apnea, insomnia, sleep deprivation, to restless legs syndrome, these issues are common for everyone whether they’re parents or not.

SHOULD YOU HAVE KIDS? UNFINISHED BUSINESS AND LIVING YOUR DREAMS

Don’t have kids because you want to live your dreams through them

From taking over the family’s business to pressuring him to be a professional hockey player to forcing her to keep applying to medical school, whatever you messed up in life doesn’t mean your child is responsible to right your wrongs.

FYI: your child would have their own identity just like you do

If you think you can control your child’s identity and all their life choices, you really shouldn’t have kids.

SHOULD YOU HAVE KIDS? SOCIAL PRESSURE

Don’t have kids just because someone is pressuring you to.

“You’re 35 and still don’t have kids?”

“I can’t be with you unless we have a baby.”

“How long have you guys been married? Have some damn kids already!”

“I want to be a grandma/grandpa before I die.”

“Kids are so worth it. You’re missing out!”

Your partner, parents, sister, brother, best friend, the news, some article written by a crazy person, a random family member you see once a year etc.

If someone is guilt-tripping you or giving you an ultimatum that makes you feel like you’re backed into a corner, it doesn’t mean you should have a kid.

What do YOU want?

Have kids for your own reasons, not someone else’s.

SHOULD YOU HAVE KIDS? FITTING IN AND FEELING LEFT OUT

Reasons why you should and shouldn’t have kids

Don’t have kids just because you want to fit in.

Is everyone you know having kids? And you feel left out?

Following what everyone else is doing is what our parents and our grandparents’ generations did because they feared judgement and embarrassment for going against the social norm. There was a lot more pressure to procreate.

SHOULD YOU HAVE KIDS? HAVING KIDS AND HAPPINESS

Reasons why you should and shouldn’t have kids

Don’t have kids because you want to fill a void, hoping they will make you happy.

It’s like when you get into a relationship with someone, you absolutely cannot expect them to be your source of happiness, always depending on them to make you feel better.

We are in charge of our own happiness and it’s up to you to take action and live a fulfilling life.

With or without kids, you’re still going to have to continually work on your mental, emotional and physical well-being. And working on ourselves is a tough thing to do whether you’re a parent or not.

SHOULD YOU HAVE KIDS? A GUIDED SELF REFLECTION EXERCISE

How to know yourself and your ‘Why’

Here are some questions to help guide you in figuring out whether having kids is something you want to pursue.

Whatever answers you give need to be true to you and aligned to your values and only yours.