This is the second part of my recovering perfectionism journey. Please check out my first part to get a better sense of my story

Hitting my first rock bottom at the age of 16 made me grow up pretty quickly.

How does a self-destructive teenager with a distorted view of the world climb back up?

I have a history of self-harm, disordered eating, and depression.

The journey began during my pre-teens and I recovered before my 17th birthday.

It started in Grade 6

I thought a lot about death, about what happens to our minds when we no longer exist, about how it feels to die, the experience, how I want to die and when, reincarnation, heaven, hell etc.

It was my short stint as a goth girl and I wrote a lot of poetry. I wrote a poem about drowning and how it would feel to drown. Lungs burning while water filled them like water balloons type of darkness.

I’ve always been one of those kids who takes pleasure in defying stereotypes. I hate being put in a box.

Don’t assume I’m submissive because of some show you saw about Asian women.

Don’t assume I’m a whitewashed banana because your Asian friend is.

Don’t assume I don’t know English because every time you see an Asian person, they’re talking, “Ching Chong”.

When I became a mom, I started doing a ton of self-reflection (one of the reasons I started a blog in the first place) because I struggled with what I wanted to preserve as an Asian parent and what I thought needed to go.

Although I hate being put in a box, stereotypes can sometimes be true for an individual. It’s this observed behaviour that is generalized about a group of people who share a cultural/ethnic background. It’s the generalizing part that annoys me. 

 This week, to defy being a stereotypical Asian-Canadian kid who rejects her culture, I’m going to share 3 Asian parenting practices that I see value in and will instill into my role as mom. 

Ladies, have you ever been in a public location (like waiting for the bus, buying groceries or getting your fix at Starbucks) and a man comes up to you and tells you to smile?

Like he says,

“Turn that frown upside down!”

“You’d be prettier with a smile”

It’s happened to me a few times. It sometimes came from grandpas and I thought it was endearing like he was trying to cheer me up. I didn’t think much of it when I was younger until a few years ago when I started hearing the term RBF (Resting Bitch Face).

WHY WE NEED TO STOP LABELLING AND ASSUMING THINGS ABOUT WOMEN AND WHAT WE CAN DO ABOUT IT

How To Continually Know If Your Marriage Is Healthy

If marriage is about Trust, Honesty, Communication, and Respect, it really doesn’t seem that scary.

The best indicator of how well my marriage is doing is to assess how I feel when I’m heading home from work.

Do I look forward to giving him that kiss?

That hug when I step in the door?

To be hugged and kissed by the man I chose to marry?

How excited am I to share my day with him?

What do I want to know about his day?

It’s my quality check, every day. And if a day comes and I’m not excited anymore, I know it’s time for us to do some work on those simple, wholesome things.

How To Show And Earn Respect To Make Your Marriage Better

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Find out what it means to me

Cue Aretha, please.

So I talked about Trust, Honesty, and Communication.

Part 3 of my Marriage Series is about Respect.

So being Honest and building Trust with our partner is important. But how can you do those things without working on your Communication?

There are so many ways communication can break down between two people:

Is there a language barrier?

Even if you speak the same language, are you both speaking the same words and share the same meanings?

Do you have different upbringings that make talking about certain topics difficult?

Do you listen better when someone is speaking with a certain tone? Certain pitch? Certain speed? With certain body language?

What about your partner? How does your partner like to communicate?

Is she a texter?

Is he a talking machine?

Does she think out loud?

Does he show his emotions on the outside or hides them on the inside?

Is she a literal person? Or does she prefer to read between the lines?

How well can you read each other if you didn’t speak? Only texted? Or signed?

How well can you read each other if you only talked on the phone?

How To Show Emotional Honesty To Make Your Marriage Better

Relationships aren’t easy.

They are a lot of work. They have a start and a finish but they’re dynamic and unpredictable. They change over time.

Marriage can appear overwhelming. I mean vows are made between two people that says they are going to commit to each other ‘till death” does them part.

That’s like forever, permanent, isn’t it? It’s no wonder why some folks are scared to do it.

But then there are a ton of people who take the plunge anyway.