I knew I had experienced racism, from being made fun of how I look and what I ate to having someone shout ‘ching chong’ at me while they drove by. Those acts were blatant and obvious.

However, microaggressions are, to say the least, micro. They happen so subtly that after each incident, I would feel confused, unable to pinpoint what I had experienced and what I felt about it.

I didn’t know I was being discriminated against for being Asian because it was unintentional and/or indirect. In addition, the person discriminating against me didn’t know that’s what they were doing.

We don’t know what we don’t know.

That is until now. So here are 9 examples of microaggression I’ve experienced as an Asian.

I was really against using screens at mealtime because of everything I know about distracted eating. It prevents them from listening to their bodies, enables unnecessary snacking between meals, and increases their risk of obesity later in life; using screens at mealtimes seems to do more harm than good.

In addition, I’ve personally struggled with emotional eating most of my life and battled an eating disorder when I was a teenager. It wasn’t until my late 20’s when I started treating my body right. Learning to eat mindfully, listening to my body’s hunger and full cues and appreciating food instead of viewing it as an enemy was a significant part of my recovery.

And I want my kids to learn to self-regulate how much they need to eat early on so that they don’t go through what I went through.

But then, one day, in a fit of frustration while struggling to feed my son scrambled eggs, my husband turned the TV on, flipped it to a Cantonese episode of Peppa Pig and within seconds, there were silence and stillness.

Growing up with two older sisters wasn’t easy. From always getting hand-me-down clothes, toys and shoes, playing catch up because I was “never old enough”, having a fraction of the baby pictures that my sisters had, to being called the wrong name too many times to count, being the youngest had its challenges.

Over the years, I’ve realized that although those experiences shaped a part of who I am, they didn’t define my life. My identity is the cumulation of different experiences, not just my experience as the youngest in my family. Like with all psych theories and personality types, it’s never one-size-fits-all. I’m unique, just like everyone else.

Therefore, here are 5 stereotypes about being the youngest child that aren’t true for me:

From books, calendars, watches, radios, CD players, pedometers, cameras to GPS, the phone has replaced so many things in our lives. It’s incredibly difficult to avoid using our phones. I even use the camera as a mirror sometimes. Therefore, instead of criticizing this mom’s behaviour, I came up with a list of things moms do on their phones when they’re watching their kids.

This was my first taste of my kid keeping something from me because they were scared of my reaction. There will be many more to come as they grow up. I don’t expect the conversations to happen like this every time, especially when they reach the tricky teenage years.

However, I’m going to keep in mind that sometimes, sitting silently with my child gives them the time and space to find their voice. If I wait long enough, suppressing my urge to lecture and discipline, being present, listening without judgment, they might just share that voice with me. And that’s how trust is built.

I’ve discovered something about myself when I procrastinate. I delay things because I’m not scared of the consequences. The immediate gratification of looking at one more cat meme seems like a higher priority than typing up this article. I have rose-coloured glasses that make me feel invincible to the looming chaos.

I realized I need a sense of fear with meaningful and scary consequences that will light a fire under my ass to get me started. It’s kinda like that show Beyond Scared Straight* but instead of having inmates (or in my case, unsuccessful writers who failed miserably because they kept procrastinating) scare me, I’m using my deepest fears to motivate me to work on my goals. Because the best person to hold you accountable is yourself.

So without procrastinating any further, here’s how I use my fears to stop procrastinating.

To take or not to take…

-Yoda

Actually, nowadays, a couple has options when they get married. They can do the hyphen thing. The husband can take the wife’s name. They can change their last name completely by combining their favourite hobbies and becoming The Gardenknits.

Therefore, a woman taking her husband’s name is no longer the social norm. But for most of my life, I believed that was the only option.

When I got married, I was planning to take my husband's name. It's a tradition I thought I valued. But then as time went by, I changed my mind.

The quality versus quantity debate is what tears a writer apart. You want to write a ton but you’re afraid the more you write and faster you get, the quality of your writing declines.

So what should you focus on?

After giving birth, a mother's body doesn't just magically go back to the way it was. How did I manage to lose the baby weight after 2 kids? Here are 4 habits I adopted.

See: How to Cook So You’ll Actually Eat at Home

See: 5 Food and Cooking Hacks That I Forgot My Mom Taught Me

Can you make money with self-published books?

It’s been over a year since I self-published 3 books, one about brutally honest dating advice, another about how to deal with Asian parents and lastly, one about how to have a healthy marriage.

Here are 4 lessons that I learned: