My husband made a career change about 3 years ago. He’s a Chartered Accountant by trade but real estate has been his passion for years. It was one of the reasons we fell in love as we both love Vancouver. When he took the plunge, we had a 2-year-old and was working on expanding our family.

The change affected our marriage, family dynamics, schedules and everything in between. I expected things to be different but there were some things no one told me about.

From always saying yes, breaking promises with ourselves, sacrificing our values to help someone out, enabling toxic behaviours, keeping silent to prevent hurting someone’s feelings even though they’ve hurt ours, being inauthentic about our true feelings to siding with the majority when we completely disagreed, people-pleasing behaviours come in all forms.

When I reflect back on my life, I’ve had my fair share of trying to get people to like me. Starting in my teen years, it was about doing anything to rise up in the ranks of the high school hierarchy. As one of the few Asian kids in a predominately Caucasian school, I desperately wanted to fit in, to be cool, seeking approval from the popular kids.

Then came the young adult years when it was about having the coolest gadgets, wearing the latest fashion trends, going to the newest restaurants, gossiping, spending frivolously, creating drama, drinking like a fish, and of course, getting attention from men. I cared more about what others thought than what I thought. I valued their opinion of me more than my own. Deep down inside, what I lacked was self-esteem.

Now married with 2 kids and comfortably settled in her mid-30’s, I’ve stopped trying to be someone else, embracing my authentic self and coming into my own. Here are 5

I've written on Medium for years and I never thought my partner earnings would increase to the 3 digits. Here are the 3 things I did to reach this.

I’ve been writing on Medium for over 3 years. At first, it started as just another avenue to get folks to read my stuff. I published here and there, not thinking much would happen. I rarely logged in and when I did, I would basically dump a bunch of old blog posts, schedule them out throughout the month and didn’t bother to check who’s read what. I’m a mom of 2 who works full-time so this was merely a place to express myself with zero expectations to make money from this.

Then in July 2019, I was about to hit publish when the platform asked if I wanted to join their Medium Partner Program. I read through what it was and clicked yes. I didn’t think much of it until about a year ago when I published an article titled, “Why People Are Overly Critical And How To Deal With Them.” It was a hit relative to my other pieces.

After that, I started to see a tiny bit of money come in consistently each month; I’m talking enough to buy myself a couple of cups of coffee type of cash. This was the first time I had ever made money doing what I love, writing personal stories and lessons learned to empower folks to talk about their feelings despite growing up in a culture that hid them. I even wrote a short article about what happened when I told my Asian parents about this and how unimpressed they were.

By the time I started making double digits per month, I almost had 100 articles published on Medium. That was when I decided to do three things to see if I could increase my monthly earnings. And boy I was surprised to see what happened.

I've heard the stories of wives praising their husbands for surprising them with a break from their kids. However, a break wasn't what I wanted.

I’ve heard the stories of women praising their husbands for surprising them with a day off, taking the kids out and giving their wives a much-deserved break. It’s like that joke about what mothers really want on Mother’s Day: a day to not be a mother, to do whatever they want without the kids.

When I hear these stories, I can sense my blood turn green as envy courses through my veins. This type of surprise sounds like what I need, want and deserve.

How come my husband hadn’t done that for me yet?

As a writer, it sucks when you get that email saying your article, proposal, or idea wasn't accepted. How do I deal with the rejection so that I can quickly move on and keep writing?

You’ve probably heard the wise saying,

Okay, sure but it still sucks when you get that email saying your article, proposal, or idea wasn’t accepted. Over 20 different publications have rejected my articles and yet I keep submitting them. The first time my article wasn’t accepted felt the worst but every rejection after that has stung a little less.

It takes a bit of time for me to reel from the burn before I can move forward; however, after experiencing so much rejection, that recovery time has decreased from a couple of hours to mere seconds. When I get that rejection message, here’s exactly what I do to manage my emotions, change my mindset so I can quickly move on.

Leaving dishes in the sink, socks on the floor, hairs in the shower. How can a couple stop fighting about cleaning and household chores without hiring a cleaner? 6 years and 2 kids later, our system still works.

There are dirty dishes in the sink, building crud-like plaque on teeth that haven’t been brushed for months. The bathroom floor is hairier than Austin Powers’ chest. The basket of laundry sits in the hallway, collecting more dust than a CD player.

What do you do? How do you feel? Who was supposed to do what?

Does resentment build? Is turning a blind eye part of the game?

What motivates us to want to write? It's about asking ourselves tough questions. What does motivation mean to me? Why do I want to write?

A writer’s block, burnout, and a lack of creativity are just some of the common struggles a writer experiences during the week. Pile on some rejection (from clients, publications, a mean troll), no one reading our stuff and a fear of putting ourselves out there again, it’s no wonder writers find it tough to keep going.

However, we pick ourselves up again and again, trudging along that writer’s path, discovering moments of creativity, bursts of inspiration, stories of greatness and at times, lulls of mediocrity.

I recently wrote a post where I detailed what happened when I published 25 articles in one month (and accepted by publications). One of the readers prefaced her question with “Ooooh, deep question” and asked,

Deep indeed. I wrote back, telling her that I’ll need some time to think about it and thanking her for giving me an idea to write about.

It can seem daunting to submit to publications. Will they accept or reject? Either way, it's a valuable lesson that's made me a better writer.

I’ve been blogging since 2017 and it’s been quite the experience to put words onto digital paper, sharing my personal stories and insight. From keeping a diary to entering short story contests during grade school, writing has been in my blood since I could remember.

Owning a website where I can freely create as I please, no holds barred, is incredibly rewarding. Self-publishing allows me to write, record, film whatever floats my boat and deliver it to the world with the quick press of a button. Anyone with an Internet connection can read, watch and listen to my content.

As an Asian female, I’m grateful I live in a country (Canada) and grew up during a time where I have the opportunity to do this without having to jump through hoops or cross any red tape. I feel empowered to have a voice in this world even if only 1 out of the 7.8 billion people hear me.

But what if the rest of the 7.8 billion people also want to listen but can’t find me?

From kindergarten to university, I spent over half my life in school. Do I regret my decision? Was it a waste of time or time well wasted? It's about seeing the life skills I acquired from years of study.

Don’t get me wrong, going to school wasn’t a pleasurable experience for me. I wrote an entire article about how I hated it even though I was good at it and concluded that doing well at something doesn’t mean you enjoy it.

From depression, anxiety, self-harm and an eating disorder, I was a mess. Being unpopular, having few friends, acne, braces, and glasses were just the tip of the iceberg when it came to those teen years.

The part I hated the most about school was the exams. They required me to study, memorize, remember and then regurgitate silently in an enclosed space under a time constraint with dozens of other angsty beings. Talk about anxiety-inducing situations!

Often, 50% of my grade would depend on one exam that took an hour to complete but several weeks to prepare for. The pressure to perform weighed down on me more than the weight of the world on Atlas’ shoulders.

However, like many Asian kids, I trudged along, finishing high school with scholarships to University and furthering my studies at Grad School. So in total, I’ve spent about 20 years of my life in school which accounts for over half my life.

As a working mom, the days are long and hard. Here's my story of how one missed call reminded me that it's all worth it. Sometimes thinking about the scary stuff makes the hard days easier.

I just finished drafting up an article when my son wakes up crying from his nap. I carry him downstairs and we start our mother and son dance party. He’s 1 so it’s more like I dance and he wanders around the carpet while I try not to step on him.

I press play on my favourite BTS dance workout and we start bopping around like silly monkeys. Every so often, I’ll have to press pause to pick him up from the dangerous part of the room with the cords and outlets and put him back to his designated corner with the colourful foamy playmat and mountains of plastic toys.

Just some additional deadlifts and bicep curls eh?

My husband comes up from the basement to watch my son while I continue working out. I’m almost finished when YouTube decides to run an ad before the last song. I glance at my phone and I have a missed call from my doctor.

The ad ends and I resume my workout. Thoughts begin to run wild as I try to focus on mimicking the instructor’s graceful movements while my arms flail frantically and my feet stumble awkwardly.