Disclaimer: Even though I focused this post on married heterosexual men, it doesn’t mean that other genders don’t use their partners as an excuse. This behaviour transcends gender, culture, relationship status, sexual preference etc. However, in my personal experience, I’ve heard men default to this excuse more often than women.

When a husband says "My wife won't let me", he's actually masking his insecurities. It's time to empower men to own their choices in life. It goes beyond outdated gender expectations.

Whether it’s he who left or me who initiated it, I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak. Feelings were hurt; expectations unmet. Disappointment ensues. Sometimes it seems like no matter how much I lick my wounds, my heart never fully heals.

The end of a relationship makes it hard to start another. But I move forward, enter the dating scene again to find love. 

And in that new relationship, there are times I can’t shake off the past, the mistakes I made with exes, the trust that was broken. My fears and insecurities of repeating history catch up to me and I worry,

“Will he leave me? Or should I just end it before he does?”

Even the most secure relationships are uncertain. How did I stop expecting the worst?

We are emotional creatures. It's not just a woman thing to need to talk about feelings and have emotions validated. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. How did this book affect a generation's ability to identify their needs in a relationship?

Men are from Mars; therefore, society expects them to behave like they are from Mars. They need to be masculine defined as the strong and silent type. They need to fix things. They need a man cave to destress. They don’t need to talk about it. They need to dismiss their feelings. They need to downplay their problems.

Women are from Venus; therefore, society expects them to behave like they are from Venus. They need to be feminine. They need love and attention. They need to talk about their problems even if it isn’t about solutions. They need reassurance.

If either sex behaves like they are from the other planet, it’s unnatural and weird. They’re aliens.

Talking about our feelings can be a daunting task for many, especially for someone who grew up in an emotionally illiterate environment. Is not knowing what I'm feeling a feeling? How did I start putting words to those emotions?

Growing up with Asian immigrant parents, I never talked about my feelings. My parents made it clear to me that it was the hard skills that mattered. They were practical people. 

Get good grades.

Learn to play an instrument, to swim, skate, ride a bike, do a cartwheel.

Get a good-paying job. Buy a home. Feed yourself.

Earn, save and invest money. Pay your bills. Be responsible.

Be independent. We won’t be here forever.

They were great at teaching me how to take care of myself but talking about feelings or how to manage them was like a foreign language. They were emotionally illiterate. Crying was discouraged. Asking to have my feelings validated was often misunderstood, leading to hurt feelings, dampening my courage to ask again. 

We didn’t talk about how we felt, the joys or the pains. Stories were shared at the dinner table; however, no one would dare ask, 

“So, how did you feel about that?”

Although I was raised in an environment where feelings weren’t talked about, it was often written on my face and body language. 

Was he racist or sexist? As a woman of colour, I'm often in a tough position. We are vulnerable. How do I stand up for myself enough?

As an Asian, I am vulnerable to a slew of belittlement, from microaggressions, prejudice to blatant racist attacks. As a woman, I have been stereotyped as those who overreact, overly emotional, sensitive, hysterical. 

Therefore, as an Asian woman, these are just a few examples of incidences where I felt triggered. And almost always, I will doubt myself, 

“Am I just being sensitive?”

I feel helpless after the fact and pent-up frustrations build. I start to ruminate,

“You should have done this. You should have said that.”

“Did I do enough to stand up for myself? To make my Asian and/or female counterparts proud?”

Social distancing. Physical distancing. Stay positive. Test negative. Stop the spread. Stay at home. Keeping sane during the COVID-19 pandemic.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…Happy New Year! 

2020 came. 

Then a couple of months later, we started to quarantine. A global pandemic took over our lives.

It was called social distancing then it was physical distancing. 

Stay positive. Test negative. 

Stop the spread. Stay at home.

Enough said.

Have you pulled your hair out?

Picked at your fingers? Your toes? Your face?

Punch the walls? Climbed the walls? Ripped off the wallpaper?

Authenticity, candour, real talk 100%…this is what readers value when they consume a story.

They don’t want fluff. They don’t want to be talked down to. They don’t want posers. They’re too smart for that. They know when you’re faking it. They can read between the lines of posturing.

How can you get down to earth through your words so that a stranger feels like they know you without ever meeting you?

If you're trying to be someone else, you're doing it wrong.

Getting pregnant wasn't easy for me the second time. But that experience made me more compassionate for those who struggle with infertility.

Just relax! It’s supposed to be fun…eyeroll

Sure…it’s fun in the beginning. It’s exciting to make a baby. And having lots of sex with the person you want to create this life with sounds like an exhilarating adventure. 

But those who never had trouble conceiving don’t know how frustrating it is when you’re told to relax. I want to shove a pair of socks (or better yet, a box of ovulation sticks) in their mouths.

It’s like when you’re in the middle of an argument and the other person tells you to,

“Take a chill pill! Calm down! Relax!”

It makes you more riled up, adding fuel to the fire. No, telling someone to relax only makes it worse. 

Millennials are often stereotyped as lazy and entitled. How does growing up with immigrant parents prove those aren't true? Although, I do love my avocados…

Perhaps it’s because I’m married with kids that folks assume I’m not part of this generation; however, I often have older people complain to me about the “lazy, entitled kids” they work with. They’ll scoff and grunt, “It’s because they’re Millennials” coupled with a look of disgust, expecting me to nod and agree. 

I want to respond flatly, 

“I’m a Millennial.” 

But instead, I prefer to wait and see what other nonsensical bullshit spews out of their mouths. 

Maybe they’ll start making other stereotypes that annoy me? 

As a short, Asian female, there are lots they can choose from.

Attack!

I decided to do a quick search on ye olde Google to see the most frustrating stereotypes I could find and tell you why they’re not true from my lens as a Chinese Canadian who grew up with immigrant parents. 

Millennials constantly seek validation and praise

Asking for praise and validation for my efforts is like pulling teeth. It’s because getting a pat on the back or receiving kudos wasn’t something I was taught to value. So to ask for it is unnatural because the result is unwanted.

Millennials are often stereotyped as lazy and entitled. How does growing up with immigrant parents prove those aren't true? Although, I do love my avocados…

Perhaps it’s because I’m married with kids that folks assume I’m not part of this generation; however, I often have older people complain to me about the “lazy, entitled kids” they work with. They’ll scoff and grunt, “It’s because they’re Millennials” coupled with a look of disgust, expecting me to nod and agree. 

I want to respond flatly, 

“I’m a Millennial.” 

But instead, I prefer to wait and see what other nonsensical bullshit spews out of their mouths. 

Maybe they’ll start making other stereotypes that annoy me? 

As a short, Asian female, there are lots they can choose from.

Attack!

I decided to do a quick search on ye olde Google to see the most frustrating stereotypes I could find and tell you why they’re not true from my lens as a Chinese Canadian who grew up with immigrant parents. 

Millennials hold a sense of entitlement and need to feel special

“Look at me! Give me attention!” 

“I’m a special, little snowflake.” 

I spent my childhood in a predominantly Caucasian neighbourhood.

When you grew up looking differently, speaking differently, acting differently, feeling like you never really fit in, you don’t want to feel special. You just want to blend in, to be treated like everyone else.