Sure Thing

Self sucking through the glory hole in your face mask. Ouroblowus.

Released early on Patreon.

http://surething.money.

We've spent the last day digging a grave for ourselves and for you. This episode is a true car crash - curly dick and his robotic friend are finally in together in person. The thin veil of sobriety burns away around 1:20. Play quickdraw with a murderer, make no noise during sex and remember, it's not phobic because you aren't afraid of anything.

http://surething.money

Get your real estate license through repetitive concussion and CTE. Nobody is impressed by your expensive curtains when you made all your money importing and exporting brake discs for farming equipment. Council pick up is a permanent fixture are your neighbour's front lawn - raise your fists and get in their face in an attempt to win your life back.

surething.money

Recorded in January.

Stop eating and watch the fat that comprises the majority of your personality disappear. It's a post-apocalyptic wasteland and we're the only podcast with the solution. Start a war, suck the tailpipe of a Ford Bronco and join the Patreon to get episodes early. Shot in the back of the head, left for dead, cheeseburger in one hand, fat fake milkers pushing up the dirt as you're lowered into the ground in your Greyhound coffin.

Return to sender at http://surething.money.

Silviu loves us, Bernie is RIPping it up in heaven and even the audience plants are experiencing a sad quagmire of self-pity. Very wearisome with few redeeming qualities.

Are you in Perth? Andrew is performing at the Perth Comedy Festival. Shockingly he has not been featured on the front page of the website, but despite the best efforts of festivals around Australia to silence him, he has almost sold out his run at the the Regal Theatre. Tickets from https://www.perthcomedyfestival.com/event/andrew-wolfe-perth/.

He's also coming to Gold Coast/Brisbane at the end of May.

http://surething.money

Smashing through the trampoline that was supposed to save us from the depths of despair, the bounce has become a climb with nary an "R U Okay?". Ripped of karate kids and questionable wording from a couple of smug fucks. Green belts are now $35 and if you don't pay up we're gonna nick your coats.

See Wolfey live at MICF: comedyfestival.com.au/2021/shows/andrew-wolfe

surething.money

Short-squeeze yourself into a pair of dancing shoes and join us on the fire truck to get yourself a haircut. $800 tuck-ins for bedtime - we revolutionise public services to generate extra profit and commercialise what remains of society's heroes. Wait until your final moments before attempting a last-minute grab at the life you should've had.

Quit your job, eat your family, surething.money.

Is there a Doctor onboard? Paying for sad dates with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles credit card and screaming as we leave the runway. Alan Watts said it couldn't be done, but if you throw your parents under the bus you might just be able to get away with insider trading. Expressing the breast milk for your new ice cream business - leave one in the bowl while you listen to this episode for good fortune.

Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

You're the bull in the ornamentals shop, the relationship is breaking down and everybody has taken a bet with low odds that you're not getting the kids. Delivering CBT right into your ears this episode to the background of the fattest bass drop of everything embarrassing thing you've ever accidentally said out loud. Hold your kids under water until their hands become so prune-y that no psychic could ever possibly do an accurate psalm reading.

Intro music created by H-Pizzle.