Today was a day for internalization and looking at what is working so far and what things I need to change. The first words I said getting up was "I think I am going to take a day".. to me that means my intention was to rest and take it easy..my body tells me I need to rest and my brain says.."the fuck you are".. . So today I changed the meaning of OCD to Obsessive Cat Disorder. Because I have 7 of them and a lot of my time is spent making sure my house doesn't reflect it. My brain is chaotic enough with my ADD and OCD , that a messy house is something I cannot do. It compounds everything by a million....so this is what my "rest" day consisted of... and once you listen this is my Adhd at its finest

I started with one topic and ended up on another tangent. Welcome to my world

As you can guess, my intention was to finish up with Day 3 last night after my grand daughter went to sleep. Well, that did not work because she was ready to party all night! So this episode may be a little shorter , and sometimes they will be. That is one area I am not stressing on until I have some other things situated. I apologize for the mundane voice and will use my own as soon as i get noise canceling headphones:)

Here is the link to the video I went back over today..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLRCS48Ens4&t=4858s

FIRST OF ALL..PLEASE BEAR WITH ME AS I EXPLORE ALL THIS TECHNOLOGY FOR PODCASTING! I I USED A VOICE CHANGER TODAY SO YOU ALL KNOW! Day 2 , I didn't get the sleep I needed and I felt horrible all day. I notice that sugar right before bed and/or lack of sleep almost give me a hangover feeling. I definitely feel my age after 40. The area i succeeded in today was pushing through the positive habits I am forming to replace the negative. I did not want to take a cold shower at all this morning but I told myself that it is pushing through these things that will give me more personal strength and power back to kick the things I no longer want or need in my life to the curb. It definitely did not make me feel better for long today though and I had to make myself push through working out my software for these episodes ect. By noon I was so dead tired that I fell asleep for a short cat nap. I have paid attention to the times I am wanting to use and started to push it out a little even when i do. For an example, I needed to get the dishes done and I will usually take a few hits before engaging in chores of any kind. Part of what I am trying to do as I go is stop associating certain activities or situations with my use. I do not want my brain to keep thinking my body needs dope to clean. So I chose to do the dishes first and a few other things before i let myself take a hit. I also look at this as taking back control. I have let this control me to an extent for awhile believing that I could not do certain physical activities with out it due to the pain. While there is some truth to that, I am flipping the script so that my brain will eventually no longer register these things as a partner/trigger to use. So more than anything today was a lot of just being aware and changing the script in my head when certain things came up like that. Another super important and powerful technique I have started is to think throughout the day on what Picture my life looking like on the other side of this. When the pain has decreased after surgery, when I have started replenishing my dopamine supply instead of depleting it, and when I am traveling the country spending a week in each state. Dr H talks about meditating on the certain outcome you want. I call this manifesting. When you do this, it greatly increases your chance of being successful in creating that new habit or putting one away that you no longer need. Check out this podcast from Dr H on Habits!

https://youtu.be/Wcs2PFz5q6g?si=TDD5iAfWiv9RdCAn

This first one was a little rough ACTUALLY THE QUALITY OF RECORDING DOWNRIGHT SUCKS! ...Just like everything in life, I am finding what works and what doesn't. I am relinquishing control over this podcast and I am going to see how it forms. i overthink everything to the point I will not do it. So if things seem a little choppy or not smooth it is simply because I had to make myself get it posted before I talked myself out of it or told myself it needed to be better. Sometimes it is just taking that jump. And that is pretty much what I am doing here. I have always been a perfectionist in life to the point it is not so healthy sometimes. I know the power of my brain as I can talk myself into or out of ANYTHING! So why haven't I used that power for bigger changes? I ask myself that question as I begin to visualize what life is going to look like for me soon.

Thank you to Andrew Huberman for sharing all your amazing knowledge!!! I encourage everyone to check his podcast out!

https://youtu.be/jSqCL7Npln0?si=2MAMo8VlcItIha6N