Survivor Sanctuary

Maybe you've thought about it a million times--the exact words you would say to the person who abused you. Maybe you've written them out, word for word, or rehearsed them in front of a mirror. While the opportunity to actually confront your abuser *can* be an empowering part of the healing process, it can also be new source of trauma, or even just a big fat emotional let-down. On today's episode of the podcast, we talk about the decision to confront our abusers and how to manage our expectations so that the experience is empowering rather than crushing. 

Predators are going to prey; it's what they do. But the truth is that predators need help from an even more dangerous animal in order to successfully produce victims for the long haul. On this episode of Survivor Sanctuary, Kelly talks about enablers: who they are, what they do, and why they can be even more dangerous than abusers themselves. 

Yet another infuriating story in the news this week sparked this episode of Survivor Sanctuary.  What is the deal with churches financially supporting credibly accused child molesters who "feel led" to travel to foreign lands and work with children? We are literally using tithes and offerings to fund child molesters and build sexual abuse grooming centers around the world--and we're doing it in the name of missions. God help us. 

Resources:

Gregory Dow Story

Report suspected child exploitation by "missionaries" here: https://www.ice.gov/webform/hsi-tip-form

I don't want to talk about my feelings. 

I don't want to think about what happened. 

I just want to leave the past in the past. 

There are so many reasons we rationalize our choice to bury the trauma of sexual abuse. What is familiar feels safe--even if the familiar sucks. But on today's episode of Survivor Sanctuary, Kelly shares ten reasons it is TOTALLY worth it to dive into the (sometimes difficult) work of healing from sexual abuse. 

Resources:

Asking for help can be tough no matter what your life experiences. For survivors of sexual abuse, though, there can be a tendency to see "help" as a four-letter word (which, incidentally, it actually is. :). On this episode of Survivor Sanctuary, we're unpacking the root of our distaste for vulnerability, and why we can wrestle so much with a fear of asking for help.

Why is it that some people seem to be crushed by sexual abuse, and others seem to bounce back resiliently? Why do some survivors struggle in ways that others don't? On this episode of Survivor Sanctuary, we're chatting about the unique ways individuals can experience trauma, and why comparing yourself to other survivors is always a bad idea. Truth is, we don't break--or heal--the same way, and accepting our uniqueness is one of the most helpful things we survivors can do for ourselves. 

Why do so many Christians struggle to understand that the brain is an organ that can malfunction like all the rest of them? When any other organ gives us trouble, we have no problem believing that illness is at play. When it comes to issues involving the brain, however, many Christians are quick to believe (and loudly proclaim) the issue is spiritual. We'd never tell a diabetic that their wacko insulin levels are a sin, so why do we tell people that their out-of-whack brain circuitry is a sin? On this episode of Survivor Sanctuary, we're tackling this very harmful belief that still rears its ugly head in Christianity: that anxiety is always and only an issue of sin. This faulty belief effects the abused disproportionately, since survivors are far more likely to struggle with anxiety. If the church wants to be effective in helping survivors heal from abuse, anxiety needs to be understood for what it actually is. 

Every day, survivors of sexual abuse are faced with realities that can leave them burdened by the weight of abuse. The news is full of stories of abusers evading justice, our facebook feeds are flooded with triggers and ignorant comments, and or own minds and bodies seem to be working against us a lot of the time. With all that is wrong, is there any hope for survivors? I believe there is, and on today's episode of Survivor Sanctuary, I want to share a few of the reasons that I believe we can hope in the aftermath of abuse.

Resources:

On this episode of Survivor Sanctuary, we are tackling one of the big fat lies sexual abuse tells us: That we need to be crushing the healing game, advocating for other survivors, doing big things to prevent sexual abuse or _______ in order to deserve taking up space on this planet. Join me as we dissect this lie and uncover a truth that's easy to say, but tough to believe-- I. Am. Enough.

Lies, cover-ups, institutional self protection... it's like deja vu al over again, only this time, it isn's sexual abuse that some churches are mishandling. On today's podcast, I discuss the similarities between how some churches are dealing with the coronavirus pandemic and how they deal with sexual abuse within their walls. Is it faith driving these church leaders, or is fear behind it all?

Links:

Survivor Sanctuary Facebook Group

Article: Choir Practice Spreads Coronavirus

Article: 3 Dozen Infected with Coronavirus After Church Event

Article: Pastor Tells Staff to Keep Coronavirus Quiet

Article: Pastor Charged With Misdemeanor For Holding Services

Article: Megachurch Pastor Charged with Unlawful Assembly