Sweet Talk for Parents of Kids with Type One Diabetes

Life can be tricky with a newly-diagnosed T1D teenager. Some of them are happy to share and be open about diabetes, and some want to keep it hidden and to themselves. The point is that each of them has the right to decide if, and how, their peers will learn about their T1D. Today’s questions are from the mother of a teenager who has very strong feelings on the matter. Join us to learn more!

Show Highlights:

Guest #1: Sarah’s son (16) was diagnosed a little over a year ago “out of the blue” at a routine doctor visit.

• Sarah’s son is doing well in managing his diabetes and is very responsible in his care.
• Sarah’s First Question: “Why is it more difficult for him to accept the permanence of his situation with T1D, and why does he not want anyone to know?”
• JoAnne’s Answer: “There is no right answer to your question. No 16-year-old can understand what life is like with diabetes unless they are experiencing it. There is an issue around his safety when you aren’t around, and it’s totally OK and normal that you have sadness at what he’s going through. There is a normal process of mourning for all of your family, but I like to start with strong validation around the permanence of T1D. Tap into his experience and name it back to him to help him feel seen; this will help him feel calmer about it. If you sign up for my newsletter, you can find information about my Validation Webinar, which might be helpful for you.”
• Sarah’s Second Question: “How does a 16-year-old reach the level of vulnerability required to announce to his friends that he has T1D?”
• JoAnne’s Answer: “I understand that you want everyone around him to be aware of his needs because of your safety concerns and fears that the worst may happen. Every T1D parent has those fears, but the likelihood of those worst-case scenarios happening is very small. Part of this issue is about emotional safety. When he goes to college, he will need to let others know about T1D, and he’ll need to advocate for himself. It’s OK that he doesn’t want to share with others now because he feels very different from others at this point. I would encourage you to find a diabetes camp where he can meet other kids like him and not feel ashamed; you can even find one away from home where he isn’t in his normal peer group. Another idea is that he could become a babysitter for a younger T1D kid and become a mentor and hero to that child. This could create a sense of community and inclusion for him, letting him know that he’s not alone with T1D.”

Resources:

Visit my website for available resources: www.diabetessweettalk.com 

For help with the emotional and parenting challenges of facing T1D management, join one of our live recording sessions by clicking the banner at the top of the homepage.

For a more hopeful future for you and your T1D child, consider the After Diagnosis coaching course at www.diabetessweettalk.com/courses. 

Experienced T1D parents can find help in the Put Diabetes in Its Place course at www.diabetessweettalk.com/courses.  

Mentioned in this episode:

Get Help After Diagnosis!

Get back to being the calm and sturdy parent you were before your child's diagnosis with the After Diagnosis Course to help ease your mind and return you to calm parenting. Go to https://diabetessweettalk.com/courses.

If your child was diagnosed before starting school or early in elementary school, a common fear among T1D parents is how their peers will react to their needs. There are various ways to educate and inform others about T1D devices and supplies and what’s happening inside the body, including brief presentations to “normalize” T1D life at school.

If your child tends to be shy or wants to hide their diabetes, today’s questions and answers have insights about creating an informed and compassionate peer group around your child. Join us to learn more!

Show Highlights:

Guest #1: Spencer, father of Claire (5) who was diagnosed at age 2

• Claire has a Dexcom and a pump and is entering kindergarten this year.
• Spencer’s Question: “How do we engage her new friend group around her diabetes and make them aware of it?”
• JoAnne’s Answer: “I think it’s a great idea to arrange with the school to visit and do a circle time about Claire’s diabetes. A couple of books that tell a story of a kid with diabetes are Eddie’s Tale and Taking Diabetes to School. Approach it as a Show and Tell where your daughter can show her pump and the technology to the class. I think it’s helpful to show/share her low supplies with the class and briefly explain what diabetes means as far as sometimes needing extra sugar. All of this, of course, should be done according to her comfort level in sharing. It’s a great message to her that it’s OK to talk about diabetes within her new community, and that it’s not something that needs to be hidden. Look to tie everything together with the message that her body needs certain medicines and supplies to stay safe and healthy.”

Guest #2: Tamar is a mom of two, one of whom has diabetes (she’s now 22 and thriving) and was diagnosed 14 years ago.

• Tamar reads a question that was sent in, and we discuss it from our experiences as T1D moms.
• The Email Question: “My first-grader was recently diagnosed and is super shy about letting other kids know about his diabetes. He doesn’t want us to do a presentation in class about what’s going on, but I feel like it’s important for his classmates to understand T1D to help keep him safe. Should I do a presentation without him there?”
• JoAnne’s Answer: “This is a very common concern. Ideas that I’ve heard from others include the child doing a video that can be presented in class or outside of class, which allows the child to be part of the education process of their peers without having to talk about diabetes in front of them. I think it’s important for the adults around him to know how to keep him safe, but I don’t think his peers have the responsibility to help keep him safe. I think the bigger issue for this parent is for her son to know who he is and what he’s grappling with in life; I believe each child, especially those who are shy, needs to come out about diabetes at their own pace with which they are comfortable. I would advise parents to applaud each step the child takes in becoming more open with peers about diabetes and what it means for them. Again, a diabetes camp is a great way to build comfort and community around normalizing diabetes. Help your child with the language to use around diabetes and their pump and supplies, because their peers will ask questions. Fortunately, most of those questions come from a place of caring and compassion and are not bullying situations.Tamar adds that every child has their ‘something,’ and sharing their differences might help others to show more empathy and compassion.”

Resources:

Books mentioned in this episode: Eddie's Tale: A Young Child's Introduction to Type 1 Diabetes by Sue Kowalski and Taking Diabetes to School by Kim Gosselin

Visit my website for available resources: www.diabetessweettalk.com

For help with the emotional and parenting challenges of facing T1D management, join one of our live recording sessions by clicking the banner at the top of the homepage.

For a more hopeful future for you and your T1D child, consider the After Diagnosis coaching course at www.diabetessweettalk.com/courses. 

Experienced T1D parents can find help in the Put Diabetes in Its Place course at www.diabetessweettalk.com/courses.  

Mentioned in this episode:

Get Help After Diagnosis!

Get back to being the calm and sturdy parent you were before your child's diagnosis with the After Diagnosis Course to help ease your mind and return you to calm parenting. Go to https://diabetessweettalk.com/courses.

Parents of T1D kids have so many unique experiences that most people don’t understand. By finding community and support, we learn that we are not alone, and we have hope through difficult times. One of those difficult times to navigate is the transition to college, and it strikes fear in the hearts of T1D parents.

Today’s questions begin with college-related questions about accommodations, parent-involvement, responsibility, and the very normal worries and fears that every T1D parent has about the transition to college. My second guest, a T1D young adult, gives insights into her college experience to bring reassurance to anxious parents. Join us!

Show Highlights:

Guest #1: Terri, whose T1D daughter, Ava (17), will be going to college soon

• Terri’s First Question: “Should my daughter register with the disabilities offices of the colleges to which she is applying? Is this something to consider before she makes a binding decision?”
• JoAnne’s Answer: “I would assume that any college would have a disabilities office, and it is important to register as a student who needs extra support. I definitely recommend this as a way for our kids to advocate for themselves. If a student is up all night because of diabetes lows, they should not be expected to take a test the next day. I think registering with the disabilities office does two things: it helps our kids learn to advocate for themselves, and it addresses the reality that test conditions might need to be changed because of diabetes complications.”
• Terri’s Second Question: “What are the pros and cons of having a roommate for the freshman year?”
• JoAnne’s Answer:  “I think this comes down to opinion. My son’s doctor made it clear in no uncertain terms that my son should have a roommate to have the support and safety of another person, but my son advocated for himself at his university because he didn’t want to awaken another person with his alarms. He ended up never having a roommate, and he survived just fine. It is totally a matter of preference for your daughter and the school. If she has a roommate, they will learn to navigate through the nighttime alarms.” 
• Terri’s Third Question: “As Ava goes off to college, what is an appropriate amount of diabetic tiger-mom hovering?”
• JoAnne’s Answer: “Lead with the conversation about what works for her and considering what she wants as far as communication. You have to lean toward her needs and preferences, while letting her know what your wishes are. Ordering their diabetic supplies is probably the last place that most parents stay involved with their T1D kids, and being on a regular ordering cycle will help.This is the kind of learning curve for them to make sure they don’t run out of supplies.”
• Terri and JoAnne wrap up by discussing additional issues like school insurance, perks offered to students through the disabilities office, and what her daughter should be doing now to prepare during her senior year for college. 

Guest #2: Aava, a 23-year-old graduate student who was diagnosed at age 16, just months before leaving for college. Aava shares her experiences about the following:

• How Aava and her parents planned ahead for the expected communication between them, even including her roommates in “the diabetes talk”
• What it was like for Aava to have her parents so deep into her life at college, and how she realized that they had her health, safety, and best interests at heart
• Why Aava felt very comfortable in letting her roommates know about her diabetes and how to best help her
• How Aava asked for accommodations at college, especially regarding technology access during exams (due to her Dexcom), extended time for exams, and access to food and snacks during class when needed
• How Aava navigated drinking at college, made sure she had emergency supplies with her to be within safe limits, and dealt with peer pressure about drinking
• What Aava’s scariest moment was in college because of diabetes
• What Aava’s most triumphant moment was in college around diabetes
• Aava’s advice to parents and other T1D kids heading off to college

Resources:

Visit my website for available resources: www.diabetessweettalk.com 

For help with the emotional and parenting challenges of facing T1D management, join one of our live recording sessions by clicking the banner at the top of the homepage.

For a more hopeful future for you and your T1D child, consider the After Diagnosis coaching course at www.diabetessweettalk.com/courses. 

Experienced T1D parents can find help in the Put Diabetes in Its Place course at www.diabetessweettalk.com/courses.  

Mentioned in this episode:

Get Help After Diagnosis!

Get back to being the calm and sturdy parent you were before your child's diagnosis with the After Diagnosis Course to help ease your mind and return you to calm parenting. Go to https://diabetessweettalk.com/courses.

Welcome to another episode of the podcast! Parents of T1D kids have so many unique experiences that most people don’t understand. By finding community and support, we learn that we are not alone, and we have hope through the difficult times. Today’s questions revolve around helping our T1D kids learn the skills they need to be independent. We will talk about age-appropriate responsibilities and how to scaffold tasks to help them prepare for being out on their own someday. Join us to learn more!

Show Highlights:

Guest #1: Lupita is the mother of Nash (9–almost 10), who was diagnosed four years ago.

• Nash is monitored 24/7 with Dexcom, which means Lupita is on watch 24/7.
• Nash has seen several different doctors and is being asked to be more independent than Lupita thinks is suitable for his young age.
• Lupita feels bad that Nash is nowhere near ready to do what the doctors expect him to do in his care; she feels like she is failing as a parent.
• Lupita’s Question: “Is there an age when a child should be independent in their diabetes management? How do I approach this with his doctors without sounding rude?”
• JoAnne’s Answer: “I would agree with you that he is very young to take on all responsibilities for his diabetes management. I’ve noticed that kids who are diagnosed younger are used to mom taking care of everything for longer, and kids who are diagnosed later, like at age 9, want to do more themselves.There is a transition period in which it’s important for you to scaffold his independence around his diabetes management. You will have to learn to tolerate his missteps as he transitions to doing things himself, which typically happens in the mid-teen years. Listen to your instincts about what he needs, and I think it’s fine for you to wait a little longer to make the transition. Your message to Nash needs to be that you are here to help and care for him now and that you will help him become an adult by learning to function on his own. Clear the air with the doctors and ask for their help in getting him to his own management when the time is right instead of beating you up about it. Ask them for help in taking the first baby steps.”  

Guest #2: Nikola, the mother of Olivia (17)

• Olivia has a continuous glucose monitor and a pump and is doing wel–overalll.
• Nikola’s question: “How do I get her to be more responsible with her supplies and pick up her trash/needles from all over the house?”
• JoAnne’s answer: “You may have to remind her to pick her things up and dispose of them, but be gentle. It’s like any other household task with dishes, etc., and it’s not diabetes-specific behavior. In terms of her losing her things, I don’t have a magical solution. It is something that she will struggle to figure out, and she will have to do better when she is on her own. There is only so much that we, as parents, can do to help them and scaffold for them. Different kids have different executive functioning skills, and it’s just something she will have to figure out.”

Resources:

Visit my website for available resources: www.diabetessweettalk.com 

For help with the emotional and parenting challenges of facing T1D management, join one of our live recording sessions by clicking the banner at the top of the homepage.

For a more hopeful future for you and your T1D child, consider the After Diagnosis coaching course at www.diabetessweettalk.com/courses. 

Experienced T1D parents can find help in the Put Diabetes in Its Place course at www.diabetessweettalk.com/courses.  

Mentioned in this episode:

Get Help After Diagnosis!

Get back to being the calm and sturdy parent you were before your child's diagnosis with the After Diagnosis Course to help ease your mind and return you to calm parenting. Go to https://diabetessweettalk.com/courses.

Welcome to another episode of the podcast! Parents of T1D kids have so many unique experiences that most people don’t understand. By finding community and support, we learn that we are not alone, and we have hope through the difficult times. 

Today’s questions come from a common struggle of T1D parents around helping the child gain more independence, how parents can combat the anxiety that comes with that increased independence, and how to transition a child to adult responsibility when other health issues and fears are in play. Join us! 

Show Highlights:

Guest #1: Rebecca, a mom of three whose oldest son (8) was diagnosed at age 2

• Why they are considering summer camp–planning ahead for next summer– for their son because he has never really spent overnights away from his parents
• How they are experimenting with overnights at his grandparents’ house
• Rebecca’s question: “Do you have any advice about how I can overcome my anxiety around releasing control of my son as he spends time away from home? How can we feel more comfortable as we gain more independence and our son becomes more independent?”
• JoAnne’s answer: “I love that you are focused on taking baby steps to take a bigger step. That’s what it’s all about. Your anxiety is incredibly normal, especially since your son was diagnosed at two years old, and you have had to manage everything in his life. Parents whose child is diagnosed in the middle school years have a completely different mindset. You are in your stretch zone, trying to figure out where you can stretch and what it feels like to stretch. Follow your gut and listen to your ‘mommy sense’ in making sure he is with people you know will keep him safe.”

Guest #2: Lisa, the mother of a daughter (18), who was diagnosed at age 13

• How her daughter’s other health conditions complicate the situation
• Why the primary struggle for Lisa is the “enabling her vs. making her independent” dilemma
• Lisa’s question: “How do I help her become more independent as an 18-year-old both with diabetes and in other areas? How do I help her practice the right self-care so that she doesn’t do irreparable damage to herself?”
• JoAnne’s answer: “This is a tricky picture, and there is no simple answer. It sounds like she has become phobic about being up and about in the world, and she has become very dependent on you because of all the bad things that can happen to her out in the world. The phobia needs to be treated with exposure model therapy as we would with any fear. As her parent, you need to identify the exposure therapy she needs so that she can be out in the world more. Ask her the question in different ways about what she wants her life to be, and then help move her to get there. Part of the process is letting her be exposed to the uncomfortable things that she fears and letting her know that she can survive them. Regarding diabetes, give her validation for the things she IS doing right and notice the things that are hard for her. Ask her to partner with you in being careful about dinner and nighttime dosing so that you aren’t up three times in the night. Letting go is SO much harder than doing. Diabetes will come and sit on the fault lines in a family, so it makes everything harder. Remember that baby steps are important.” 

Resources:

Visit my website for available resources: www.diabetessweettalk.com 

For help with the emotional and parenting challenges of facing T1D management, join one of our live recording sessions by clicking the banner at the top of the homepage.

For a more hopeful future for you and your T1D child, consider the After Diagnosis coaching course at www.diabetessweettalk.com/courses. 

Experienced T1D parents can find help in the Put Diabetes in Its Place course at www.diabetessweettalk.com/courses.  

Mentioned in this episode:

Get Help After Diagnosis!

Get back to being the calm and sturdy parent you were before your child's diagnosis with the After Diagnosis Course to help ease your mind and return you to calm parenting. Go to https://diabetessweettalk.com/courses.

Welcome to the podcast! Parents of T1D kids have so many unique experiences that most people don’t understand. By finding community and support, we learn that we are not alone, and we have hope through the difficult times. Today’s show tackles questions about helping teenagers become more independent, not letting “diabetes talk” take over the parent/child relationship, and how to combat diabetes burnout and depression. Join us to learn more!

Show Highlights:

Guest #1: Angela is the mother of Jake,15; he was diagnosed at age 12. 

• Jake is trying to be more independent with his management, but it’s been a big struggle to have him remember to check his blood sugar and take his insulin appropriately.
• How Angela feels like their relationship is focused solely on diabetes management, and she wants it to be different
• Angela’s question: “How much do I let him do, and how do I balance our relationship beyond diabetes talk?”
• JoAnne’s answer: “I would vote for the relationship to be the primary focus right now. Jake is at the age where higher A1Cs are normal, and it’s very difficult to hit the A1C target. Being empathetic toward him about what he’s going through is important, as well as keeping your relationship strong with him. I’m not saying to let go of safety concerns, but talk to him and name what has happened in the relationship. Let him know that you would like to ‘talk at him’ less about diabetes. Find a way with him to hand over control to him and let him know that you trust him on this important issue, but let him know that he deserves support. Take it one step at a time, and praise him along the way for whatever he is doing right.”

Guest #2: Anna is the mother of Charlie, age 5; he was diagnosed in November 2021.

• Still in the “honeymoon phase” after diagnosis, Charlie takes ½ unit of long-acting insulin; he does not feel his highs and lows.
• His parents rely 100% on technology to gauge his highs and lows, and his normal personality tends to be irritable and difficult.
• Why Anna feels caregiver burnout and mourns the ease of their old life
• Anna’s question: “How do I combat the depression of being his caregiver and pancreas 24/7? Do you have tips and strategies to get out of the ‘diabetes depression’ that we are dealing with?”
• JoAnne’s answer: “I think your experience is normal. Community is very powerful and grounding, and I’m a big proponent of family camp because it’s good for everyone in the family. Find ways to get community support into your daily life at home; diabetes is too much of a burden for one parent to carry alone. Charlie needs to learn that there is a big network of people who can help him and you. Do your best to normalize your experience; most of it is just the swing and sway of the first year with diabetes.” 

Resources:

Visit my website for available resources: www.diabetessweettalk.com 

For help with the emotional and parenting challenges of facing T1D management, join one of our live recording sessions by clicking the banner at the top of the homepage.

For a more hopeful future for you and your T1D child, consider the After Diagnosis coaching course at www.diabetessweettalk.com/courses. 

Experienced T1D parents can find help in the Put Diabetes in Its Place course at www.diabetessweettalk.com/courses.  

Mentioned in this episode:

Get Help After Diagnosis!

Get back to being the calm and sturdy parent you were before your child's diagnosis with the After Diagnosis Course to help ease your mind and return you to calm parenting. Go to https://diabetessweettalk.com/courses.

Welcome to Episode 2! I’m back with more questions and answers about how to “parent” diabetes. Living with T1D kids is a journey of unpredictability, but you are not alone. Unfortunately, not everyone is compassionate and understanding about parenting struggles with T1D, and today’s conversation is about how adult friendships can be packed with envy, comparisons, and reactivity. Join us for a closer look!

Show Highlights:

Today’s guest: Carla, the mother of a T1D daughter who is 4½ years old and was diagnosed just over two years ago

• How a recent confrontational interaction with a close friend about her daughter’s diabetes left her feeling unseen, unheard, and frustrated–and that the friendship has ended
• Carla’s question: “Is this something that I should be aware of in future friendships–that diabetes will come between my adult friends and me? Is this always going to be an issue? How should I think about this in the future?”
• JoAnne’s answer: “It’s not surprising that other adults don’t understand how difficult your journey is with diabetes. Unless someone lives this experience, they can’t know what it is like. In my experience, it IS rare to have friends who really see me, know me, and understand me. It would be terrible for you to expect all friendships to be like this, but you will certainly run into people who have a weird reactivity to your situation. The friendship issues are reactivity and repair, and the overall problem for this friend may not necessarily be diabetes-related. You have a clear picture now of what the limitations are in this friendship. With what you’ve shared about the relationship with this person, there are definitely some problems with envy and feeling ‘less than’ on her part. The good news is that there are people out there who are attentive and caring and don’t need to engage from a reactive place.”

Resources:

Visit my website for available resources: www.diabetessweettalk.com 

For help with the emotional and parenting challenges of facing T1D management, register for a live recording session by clicking the banner at the top of the homepage.

For a more hopeful future for you and your T1D child, consider the After Diagnosis coaching course at www.diabetessweettalk.com/courses. 

Experienced T1D parents can find help in the Put Diabetes in Its Place course at www.diabetessweettalk.com/courses.  

Mentioned in this episode:

Get Help After Diagnosis!

Get back to being the calm and sturdy parent you were before your child's diagnosis with the After Diagnosis Course to help ease your mind and return you to calm parenting. Go to https://diabetessweettalk.com/courses.

Welcome to the very first episode of the Sweet Talk podcast! I’m glad you are here to learn more about the struggles we face as parents of kids with type 1 diabetes, or T1D kids. The challenges are many, and the most uplifting thing is to simply know that you are not alone. Today’s episode surrounds questions about our perspective on sugar, the division of labor between spouses, and how we can help our kids become more responsible for their T1D management as they grow up. I hope you find our discussions helpful and hopeful. Join us now!

Show Highlights:

Guest #1: Stephanie, from California, is the mother of Sam, who was diagnosed in October 2021 at age 4.

• Still in the “honeymoon phase” after his diagnosis, doing well, and learning about T1D management
• Growing up in a family of doctors gave Stephanie strict guidelines around sugar and junk food, and the new relationship with sugar is difficult.
• Stephanie’s question: “How do I see sugar differently and soften the edges of my perspective? Are there other creative options that are fast-acting carbs that would feel more ok to me besides candy?”
• JoAnne’s answer: “My upcoming webinar, Let Them Eat Cake? may be helpful for you. You have to recognize the reality that sometimes, Starburst candy is a medical necessity for your son. Give yourself permission to mourn your previous views about healthy foods and transition to new attitudes. Try to eliminate the categorization of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ foods, and normalize sugar to some degree in your house. Try to reframe food so that moderation is key and being a flexible eater is good. Help the child view his ‘low supplies’ as a form of medicine that his body needs and not as the sugar he is never allowed to have.”

Guest #2: Julia is the mother of Julian, who was diagnosed at age 11 and is now 15.

• Their household pattern has become a defined division where one parent handles details like ordering and organizing T1D supplies, and the other handles “body contact” details because their son likes it this way.
• Julia’s question: “How do we get to the place where we are both familiar and competent with all aspects of his care? How do we eliminate the uncomfortable situations that have left me feeling embarrassed, humiliated, and frustrated because I can’t change his pump efficiently?”
• JoAnne’s answer: “Have a conversation with your son to name the feelings in those moments when you have to step in and help. Give him the choice as to how much he wants to take care of himself, and what he’s willing to let you practice and learn to do. From a safety perspective, both parents should know what to do for his care. Validate his feelings to stand down the emotional reactivity that he may have regarding a change in the norm.”

Guest #3: Joe has a son who is 14 and was diagnosed in 2020.

• In Joe’s family, he is the one who changes equipment; he has had to make detailed lists for his wife and their son if he goes out of town.
• Joe’s question: “How do I help my son become more independent in his T1D management? With college just a few years away, how can he transition to being more responsible about getting snacks when he needs them and not relying so much on me?”
• JoAnne’s answer: “A very normal worry for T1D parents is how their child is going to manage everything on their own. Take a long view and keep the relationship with him as solid as possible. He will learn one step at a time and begin to take ownership. Take baby steps in teaching him and don’t panic. It might be helpful to put him in an environment, like camp, where he has to learn new skills. It’s good for them to be ‘in the soup’ where they see other kids like themselves managing the same issues.”

Resources:

Visit my website for available resources: www.diabetessweettalk.com 

Get the Let Them Eat Cake Webinar

For help with the emotional and parenting challenges of facing T1D management, register for a live recording session by clicking the banner at the top of the homepage. Ask Your Question in a Recording Session

For a more hopeful future for you and your T1D child, consider the After Diagnosis Coaching Course at www.diabetessweettalk.com/courses.  

Mentioned in this episode:

Get Help After Diagnosis!

Get back to being the calm and sturdy parent you were before your child's diagnosis with the After Diagnosis Course to help ease your mind and return you to calm parenting. Go to https://diabetessweettalk.com/courses.