The Dragon of Wantley by Owen Wister 1 How Sir Godfrey Loses his Temper Free Comedy Book Club.

chapter 1 of the dragon of wantly his tale by owen wister this librivox recording is in the public domain chapter 1 how sir godfrey came to lose his temper there was something wrong in the cellar at wantly manor little whelpdale knew it for he was buttons and buttons always knows what is being done with the wine though he may look as if he did not and old pothom knew it too he was butler and responsible to sir godfrey for all the brandy and ale and cider and mead and canary and other strong waters there were in the house now sir godfrey de seison fourth baron of watley and immediate tenant by night service to his majesty king john of england was particular about his dogs and particular about his horses and about his only daughter and his boy roland and had been very particular indeed about his wife who i am sorry to say did not live long but all this was nothing to the fuss he made about his wine when the claret was not warm enough or the mosul wine was not cool enough you could hear him roaring all over the house for though generous in heart and a staunch churchman he was immoderately choleric very often when sir godfrey fell into one of his rages at dinner old potham standing behind his chair trembled so violently that his calves would shake loose thus obliging him to hasten behind the tall leathern screen at the head of the banquet hall and readjust them twice in each year the baron sailed over to france where he visited the wine merchants and tasted samples of all new vintages though they frequently gave him unmentionable aches then when he was satisfied that he had selected the soundest and richest he returned to wantley manor bringing home wooden casks that were as big as haystacks and so full they could not gurgle when you tipped them upon arriving he sent for mrs mistletoe the family governess and for economy's sake housekeeper who knew how to write something the baron's father and mother had never taught him when he was a little boy because they didn't know how themselves and despised people who did and when mrs mistletoe had cut neat pieces of cardboard for labels and got ready her goose quill sir godfrey would say write chateau left 1187 or write chamberton 1203 those you know were the names and dates of the vintages my lord mistletoe always piped up on which sir godfrey would peer over her shoulder at the writing and mutter hmm yes that's correct just as if he knew how to read the old humbug then mistletoe who was a silly girl and had lost her husband early would go teahe sir godfrey as the gallant gentleman gave her a kiss of course this was not just what he should have done but he was a widower you must remember and besides that as the years went on this little ceremony ceased to be kept up when it was chateau lafitte 1187 kissing mistletoe was one thing but when it came to chamberton 1203 the lady weighed 225 pounds and wore a wig but wig and all mistletoe had a high position in wantly manner the household was conducted on strictly feudal principles nobody except the members of the family received higher consideration than did the old governess she and the chaplain were on a level socially and they sat at the same table with the baron that drew the line old popham the butler might tell little welkdale as often as he pleased that he was just as good as mistletoe but he had to pour out mistletoe's wine for her not with standing if she scolded him which she always did if sir godfrey had been scolding her do you suppose he dared to answer back gracious no he merely kicked the two head footmen mison and wellesby and spoke severely to the nine housemaids mizin and wellesby then made life a painful thing for the five underfootmen and the grooms while the nine housemaids boxed the ears of welkdale the buttons and whelpdale the buttons punched the scullion's eye as for the scullion he was bottom of the list but...

The Dragon of Wantley by Owen Wister 1 How Sir Godfrey Loses his Temper Free Comedy Book Club.

chapter 1 of the dragon of wantly his tale by owen wister this librivox recording is in the public domain chapter 1 how sir godfrey came to lose his temper there was something wrong in the cellar at wantly manor little whelpdale knew it for he was buttons and buttons always knows what is being done with the wine though he may look as if he did not and old pothom knew it too he was butler and responsible to sir godfrey for all the brandy and ale and cider and mead and canary and other strong waters there were in the house now sir godfrey de seison fourth baron of watley and immediate tenant by night service to his majesty king john of england was particular about his dogs and particular about his horses and about his only daughter and his boy roland and had been very particular indeed about his wife who i am sorry to say did not live long but all this was nothing to the fuss he made about his wine when the claret was not warm enough or the mosul wine was not cool enough you could hear him roaring all over the house for though generous in heart and a staunch churchman he was immoderately choleric very often when sir godfrey fell into one of his rages at dinner old potham standing behind his chair trembled so violently that his calves would shake loose thus obliging him to hasten behind the tall leathern screen at the head of the banquet hall and readjust them twice in each year the baron sailed over to france where he visited the wine merchants and tasted samples of all new vintages though they frequently gave him unmentionable aches then when he was satisfied that he had selected the soundest and richest he returned to wantley manor bringing home wooden casks that were as big as haystacks and so full they could not gurgle when you tipped them upon arriving he sent for mrs mistletoe the family governess and for economy's sake housekeeper who knew how to write something the baron's father and mother had never taught him when he was a little boy because they didn't know how themselves and despised people who did and when mrs mistletoe had cut neat pieces of cardboard for labels and got ready her goose quill sir godfrey would say write chateau left 1187 or write chamberton 1203 those you know were the names and dates of the vintages my lord mistletoe always piped up on which sir godfrey would peer over her shoulder at the writing and mutter hmm yes that's correct just as if he knew how to read the old humbug then mistletoe who was a silly girl and had lost her husband early would go teahe sir godfrey as the gallant gentleman gave her a kiss of course this was not just what he should have done but he was a widower you must remember and besides that as the years went on this little ceremony ceased to be kept up when it was chateau lafitte 1187 kissing mistletoe was one thing but when it came to chamberton 1203 the lady weighed 225 pounds and wore a wig but wig and all mistletoe had a high position in wantly manner the household was conducted on strictly feudal principles nobody except the members of the family received higher consideration than did the old governess she and the chaplain were on a level socially and they sat at the same table with the baron that drew the line old popham the butler might tell little welkdale as often as he pleased that he was just as good as mistletoe but he had to pour out mistletoe's wine for her not with standing if she scolded him which she always did if sir godfrey had been scolding her do you suppose he dared to answer back gracious no he merely kicked the two head footmen mison and wellesby and spoke severely to the nine housemaids mizin and wellesby then made life a painful thing for the five underfootmen and the grooms while the nine housemaids boxed the ears of welkdale the buttons and whelpdale the buttons punched the scullion's eye as for the scullion he was bottom of the list but...

Wit And Humor of America The Two New Houses Free Audiobooks From the Tale Teller Book Club.
section 1 of the wit and humor of america volume 2. this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org recording by david lawrence in brampton ontario the two new houses by carolyn wells once upon a time there were two men each of whom decided to build for himself a fine new house one man being of an arrogant and conceited nature took counsel of nobody but declared that he would build his house to suit himself for he said since it is my house and i am to live in it why should i ask the advice of my neighbors as to its construction while the house was building the neighbors came often and looked at it and went away whispering and wagging their heads in derision but the man paid no heed and continued to build his house as he would the result was that when completed his house was lacking in symmetry and utility and in a hundred ways it was unsatisfactory and for each defect there was a neighbor who said had you asked me i would have warned you against that error the other man who was of a humble and oso mind went to each of his neighbors in turn and asked advice about the building of his house his friends willingly and at great length gave him the benefit of their experiences and opinions and the grateful man undertook to fall out all their directions the result was that his house when finished was a hodgepodge of varying styles and contradictory effects and exceedingly uncomfortable and inconvenient to live in morals this fable teaches that in a multitude of counsellors there is safety and that too many cooks spoil the broth end of the two new houses

Wit And Humor of America The Two New Houses Free Audiobooks From the Tale Teller Book Club.
section 1 of the wit and humor of america volume 2. this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org recording by david lawrence in brampton ontario the two new houses by carolyn wells once upon a time there were two men each of whom decided to build for himself a fine new house one man being of an arrogant and conceited nature took counsel of nobody but declared that he would build his house to suit himself for he said since it is my house and i am to live in it why should i ask the advice of my neighbors as to its construction while the house was building the neighbors came often and looked at it and went away whispering and wagging their heads in derision but the man paid no heed and continued to build his house as he would the result was that when completed his house was lacking in symmetry and utility and in a hundred ways it was unsatisfactory and for each defect there was a neighbor who said had you asked me i would have warned you against that error the other man who was of a humble and oso mind went to each of his neighbors in turn and asked advice about the building of his house his friends willingly and at great length gave him the benefit of their experiences and opinions and the grateful man undertook to fall out all their directions the result was that his house when finished was a hodgepodge of varying styles and contradictory effects and exceedingly uncomfortable and inconvenient to live in morals this fable teaches that in a multitude of counsellors there is safety and that too many cooks spoil the broth end of the two new houses

Young Adult Short Works An Arrow in a Sunbeam Free Stories for All Tale Teller Books Audiobook Club.
an arrow in a sunbeam by sarah orn jewett this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org

an arrow in a sunbeam by sarah orne jewett the minister of a fashionable church had noticed sunday after sunday a little old lady with a sad patient face dressed in very shabby morning sitting in a stranger's pew like job this good man could say the cause that i knew not i sought out he soon learned from the sexton her name and residence and was surprised to find her in the very topmost room of a house amid evidences of real poverty in the one little window bloomed a monthly rose and a vigorous heliotrope and beside the pots lay half a dozen books such as are rarely seen in the homes of the very poor on the wall hung two fine engravings and an old-fashioned gold watch was suspended from a faded velvet case over the mantelpiece her story when she was induced to tell it was neither new nor startling she had long been a widow her children had been called from her till now she had but one and he being a [ __ ] could do little more than supply his own absolute wants by his work as a repairer of watches the pastor was charmed with her patient endurance of what others would call the hard discipline of life and when he left her he felt that he had been a learner instead of a teacher in that poor room being too delicate to allude to her apparent poverty he said it parting as you are a stranger among us i will send some of the visitors of the church to cheer and comfort you he selected two bright rosy girls full of life and happiness of whose visits among the poor he had often heard they came to the widow like sun beams through a storm they talked cheerily and did not appear to notice the bareness of the room they asked something of her history and told of their grandmothers who also had seen much sorrow and in this way drew her out till she told of her former competency her early advantages in england and of all the misfortunes which had brought her to her present position and yet she said i have little to complain of while i have the love and tender care of such a son as walter little by little without a complaint from her they found that the old lady lacked many things for her comfort their sympathies were aroused it would be a delight to make her happy by gifts that would be of service to her lucy gray a girl full of fun as well as of kindness said i wish she would let me make you a bonnet i make lovely ones grandma won't wear a milliner's bonnet she likes mine so much better grace wheeler volunteered to make a dress and caps adding playfully as my dear grandma is gone you must let me adopt you and do all i can for you there are four of us girls always looking around for somebody to help you can call on us for anything you want four young girls who laughingly styled themselves the quartet of mercy met at grace wheeler's house with the materials for a dress and a bonnet and caps the old lady was coming two hours afterward to be fitted having been measured before they left her house the girls were in a perfect gala of joy that bright afternoon they chatted merrily while working and one would have thought they were making costumes for comic tableau rather than the garb of a sorrowful widow i'll tell you girls said lucy gray the old dowager will shine when she gets my bonnet on and trying it on over her chestnut curls she added i have wish i was a dawn fallen lady myself a haberdasher's daughter from england oh i hope i shall be a widow sometime widow's caps are so becoming well replied grace laughing do your best for goody horn and maybe she'll let you have dear walter then you'll be a widow soon he's so feeble oh i wish i had the dressing of her she'd surprise herself as the dutchman said i'd put a canary-colored pom-pom and a white egg...

Young Adult Short Works An Arrow in a Sunbeam Free Stories for All Tale Teller Books Audiobook Club.
an arrow in a sunbeam by sarah orn jewett this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org

an arrow in a sunbeam by sarah orne jewett the minister of a fashionable church had noticed sunday after sunday a little old lady with a sad patient face dressed in very shabby morning sitting in a stranger's pew like job this good man could say the cause that i knew not i sought out he soon learned from the sexton her name and residence and was surprised to find her in the very topmost room of a house amid evidences of real poverty in the one little window bloomed a monthly rose and a vigorous heliotrope and beside the pots lay half a dozen books such as are rarely seen in the homes of the very poor on the wall hung two fine engravings and an old-fashioned gold watch was suspended from a faded velvet case over the mantelpiece her story when she was induced to tell it was neither new nor startling she had long been a widow her children had been called from her till now she had but one and he being a [ __ ] could do little more than supply his own absolute wants by his work as a repairer of watches the pastor was charmed with her patient endurance of what others would call the hard discipline of life and when he left her he felt that he had been a learner instead of a teacher in that poor room being too delicate to allude to her apparent poverty he said it parting as you are a stranger among us i will send some of the visitors of the church to cheer and comfort you he selected two bright rosy girls full of life and happiness of whose visits among the poor he had often heard they came to the widow like sun beams through a storm they talked cheerily and did not appear to notice the bareness of the room they asked something of her history and told of their grandmothers who also had seen much sorrow and in this way drew her out till she told of her former competency her early advantages in england and of all the misfortunes which had brought her to her present position and yet she said i have little to complain of while i have the love and tender care of such a son as walter little by little without a complaint from her they found that the old lady lacked many things for her comfort their sympathies were aroused it would be a delight to make her happy by gifts that would be of service to her lucy gray a girl full of fun as well as of kindness said i wish she would let me make you a bonnet i make lovely ones grandma won't wear a milliner's bonnet she likes mine so much better grace wheeler volunteered to make a dress and caps adding playfully as my dear grandma is gone you must let me adopt you and do all i can for you there are four of us girls always looking around for somebody to help you can call on us for anything you want four young girls who laughingly styled themselves the quartet of mercy met at grace wheeler's house with the materials for a dress and a bonnet and caps the old lady was coming two hours afterward to be fitted having been measured before they left her house the girls were in a perfect gala of joy that bright afternoon they chatted merrily while working and one would have thought they were making costumes for comic tableau rather than the garb of a sorrowful widow i'll tell you girls said lucy gray the old dowager will shine when she gets my bonnet on and trying it on over her chestnut curls she added i have wish i was a dawn fallen lady myself a haberdasher's daughter from england oh i hope i shall be a widow sometime widow's caps are so becoming well replied grace laughing do your best for goody horn and maybe she'll let you have dear walter then you'll be a widow soon he's so feeble oh i wish i had the dressing of her she'd surprise herself as the dutchman said i'd put a canary-colored pom-pom and a white egg...

The Europeans by Henry James Free Audiobooks From the Tale Teller Book Club.
chapter 1 of the europeans this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org recording by leanne howlett the europeans by henry james chapter one

a narrow graveyard in the heart of a bustling indifferent city seen from the windows of a gloomy looking inn is at no time an object of enlivening suggestion and the spectacle is not at its best when the moldy tombstones and funeral umbrage have received the ineffectual refreshment of a dull moist snowfall if while the air is thickened by this frosty drizzle the calendar should happen to indicate that the blessed vernal season is already six weeks old it will be admitted that no depressing influence is absent from the scene this fact was keenly felt on a certain 12th of may upwards of 30 years since by a lady who stood looking out of one of the windows of the best hotel in the ancient city of boston she had stood there for half an hour stood there that is at intervals for from time to time she turned back into the room and measured its length with a restless step and the chimney place was a red-hot fire which emitted a small blue flame and in front of the fire at a table sat a young man who was busily applying a pencil he had a number of sheets of paper cut into small equal squares and he was apparently covering them with pictorial designs strange looking figures he worked rapidly and attentively sometimes threw back his head and held out his drawing at arm's length and kept up a soft gay sounding humming and whistling the lady brushed past him in her walk her much trimmed skirts were voluminous she never dropped her eyes upon his work she only turned them occasionally as she passed to a mirror suspended above the toilet table on the other side of the room here she paused a moment gave a pinch to her waist with her two hands or raised these members they were very plump and pretty to the multi-fold braids of her hair with the movement half caressing half corrective an attentive observer might have fancied that during these periods of desolatory self-inspection her face forgot its melancholy but as soon as she neared the window again it began to proclaim that she was a very ill-pleased woman and indeed and what met her eyes there was little to be pleased with the window panes were battered by the sleet the headstones in the graveyard beneath seemed to be holding themselves as scants to keep it out of their faces a tall iron railing protected them from the street and on the other side of the railing an assemblage of bostonians were trampling about in the liquid snow many of them were looking up and down they appeared to be waiting for something from time to time a strange vehicle drew near to the place where they stood such a vehicle as the lady at the window in spite of a considerable acquaintance with human inventions had never seen before a huge low omnibus painted in brilliant colors and decorated apparently with jangling bells attached to a species of groove in the pavement through which it was dragged with a great deal of rumbling bouncing and scratching by a couple of remarkably small horses when it reached a certain point the people in front of the graveyard of whom much the greater number were women carrying satchels and parcels projected themselves upon it in a compact body a movement suggesting the scramble for places in a lifeboat at sea and were engulfed in its large interior then the lifeboat or the life car as the lady at the window of the hotel vaguely designated it went bumping and jingling away upon its invisible wheels with the helmsman the man at the wheel guiding its course incongruously from the prow this phenomenon was repeated every three minutes and the supply of eagerly moving women and cloaks bearing ridicules and bundles renewed itself in the most liberal manner on the other...

The Europeans by Henry James Free Audiobooks From the Tale Teller Book Club.
chapter 1 of the europeans this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org recording by leanne howlett the europeans by henry james chapter one

a narrow graveyard in the heart of a bustling indifferent city seen from the windows of a gloomy looking inn is at no time an object of enlivening suggestion and the spectacle is not at its best when the moldy tombstones and funeral umbrage have received the ineffectual refreshment of a dull moist snowfall if while the air is thickened by this frosty drizzle the calendar should happen to indicate that the blessed vernal season is already six weeks old it will be admitted that no depressing influence is absent from the scene this fact was keenly felt on a certain 12th of may upwards of 30 years since by a lady who stood looking out of one of the windows of the best hotel in the ancient city of boston she had stood there for half an hour stood there that is at intervals for from time to time she turned back into the room and measured its length with a restless step and the chimney place was a red-hot fire which emitted a small blue flame and in front of the fire at a table sat a young man who was busily applying a pencil he had a number of sheets of paper cut into small equal squares and he was apparently covering them with pictorial designs strange looking figures he worked rapidly and attentively sometimes threw back his head and held out his drawing at arm's length and kept up a soft gay sounding humming and whistling the lady brushed past him in her walk her much trimmed skirts were voluminous she never dropped her eyes upon his work she only turned them occasionally as she passed to a mirror suspended above the toilet table on the other side of the room here she paused a moment gave a pinch to her waist with her two hands or raised these members they were very plump and pretty to the multi-fold braids of her hair with the movement half caressing half corrective an attentive observer might have fancied that during these periods of desolatory self-inspection her face forgot its melancholy but as soon as she neared the window again it began to proclaim that she was a very ill-pleased woman and indeed and what met her eyes there was little to be pleased with the window panes were battered by the sleet the headstones in the graveyard beneath seemed to be holding themselves as scants to keep it out of their faces a tall iron railing protected them from the street and on the other side of the railing an assemblage of bostonians were trampling about in the liquid snow many of them were looking up and down they appeared to be waiting for something from time to time a strange vehicle drew near to the place where they stood such a vehicle as the lady at the window in spite of a considerable acquaintance with human inventions had never seen before a huge low omnibus painted in brilliant colors and decorated apparently with jangling bells attached to a species of groove in the pavement through which it was dragged with a great deal of rumbling bouncing and scratching by a couple of remarkably small horses when it reached a certain point the people in front of the graveyard of whom much the greater number were women carrying satchels and parcels projected themselves upon it in a compact body a movement suggesting the scramble for places in a lifeboat at sea and were engulfed in its large interior then the lifeboat or the life car as the lady at the window of the hotel vaguely designated it went bumping and jingling away upon its invisible wheels with the helmsman the man at the wheel guiding its course incongruously from the prow this phenomenon was repeated every three minutes and the supply of eagerly moving women and cloaks bearing ridicules and bundles renewed itself in the most liberal manner on the other...

Irish Wit and Humor Free Audiobook Funny Literature Tale Teller Book Club Public Access.
section one dean swift part one of irish wit and humor this is a librivox recording or librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org recording by james carson irish wit and humor author is anonymous section one dean swift his birth dr jonathan swift dean of st patrick's was born a.d 1667 in hoey's court dublin the fourth house right hand side as you enter from warburg street the houses in this court still bear evidence of having been erected for the residence of respectable folks the dean's house as it is usually designated had marble chimney pieces was wayne scotted from hall to garrett and had paneled oak doors one of which is in possession of dr willis rathmines a gentleman who takes a deep interest in all matters connected with the history of his native city singular event when swift was a year old an event happened to him that seems very unusual for his nurse who was a woman of whitehaven being under the absolute necessity of seeing one of her relations who was then extremely sick and from whom she expected a legacy and being extremely fond of the infant she stole him on shipboard unknown to his mother and uncle and carried him with her to whitehaven where he continued for almost three years for when the matter was discovered his mother sent orders by all means not to hazard a second voyage till he could be better able to bear it the nurse was so careful of him that before he returned he had learned to spell and by the time that he was five years old he could read any chapter in the bible after his return to ireland he was sent at six years old to the school of kilkenny from wence at 14 he was admitted into the dublin university

a certificate of marriage swift in one of his pedestrian journeys from london towards chester is reported to have taken shelter from a summer tempest under a large oak on the roadside at no great distance from litchfield presently a man with a pregnant woman war driven by the like impulse to avail themselves of the same covert the dean entering into conversation found that the parties were destined for litchfield to be married as the situation of the woman indicated no time should be lost a proposition was made on his part to save them the rest of the journey by performing the ceremony on the spot the offer was gladly accepted and the thanks being duly returned the bridal pair as the sky brightened was about to return but the bridegroom suddenly recollecting that a certificate was requisite to authenticate the marriage requested one which the dean wrote in these words under an oak in stormy weather i joined this rogue and wench together and none but he who rules the thunder can put this wench and rogue asunder

grace after dinner swift was once invited by a rich miser with a large party to dine being requested by the host to return thanks at the removal of the cloth uttered the following grace thanks for this miracle this is no less than to eat manna in the wilderness where raging hunger reigned we've found relief and seen that wondrous thing a piece of beef here chimney smoke that never smoked before and we've all ate where we shall eat no more

the three crosses swift in his journeys on foot from dublin to london was accustomed to stop for refreshments or rest at the neat little ale houses at the rhodes side one of these between dunchurch and daventry was formally distinguished by the sign of the three crosses in reference to the three intersecting ways which fixed the site of the house at this the dean called for his breakfast but the landlady being engaged with accommodating her more constant customers some wagoners and staying to settle an altercation which unexpectedly arose keeping him waiting and inattentive to his repeated exclamations he took from his pocket a diamond and wrote on every pane of glass...

Irish Wit and Humor Free Audiobook Funny Literature Tale Teller Book Club Public Access.
section one dean swift part one of irish wit and humor this is a librivox recording or librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org recording by james carson irish wit and humor author is anonymous section one dean swift his birth dr jonathan swift dean of st patrick's was born a.d 1667 in hoey's court dublin the fourth house right hand side as you enter from warburg street the houses in this court still bear evidence of having been erected for the residence of respectable folks the dean's house as it is usually designated had marble chimney pieces was wayne scotted from hall to garrett and had paneled oak doors one of which is in possession of dr willis rathmines a gentleman who takes a deep interest in all matters connected with the history of his native city singular event when swift was a year old an event happened to him that seems very unusual for his nurse who was a woman of whitehaven being under the absolute necessity of seeing one of her relations who was then extremely sick and from whom she expected a legacy and being extremely fond of the infant she stole him on shipboard unknown to his mother and uncle and carried him with her to whitehaven where he continued for almost three years for when the matter was discovered his mother sent orders by all means not to hazard a second voyage till he could be better able to bear it the nurse was so careful of him that before he returned he had learned to spell and by the time that he was five years old he could read any chapter in the bible after his return to ireland he was sent at six years old to the school of kilkenny from wence at 14 he was admitted into the dublin university

a certificate of marriage swift in one of his pedestrian journeys from london towards chester is reported to have taken shelter from a summer tempest under a large oak on the roadside at no great distance from litchfield presently a man with a pregnant woman war driven by the like impulse to avail themselves of the same covert the dean entering into conversation found that the parties were destined for litchfield to be married as the situation of the woman indicated no time should be lost a proposition was made on his part to save them the rest of the journey by performing the ceremony on the spot the offer was gladly accepted and the thanks being duly returned the bridal pair as the sky brightened was about to return but the bridegroom suddenly recollecting that a certificate was requisite to authenticate the marriage requested one which the dean wrote in these words under an oak in stormy weather i joined this rogue and wench together and none but he who rules the thunder can put this wench and rogue asunder

grace after dinner swift was once invited by a rich miser with a large party to dine being requested by the host to return thanks at the removal of the cloth uttered the following grace thanks for this miracle this is no less than to eat manna in the wilderness where raging hunger reigned we've found relief and seen that wondrous thing a piece of beef here chimney smoke that never smoked before and we've all ate where we shall eat no more

the three crosses swift in his journeys on foot from dublin to london was accustomed to stop for refreshments or rest at the neat little ale houses at the rhodes side one of these between dunchurch and daventry was formally distinguished by the sign of the three crosses in reference to the three intersecting ways which fixed the site of the house at this the dean called for his breakfast but the landlady being engaged with accommodating her more constant customers some wagoners and staying to settle an altercation which unexpectedly arose keeping him waiting and inattentive to his repeated exclamations he took from his pocket a diamond and wrote on every pane of glass...