Tales from the "LiberryCAST"

They say if you're one in a million then there are 10,000 of you in the U.S. alone. And thems only 1990 census numbers. This being the case, I, and more importantly people who barely know me, have run into (or attacked, in some cases) perfect strangers who just happen to resemble me. These handsome devils I call my "clones" and they have plagued me since my days in college. One even paid me a visit at the "liberry."

In honor of Earth Day, this episode presents my one and only Earth Day entry detailing one wildly irresponsible environmentally-conscious childrens' book that I regretted cold reading to a bunch of story hour kids. Additionally, this episode serves as part 2 of our cute stories about good kids series, albeit one in which some of the good kids are pretty frustrating. Guest stars include Brett Mavrick: The Card Sharp, Olive "Has No Inside Voice" Baker, and Danger Ben Stout.

Kids. Lots of people have them and lots of them are shits. Even thieving shits, (See: the Fagins). But once in a while you'll get a few good eggs. In fact, whole families of good eggs.

After weeks (some might say 55 of them) of negativity and grief, allow me to present part one of a two part series of Tales of the Good Patrons--stories about great kids and/or great parents, who are no less entertaining than the bad ones--just in a good way.

This episode drops April 1 and it's all sprangy outside. In honor of that, here are a handful of stories involving the season of spring (with just a hint of winter).

Highlights include appearances by Fatty Manchild and Old Man Womanlegs, plus the greatest and best shot in the world, and an unprecedented question from a patron.

While most newbie greenhorn employees settle into the job at some point (even some who take a year or two to find their feet) there are some who NEVER find their feet no matter how many times you train and retrain them. These are the eternal newbie greenhorns and Ms. S was their queen and, eventually, sole member at our branch. Which is odd, because Eternal Newbie "Liberry" Greenhorn Ms. S was allegedly a trained library worker with some sort of library degree to her name before she started.

Tales from the "LiberryCAST" enters Season 2 with some hints and details on my return to my old stomping grounds of the Tri-Metro area of small Appalachian towns--the very place that spawned the original Tales from the "Liberry" blog.

In honor of a few return trips to the actual "liberry" in question, this episode also presents a few adapted tales starring the one Rogues Gallery member I've actually seen at the "liberry" nearly every time I've been back.

Back in Episode 10 (110), I featured some of the Open Letters I'd published to both patrons and members of the entertainment industry (both living and dead). And back in Episode 10, I said I had some more such letters to come. Today's episode, Episode 52 (that would be the one year anniversary of this show) features those other open letters.

By the by, I'm gonna take a couple weeks off before starting Season 2 of TFT"LC", cause I'm moving houses and stuff.

I've often maintained that if a person is going to go around pointing fingers at the foibles of others (or recording podcasts adapting blog entries about the foibles of others), it's only fair for that person to occasionally point a few at some of their own. I did this pretty frequently during the course of writing Tales from the "Liberry" and even devoted an entire week to it.

Adapted here are a few entries from that week, as well as dumbass things I did beyond it. Guest stars include Mr. Stanky, Mr. Perfect, my moms-in-law, and, unfortunately, my junk.

We at the "liberry" were no strangers to playing the role of "liberry" clubhouse junior detectives on occasion. But one day we were presented with a huge mystery that remains largely unsolved to this very day.

On this week's podcast, you can listen to what our staff did after an older gentleman patron behaved most ungentlemanly to us by spreading lies that we had refused to supply him with copies of the founding documents of our nation, after we very much had.

I give you the story of Grandpa Sam.

Meet Johnny Hacker, one of the "good" patrons. He was a college student living at home who was known to us only for his use of our facilities for their best possible purposes, not to mention for being an all around cheerful dude. That boy's parents raised him right, and we know cause they were usually not far when Johnny was in house. However, while his mother's good lessons of "cover your mouth when you cough" definitely stuck in his brain, common sense notions of "if you're going to give off hacking coughs every 10 to 20 seconds FOR TWO $&%#ING HOURS, not only should you cover your mouth but you should GO THE &*$# HOME before someone brains you with a PDR!

As a bonus, I include a non-blog tale about a couple of sick cars.