Talking to Strangers (About Music)

After an awesome rhythmic drum session and a collaborative chalkboard drawing (beautiful!), my new interns Jalissa and Breanna sat down with me over popcorn and chamomile tea to discuss...well, how they might stay inspired a la Kobe Bryant, to whom they dedicated their gorgeous art work. I talk too much in this, filling in the silence too often with my own thoughts, which is exactly what teachers and adults do badly, so shame on me. These ladies are bright and engaged when given half a chance, totally creative and instinctively smart. We (including me) need to give them the room to trust themselves and hopefully over the next couple months of working together their voices will grow stronger and crowd mine out!!!

My intern, Abby, and I were talking about self expression. She is 16 and admittedly quiet. 

"How do you do it? Talk to strangers?" she asked. So I decided to show her. We went to Barnes & Noble. We looked around, and I told her I would buy her a journal, and a pen so that she could better connect to her thoughts. We first need to connect to what we think before we are ready to express it. 

Abby spent a while choosing the journal and  pen she wanted. We bought them, and then  headed to the cafe to find a stranger. 

We sat down at a table. I had Ginger, my dog, with me, and I apologized to a young man at the next table for having her. "They'll probably kick us out," I said. He looked me right in the eye, and smiled. Maybe him, I thought. From his reaction, he was game. 

Abby and I chatted a bit and I looked around. There was a young kid who would be funny, or an older woman alone, reading, who we could probably approach. Most people like to talk even when it doesn't seem like it I find.

In the end, I opted for the young man. Henry, he said his name was. Henry Diaz. And he was more than eager to share his thoughts on the world, well-thought-out articulate thoughts on sociability, social media, connection, etc.  

Abby mostly listened, chiming in occasionally when I drew her out, but she was witness to the success of the mission, of being able to find a stranger and have a lovely conversation. 

Thank you Abby and Henry for the opportunity! Try it people! Go to a cafe and look up from your phone. Make conversation. Say what you really think, and listen to what the other person thinks. Talk about it. Connect. Please. More than anything else, I think this is what the world needs for peace and love to prevail over war and fear. 

XX
Steph

Since I've known her, Brazilian artist Claudia Vieira has played with lines. Drawing them, using tape to make them, on walls and floors and various surfaces. Her line is continuous, spiraled, repetitive. It is an immersion, a self-reflective cathartic, healing experience of the crossing of space and time, both for the artist and the viewer/participant. Her creations are trance-like journeys, meditations that connect one place to another, one time to another, the world to itself.

She and I have not been strangers for a long while, since the first time I encountered her  years back and was amazed to watch the way she moved in the world and how she created new worlds with her work, strange fascinating ones. I have asked her and she has obliged to help children create their own worlds too, with their bodies and their imaginations.

"I refer to life as just the lines, I use my body to do the work," Claudia says in our chat. "It is basically a determined movement, a prayer, a ritual, an exercise..."

Rituals are important.

Claudia Vieira's upcoming solo show, Double Trace, at Praxis Gallery, starts January 9th.
It is the continuation of work begun nearly two decades ago.

"It will complete a cycle for me, in a metaphoric biographical way," she says. 

Double Trace Solo Show, A Live Drawing, 
a continuous performance til March 7th

Praxis Gallery 
501 W. 20th St., NYC

Randy makes things from bones and stones, hence the name of his amazing shop in Tannersville, NY: Bones & Stones. He also makes things from animals and bugs. I was incredibly impressed with the creativity of Randy's work, how he takes things from the natural world and creates other things, like lighting fixtures and pipes. It is, of course, ancient practice to utilize our natural resources in creative ways, but sometimes we can forget. Randy is a wonderful breath of fresh air, a fascinating reminder to appreciate what is all around and imagine how we might use it for something else that we need!

I talk to people all the time who are afraid to talk to strangers. You can see it in the set of their shoulders, the way they slump forward. You can see it in the way they avoid your gaze, how they look anywhere but in your eyes. I do what I can. I say something about their shirt or their dress, guess something about how they might be feeling about the weather or how long they've been working their shift, how tired or frustrated they must feel about living life, whether in a big Park Slope Brownstone or in a homeless shelter. People are not so very different. Mostly, people seem closed. Until they feel comfortable. Until you seem to care about them, and how they're feeling. And then...well, then, they begin to blossom. Their posture straightens, a smile replaces the frown, and they suddenly burst with energy and enthusiasm. How do we remind ourselves to help each other open up? How do we learn to feel comfortable with one another, whoever we are? I think we need to start with ourselves. We need to work on feeling good, on smiling at that crazy cat in the mirror and seeing them smile back. We are the first stranger we need to open up to and then, only then, might we dare venture to open to others, to any other, to any stranger. Then and only then will we not feel threatened and afraid. Only then will we feel less vulnerable when we let ourselves be vulnerable. 

If you'd like, close your eyes and listen to this tune I played on the piano. Let every muscle in your body relax, starting with your head, then your face and neck, your shoulders and arms and hands and fingers, your middle and legs and toes. Relax like a rag doll and let the music wash over you. Rest on the idea of opening up to yourself. Think about what that means, and what you need to do to be able to stare at yourself straight in the eyes. Give up on achieving every goal, being the Success you believe you SHOULD be. Give up the shoulds and woulds and I-ought-tos, and think of what you want to do that gives you pleasure. What you might really love. Ask yourself why you don't do it, just for fun. Think to yourself how you deserve joy and happiness, and rest on that idea as you listen. Rest on the idea of finding one thing or many that you're passionate about, and how you will allow yourself that thing or things because you deserve passion and pleasure. Smile to yourself. Then, afterward, see how much easier it will be to smile at a stranger. 

I came across actor/producer Melissa Sutkowski in the park one day this summer, sitting at a tree stump 'desk.' I laughed at the site of her, chilling there with her laptop, which seemed so natural, literally. We got into a conversation about the incredible importance of appreciating nature and it turns out the subject is one of the main themes of Melissa's latest project, a documentary called 'The Messengers.' Listen to the podcast to hear more about her amazing project. When she told me about it, I got the chills...How was it that the exact conversation we struck up about the importance of getting back to nature and hearkening back to the practices of native peoples was the theme of this startling tale she was trying to develop a film around? Talking to strangers always provides fascinating synchronicities. Following your instincts on when to strike up a conversation is part of developing a beautiful harmonious relationship with the world. 

Find out more about Melissa at melissasutkowski.com

Woody Goldberg and I met years ago in a little cafe in Park Slope called Parco that has since closed. I caught up with him recently in another cafe nearby, Couleur Cafe, and we shared old memories of a bygone time, and talked about his new work as an extra for film and TV...He is, apparently, easily typecast as "an old Brooklyn guy." He is an awesome character, not surprising he has been discovered. I so enjoy meeting up with neighborhood folks like Woody. It can only happen if you make a point of...Talking to Strangers!

Crystal healing is something I'm interested in, and I always buy pieces of rock and stone that appeal to me. I love reading about what they are meant to bring into my life, though I'm always terrible at remembering.  

When I arrived recently at the Omega Institute, a retreat center in Rhinebeck, NY, for the Juno Women's Leadership Residency I had applied for (and received), I went straight to the bookstore. I figured I'd treat myself to a few crystals and things to support me spiritually throughout the weekend. I was hoping to make some breakthroughs on how to better promote my Get in Tune workshop and this podcast, and the other work I do to promote connection with ourselves and others through artistic means. Surrounding myself with meaningful objects is one way I try to build support for deeper thinking. 

I couldn't help but be drawn in to the conversation between two ladies likewise gathered around the crystals. They were talking about what they were looking for in their lives and how various crystals might help. I absolutely HAD to talk to these strangers. And I'm so glad I did! Meet Akilah & Seher, and hear more about their journey and the crystals they chose to support them!

I like to tell Dexter that he is the best guest I've ever had in my house, and I've had a lot of guests. His appreciation of my hors d'ouvres the night he came to perform as an alumni of the Musicambia program at Sing Sing Correctional Facility was seriously unparalleled. He is one of the most joyous enthusiastic people I have ever had the pleasure to know. It was probably not easy for Dexter to walk into some stranger's house in Park Slope. It was definitely not easy to talk to a group of people about spending time in prison. But the truth is, in our many conversations since that first time we met, we have found we have so much common--including people--that the differences that might have kept us from connecting don't seem the slightest bit important. We live on opposite sides of Prospect Park, but we met and walked together, talking along the beautiful paths about the importance of trust, caring and self-expression (namely through making music) to build better communities everywhere. 

"Critical Revolutionary Hip Hop Pedagogy." He said it fast, like he would on stage. But I had to stop him, to get him to explain. Spiritchild's work with youth, and in the prison system, with homeless and refugees through programs including Urban Art Beat is something to stop and pay attention to. It's critical. And revolutionary. It uses Hip Hop as a creative tool to engage and inspire collaboration in a new way, an engaging way. And, oh yeah, part of his 'revolution' is to open up more dialogue about polyamory. We talk a lot in our looooooong conversation (that went on hours after the recording stopped) about the importance of love in the world, lots of it, sans restrictions. What would that look like? 
Listen to the podcast to hear some theories...