How do we get children to help out around the house without asking them 100 times? Or do we just give in and end up being a slave to our kids. Katy Gosset looks at whether there's a better way.

How do we get children to help out around the house without asking them 100 times ? Or do we just give in and end up being a slave to our kids. Katy Gosset looks at whether there's a better way.

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It's one of the things Sam* finds hardest about parenthood: 'asking your kids to do things over and over again.'

Cue a collective sigh of sympathy from parents because (let's face it) we've all been there.

But even if it's an uphill battle most parents stick at it because they believe chores are part of family life.

''We're not their slaves. We expect them to participate in the household,' Sam said.

All the more so when the family is large, like Alison's*.

"I do say fairly often that I was not put on this earth to look after six people constantly."

As a result she has a three week roster, where children alternate filling and emptying the dishwasher, setting and clearing tables and putting out rubbish.

But there can still be resistance.

"Especially if it's something that's an outside job, you know you get the whole 'Oh I don't want to go outside because it's cold'."

So it's a relief to hear that, despite all the moaning, it's worth our efforts to persevere.

Clinical psychologist Catherine Gallagher said all young people needed chores and things to be responsible for.

"It's good for them both in that moment and it also helps them grow into people that can eventually leave home and function with some semblance of independence on their own."

It also prepared them for the sometimes mundane realities of life.

''I think it's really important because it helps out but it's also about, how do they actually do some frustrating, boring things because that's kind of life."

Gallagher acknowledged that children wouldn't always share that view.

"It would be kind of weird if they did. Why would I stop doing what I enjoy doing and go and set the table?"

Part of the issue was that children were susceptible to the 'problem of immediate gratification' or PIG, she said. "In fact, some adults are still pretty vulnerable to that as well, just saying."

Children needed help to shift from the immediate gratification of whatever game or activity they had been doing to a new task, she said…

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details