By Dr. John Thorington
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The podcast currently has 15 episodes available.
Did you know?
A report by Common Sense found:
Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Snap Chat can be great ways for teens to connect with one another; but social media can be problematic for several reasons. For instance, social media can expose your teen to cyberbullying, slut shaming, and so much more. And, while there are some benefits to social media, there are a lot of risks as well.
How is social media impacting our teens’ brains?
In a recent study, researchers at the UCLA brain mapping center used an fMRI scanner to image the brains of 32 teenagers as they used a bespoke social media app resembling Instagram. "When teens learn that their own pictures have supposedly received a lot of likes, they show significantly greater activation in parts of the brain's reward circuitry," says lead author Lauren Sherman. "This is the same group of regions responding when we see pictures of a person we love or when we win money."
Sherman believes these results could have important implications among this age group. “Reward circuitry is thought to be particularly sensitive in adolescence," says Sherman, "It could be explaining, at least in part, why teens are such avid social media users."
Adolescence is a period that is very important for social learning, which could explain why teens are often more tuned in to what's going on in their respective cultures. With the rise of social media, Sherman thinks we may even be learning to read likes and shares instead of facial expressions.
"Before, if you were having a face to face interaction everything is qualitative. You use someone's gestures or facial expressions, that sort of thing, to see how effective your message is," she says. "Now if you go online, one of the ways that you gauge the effectiveness of your message is in the number of likes, favorites or retweets, and this is something that's really different and unique about online interaction."
What effect is social media having on teens’ mental health?
Here are areas of negative impact:
>Depression
Researchers are just beginning to establish a link between depression and social media. While they have not actually discovered a cause and effect relationship between social media and depression, they have discovered that social media use can be associated with an intensification of the symptoms of depression, including a decrease in social activity and an increase in loneliness.
>Anxiety
Teens often feel emotionally invested in their social media accounts. Not only do they feel pressure to respond quickly online, but they also feel pressure to have perfect photos and well-written posts, all of which can cause a great deal of anxiety. In fact, some studies have found that the larger a teen's social circle online the more anxiety they feel about keeping up with everything online.
It takes a lot of time and effort to keep up with the unspoken rules and culture of each social media platform. As a result, this puts additional pressure on teens, which can cause feelings of anxiety.
>Sleep Deprivation
Sometimes teens spend so many hours on social media that they begin to lose valuable sleep. Consequently, this sleep loss can lead to moodiness, a drop in grades, and overeating, as well as exacerbate existing problems like depression, anxiety, and ADD.
>Communication Issues
While social media is a great way to keep in touch with friends and family, it also is not the same as face-to-face communication. For instance, a teen cannot see a person's facial expressions or hear their tone of voice online. As a result, it is very easy for misunderstandings to occur, especially when people try to be funny or sarcastic online.
Many teens spend so much time online checking statuses and likes that they forget to interact with the people right in front of them. For this reason, friendships and dating relationships can suffer when social media takes center stage in a person's life. As a result, teens risk having relationships that are not deep or authentic.
What can you do to help your teens?
Parenting today has a lot more complexity than it did for previous generations. The addition of the Internet, cell phones, and other forms of technology not only add more to think about but a faster pace of change.
New social media sites crop up daily, apps are appearing like weeds, and access is ever-present. It's overwhelming to stay on top of it, and nearly impossible to monitor everything. Still, while it seems easiest to throw your hands up in the air, the best thing to do is to learn as much as you can and arm yourself with knowledge. You may not be able to watch everything, but sometimes the key is just to show that you're paying attention at all.
The list of concerns for digital parenting are long, but here are some of the basics with information, tips, and resources for all of them.
Mobile Devices
Tips:
Tips:
Keep an ongoing dialogue with your kids about social media. Maybe ask them for a tutorial on their favorite site. Not only is that empowering for them, it helps you understand why they enjoy a site and how they use it.
Don't deliberately try to embarrass or humiliate your kids - it sends a poor message about appropriate behavior and it's not something you can take back later.
Be thoughtful about what you share online, both in terms of what your kids can see, but also what you're saying about them.
Take cyberbullying and other inappropriate online behaviors seriously.
The most important things to remember are:
Talk with your kids about concerns and dangers, but also listen to what they have to say.
Be involved. Know what they are doing online and how all of the social media sites work.
Set rules and boundaries just like everything else. Kids will cross them, but they still need to know where the lines are.
What might be things to include in the Family Rules?
>Keep devices for social media access out of the bedroom. Children who get in trouble online often do so when their means of access – phone, iPad, computer – are located in the bedroom. To avoid this, only allow your teen to access social media outside of the bedroom.
>Follow set time limits for social media usage. One reason you should set time limits, says Madeline Levine, is that when teens spend too much time online they are not able to spend time doing things like building relationships and collaborating with other people. An hour on social media sites may not be bad at the end of the day. However, spending all afternoon chatting with friends online rather than going outside and spending actual time with friends can be.
>Allow mom and dad to friend and follow. Before permitting your child to access social media, such as Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, Yalda T. Uhls suggests setting up the rule that you are to be their friend on these sites. This way you can monitor the content they are putting out to the world.
>Give parents their passwords to devices and social media sites. Tina Meier notes the only way to know for sure what your children are doing online is to have access to their accounts. You can tell your children that while you aren’t going to check every day, you will monitor usage.
>Post appropriate content and images only. Kids don’t understand that what goes out onto the Internet is often there to stay. Even social media sites like SnapChat, which was originally created to allow users to send a quick impermanent photo or message to friends, can be made permanent by taking a screenshot, says Uhls. You need to tell your teen that whatever is posted to social media – pictures, short blurbs of how they feel, words about others – should be posted with the idea that the information or images will be available to anyone, anywhere and at any time – because, in all likelihood, they are.
>Prepare for consequences when these rules are broken. If your child gets caught online in the bedroom or is found to have sent something inappropriate to friends via social media, consequences should be in place and followed. This may mean losing the device used to access social media for a set period of time or losing access to the social media account altogether.
>Keep private information private. The advent of social media has made ‘meeting’ strangers so easy that teenagers, and people of all ages, often forget these are really strangers they are talking to. It’s imperative parents teach teens to utilize social media safely. This means never giving out private information if a stranger could obtain that information. And if a stranger ‘friends’ your teen on Facebook, Theresa M. recommends asking your teen to unfriend this person in case his or her intentions are not good.
Quotes:
“Social Media sites creates [an] illusion of connectivity.” Malay Shah, TheDailyMind.com
“Distracted from distraction by distraction.” T.S. Eliot, TheDailyMind.com
Resources for Parents https://www.verywellfamily.com/startling-facts-about-todays-teenagers-2608914
https://www.verywellfamily.com/ways-social-media-affects-teen-mental-health-4144769
https://www.verywellfamily.com/signs-social-media-is-ruining-teen-friendships-460643
https://www.verywellfamily.com/digital-parenting-101-4038621
https://www.connectsafely.org/social-web-tips-for-teens/
https://www.interaxiongroup.org/en/news/articles/seven-rules-teens-using-social-media
In this episode, Dr. John addresses the rise in teen suicide and shares an important message to help parents understand the current situation and what to do to help their teens.
/// According to the Mayo Clinic, the warning signs of teen suicide include:
The new study was published June 18, 2019 in the Journal of the American Medical Association.
/// If you are concerned your child is thinking about suicide:
/// Ten things you can do to help your teen:
/// Where to get help
There are several reputable organizations and ministries that offer support groups for parents and family members of suicide victims. It would be worth your while to contact some of the following groups for further information:
SAVE (Suicide Awareness Voices of Education) https://save.org/ The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry https://www.aacap.org/ The American Association of Suicidology https://suicidology.org/ The Yellow Ribbon Suicide Prevention Program https://yellowribbon.org/
You should also engage the services of a professional counselor as you work your way through the aftermath of this experience, and we highly recommend that you include the entire family in the counseling process. Focus on the Family’s Counseling department can provide you with a list of qualified Christian therapists in your area who specialize in dealing with problems of this nature. Their number is 855-771-4357. Call them for a free consultation.
/// Additional resources
According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), 13.3% of adolescents aged 12 to 17 had “at least one major depressive episode” in 2017. That equates to 3.2 million American teens. What’s more, 70.77% of depression sufferers experienced at least one instance of “severe impairment” that interfered with life.
What are some of the common signs or symptoms of depression?
What can parents do if they think their teens are struggling with depression? Here are 15 suggestions to consider:
In this episode, Dr. John addresses the growing problem of teen depression, which is being exasperated by the prevalence of and exposure to pornography. Dr. John will help parents identify if their teen could be suffering from depression.
// DID YOU KNOW?
According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), 13.3% of adolescents aged 12 to 17 had “at least one major depressive episode” in 2017. That equates to 3.2 million American teens. What’s more, 70.77% of depression sufferers experienced at least one instance of “severe impairment” that interfered with life.
Here are some other relevant statistics:
//WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT
Here are 5 common misconceptions about depression.
A more clinical definition and description of depression from Dr. John. While depression is common, is it also very complex. It is a state of existence marked by being pressed down, weighed down, or burdened which affects a person physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. There are four basic types of depression: (1) Biological, (2) Situational, (3) Spiritual, and (4), Developmental
Some common signs or symptoms that a person might be depressed.
Do Real Christians get depressed? Are there possible examples of people suffering from depression in the Bible? Can our faith play an important part in helping our teens deal with depression, and how?
The answer is “yes,” and as the church, we must rid ourselves of the stigma of depression. Dr. John talks about these examples from the Scriptures:
What can you do if you think your teen is struggling with depression? Dr. John discusses three of these points in the podcast, but here’s a more thorough list.
//CALL TO ACTION
Is there something that parents can do to prevent depression? Dr. John says there are several things parents can do of a preventative nature.
In this episode, Dr. John addresses the need for the church to speak to teens about sexuality as a part of a teen’s discipleship and within the context of the gospel narrative. You’ll also learn about 6 crucial ways the church can support parents in this effort.
A quote shared by Dr. John:
John Freeman with Harvest USA uttered these prophetic words:
I remembered talking to a church’s prayer team years earlier. They had been praying with people for more than ten years at a weekly intercessory healing prayer meeting. One leader said to me, “John, we’ve prayed with people about marriage issues, problems with children, job losses, interpersonal conflicts, crises of faith, and other personal problems, but never has someone come for prayer about anything of a sexual nature. Not once.”
I was shocked. The numbers of those struggling with pornography, same-sex attractions, and sexual addictions are increasing daily. Add in family members affected and impacted by someone they love dealing with sexual brokenness, and it is clear this is a huge problem in the church today.
I responded to this leader’s comment by saying, “You know, I’d be asking, why not? I’d be asking, how has our church communicated that it’s OK to talk about everything else, but not about ‘that?’ Somehow, you’ve conveyed this isn’t a safe place to talk about sex and sexual issues. And in doing that, you’ve become part of a collusion of silence.”
Several years ago when our Board began thinking about expanding our mission focus at Harvest USA, one that would focus on educating and equipping the church, I remember what Board member, Steve Brown, said: “What Harvest USA does is the work of the church, work which the church has neglected out of fear and shame, out of not knowing what to do. We’ve got to help the church recapture the calling to rescue and redeem those struggling with sexual sin in the church. But, if we do this, it will be the most difficult thing that we’ve done.”
//What we talked about
Teaching sexual discipleship to our teens in a sex-saturated society seems like not just a difficult task, but maybe an overwhelming one. What are some of the challenges that we must face when it comes to sexual discipleship?
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What’s one of the first things the church needs to do in this area?
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Six key elements of teaching and discipling our teens
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But is the church ready for this approach now? What does the church need to start doing?
The church will need to implement the four streams written about by John Eldredge in Waking the Dead, including:
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Call to Action:
Parents, pray that God will expand your influence with your children.
Speak to your pastor and church leaders to address the key sexual issues of this generation.
Dr. John shares an important message for parents: If you want to protect your children from developing an addiction to the computer, Internet, smartphone, or other digital influences, you need to have a clear plan of action.
In the previous episode, Dr. John shared how the digital invasion has reduced our capacity to live a “real life” and has robbed us of true meaning, pleasure, and fulfillment. The framework for that conversation came from the book “The Digital Invasion,” by Dr. Archibald Hart and Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd.
This episode will conclude our conversation about digital technology themes found in the book “The Digital Invasion.” Parents, today we’re going to look at ways you can protect your children from developing an addiction to the computer, Internet, smartphone, or other digital influences, by developing a clear plan of action.
//DID YOU KNOW
The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends children ages 2 to 4 should have only one hour a day in front of a screen. Infants should have zero screen time, and those between ages 1 and 2 should rarely be allowed screen time.
//WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT
Dr. John talks about what it means to have a digital protection plan and why it’s needed, and he also addresses some of the major fears of parents such as: Age-appropriate content, physical inactivity, addiction, screen time, unbalanced life, socialization, and education.
The World Health Organization isn’t the only major organization that has weighed in on overexposure to the digital world. The American Academy of Pediatrics also had a committee address that same issue. Dr. John elaborates on the results of their findings and their advice.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommendations include: Children ages 0 to 2—no screen time; Children ages 3 to 5—One hour a day; Children ages 6 to 12—No more than 90 minutes per day; and Teenagers 13 to 19—Two hours a day.
The authors of The Digital Invasion lay out a seven-step plan to help parents manage their children’s digital usage. Dr. John talks through each step.
//CALL TO ACTION
Download this handy PDF that contains the seven-step plan and also Ten Tough Technology Tips.
Dr. John closes with this passage of Scripture:
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2).
In this episode, we continue the conversation about digital technology themes found in the book “The Digital Invasion” by Dr. Archibald Hart and Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd. Specifically, we’re going to look at how the digital invasion has reduced our capacity to live a “real life” and has robbed us of true meaning, pleasure, and fulfillment.
Did you know?
Here are a few stats from a chart Dr. Hart has compiled and called the Digital Invasion Chart.
What we talked about
Borrowing a page from John Piper’s book, “Don’t Waste Your Life,” what would it look like if we said, “Don’t Waste Your Life on a Virtual Life”?
Dr. Frejd wrote: “Don’t let your virtual life rob you of your real life.” Dr. John shares his thoughts and also answers: What are some signs that someone is overusing technology and letting their virtual life rob them of a real life?
A few questions from the Digital Use Assessment Quiz:
What’s the overuse of technology doing to the pleasure center in our brain? In simple terms, we’re deriving less pleasure from life. Dr. John talks about specific negative impacts that overuse of technology is having, such as poor sleeping patterns, social disconnection, and mental health issues: “Children using devices for more than 2 hours per day have an increased risk of depression, and that risk rises as screen time increases.”
What if a parent suspects their teen already has been negatively impacted by the overuse of technology or what if that parent themselves has been overusing technology? Dr. John says parents must be role models in using digital technology. How can parents or individuals establish digital boundaries? Dr. John offers 4 questions that parents should ask.
Dr. John says the overuse or misuse of technology can effect a person’s manners: “It’s called absent presence.” Basically, that means a person is physically present but otherwise disengaged. “Wherever we are, we should be present.” A motto that the authors use is this: Be Where Your Butt Is.
6 rules of netiquette behavior:
Dr. John wraps up the conversation with one more suggestion from Dr. Hart and Dr. Frejd… the Digital Fast Challenge. Take a 24-hour digital fast and completely unplug from your technology.
Call to Action
The Apostle Paul wrote, “So be careful how you act; these are difficult days. Don’t be fools; be wise: make the most of every opportunity you have for doing good. Don’t act thoughtlessly but try to find out and do whatever the Lord wants you to do” (Ephesians 5:15-17 TLB). His words apply to intentional living in the digital world.
The purpose of this broadcast is to share critical insights from The Digital Invasion, written by Dr. Archibald Hart and Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd. In part 1 of this three-part series, Dr. John will share how the wave of digital technology is changing us from within, physically, mentally, and especially spiritually, and he will offer some biblical strategies to become good stewards of our digital lives.
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DID YOU KNOW
The following stats come from Brandwatch.com: https://www.brandwatch.com/blog/amazing-social-media-statistics-and-facts/
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WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT
Now that we’ve hopefully set the foundation for just how massive the digital invasion is, let’s peel back a few layers of the onion and get into what’s really going on behind those stats and numbers. There are four broad areas that are being affected by the digital invasion—physical, mental, relational, and spiritual.
Dr. John weighs in on the physical effects of the digital invasion, specifically the effects on our brains.
From The Digital Invasion: “Excessive digital use overloads the pre-frontal cortex, the part of the brain that operates self-regulation. Because of this inability to self-regulate, we spend more time in our digital life. The more time spent in the digital world, the less ability we have to self-regulate.”
The book mentions a couple of mental or psychological disorders that also have popped up in the digital age—nomophobia and PCVD. Have you dealt with these or other similar disorders among your clients?
The third area affected by the digital invasion involves relationships. As Dr. Hart writes: “Digital engagement seems to be breaking down their sense of unity as a family. Many parents confessed they were as hooked on their computers and cell phones as their kids.” Dr. John talks about the negative effects too much technology can have on our families.
The more connected we are, the more disconnected we’ve become. Dr. Hart writes, “As a culture, it is assumed that we are more ‘connected’ today than we have ever been in history, but there is evidence to suggest that we are actually more disconnected than ever before. How we define ‘connection’ is very important. …The next generation is at great risk of not being able to cultivate deep and intimate relationships.” How should we define connection?
The spiritual implications of the digital invasion. The authors suggest that the digital invasion can harm a person’s ability to spend significant time in prayer, to meditate and reflect on Scripture, or to just pay attention to a deep sermon. Drawing on his experience as a former pastor, Dr. John the ways that the digital invasion is negatively affecting our spiritual lives.
Paul writes in Ephesians 5:15-17: “So be careful how you act; these are difficult days. Don’t be fools; be wise: make the most of every opportunity you have for doing good. Don’t act thoughtlessly but try to find out and do whatever the Lord wants you to do.” How does this passage apply to intentional living in the digital world?
6 Biblical strategies for parents:
The purpose of this broadcast is to share helpful insights in how to nurture and teach your teen about their spiritual identity. We will offer some biblical strategies to help teens become established in their identity in Christ.
Did you know
George Barna, one of the world’s leading statisticians said in his book, “Transforming Children into Spiritual Champions-Why Children Should Be Your Church’s #1 Priority,” “moral foundations of children are generally determined by the time the individual reaches age nine. Our research confirms a parallel outcome in the spiritual dimension: By age nine, most children have their spiritual moorings in place.” What does this mean for us? If you want to have an impact on the next generation then you must do it by the age of nine. He also says that their spiritual identity will be set by the age of thirteen. We have a critical period of time to help these young people develop into spiritual champions—people that will know their Lord and Savior personally.
What we talked about
Take a closer look at the podcast mission statement: It is to equip parents in raising kids committed to God’s purpose for sexuality, the family, and the honorable use of all technology. Here are three points from the mission statement that relate to the topic of identity:
Parents must realize they have a lot of influence to mold and shape their child. Here are some points Dr. John wants to communicate first:
A resource that might guide parents in thinking through how they can love their kids unconditionally and help establish them in their spiritual identity:
The Bible is filled with verses that pertain to spiritual identity. Dr. John highlights a few passages of Scripture that parents might want to focus on:
A great resource for parents to get biblical support is the book by Neil Anderson called Who I am in Christ. Or, his other book Overcoming Negative Self-Image is very helpful for teens.
Healthy “family” habits are important, too. Dr. John talks about some rituals or habits that would be helpful in establishing a child’s spiritual identity:
Parents: Don’t be discouraged or overwhelmed by everything Dr. John has talked about so far. Here’s some encouragement from Dr. John:
The Church has an obligation to help shape spiritual identities too. Here’s how the church can have a positive role in helping teens strengthen their spiritual identity:
"O God, You have taught me from my youth, And I still declare Your wondrous deeds. And even when I am old and gray, O God, do not forsake me, Until I declare Your strength to this generation, Your power to all who are to come. " (Psalm 71:17,18). Of course you as a parent are called to be the primary spiritual mentor of your own teenager but he/she also needs other godly adults!
"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." (Hebrews 10:24,25). It is a place where teens can learn their spiritual gifting.
When Jesus challenged his most-likely teenaged disciples to "go and make disciples of all nations", he was tapping into the activist wiring of these young men. In the same way your teenager needs challenged with the mission to reach their peers with the good news of Jesus in a loving and contagious way.
"Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church." Ephesians 4:14,15
Youth group is a place where teenagers can wrestle through the theology you've been teaching them (you've been teaching them right?) and have it reinforced in a powerful and personal way under the guidance of a youth leader who knows how to ask great questions and point teens to sound truth.
"Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." James 5:16
Often teenagers who struggle with sin and temptation have nowhere to confess and confide. They feel trapped by their sins. But a healthy youth ministry can create a safe space for teenagers to open up and talk honestly about their struggles. Of course, this doesn't mean they should confess every sin to everyone. But it does mean that they should have a handful of others who know their struggles and can pray for and encourage them to walk in victory over those sins.
What should parents do when they have just learned that their teen is viewing pornography? Are there some things not to do? What is the best way to initially respond? In this episode, Dr. John helps parents to know how to respond when they find out that their teen is viewing pornography. We will also address some of the most frequently asked questions from parents when they make this shocking and disturbing discovery.
DID YOU KNOW?
Just how prevalent is the exposure of teens to pornography? Between 2008 and 2011, exposure to porn among boys under the age of 13 jumped from 14% to 49%. Daily use among this group more than doubled. Before teens get to college, 93% of the boys and 62% of the girls have see online pornography (from Dr. John Foubert, How Pornography Harms What Today’s Teens, Young Adults, Parents, and Pastors Need to Know).
WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT
Pornography is increasingly a part of mainstream culture. How concerned should parents be about this discovery? Is it really that big a deal? How should parents NOT respond? One suggestion: Avoid reacting with anger and shame. The best thing is to ask for God’s help and remain calm and demonstrate concern for their teen’s spiritual life.
What are some of the key questions for parents to ask their teen? Questions to ask include: How long have you been viewing pornography? What kinds of pornography have been viewed? Who introduced you to the porn? How do you feel about what you’ve been watching? Have you been lying and deceitful about using porn? How much of a problem do you think you have?
The ultimate goals to asking probing questions are to discern how much of a problem your teen has and how long this has been going on.
Does the Bible address this issue in any way? If so, how? See 1 Corinthians 6:18. Also, what can we learn from the life and ministry of Jesus about how to treat women? Dr. John shares some significant observations from the Gospels.
What are the risks and dangers for teens? How does pornography impact young people?
ACTION ITEM
When should a parent get help for their teen who has been viewing pornography? Christian counseling is highly recommended. You can get help locating a counselor by calling Focus on the Family at 1-800-A-FAMILY.
TAKE THE PORN QUIZ
Does your teen have a problem with pornography? How can you know if your teen truly struggles with a porn addiction? Sit down with your teen and take this 25-question survey to gain a better understanding of just how significant of a problem your teen may have.
http://www.restoringheartscounseling.com/2015/05/25/does-your-teen-have-a-problem-with-pornography/
Teens, Tech & God is a podcast resource brought to you by Dr. John Thorington, director of Restoring Hearts Counseling in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and author of the book “Pure Teens.” The podcast is dedicated to equipping parents with the tools and knowledge to raise kids committed to God’s purpose for sexuality, the family, and the honorable use of all technology. Get more info at: http://www.restoringheartscounseling.com/
The podcast currently has 15 episodes available.