That Got Me Thinking

Your Time to Thrive: End Burnout, Increase Well-Being, and Unlock Your Full Potential with the New Science of Microsteps. Marina Khidekel and the editors of Thrive Global want you to thrive.  “Discover the revolutionary behavior change system built on microsteps – tiny actionable changes that are too small to fail.” Khidekel writes, “With minimal time and effort, you can seamlessly integrate Microsteps into your days. And over time, the results can add up to a very big deal indeed.”

Ask yourself if you are ready to live the life you want rather than settle for the lifestyle you’ve created through unintentional habits. You can create meaningful sustainable change and unlock your greatest potential by adopting these small, science based, actions that will improve your physical health, mental resilience and strengthen your relationships and productivity. We all know we should get a good night’s sleep, eat well, get some exercise in our day, hydrate, and get off our phones, but knowing something and actually taking action  to make a change can have a huge canyon of dissonance lying between the two intentions. Microsteps help you bridge the gap, simply, easily and quickly. Life can be better with just a few micro shifts in behavior.

Arianna Huffington, founder of Thrive Global, says, “Use this book to thrive in the new normal, one Microstep at a time.” It’s a new normal, but with the help of Marina Khidekel and the editors of Thrive Global, We’ve Got This!

Your Time to Thrive

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Our brains, a masterpiece of complexity or the result of a compilation of random outcroppings? Natural selection, fire, language, survival, community, creative expression and sunlight. Driven by climate change, saved by our ability to adapt and survive on a diverse diet. Neuroscience researcher, physician, and journalist Bret Stetka muses, “Evolution is not a progression toward complexity or intelligence with humans in the lead. It’s all of us doing the best we can in our given situation.”

Santiago Ramon Y Cajal posits, “The brain is a world consisting of a number of unexplored continents and great stretches of unknown territory.” Those continents and territories are brought into sharper focus in Stetka’s new book, A History of the Human Brain: From Sea Sponge to CRISPR, How Our Brain Evolved. Where he deftly explores the evolution of our brain, what it looks like today and how our current societal values and behaviors will influence our brains’ adaption in the future.

Single cells, sea sponges, apes, chimpanzees and bird brains – the mysteries unraveled and revealed. Steka reminds us that for the first time in history we will be able to artificially  evolve our genetic code with precision, so it may be an opportune time to do our best to understand where we started and how we got here.

Bret Stetka

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Turns out being fully human, maximizing our full potential and opening ourselves up enough to capitalize on the benefits of the full experience of a glorious life can be a daunting job – full of vulnerability, uncomfortable realizations and awkward pauses.

Psychologist, minister, and accomplished author Rollo May spent his life observing and reflecting on the sources of depression, anxiety, loneliness and powerlessness in himself and others. He then illustrated a road to authentic experience, free expression, creativity, the hidden power of personal responsibility, purposefulness and fulfilling community.

Robert H. Abzug’s Psyche and Soul in America: The Spiritual Odyssey of Rollo May is the definitive biography of the path Rollo May traveled from his youth until his death in his search for place, purpose and an authentic life. Abzug deftly chronicles May’s life, his contribution to psychotherapy through his introduction of Existential psychotherapy to American, as well as May’s creative accomplishments, including his most well known books, Love and Will, Man’s Search for Himself, Power and Innocence, and The Courage to Create. 

Based on uncensored access to May, his papers and original oral interviews, Abzug adds new dimension and insight to May’s exploration of what it means to live a spiritual life, be self-reflective, be free and add value to your community.

Psyche and Soul in America

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Dr. Richard S. Balkin’s new book, Practicing Forgiveness: A Path Toward Healing, presents a new  and practical model for forgiveness that guides us down the sometimes difficult path of determining when and who to forgive, when to attempt to repair a relationship with someone who has harmed us, and when to move forward from those relationships that are unhealthy for us to attempt to repair.

Balkin explains that people tend to associate forgiveness solely as an interpersonal prospect, focused on renegotiating the relationship and seeking external resolution; but sometimes, interpersonal  forgiveness and reconciliation is not a viable option, and the journey of forgiveness becomes one of self healing. He reminds the reader to always consider the benefits, and the risks, of reconciliation. One needs to question if going back to the relationship is beneficial – Has the person who committed the offense or transgression changed and are they remorseful? When a dangerous or unhealthy situation persists, the challenge is to be able to recognize and accept that it is impossible to get what you want from the other person, or the relationship, and seek a path of intrapersonal forgiveness.

When interpersonal forgiveness is not a possibility, you have the option of an internalized process of forgiveness. This is an expanded definition of forgiveness based on the Forgiveness Reconciliation model, and one that allows for moving forward with a desired change. It begins with a willingness to sit with the discomfort and then head in an alternate direction from your habitual patterning.

Carrying around the emotional weight of trauma and feelings such as anger, hurt, betrayal, depression and fear takes an emotional and physical toll. It affects every aspect of our lives, our energy and that we exude to others. It puts our mental and physical health in jeopardy and can lead to addiction, depression, failed relationships, dysfunction and passive aggressive behavior.  The Forgiveness Reconciliation model provides a guide to internal resolution through acceptance, processing your grief and resolving conflicted emotions. It is a roadmap to embracing forgiveness, to healing, an endeavor completely under your control that reunites you with your personal power.

Practicing Forgiveness: A Path Toward Healing

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“A nuanced, powerful portrait of what it means to be caught in the reality of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict in the West Bank. I found myself and my family in the pages of this beautifully written, brave, and incredibly compassionate novel. I couldn’t put it down.” Says Etaf Rum of Rebecca Sacks’ beautiful novel, City of a Thousand Gates. 

In response to whether Sacks believes the conflict is irreconcilable, she posits, “You know, I have come to maybe accept what my contribution to this discussion is, and I think, I feel compelled to investigate the consequences of the current state of the conflict, and I guess its history within living memory. To investigate the consequences of these various boundaries that define life especially in the West Bank, but all over Israel  and Palestine. And I think that is where I am useful and where I can illuminate something – the consequences in people’s personal lives and their, if I can use the word, souls.

And illuminate she does. City of a Thousand Gates is a special novel, Rebecca Sacks is a special writer, and this conversation is a gift.

City of a Thousand Gates

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Is there room for a boundless bond? How much of our identity and the way we relate to others is derived from the stories we tell ourselves? When does being bound provide comfort and security, like a baby perfectly swaddled, and when does it crush our soul? Who might we be if we don’t allow ourselves to be crushed by the binds of duty and expectation?

“What is the good of expansiveness if one doesn’t expand? What is the good of so much possibility if one only feels it as a widening in the chest while driving down a country road at dusk, or when, standing still in the rooms of the house when the children are shared out at their father’s, one suddenly becomes aware of a silence so pure that it raises the hairs on the back of one’s neck?” (The Husband, Krauss)

Marriage, parenthood, divorce, grief, love, power, duty, men, strong women, daughters and sons, vulnerability, weakness and strength, these are some of the themes that Nicole Krauss deftly explores in her most recent, triumphant, literary work, To Be a Man. The Guardian says, “Krauss writes like an angel.” And I agree.

https://www.nicolekrauss.com/

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Christie Tate’s life-changing, exhilarating memoir, Group, is somehow both comforting and completely unsettling at the same time. Bestselling author, Lori Gottlieb accurately describes the read as “Heartbreaking and hilarious, surprising and redemptive.”

Christie Tate generously takes us along on her wild ride to building the bridges to intimacy. She tells us, “Before Group I thought I was doing a really good job of containing myself.” She didn’t go home and cry; instead, she ate 12 apples after dinner. She didn’t feel entitled to say no, so she lived a life devoid of intimacy, ghosting, feeling lonely, often resentful and not so slowly burning herself out to the point of hoping someone might put a bullet in her head. Luckily for the benefit of us all, she chose a braver path. She determined to change her life and the way that she related to every single person in it, including herself – all the fundamental aspects of everyday life: eating, sleeping and having sex. Each session was an experimental laboratory exploring what wasn’t working and what was a better way to live. “It felt so unsafe and so scary to go to these deep dark places.” But go she did!

She’d grown up with the golden rule that children should be quiet and self contained. Intense feelings were met with eye-rolls at the drama and risk of emotional expression. In Group the golden rules were very different. Christie learned, “If you are going to rage, it might take your full body and it might take a really long time and you might have to do it more than once.” She’d been stuffing her feelings for 25 years, it made sense there was going to be some combustion when they began to be expressed.

With these new rules came new questions and challenges. What does it mean to keep showing up and when is it time to leave a relationship? The answer to this came painstakingly slowly – “Show up long enough to be able to sort through what is mine, what is a growth edge and what is unacceptable behavior.” It doesn’t mean you have to stay with every fool and continue to collude in unacceptable treatment and behavior, but you’ve got to keep showing up to ask the question and hear the answer. After almost two decades of Group, she still has to figure it out in many aspects of her life on a regular basis. “I can’t cut and run before I understand what from my past is driving me, where is my voice, my self-esteem. It takes a village for her to live her full life and that village is Group.

https://christietate.com/about/

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“I’m not just bipolar” says Terri Cheney, New York Times bestselling author of Manic and writer for Psychology Today. Her new memoir, Modern Madness: An Owner’s Manual enlightens us all on what it’s like to live a life with mental illness, mania, depression and the threat of suicide as companions. “I’ve always been a watcher, so I can watch from the outside how other people behave so I can sort of normalize my own response and act the way that they do.”  And this ability served her well as she spent a good part of her life hiding the depression and the mania.  Then, she gained the grace and strength to see what happens when we are willing to recognize, accept and own our reality. Authenticity became her  benchmark and making people a little uncomfortable was something she’d rather do than have them be mourners at her funeral.

Bipolar disorder is mysterious and frightening. It is extremely challenging to get an accurate diagnosis – it can often take a decade. Cheney tells us, “It takes everything you’ve got to see yourself sliding into depression and catch yourself before you get to the point of suicidality. The ability to name it as depression talking, separates with a sliver the opportunity not to lose oneself into the emotion, to be able to analyze and take action – especially if one experiences rapid cycling.” Owning it goes beyond acceptance it almost goes to a point of celebration because there are elements of bipolar disorder that have served her well: creativity, empathy, intelligence, and humility stand alongside multiple attempts of suicide. She is fragile and as strong as steel feeling the pain at a technicolor level when in the depths of depression or the height of mania.

Cheney hopes in writing this book that there will be less stigma and more understanding and compassion around the issue of mental illness. And she hopes we will all learn to abide by her golden rule – Hold your tongue and stop trying to fix it. The last thing anyone wants is to be fixed out of their feeling. Sit down with me and ask me – “Tell me where it hurts?” Not judging, we can’t do what you are advising anyway.  And then listen. Being heard lets some of the darkness and despair out of the person… An astonishingly effective, simple technique.

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“We become overweight because our appetite for protein is stronger than our ability to limit fat and carb intake. So when protein is diluted by fats and carbs, as it is in ultra processed foods, our appetite for it overwhelms the mechanisms that normally would tell us to stop eating fats and carbs. As a result, we eat more than we should, more than is good for us. ” Eat Like the Animals: What Nature Teaches Us About the Science of Healthy Eating.

This revolutionary book by David Raubenheimer PhD and Stephen J. Simpson, PhD will change everything you think about how to actually lose weight. They began their scientific journey studying the eating habits of locusts and followed the flow of the story to find the answers to the human obesity epidemic. And in the process, the true mechanics of successful dieting were finally revealed. The power of proteins had been hiding in plain sight all along.

Now, by understanding your innate biology and the primary drive to hit your optimum protein target, you will be empowered to shift your diet and have your biology work for you rather than against you. Reproduction optimization, menopause and longevity are all governed by the levels protein intake. Mice produced more offspring on a low carb diet but were healthier and lived longer with higher carbs and weight gain.  Aging is influenced by the ratio of protein to carbs consumed. From a worm, or a fruit fly, to a human, the rate at which we age, disease and weight gain are all influenced powerfully by the protein ratio dialed up or down.

Once we understand the mechanics that drive our appetites and our biology, and recognize the Dorito is a decoy, all of us can easily tweek our diets to lose weight and find health. We can make small adjustments to deal with protein turnover, adjusting  protein targets and eating to satisfy rather than succumb to our ever growing bodies and protein cravings.

“We like other animals have this exquisite appetite system.” In an appropriate eating environment, our bodies will tell us what to eat and how much. The five appetites that naturally drive us, are all built in to ensure we get the proper amounts of protein, fat, carbohydrates, sodium and calcium. We’ve just built a food environment that hacks this system and works for the industrialized food industry rather than working for our balanced weight and health. We then get tricked and trapped in our own biology. However, the solution is simple and elegant and exists inside every living thing.

https://www.sydney.edu.au/charles-perkins-centre/

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Where have all the centrists gone and how to we get them back? False accusations, outrage, shaming and moral grandstanding are playing out on all of today’s stages: Democratic, Republican, Libertarian. Conservatives and liberals alike are ruthlessly vying for the microphone and the spotlight on center stage. And these grandstanders share a singular goal; they are all seeking the moral high ground for elevated status through righteousness and elevated moral talk. They are grandstanding and dangerously eliminating the framework for an actual constructive exchange of ideas and perspectives to take place. Enforcing a position of political correctness on both sides of the aisle to maintain in-group status is stifling authentic opinion and resulting in explosive tirades and condemnation of any alternative view.

Grandstanding has gotten dangerously out of control, reaching an unprecedented level on social media and beyond.  So much so, that a substantial, and frightening, percent of the population think the country would be better off if a large number of people on the other side of their convictions just died. This is not democracy at its best.

Justin Tosi and Brandon Warmke tackle this ballooning phenomena of grandstanding in their new book, Grandstanding: The Use and Abuse of Moral Talk and discuss the urgency to recognize it for what it is and pay attention to its abuse, who benefits and who loses from its abuse. This book is dedicated to the centrists among us with the hope that centrists will take heart at this diagnosis of what’s gone wrong and check back into valuable moral discussions. Those who have been pushed out of public discourse by grandstanders and been attacked when they’ve express any doubt about what the grandstanders see as the morally pure position are enthusiastically invited to rejoin the conversation. Tosi and Warmke hope to refocus the spotlight on those individuals who understand the value of moral talk for its own purposes rather than those speakers whose singular goal is to raise their personal status.

We need to recognize grandstanding for what it is and then simply turn away rather than reward the speaker with our lingering attention. Centrists unite, re-engage and retake the stage, the hallways and the kitchen tables.

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