John’s a ranting fool this week. He’s got problems with Westinghouse and isn’t afraid to rant in a calm voice about it!

This week you’ll laugh as James’s son tries to read book full of the’s. John hates his broken Westinghouse TV. James takes a selfie but his daughter didn’t know. John’s Man Room is almost done and ready for business.  James wants to steal a bike. John’s got a bloody nose and things that HH Gregg sucks. Andrea gets offended that I hate her. James has a rear neck beard and hates shower heads. Elizabeth dumps on her roommate Sam. J.J. finally gets his story read. So does homeschool kid Jon from 1/2013. You’ve never listened to a more heavily edited show.

News Stuff:

* James was interviewed on the new show the Patreon Podcast by Chris Cowan. So was our buddy Ethan Nicolle!

* James wrote a Frozen parody song of “Do You Want To Build A Snowman” called “Do You Wanna Cook Some Bacon?”

* We have 465 iTunes reviews… which is amazingly insane. Thanks so much! Please consider leaving your review!

* Patreon supporters got their reward packs this week. Some took pictures and said some awesome things. Thanks Lauren Mack, Jani Strzepek, K Walker and Aaron!

* James audio journal, The Gospel of Kennison has been updated. Check it out!

* Article: Thoughts On Podcast Structure: Part 1 – What Is Your Topic?

* Article: Children’s Ministry: A View From Outside

* Do you podcast for fun? Join The Hobby Podcaster group on Facebook.

* Join us LIVE every Tuesday night at 9:30pm EST

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Show Transcript (First 20 minutes):

Hey guys this is Nobody’s Listening, everybody’s got a funny life story. It is the funny story podcast episode 213 project week of May 15, 2014. I am your host, my name is James Kennison and with me as always is John “Panera Idiot” Steinklauber, welcome back John.

John: [Laughing] thanks.

James: Remember when I used to do that and give you little…

John: Yes

James: …nicknames

John: Nicknames… based on something that I have said at some point in time.

James: Yeah, so the chat room helps me figure it out, they actually said Panera                                                                                                    basket but I was like I can make that one better

John: [Laughing] Panera idiot, I mean the other guy is.

James: I mean that was last episode sometimes they all kinda run together for me      so…

John: Yeah

James: Ok, so, hey, Christian, you heard me mention him on top of the show as one of the announcers, supporters, he gave not through Patreon but directly through PayPal and he gave $10 which means not only will you get mentioned but we would read something from him on...

James tries to peg a moth in the toilet bowl. John’s got issues with an idiot at Panera and his son’s a Sinner. Stay till the end for a Recap-song that pays tribute to a special dearly departed guide-dog. This episode we talked about the updated Website, My new favorite patron, Doctor Who season 8...

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James tries to peg a moth in the toilet bowl. John’s got issues with an idiot at Panera and his son’s a Sinner. Stay till the end for a Recap-song that pays tribute to a special dearly departed guide-dog.

This episode we talked about the updated Website, My new favorite patron, Doctor Who season 8 spoilers about Samuel Anderson and Peter Capaldi, then James sees a dog with a special and demeaning bow. John’s son uses technology to get close to a home school hottie. Jenn makes Mexican sloppy-joes, and why you should never return a lost library book you’ve already paid for. Patreaon has 24 backers and the reward stickers are going out in the mail this week. Our sticker drawing winner was Aaron. You can sponsor a single episode on the website on the Support NLCast page. Then Rockstar Paul tells of a wicked man with a wicked white cain. Elizabeth shares a story that involves spankings and her mom’s wiry leg-hair (*shudder*). Derek tells a slightly modified version of a true story about “Spotlighting”. Joseph is possessed while on a missionary trip. Anthony makes falling off your bike sound like a Micheal Bay film and then Keith shares how his trusty guide-dog Macky did too good of a job and his job helping Keith with his job… even while he wasn’t doing his job. You’ll see. It’s cute. Cause dogs.

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Transcription (5 mins)

James: Uughh So How’s you’re week been, man?

John: My week has been…mmmm..ok. (laughter)

James: All right

John: Yeah yeah I got this. I don’t know if it’s like drainage or what

James: EEEWW

John: I got a little sick (laughter) yeah not that kind (laughter) of..that’s gross any kind of drainage…I wasn’t even thinking of butt drainage until you said not that kind of

drainage now I’m thinking of butt drainage (laughter)

John: No, no

James: What

John: It’s not butt drainage

James: Have you been eating some Splenda?

John: NO no

James: Or whatever..

John: Olestra

James: Olestra or Olean

John: Olean… may cause anal seepage

James: Loosen up the sphinx (laughter)

John: Nope not no just uuhh I can’t see I have nothing left. Except I, it might have been sinuses thus it might be voice now which I don’t mind

James: Yea last time we talked about how attractive you were with a bald head now you’ve got the sexy voice

John: Now I’m crazy

James: You may be causing some of our female listeners to stumble

John: (laughter) Well until they see my picture

James: That’s right

John: They’ll be like oh man I stumbled for what?

James: Well I’m actually thinking of swapping the photo’s out (laughter) so everybody’ll think you’re the fat guy (laughter)

John: No one will be the wiser

James: He does great voices but he’s SO FAT…so..uh well.. I um I don’t know if you noticed but if you go to podcast.nlcast.com you can see what I’ve been working on for I guess Sunday Monday and today and last night and the night before a few weeks, no a few days. I was working on the website podcast.nlcast.com I’ve struggled with the theme in the podcast for quite a while because there’s no such thing there’s not good theme for podcasters that just does what a podcaster would want.

John: Yeah

James: I’ve looked around and spent hours just proving that fact and then I was like I oughtta hire somebody, you know. And then I was like No I’m Not because it costs 900 bucks or something (laughter) so then I’m like I’m going to try it myself so by god I learned some extra bonus I mean I knew enough to get by but I learned how to do some cool stuff. Now there’s a featured podcast section and there’s this cool you know green ribbon navigation across the top.

John: And that scrolling thing you got at the top of the screen looks pretty sharp

I almost named this episode Technical Chicklets in honor of listener, Keith and the Skype problems that plagued the last five minutes of the show… but John’s reference to an amazing URL won out. This episode we talked about: Olivia Wilde had a baby with someone, Horses are poison, Stupid Jokes that are Funny, Jenna...

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I almost named this episode Technical Chicklets in honor of listener, Keith and the Skype problems that plagued the last five minutes of the show… but John’s reference to an amazing URL won out.

This episode we talked about: Olivia Wilde had a baby with someone, Horses are poison, Stupid Jokes that are Funny, Jenna reports a bully, J puts six boxcars on a train and learns to ride his bike the first time, James’ stupid dog chases some jerky ducks, Jenna names a rubber duck, People who critique 5 year olds playing t-ball, John’s gonna be in the movies and might be a racist, Father of Lights, John’s son is a HUGE Lego fan, Chuck Norris reference during chapel raises the geek-cred of 5th graders globally, Chris wants some sweet-tea, Stephanie describes a humorous house fire, and so much more!

[sub-con]

This week James shares a comedy of errors that starts with a secret rash and ends with unintentional adulterous texts. We also talk about: Jenna is a face stamper, “I have something to say”, John’s anniversary, See Rock City, Ruby Falls, The Frontiersman Camping Fellowship, Patreon supporters have brought back the recap-song, Derek points out how entertaining teenagers can be,...

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This week James shares a comedy of errors that starts with a secret rash and ends with unintentional adulterous texts.

We also talk about: Jenna is a face stamper, “I have something to say”, John’s anniversary, See Rock City, Ruby Falls, The Frontiersman Camping Fellowship, Patreon supporters have brought back the recap-song, Derek points out how entertaining teenagers can be, Elizabeth weakens our knees with a bloody injury story, Bonus: My son’s bedtime prayer

Links mentioned

* Support NLCast through our Patreon Page

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This week James and John Wilkerson of TheWiredHomeschool.com and ChallengingCosmos.com share updates and your funny life stories. We also talk about: John’s podcasts James’ homeschool experience James’ standing desk J’s prayers Jenna working the toothfairy How to sit Faster Than Light (FTL) A guy on the corner with a hairdryer James’ belfie facebook profile pic...

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This week James and John Wilkerson of TheWiredHomeschool.com and ChallengingCosmos.com share updates and your funny life stories.

We also talk about:

* John’s podcasts

* James’ homeschool experience

* James’ standing desk

* J’s prayers

* Jenna working the toothfairy

* How to sit

* Faster Than Light (FTL)

* A guy on the corner with a hairdryer

* James’ belfie facebook profile pic

* The dog that doesn’t know his own name

* Burping

* Caroline says she’s thankful

* Celiton apologizes for his perfect English

* Keith’s blind brother pretends to be dead

* Miriam’s kitchen floor has a dead person’s outline

* First Time Mom pop’s a squat on the floor at Home Depot

* Zeke gets his head stuck in his bed boards

Links mentioned

* TheWiredHomeschool.com

* ChallengingCosmos.com

* Support NLCast through our Patreon Page – If we make it to $60 per show before next show James bring back recap-songs to the show.

Memorable Moments

* James: “Radio Shack was the geek place before geeks were geeks.”

* John W: “It’s really tough with boys. Boys are like, “I don’t need to write.”

James: “Yea, and then later they’re like, “I don’t need to read.”

* “Hey, his crack goes sideways!”

* J’s prayer: “Thank you God, for mom, for humans, costumes and movies.”

* Jen’s Tooth Fairy note: “Thanks for the tooth, here’s $3. Peace out.”

Jenna’s response: “Mom’s handwriting, mom’s smiley face. I’ve known ever since you told me about Santa Claus, but I do it for the money.”

* Jen:”What do you do when you want to sit?”

James:”I start to back my butt up toward this thing, it’s called a seat, and I fold myself in half, and I place myself down.” (This was in reference to the standing desk)

* Jen: “Is this a swimming towel?”

Grandfather: “I don’t know, throw it in and see if it will swim.”

* Jayism: Ear Puffs

* John W: “I grew up in Germany, so I saw lots of old guys in speedos. So, no speedo guns.”

* Jenna and J: “Dad, the dog knows his name! It’s awsome, he knows his name!”

James: I don’t believe you.”

Jenna and J: “Here, watch, watch! Moffett, Moffett!” The dog comes to them.

Jenna and J: “See!”

James: “Watch this. Robot George, Robot George!” The dog sits at James feet.

* James (praying with Jenna): Lord, please help my daughter grow up to be a great man of God, amen.”

Jenna: “What?!”

* E-mail from Caroline: “We schoo online!”

[sub-con]

This week we’re back to doing what we do: Sharing funny stories and talking about all kinds of crazy stuff. We also talk about: April Fools Jokes J trying out his sense of humor The Stupid Dog Church Junk Hospital Visits & Blood Bags Prank dialing a friend

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