Lisa

Lizzie

Richard

Serendipidy

Norval Joe

Tom

Planet Z

I think I mixed the ending a bit oddly... oh well. You can see the topic here:

The next topic is Train

RICHARD

Sold!

I bought it on Amazon: No, it wasn't cheap, but maybe I was swayed by the product description.

'Absolute peace of mind, and total security', it said, and then to ram the point firmly home, it went on to detail exactly why I had no need whatsoever ever to worry…

Waterproof, leak proof and rot resistant. Non-fade, colourfast and hard-wearing. Biologically and dermatologically tested, additive free, hypo-allergenic and vegan friendly.

Safe, secure, tried and tested, and a lifetime no-quibble guarantee.

I had to have it.

If only I knew what the hell it's supposed to do!

LIZZIE

The security unit monitored the whole house. Total Security, stated the ad. But the resident cat hated it. When the security unit started growling, the owners thought they were doomed. Killed by a security unit. The horror. Well, the unit was just bored. Eventually, the feline and the unit struck up a friendship when the unit started purring. The cat thought that was rather amusing. But then the security unit was fired for being too noisy. So, the cat made a big fuss. Long story short, the unit stayed. Cats rule. If they want total security, they get total security.

LISA

Where

We’re in a room with a huge fire. There’s cakes and tea. Our eyes are out on stalks but at the same time we all wince from the brightness. You can see for miles and yet you can see nothing. We’re remote. But based on the opulence of the room we’re in- this is not some rural backwater.

Our captor explains.

“It’s a gated property. You, the chosen ones, will have total security here- you can walk for miles and not meet a soul. We keep the gate locked. To stop outsiders getting in, not to stop you getting out.”

SERENDIPIDY

Good choice!

As panic rooms go, you really couldn't do much better. Concrete walls, solid steel door with multiple timer-secured deadlocks and three-sixty external surveillance systems. Total security.

I see you've stocked up on supplies for at least a week too. That shows great foresight and planning. Well done.

Because, let's face it, with a character like me stalking the neighbourhood, you really don't want to be taking chances.

But, I do feel there's something you may have missed.

A secure panic room is great, once you're inside.

Not so good, if I got in there before you!

TOM

Not So Good

My wife works in a clinic. In the clinic are departments who would sell their first born for an extra 4 square feet. Now that square footage in her office has been usurped for reasons of security. In a safe of considerable weight are keep the holy grail of medicine. My wife doesn’t buy into admins reasoning for a safe in her office. They muse for the need for ToTaL Security: a safe behind a lock door. Gail pointed out there is an 18 inch window in her office. To maintain Total total security they moved it to the john.

854

Water Torture Remote

The codename for the project was: Water Torture Remote. DARPA funded it in the late 60s. The core of the project was to train solders in lucid dreaming. Once in a heighten state of consciousness images of prime targets would be scanned on the retinas. Targets were merged in dreamtime. At this point the suggestion that water was filling the targets lungs would be planted in the target’s consciousness. It almost worked; problem was the guys running the scanners got linked-in. Water Torture Remote took them out. Needless to say, the project was summarily defunded. Nothing in DARPA ever truly dies.

NORVAL JOE

"Come on, son. Let's go home," Billbert's father said.

Billbert rattled the handcuffs. "I can't dad."

Billbert's mother looked like she was going to grab Vattash by the throat. "Why would you cuff a child during a friendly chat?

He stood there, a dark and shabby man, rotten teeth and wild hair.

Clothed in dirty rags, surrounded by dozens of shabby commoners.

Roman soldiers watched them all.

"That's Jesus?" I said. "For real?"

"Kinda puts things in perspective, eh?" said Dr. Marks, holding his camera steady.

We were posing as merchants, and tracked the group for a few days.

And when it was over, we went back to our boat, threw the time circuits, and appeared back in the Institute.

We both took a big breath of fresh air.

"Man, I need a shower," Dr. Marks said, and laughed.

Baby woke up cold, bound up and tied to a tree.

She looked around as best she could.

There were trees all around her, and all she heard were crickets.

She tried to scream, but there was a gag over her mouth.

The last thing she remembered was leaving Archie's place and going home.

And her husband... he came back a day early.

"What do you think it will be?" a voice whispered in her ear. "Starve, dehydrate, or freeze?"

It wasn't any of those.

It was a shovel to her skull.

And he used it to bury her deep.

Of all the childhood games out there, the one I hate the most is Simon Says.

Because I never got to play it as anything but Simon.

Sure, telling kids to step forward or raise their hands can be fun.

But it was never enough.

It led to my being a megalomaniac, ordering kids to rob banks, smite enemies, and far, far worse.

I tried it on my family, but they were also Simons, and my parents never relinquished their iron grip on power.

Oh, I also hate dodgeball.

Getting hit in the face with a rubber ball sucks, too.

I like to dip my cheese pizza in ranch dressing.

I also like Doritos.

So, I bought a bag of pizza-flavored Doritos and a bag of ranch-flavored Doritos and ate them together.

It was a dumb idea.

Because the flavor dust gets all over everything. And they don't stack like Pringles.

So, I'll dip pizza-flavored Doritos in ranch dressing.

But I won't crumble up ranch-flavored Doritos and sprinkle them on cheese pizza.

That's stupid and messy.

Some idiot came up with a bag that mixed pizza-flavored Doritos with ranch-flavored ones.

Just because you can think up an idea doesn't make it good.

You probably only know of the two Wicked Witches and the one Good Witch from the classic film, and maybe you know Mombee from the later sequel, but the books are full of spellcasters, sorcerers, and other practitioners of magic.

Ding Dong was especially proud, powerful, and dangerous.

The few who knew of her existence knew not to mention her, let alone insult her.

Munchkins are as ignorant as they are small, so they didn't realize their mistake of singing "Ding Dong, the witch is dead!"

"No," a voice muttered. "You're dead."

A massive firestorm wiped Munchkinland from the map.

Can you hear the mortars? They're silent again.

After the bodies were piled into trucks and hauled off, we brought the stretchers to the creek.

Washing the blood and guts off of the canvas, getting them cleaned up for the next wave to come in.

We'd wash ourselves, wash the blood and guts off of ourselves, trying to wash out the memories and noise and smell away.

Wondering when we'd end up on the stretchers, taken down the hill down to the trucks, piled up, our blood and washed off and... and...

Can you hear the mortars? Hear them again?

Lisa

Lizzie

Richard

Serendipidy

Norval Joe

Tom

Planet Z

The next topic is Total Security

NORVAL JOE

A shocked expression flashed onto Officer Sheepdip's face. Before she could close the door, Billbert shouted, "Mom, Dad. I'm in here."

The door slammed shut.

Having been led through the office to the interrogation room, Billbert knew his parents must have heard him.

His parents burst into the room and seeing him handcuffed to the table, his mother turned on Vattash. "What are you doing to my son?"

Vattash stood, an embarrassed smile on his face. "Ma'am we were only having a friendly chat. I assure you, our agency values citizens' rights and would never think to infringe upon them."

LIZZIE

Comfort and quality. The true values of a traditional railroad company. And then there was Herbert, the old man who was the new employee. He made everyone's lives as difficult as possible. When he kicked a passenger's... backside... out of the train for complaining about everything, everyone was horrified. Why wasn't he fired immediately? And then, they received a letter. He owned the company and gave all employees a share of it. And he did so, because he realized that dealing with the public was a pain in the... Comfort and quality, yes. But also respect for the staff. There!

SERENDIPIDY

Let's play a game.

You're on a crowded lifeboat, and some of you need to be thrown overboard, or none will survive.

Your task is deciding who lives and who dies, based on the perceived values, skills and benefits they bring to the group.

It's not an exact science, but I'm sure there's plenty of fun and interesting discussion to be had, and - at the end of the day - it's the greater good that matters, not the needs of the individual.

Except for my needs.

Which is why you're all in the lifeboat, and I'm still on board the ship!

LISA

He's Back

He’s back, he looks like he’s really pleased to see us.

“Morning! Sorry I’ve been away, so long, I hope you’ve been well looked after? It’s time I explained things properly. I think it takes a near death experience to make you reassess your values, and appreciate what you’ve got and what you, perhaps, could have.

"Please. Come upstairs and get comfortable. I wasn’t planning on having that car accident so this explanation and apology is long overdue." He’s exuding charm and care. We’ve spent months in his basement but he’s acting as if we’ve just popped over for tea.

TOM

A man's reach should exceed his grasp.

What Timmy valued was last square of property in the worst street in London. Which had the worst meat-pies in London, but you could get a close shave upstairs. The value of that tiny plot of filth was small but the owner of same plot was adamite in retaining it. Timmy had exhausted all reasonable courses of action. Driven to a dark metaphysical opinion, Timmy summoned the likes of the companies founding father and his 16 feet of chains and chests. This should have done the trick, but Marley took a liking to the owner. They had tea regularly. Damn.

853

We think In Centuries

For centuries phosphors tied themselves in knots trying to find the evidentiary underpinning for a Supreme Being. Investigation into origins of this question often lead into speculation about the nature of a power much greater than ourselves. This lead to speculations about God; more specifically, arguments designed to establish the existence of God with the use of “unaided reason”. Example: “First Cause” argues there are events that occur now, and these must have been caused; however, for there to be events now, there must have been a first cause; that is God. In the end Evidence just wasn’t there. Bupkis.

RICHARD

Welcome to the real world

All day long, every day, I stare at spreadsheets, tracking the values of assets and projecting profits and gains based on historical performance?

Sounds really boring, right?

A government survey found a dozen indigenous tribes living in the rainforest we'd marked for farming development.

It doesn't take much of a bribe to get the numbers and GPS coordinates.

The army doesn't patrol out here, so it's easy to fly in one of our own survey teams.

Handing out blankets and tools and other goods.

They're most interested in the sugar cubes.

The poison in them acts quickly.

It's painless, and they die with smiles on their faces.

The next survey will show this area as uninhabited, and after we make the claim, we'll roll out the machinery.

Fifteen minutes with an epsom salt warm compress, the bump on my cheek comes to a head.

"Wash your hands again and squeeze it gently," says the virtual nurse.

Yellow and white flow down my cheek, and I wash it out with deionized water and squeeze again until only blood comes out.

Swab it out with a cotton swab, then hydrogen peroxide.

The buzz of the pharmacy drone, it drops off the antibiotics.

"Take two tonight, one tomorrow morning, and use a clean bandage," the nurse says. "I'll check in tomorrow."

And I thank her, and head for the door.