The 3D Parent Podcast

DESCRIPTION:

“ My oldest craves more of my time and attention and takes out his frustration on his siblings, especially his younger brother. He is very dismissive and even insulting to his brother.”- Caitlin, Mom of 3 boys

In this special episode of The 3D Parent Podcast, I’m going to help out Caitlin, a devoted mom of three, whose eldest son feels a bit left out lately. He's craving more attention and sometimes ends up picking fights with his little brother. 

Feeling stretched thin and overwhelmed, Caitlin wonders how to fill each child's emotional bucket without stirring up more competition. How can she offer one-on-one time without igniting jealousy? And in the chaos of sibling squabbles, how can she intervene effectively?

As a fellow parent of multiple children, I know the feeling of being pulled in all directions and I'm here to lend a hand. Using my 3D Parent approach, we'll start by gaining clarity on the situation: Is it Caitlin, her children, or their dynamic as a family unit that needs attention? Let's dive in and make sense of what is going on in this family so we can move towards finding some practical solutions to ease the tension and restore harmony in Caitlin's household.

READY TO TAKE YOUR PARENTING TO THE NEXT LEVEL?:

For 3D Parent Coaching Services: 

If you're looking for personalized guidance and support, consider exploring my parent coaching services. Let's work together to tailor the 3D Parent Approach to your unique parenting journey. CLICK HERE to book a complimentary parent coach consultation call.

Interested in Receiving 2 Free Parent Coaching Sessions? Become a Parent Coaching Guest on the Podcast:

Are you ready to share your parenting challenges and triumphs? Become a parent coaching guest and receive 2 free parent coaching sessions, one to be recorded on my podcast and one private follow up session to check in and see how implementing the coaching strategies is going for you and your family.  CLICK HERE to contact me about this opportunity and let's tackle your parenting concerns together. Your experience can inspire and support other parents facing similar struggles.

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FULL EPISODE #94 SHOW NOTES:

Today's episode is a special one where we're giving you a behind-the-scenes look at a coaching session. I'm excited for you to see how we tackle real parenting challenges head-on.

I'm thrilled to welcome my special guest Caitlin, a devoted mother of three from Redmond, Washington, who recently shared her heartfelt struggles with sibling rivalry in a candid discussion on a parenting podcast. In a touching submission, Caitlin opened up about the challenges she faces as her oldest son seeks more attention and lashes out at his siblings.

The scenario Caitlin described is a familiar one for many parents—her oldest child's longing for attention manifests in behavior that is dismissive and even hurtful towards his younger siblings. Despite her efforts, Caitlin finds it difficult to sympathize with her oldest son's actions, leading to a cycle of tension and conflict within the family. Recognizing the need for support, Caitlin and her son have both embarked on separate therapy journeys to address these issues head-on. However, Caitlin finds herself facing her own past experiences with sibling rivalry, which only adds more layers of complexity to the situation and leaves her feeling overwhelmed with guilt.

As Caitlin navigates the delicate balance of meeting each child's needs while maintaining harmony in the household, she seeks guidance on effective strategies for fostering positive sibling relationships. Her questions reflect the common dilemmas faced by parents in similar situations: 

My 3D Parent Coaching approach began with helping Caitlin find her sense of direction as she pondered my 3 “Scan the Situation” questions: "Is it me? Is it my child or children? Is it us?" These questions allowed for a deeper exploration of her parenting challenges. With refreshing honesty, Caitlin admitted feeling stretched thin and overwhelmed by the demands of motherhood. She candidly admitted, "I think I'm definitely a piece of the puzzle," acknowledging her feelings of being stretched thin and grappling with guilt over not spending enough time with her children.

One of Caitlin's primary concerns revolved around imaginative play, an area where she admittedly struggles. "I don't really know how to “pretend play," she admitted, highlighting the discomfort she feels when engaging in activities like building Lego sets or embarking on fantasy adventures with her children. I reassured Caitlin that she's not alone in this struggle, emphasizing that each parent has their own strengths and challenges. As Caitlin delved deeper into her concerns, she uncovered her belief in the value of independent play for children. However, she realized that her desire to foster creativity sometimes clashed with her instinct to intervene. 

The conversation also touched upon Caitlin's past wounds related to sibling rivalry and her instinctive "mama bear" response to conflicts among her children. Amidst the challenges, Caitlin expressed her deep longing for harmonious family moments. "I just want everyone to get along," Caitlin admitted, reflecting on her desire for unity within her family.

 Next, we dove into the second question, “ Is it my child/children?” Caitlin opened up about her eldest son's struggles with separation anxiety and intense emotions, shedding light on his behavior shaped by his drive towards seeking contact and closeness since infancy. Despite his articulate nature, he tends to bottle up his feelings, masking his inner turmoil. This emotional intensity often translates into verbal outbursts directed at his younger siblings.

As we discussed the final facet of our exploration– the, "Is it us," question – I introduced Caitlin to the concept of the “Karpman Triangle”, a psychological framework for understanding a common dysfunctional family system. Caitlin recognized the roles she, her children, and her husband often fell into: the rescuer, the victim, and the victimizer. "It's like we're stuck in this cycle," Caitlin lamented, acknowledging the detrimental impact it had on their relationships. Breaking free from this cycle required intentional effort and awareness, which I assured Caitlin was possible.

We also addressed Caitlin's perception of a scarcity mindset, particularly with her attention and affection. Her "mama bear" reactions stemmed from fears and insecurities, influencing her responses to conflicts among her children. By confronting these fears and adopting an abundant mindset, Caitlin could create a nurturing environment for her family. Handling sibling conflicts was another concern for Caitlin, who often felt panicked and unsure of how to intervene effectively. To help her manage these situations, I introduced the concept of "incident management" and outlined three essential steps: do no harm, take charge, and circle back later.

Part 1 of our coaching session concluded with a message of empowerment, as I  reassured Caitlin that she possessed the tools to overcome her challenges. "You and your husband are the answer," I affirmed, emphasizing the importance of self-reflection and proactive problem-solving in parenting.

Now, I know after hearing this parent coaching session and all of the nuanced details of what is likely causing all the conflict for Caitlin and her family, you might be ready to hear some proposed solutions. I’ve got them, but you will just need to be a little patient and tune in next week for Episode 95, Part 2 of this recorded parent coaching session where we will discuss ways to alleviate the struggles Caitlin and her family are currently facing.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LISTENING …

DESCRIPTION:

In today's episode, we'll explore how you can support your child through moments of heightened anxiety and help them build resilience for the future. Anxiety is a natural part of life, it isn't something to be feared or avoided. It's a natural and necessary human emotion that helps us navigate the world safely. However with anxiety disorders on the rise among children and adolescents, it's more important than ever for parents to understand how to support their children through this challenging emotion and provide a sense of safety. Today, I'll be giving you practical tools to help you do just that.

Here's what you'll learn in this episode:

Now, if you're looking for more insights into anxiety and parenting, be sure to check out episode 50 of "The 3D Parent" podcast, where I cover a range of tips and perspectives on parenting an anxious child. It's a great companion to today's episode and can provide you with even more valuable information.

Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of The 3D Parent Podcast. If you found this content helpful, be sure to share it with fellow parents and caregivers. And don't forget to subscribe for our weekly episodes  and more insightful episodes on parenting!
 
SHOWNOTES:

Hey there, fellow parents! Today's episode is going to be a bit different than our usual discussions because we're diving deep into a topic that's close to many of our hearts: anxiety in children. If you've ever found yourself wondering, "What do I do when my child is experiencing anxiety," then stick around because I've got some specific strategies to share with you.

Now, before we get into the nitty-gritty, I want to give a shoutout to a previous episode where we covered the broader topic of parenting an anxious child. If you haven't listened to Episode 50 yet, titled "Parenting an Anxious Child," I highly recommend giving it a listen. It's a great companion to today's episode and covers some essential do's and don'ts, along with practical tips and perspectives for navigating anxiety in your child.

It's important to recognize that anxiety itself is not inherently negative. In fact, it's a fundamental human emotion that serves a valuable purpose. However, when a child experiences overwhelming or frequent anxiety, it can be cause for concern. With children and adolescents facing anxiety at unprecedented rates, it's more important than ever for parents to understand how to support their children through these challenges.

Anxiety can be a tough nut to crack because it's not always driven by rational thoughts and it certainly doesn't come with an easy fix. But as parents, our role is to provide a sense of safety and support so our kids can weather the storm of anxious feelings and emerge stronger and more resilient on the other side.

Before we delve into the strategies, I want to emphasize the importance of seeking professional help if you feel your child's anxiety is worsening or significantly impacting their daily life. While this podcast episode offers valuable insights, it's not a substitute for the expertise of healthcare professionals.

Throughout this episode, I'll be sharing practical strategies to help you support your child through their anxiety journey. From creating a safe space for open communication to teaching coping skills, each strategy is designed to empower both you and your child.

Anxiety can manifest in various ways, affecting not only the child but also their family dynamics. If you observe changes in your child's behavior, such as reluctance to participate in activities they once enjoyed or difficulty coping with daily tasks, it's essential to address these concerns promptly.

Untreated anxiety can escalate over time and may lead to other mental health issues or behavioral disorders. Therefore, early intervention is key. Start by consulting your child's pediatrician, who can provide valuable insights and recommendations for further evaluation or treatment.

In the show notes, you'll find a link to an article titled "When to Seek Additional Support for Your Child's Anxiety," which offers detailed guidance on assessing your child's needs and approaching the topic with them in an age-appropriate manner.

Even if your child receives outside help, your role as a parent remains crucial. Therapy sessions typically occur for a limited time each week, leaving ample opportunity for you to provide ongoing support and guidance at home. Your deep connection with your child serves as the foundation for effective parenting, especially when addressing difficult emotions like anxiety.

Now, let's take a step back and consider the bigger picture. Before addressing specific strategies, it's essential to nurture a deeply connected relationship with your child. As I discussed in Episode 87, "Parenting with Deep Connection," your relationship with your child is your most powerful tool. Building a secure, deeply connected bond lays the foundation for providing effective support, especially during challenging times like anxiety.

A secure attachment with at least one significant caregiver is essential for a child's emotional well-being and development. This connection enables you to come alongside your child, understanding their emotions and providing the support they need. By nurturing this deep connection, you create a safe space for your child to express their feelings and navigate difficult emotions like anxiety.

So, what exactly is co-regulation? Simply put, it's the ability for a parent or caregiver to use their own regulated emotional state to help a child regulate their difficult or overwhelming emotions, like anxiety. 

Now, let's talk about why co-regulation is so important, especially for children who may not yet have developed the skills to regulate their emotions independently. This could be due to their age, temperament, or the nature of their current circumstances. For example, younger children or those with highly sensitive temperaments may need to rely on their parents for a longer period of time to help them manage feelings of anxiety.

The beauty of co-regulation is that it enables a parent to not only help to regulate their child, but also to model coping skills that children can carry with them into adulthood. By modeling healthy ways of managing emotions, parents are laying the foundation for their children to become emotionally resilient individuals who can eventually face life's challenges independently and with confidence.

Understanding a proactive tool called "Name it to Tame it"

Now, let's dive into some strategies, starting with a proactive tool called, "Name it to Tame it.”

This strategy involves helping your child name and personify their anxiety. By giving your child’s anxiety a name like, “Spike” or “Sheila,” you're helping them separate their anxiety from their core identity. This can empower them to feel a sense of control over their emotions, reducing feelings of overwhelm. Naming their anxiety allows children to acknowledge it as a part of themselves, but not all of who they are. This strategy draws from therapeutic approaches that focus on understanding and managing different parts of oneself.

To implement this strategy, have a conversation with your child about anxiety or their worries and its physical manifestations, such as feeling panicked or experiencing an upset stomach. Help them understand that these feelings are normal and can be managed. Then, encourage them to come up with a name for their anxiety. Make it a fun and creative activity to help them feel more comfortable with the concept. Remember to reinforce the importance of using this name when discussing their anxiety in the future.

Now, I’ll walk you through the Six Steps to Co-regulate with your Anxious Child:

Step 1: Center Yourself

Imagine it's the day of your child's first karate class, something they've been eagerly anticipating. But when the moment arrives, they're overwhelmed with anxiety and refuse to go. As a parent, your first instinct might be to feel anxious too. Step one reminds us to center ourselves before attempting to co-regulate with our child.

For example, Take a few deep breaths and place your hand over your heart. Say to yourself something like, "I am safe. This is not an emergency. This is just a moment and will pass." Before you can effectively support your child, it's essential to regulate your own emotions. Children often pick up on their parents' anxiety which up-regulates and increases their anxiety, so taking a moment to center yourself is crucial.

Step 2: Acknowledge Your Child's Anxiety by Name

Remember when you helped your child name their anxiety? Now's the time to acknowledge it. 

Say something like  "Hey, buddy, I see Spike's here today. That's okay. We'll work through this together."

By referring to your child's anxiety by its chosen name, you help them recognize that it's a separate part of them, not their entire identity.

Next, ask your child where they feel Spike in their body. Are they feeling Spike's presence as butterflies in their stomach, tightness in their chest, or tension in their throat? By pinpointing the physical sensations associated with Spike's visit, your child becomes more aware of how their body responds to anxiety.

This awareness is crucial because it helps your child recognize that anxiety is not an overwhelming force but rather a temporary state that can be managed. For instance, they might realize, "Whenever Spike shows up, I feel a knot in my stomach," or "Spike is hanging out in my chest, making it hard to breathe."

By identifying where Spike resides in their body, your child gains insight into their emotional and physical experiences. This self-awareness forms the basis for managing anxiety more effectively in the future. It's like shedding light on the dark corners of their mind, enabling them to confront their fears directly.

Moreover, as your child learns to recognize the physical manifestations of their anxiety, they become better equipped to cope with it. This newfound awareness empowers your child to take control of their emotions and navigate through moments of heightened anxiety with confidence and resilience.

Step 3: Rate the Anxiety

Let's explore step three of helping your child manage anxiety. Here, we're diving into the crucial task of gauging the intensity of your child's feelings. Asking your child to rate their anxiety level on a scale of 1 to 10 might seem simple, but it's a powerful tool for building emotional awareness. It's like taking a temperature check of their emotions. Picture this: you sit down with your child and gently ask, "On a scale of 1 to 10, how big is Spike right now?"

This simple question opens up a dialogue about their feelings. Maybe Spike is feeling like a 10, ready to burst out of their skin, or perhaps Spike is a more manageable 7, but still making their presence known. Whatever the number, it provides a starting point for understanding and addressing their anxiety.

Asking your child to rate their anxiety not only increases their self-awareness but also activates their thinking brain. When we focus on numbers and bodily sensations, we move away from the primal fight-flight-freeze response and into a space where rational thought can prevail. It's like flipping a switch from panic mode to problem-solving mode.

Imagine your child says, "My anxiety feels like an eight." That's a significant number, signaling a high level of distress. Now, armed with this information, you're ready to move on to step four – choosing an emotional regulation tool.

Step 4: Choosing an emotional regulation tool

Step four invites you to select from a range of tools designed to help your child manage their anxiety. From deep breathing exercises to mindfulness techniques, there's a wealth of options to choose from. Let's delve into ten of these tools to give you a starting point:

Step 5: Reassess Anxiety Level

Once you've guided your child through the emotional regulation tool of your choosing, it's time to check in and see how they're feeling. This step is crucial for understanding the effectiveness of the tool and determining if further support is needed.

Reassessing your child's anxiety level involves asking them to rate their current level of anxiety. Encourage them to express how big their feelings of anxiety are now compared to before using the regulation tool.

Start by asking your child to rate their anxiety level again. You might say something like, "Let's see how big Spike feels now. Can you give me a number?" Ideally, you'll notice a decrease in their anxiety level. From my experience, when using these strategies with my own children, anxiety levels almost always decrease, albeit not always completely.

If their anxiety has decreased to a comfortable level, that's fantastic! You've successfully helped them manage their emotions. But if it hasn't decreased enough, don't worry. That's where step 6 comes in.

Step 6: Repeat if Necessary

Here's where you circle back to step four and repeat the same regulation tool. Repeating allows your child to become more familiar with it, potentially enhancing its effectiveness with each repetition. Encourage your child to engage in several more rounds of the chosen technique, aiming to further reduce their anxiety level. If they seem tired of the same technique or you feel another strategy might be a better fit, feel free to mix it up a little until the desired lessoned state of anxiety is achieved. 

The goal here isn't to eliminate anxiety entirely. Instead, the focus is on empowering your child to recognize that they have tools at their disposal to cope with anxiety.

CONCLUSION

In wrapping up, I sincerely hope that the strategy we've delved into today leaves you feeling more empowered as a parent of an anxious child. Building a strong foundation of connection and attachment with your child serves as a cornerstone for numerous aspects of their well-being, especially when it comes to co-regulation.

These steps aren't just theoretical; they've been tried and tested in the trenches of real-life parenting. I've witnessed firsthand how they've made a difference in my own children's lives. Take, for example, my child who struggled with stomach issues due to anxiety. The vagus nerve massage became her go-to technique, offering relief even in school without drawing attention to herself.

Then there's my other child who found solace in box breathing during times of stress at a new school. Not only did she use it for herself, but she also taught it to her peers, spreading calmness in her surroundings.

What's remarkable about these strategies is their portability. While initially introduced with your guidance, children often internalize them, using them independently when you're not around. They become the tools your child carries with them, empowering them to navigate and endure their experiences with anxiety in the future.

I want to express my gratitude for joining me on this episode of the 3D Parent Podcast. As you embark on implementing the Six-steps to Co-regulate with your Anxious Child, I encourage you to share your experiences with me. Let me know which strategies resonate most with your family and any additional techniques you've found effective. Together, we can continue to learn and grow in our journey of supporting children experiencing anxiety!

Episode Resources:

Episode #50 “Parenting an Anxious Child” 

Episode #87 "Parenting with Deep Connection"

Article: “When to Seek Additional Support for Your Child’s Anxiety”

READY TO TAKE YOUR PARENTING TO THE NEXT LEVEL?:

**For Coaching Services** If you're looking for personalized guidance and support, consider exploring my parent coaching services. Let's work together to tailor the 3D Parent Approach to your unique parenting journey. CLICK HERE to book a complimentary parent coach consultation call.

**Become a Podcast Guest** Are you ready to share your parenting challenges and triumphs? Become a guest and receive a free parent coaching session on my podcast, CLICK HERE and let's tackle your parenting concerns together. Your experience can inspire and support other parents facing similar struggles.

CONNECT WITH ME:

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DESCRIPTION:
Ever find yourself caught in the tug-of-war between absolute love for your child and the occasional, “I'm finding it impossible to deal with my child right now," moment? If so, you're not alone! Join me on Episode #92: “"I Love My Child, But Sometimes I Can't Stand Him," where we're diving headfirst into the candid realities of parenting a more challenging child. 

Join me as we unpack:

This episode is for you if:

Remember, you're a loving, resilient, and capable parent doing your best. With the appropriate support, self-compassion, and a growth mindset, you can overcome any challenge and cultivate the loving, connected relationship with your child that you aspire to. Tune into Episode #92 for a fresh perspective and practical support. 

SHOWNOTES:

Ever find yourself grappling with conflicting emotions towards your child? It's an experience that many parents share but might hesitate to openly discuss. 

Challenging children often exhibit attitudes that can be tough to handle. When a child's demeanor is sweet, calm, and affectionate, it's easy to embrace them, but what about those moments when their attitudes provoke unexpected emotions?

How do you open yourself up to connect with a child who may seem a bit more challenging to understand?

I get it. I've been there too. In fact, I used to be wracked with guilt every time I had those fleeting thoughts of frustration or impatience. But here's the thing – those thoughts don't make you a bad parent. They make you human. And as a parent coach, I've heard it time after time from other parents wrestling with similar feelings.

Various factors that contribute to a complex child's behavior

How to move past Resentment and Towards Acceptance

How to Grow Your Acceptance Instead of Your Resentment

Practical Steps to Stay Grounded as a Parent 

As parents, we often pour ourselves into our children, neglecting our own needs. But remember, you can't pour from an empty cup. Prioritize activities that replenish your energy and emotional reserves. This could be anything from taking a walk to spending time with friends or pursuing a hobby you enjoy. By taking care of yourself, you'll be better equipped to handle the challenges of parenthood.

An Affirmation for the Resilient Parent:

In closing, here is my gift to you, an affirmation I wrote to read whenever you're feeling overwhelmed or discouraged:

“Today, I am setting an intention to parent with warmth and strength. I will not avoid setting a limit, negotiate, debate, give in, or give a “yes” when I need to give a “no.” I accept that my kids may have tantrums and meltdowns over the limits I am generously going to set. I will anticipate push-back, but I will not let that trigger me or lead to a tantrum of my own. I will remember that my children are young and sensitive and sometimes their behaviors are a reminder of that. In these moments, I will remember that they are not trying to give me a hard time, they are having a hard time. I will not transfer my anger or frustration onto my kids or lash out at them through my words, tone of voice, or actions. I will not blame my kids for the difficult feelings I may have about being their parent and how hard it is for me right now. I will remind myself that I only get one shot to raise each of my children and I am committing to give them the best parenting I can because they deserve nothing less.” -Beaven Walters, The 3D Parent

Episode Resources and Links:

Book: Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown

Podcast Episodes I Referenced:

#86 Parenting with Direction
#87 Parenting with Deep Connection 
#88 Parenting with Dignity in Discipline Part 1
#89 Parenting with Dignity in Discipline Part 2

READY TO TAKE YOUR PARENTING TO THE NEXT LEVEL?:

**For Coaching Services** If you're looking for personalized guidance and support, consider exploring my parent coaching services. Let's work together to tailor the 3D Parent Approach to your unique parenting journey. CLICK HERE to book a complimentary parent coach consultation call.

**Become a Podcast Guest** Are you ready to share your parenting challenges and triumphs? Become a guest and receive a free parent coaching session on my podcast, CLICK HERE and let's tackle your parenting concerns together. Your experience can inspire and support other parents facing similar struggles.

CONNECT WITH ME:

The 3D Parent on Instagram

The 3D Parent on Facebook

**The 3D Parent Lounge Free Facebook Community**

Parenting is a beautiful yet challenging journey, especially when faced with the complexities of raising unique and dynamic children. In this heartwarming episode, we dive into the world of emotional regulation through mindfulness with the incredible Aparna Venkatraman, the passionate founder of Beauty in Parenting. Aparna's mission with Beauty in Parenting is clear—to support families worldwide in fostering heart-centered connections. Drawing from her 20 years of experience, she guides parents through the intricacies of emotional regulation, offering insights that touch the soul. Parents, this is an episode you don't want to miss!

Some points we will discuss include:

We all get swept away sometimes. We lose our breath, our patience, our way. We yell, we cry, we wonder if we'll ever find our sanity again. But guess what? We're not alone. And within each of us, there's a wellspring of resilience, a reservoir of strength waiting to be tapped. On this episode, Aparna shows us the power of mindfulness–that quiet revolution that starts with a single inhale, a deliberate exhale.

Did you enjoy today's episode? If yes, share it with your fellow parents with "extra" kids! The more the merrier, right?

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CONNECT WITH APARNA:

Website: Beauty In Parenting - Coaching for Parents of Babies, Toddlers & Teens

Instagram: @‌beautyinparenting

Facebook: Beauty In Parenting

Free Self-Care & Priorities Chart (1-page pdf): Beauty In Parenting LLC

SHOWNOTES:

In this episode, I’m excited to welcome a special guest, Aparna Venkataraman. Having 20 years of experience connecting with 1000s of families in schools, children’s hospitals and non-profit organizations since her teens, Aparna Venkataraman is the founder of Beauty In Parenting and is a worldwide parent coach, meditation-breathwork teacher, motivational speaker and wellness advocate for doTerra essential oils. With her approachable nature, strong intuition and problem-solving skills, she guides parents of babies, toddlers and teens, couples and extended family to empower themselves and build healthy relationships with one another through effective communication, creating boundaries, self-care, confidence-building and lighthearted mindfulness techniques.

(03:28) Aparna's Story: I sit down with Aparna to hear more about her story and what led her to this work.

Aparna shares her intricate journey, starting from being a premature baby to grappling with childhood anxiety and depression due to emotional distance. Her studies in psychology and child development paved the way for impactful work with diverse groups, all while harboring a deep desire to support families. A pivotal year marked by loss, floods, and leaving a toxic relationship spurred Aparna to create "Beauty in Parenting," aiming to support families globally in finding heart-centered connections.

I can't help but resonate with Aparna's story, and I bet many of you can too. It's a beautiful blend of personal struggles and professional growth, highlighting the importance of emotional well-being in parenting.

(08:00) Exploring Aparna's Focus on Moms:

I asked Aparna what led her to specifically support moms. Aparna opens up about her personal journey, sharing a glimpse into her challenging relationship with her own mother during her upbringing. This connection, or rather, disconnection, played a pivotal role in shaping Aparna's perspective. As she delves into her experiences as a toddler teacher, she shares that she began to notice a pattern — the profound impact of parent-child relationships on a child's behavior, development, and stress levels.

The decision to focus on moms stemmed from a profound realization–the multifaceted role moms play in their children's development. She dives into the complexities, acknowledging the tendency for moms to prioritize others, often neglecting their own needs. The struggle to express these needs becomes a common thread among many moms.

(10:58) Aparna's Involvement on working with Dads: Now, you might be wondering if Aparna exclusively works with moms. Well, the answer is no. I had the same question, and Aparna clarified that while her primary focus is on supporting moms, she does work with dads too.

In our conversation, Aparna expressed her openness to supporting fathers who seek guidance on various aspects of parenting. She recognizes the importance of dads in the family dynamic and is willing to lend a helping hand. This inclusivity extends beyond individual coaching sessions. Aparna emphasizes the significance of family systems, acknowledging that a holistic approach involves considering the dynamics between all family members. In her coaching practice, she not only addresses individual needs but also explores how the entire family can thrive collectively.

As we navigate through this discussion, it's evident that Aparna's approach is rooted in empathy and understanding. Her personal journey, combined with her professional experiences, has shaped a coaching model that goes beyond surface-level solutions. Aparna believes in the transformative power of identifying moms' needs, core values, and priorities, ultimately enhancing communication within the family.

(10:24) What is mindfulness

Let's start with the basics - what exactly is mindfulness? According to Aparna, it's all about heart-centered awareness and being present in the moment. For her, it started in her college days, during a tough semester. The calm it brought her was like a breath of fresh air. Here's what she had to say, "I really loved that feeling of calm that came over me, that feeling of presence. And also being in community too.”

Mindfulness, as Aparna describes, is the ticket to being in the moment. It's about connecting with your family, knowing where you're at in life, and waving goodbye to those worries. Aparna's got a nifty trick up her sleeve - a daily reminder on her phone to take five or ten deep breaths. Simple, yet game-changing.

"And the more I'm tuned into that, the less worries come, the less I feel, you know, dread for my day, or stress for my da,” says Aparna.

Now, let's get practical. Aparna drops a strategy bomb on us. She suggests taking those five or ten deep breaths daily. It's not just a suggestion; it's a life hack. Aparna emphasizes, "It's a practice of really having your mind and your body become aware of the times when you need to feel that sense of calm before you become burnt out.”

Here's where I chime in. I can vouch for Aparna's tip. It's deceptively simple but incredibly effective. I shared with her my struggles with consistency, and she agreed, "But when I do things like a very simple and quick mindfulness practice, like just five or 10 deep breaths, man, does it really change the way that I feel in my body?"

And there it is, the clarity we all crave. Aparna acknowledges that it's about follow-through and consistency. But, as she points out, it's about meeting parents where they're at and not adding to their stress. She's all about integrating practical, shorter, and more effective techniques into daily life.

(13:03)

So Aparna specializes in both meditation and deep breathing. Curious about how Aparna found her way into this practice, I asked her. She shared, "I created meditation for myself about seven, eight years ago during this time of transition." It's a personal journey that became a powerful tool for understanding triggers and finding peace amidst life's chaos.

Meditation, as Aparna explains, is not about becoming the perfect, peaceful person you might envision on a serene yoga mat. It's about sitting or lying with your thoughts and emotions, observing them, and learning to let them go. Aparna emphasizes the beauty of sitting with and understanding the waves of life that wash over you. In Aparna's words, "It doesn't have to be with a yoga mat or a meditation cushion, or you have to have an environment that looks really pretty and nice. It's more for you as well too." Remember that, folks—it's about your journey, not Instagram-worthy setups.

Now, let's talk about deep breathing and breathwork. Aparna spills the beans on how this practice is a fantastic tool for tackling stuck emotions, health issues, or grief. Aparna breaks it down brilliantly. Meditation is that still, quiet space where you connect with yourself, while breathwork is more active and intentional, a conscious effort to release what's bubbling up inside you. It's like a dance between stillness and activation.

I couldn't help but share my own experience with Aparna. Meditation can be a challenge, especially for someone with a busy brain like mine. But Aparna, being the guiding light she is, reassured me: "That just means I need more practice and to give myself grace for it being challenging."

For those with ADHD or focus issues, Aparna highlights the effectiveness of breathwork. It's a tool, a proactive and active one at that, providing an alternative for those finding stillness in meditation a tad challenging. She notes that while meditation might take time to develop, breathwork can be an easier entry point for many.

(16:46)

So, I had this heart-to-heart with Aparna, and she laid out the goldmine of benefits that a mindfulness practice can bring into your life. It's not just about personal calm; it's about creating a ripple effect that touches your entire environment.

I asked Aparna to spill the beans on what people can gain by committing to a mindfulness practice. Brace yourselves, because what she shared is nothing short of transformational.

According to Aparna, personally, it brought more calm into her mind and body. The stress levels took a nosedive, and she found herself reacting less to family and setbacks. But it goes beyond personal peace – mindfulness helps you observe, accept, and have more grace and compassion for yourself and others.

In her own words, "It'll help you to not see as many tantrums and meltdowns in life, whether you've got young ones or you've got teens or older children." And guess what? It's not just a personal journey; it extends to your relationships and connections with others.

Then, Aparna shares a practical tip about using deep breathing to help a child going through anxiety. She talks about a client who traced their fingers and practiced deep breathing, turning it into a shared regulation time. As I reflect on my own experiences with my kids, I resonate with how these practices not only aid in the moment but strengthen the parent-child bond.

Aparna emphasizes the trust and confidence built through these practices. It's not just about the exercise; it's about the shared experience and the osmosis effect of regulated emotions. And guess what? This is especially powerful for parents dealing with complex kids – those with ADHD, autism, sensory processing differences. It's about recognizing how you're wired, understanding your child, and building a toolbox that'll help you both navigate the decades to come.

(25:35)

So, my chat with Aparna took an interesting turn when we discussed tools for parents dealing with heightened emotions, especially when parenting complex kids.

“One of the things that most commonly is a challenge for parents of complex kids is being able to regulate their own nervous systems, their own reactivity in the moment of heightened emotion.”

Aparna sets the stage by addressing a universal challenge—parental reactivity. Acknowledging the struggle is the first step, and Aparna offers not just sympathy but tangible tools for those caught in the whirlwind of heightened emotions.

Aparna's Tool #1: Sensory Objects - Stress Ball:"Sometimes it's having a sensory object like a stress ball."

Aparna introduces the concept of sensory objects, emphasizing the need for tangible tools. The stress ball becomes more than a simple object; it's a lifeline, a grounding force for both parents and children in the storm of emotions.

Aparna's Tool #2: Essential Oils and Aromatherapy:"I support others in essential oils and aromatherapy."

Essential oils and aromatherapy emerge as soothing companions in the journey of emotional regulation. Aparna's support for these practices extends beyond mere suggestions; it's an invitation to explore the profound impact of scents on emotional well-being.

Aparna's Tool #3: Physical Gesture - Hand on Heart:"Placing a hand on your heart. I love doing that when I'm doing deep breathing, especially."

The power of physical gestures takes center stage. Placing a hand on the heart becomes a ritual, not just for deep breathing but for reconnecting with oneself. Aparna introduces a simple yet transformative practice to foster self-awareness.

Aparna's Tool #4: Establishing Boundaries with Space:"Taking a step back and telling your child, hey, I'm going to take a moment, I need some space."

Aparna draws from her experience as a toddler teacher to highlight the importance of boundaries. It's not just about physical space; it's about setting healthy boundaries, teaching both parent and child the value of a momentary pause.

Aparna's Tool #5: Physical Gestures - Leaning Back, Eye Contact, Walking Away: "Sometimes just remembering when you're in the midst of, you know, this is really stressing me out that you can lean back."

The nuances of physical gestures become crucial. Aparna suggests leaning back, making eye contact, or even walking away. These actions, seemingly small, hold immense power in diffusing tension and providing clarity in challenging moments. She not only empathetically addresses the societal pressure on parents to be omnipresent. This realization serves as a pivotal moment—an acknowledgment that it's okay to step back, creating a foundation for the upcoming educational insights but also offers a liberating perspective—a gentle reminder that setting personal boundaries isn't a luxury but a necessity. This shift in mindset aligns with the overarching theme of self-compassion and intentional parenting.

(27:06)

Also, Aparna shared valuable insights into the dos and don'ts of mindfulness practices, addressing frequency, duration, and optimal times during the day.

As we explored the do's and don'ts of mindfulness practices, the conversation naturally shifted towards setting ourselves up for success. Aparna shared her valuable insights, and it felt like we were uncovering secrets to creating a balanced and serene life.

Aparna's practical advice centered on the concept of a "calm corner." This isn't just for toddlers; it's a tune-in place for adults, a sanctuary where you can connect with your feelings, regulate yourself, and find peace. She advocated for parents to create this haven not just for themselves but also for their children, fostering a sense of familiarity and tranquility. She also provided practical advice on incorporating mindfulness into daily routines, suggesting morning and bedtime as opportune times. She also addressed the challenges of transitioning from work to home, offering solutions like using noise-canceling headphones and a "do not disturb" sign. The advice extended to parents, reminding them to set healthy boundaries and prioritize self-care without succumbing to guilt. Aparna highlighted the positive impact on parent-child and partner relationships, emphasizing the connection that arises from taking a little time for oneself.Aparna recommended setting reminders on phones and wearing comfortable clothing to reinforce the importance of these moments. She touched on the potential feelings of guilt but stressed the benefits of recharging and sustaining energy.

In Aparna's own words, "I love helping families create some sort of a calm corner." She emphasized the significance of finding a peaceful space, whether it's a dedicated corner or a personal sanctuary within your home. • Towards the end, she discussed the significance of being present and connecting with children and partners, fostering healthier relationships through mindful practices.

(34:20)

Before we wrap up the conversation, we explored insightful deep breathing techniques tailored for various emotional states, including anger, frustration, mental focus, and sleep.

Aparna shared a delightful visualization technique for managing anger and frustration. Imagining holding a dandelion or bubbles, inhaling for four seconds, and exhaling with a whistle sound provided a unique and uplifting approach. We discussed how this simple practice can release pent-up emotions in a healthier way.

The discussion smoothly transitioned to mental focus, where Aparna introduced a sensory technique. By rubbing palms together, placing hands over the nose and mouth, and inhaling essential oils, individuals can enhance mental focus. Aparna emphasized personalization, suggesting oils like frankincense or citrus based on preferences.

For sleep, Aparna outlined a bedtime routine, including dimming lights and creating a calm environment. She detailed a breathing practice with hands on the bed, emphasizing the rhythm of inhaling for four seconds, holding for seven, and exhaling for eight. This practice aims to promote deeper and longer sleep, benefiting those with varied sleep challenges.Aparna's practical advice extended to the use of essential oils for mental focus, offering a free wellness consultation for interested listeners. She encouraged the incorporation of these techniques into daily life, emphasizing the adaptability of the practices based on individual preferences and needs. The bedtime routine for sleep was presented as a short, effective practice, demonstrating its versatility with or without accompanying music. Aparna highlighted the potential benefits for both individuals and children as we explored these techniques, the focus remained on the simplicity and accessibility of incorporating mindfulness into daily routines, creating a toolkit for emotional regulation.

Wrapping up our discussion, Aparna shared a personal aspect of her family life – a love for cooking together. From traditional Indian dishes to festive meals, the family finds joy and connection in preparing and enjoying food. The use of music during these cooking sessions enhances the experience, fostering a present and shared environment.

(43:51)

If you've been nodding along with the insightful conversation we just had with Aparna, you're probably eager to know how to tap into Aparna's expertise, and infuse more mindfulness into your parenting routine, First stop, https://www.beautyinparenting.com. Here, you'll find a free self-care priorities chart that's like your roadmap to scheduling more "me time" and savoring those sweet family victories.

Aparna also offers a six-week parent coaching program, a deep dive into creating a self-care plan, establishing a calm corner, effective communication, and crafting an easy daily routine. This is where expertise meets your unique challenges.

Connect with a vibrant community of parents in Aparna's free Facebook group, "The Sanctuary Self-Care Space." Delve into daily self-care inspiration and participate in occasional challenges focused on incorporating more "me time" into your life. It's a virtual sanctuary where support and ideas flow freely.

For real-time updates and engaging content, follow Aparna on Instagram and Facebook under the handle "@BeautyInIParenting." Engage with her posts, share your experiences, and become part of a community that values your journey. Aparna loves hearing from parents like you and connecting on a deeper level.

A huge shoutout to Aparna for being the fantastic first guest of Season Two on the 3D Parent Podcast. Your insights into self-regulation through mindfulness practices have truly set the tone for an incredible season ahead.

Thank you, Aparna, for sharing your wisdom with us. And to all you wonderful parents, your journey to mindful parenting and self-regulation is just a click away!

Ready to reclaim your mornings from the clutches of chaos? Yes, you read that right. I'm back to talk about morning mayhem again! Episode #6 of Season 1 of the podcast was all about this topic, and here I am again, 84 episodes later, still battling the same beast. But hey, that's the beauty of parenting, right? It's a constant journey of growth and learning, and sometimes we have to revisit the same challenges over and over again.

Why I Chose This Topic (Again!)

There are a few reasons why I felt compelled to bring up morning mayhem once more.

Dive deep into Episode #90 where I tackle the common challenge of difficult mornings head-on armed with The 3D Parent Approach! You'll discover practical strategies, insightful tips, and a healthy dose of empathy to help you transform your mornings from battlegrounds to blissful beginnings.

READY TO TAKE YOUR PARENTING TO THE NEXT LEVEL?:

**For Coaching Services** If you're looking for personalized guidance and support, consider exploring my parent coaching services. Let's work together to tailor the 3D Parent Approach to your unique parenting journey. CLICK HERE to book a complimentary parent coach consultation call.

**Become a Podcast Guest** Are you ready to share your parenting challenges and triumphs? Become a guest and receive a free parent coaching session on my podcast, CLICK HERE and let's tackle your parenting concerns together. Your experience can inspire and support other parents facing similar struggles.

Are you drowning in the sea of guilt about past parenting choices, or minimizing their impact by saying "I turned out fine"? Stop! Both extremes do your child a disservice. This episode of The 3D Parent Podcast dives deep into the the three phases of Discipline with Dignity: Proactive Discipline, Active Discipline, and Retroactive Discipline. Together, we'll learn how to build a secure connection with your child, navigate challenges together, and set healthy boundaries without resorting to drama. 

Here's what you'll discover on this jam-packed episode:

Congratulations, parents! You've completed The 3D Parent Bootcamp. I hope you're feeling inspired and empowered to apply The 3D Parent model in your parenting journey. Remember, you have everything within you to provide what your child needs to grow, mature, and flourish.

READY TO BLOOM IN YOUR PARENTING JOURNEY?

Subscribe to The 3D Parent Podcast and unlock the magic of The 3D Parent Approach. Remember, you are the gardener, your child is the seed, and together you can blossom into a thriving parent-child relationship.

READY TO TAKE YOUR PARENTING TO THE NEXT LEVEL?:

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EPISODE RESOURCES:

Traffic Circle Graphic

Pam Leo’s book, Connection Parenting

The Neufeld Institute

Tired of yelling, time-outs, and power struggles? You're not alone. Traditional discipline methods often leave both parents and children feeling frustrated, hurt, and disconnected. But what if there was a better way? A way to guide your children towards good behavior while preserving their dignity and nurturing your relationship? 

This episode of The 3D Parent Podcast introduces Discipline with Dignity, a revolutionary approach that redefines discipline as leadership, teaching, and guidance with respect. We'll dive deep into common discipline methods and expose their hidden pitfalls, from the fear-based tactics of yelling and spanking to the emotional manipulation of shaming and guilting.

But this isn't just about what not to do. We'll also equip you with the two essential tools for effective
Discipline with Dignity: your deeply connected relationship with your child and your clear leadership as the "nurturing alpha."

Here's what you'll learn:

Discipline with Dignity is more than a parenting technique; it's a shift in mindset. It's about treating your child with the respect they deserve while still providing the guidance they need to thrive.

Ready to ditch the drama and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship with your child?
Subscribe to The 3D Parent Podcast now and discover the power of Discipline with Dignity!

Bonus: Don't miss Part 2 of this episode, where we'll delve deeper into specific strategies for meeting your child's needs and building a healthy parent-child dynamic!

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Are your kids acting out, withdrawing, or just not quite themselves? It might be a sign they're starving for connection. Beyond food and water – a deep, secure bond with you is the greatest need your child has, and it's more crucial for their well-being than you might think. In this episode, I'll dive into the second "D" of The 3D Parent Model: Deep Connection.

You'll discover:

This isn't just another parenting podcast. It's a blueprint for building a foundation of love and security that will last a lifetime. So ditch the screens, put down the to-do list, and tune in to the episode that could change everything for your family. More than just parenting tips, this episode is a call to action. It's time to prioritize connection and break the cycle of relational connection starvation that so many children experience. By investing in this crucial bond, you're not just building a stronger relationship, you're contributing to the conditions which will result in a thriving, resilient adult.

Don't wait! Subscribe to The 3D Parent Podcast now and:

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In this eye-opening episode, I guide you through the art of asking the RIGHT questions in parenting. In the fast-paced world of parenting, it's easy to get lost. The concept of "Parenting with Direction" emphasizes the significance of cultivating curiosity about oneself, one's child, and the parent-child relationship. This curiosity acts as a compass, guiding parents through the intricate journey of understanding their child and their parenting challenges.

The importance of asking the right questions cannot be overstated. Many parents instinctively ask, "What should I do when my kid does _____?" when faced with challenging behaviors. Redirecting this focus towards decoding behaviors and understanding the root cause sets the stage for a more effective parenting strategy. In this episode, I will guide you through decoding behaviors. Decoding behaviors is not about controlling them but understanding their origins. By asking critical questions – Is it me? Is it my child? Is it us? – parents begin to unravel the complexities of their child's behavior. This process is foundational to becoming the true expert on their unique child.

Points we discuss include:
● Introduction to 3D Parent Approach: Parenting with Direction
● Asking the Right Questions
● Emotional Maturity and Development
● Assessing for Behavioral Challenges
● Parenting with Directional Focus

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Get ready to unearth the secrets of becoming Nurturing Alpha parent on our latest episode! This episode of The 3D Parent Podcast introduces the concept of parenting like a gardener inspired by developmentalism rather than outdated behaviorism, AKA sculptor parenting.

Forget rewards and punishments, coercion and control. Instead, foster a fertile environment where your child can naturally blossom into their most authentic self. We'll explore:

Stop trying to control and start nurturing. Become the guide, the supporter, the safe haven that allows your child to unfold their unique potential. Ready to ditch the drama and cultivate a thriving relationship with your child? Subscribe to The 3D Parent Podcast now and discover the transformative power of the Nurturing Alpha approach.

Bonus: In the next episode, we'll dive deep into the first "D" of 3D Parenting: Direction. Learn how to guide your child with clarity and empathy, without resorting to manipulation or control.

READY TO TAKE YOUR PARENTING TO THE NEXT LEVEL?:

CONNECT WITH ME:

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EPISODE RESOURCES:
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Dr. Lindsay Gibson

Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown

Hold Onto Your Kids by Dr. Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate