What started as two women chatting in a nail salon turned into a deep and moving exchange about family, identity, and what it really means to belong. In this heartfelt episode, Angela Tucker—author of You Should Be Grateful—joins Jen Psaki for an honest conversation about transracial adoption, the myths that surround it, and the importance of centering adoptee voices. From laughter and vulnerability to lessons in empathy, this dialogue reminds us that some of the most meaningful connections start in the most ordinary places.

On this episode of The Adoptee Next Door, Patrick opens up about the profound challenges he faced growing up in foster care, from being labeled "unadoptable" to enduring multiple placements. He shares his emotional journey of self-discovery, the moment he faced his case file for the first time, and the painstaking process of reconciling his past. Through his experiences of homelessness, recovery, and his mission to create change for others, Patrick embodies the power of resilience. His story challenges the stereotypes of foster care and offers a powerful message of hope and transformation.

If you’re reading this, I already know something important about you: You care. You’re willing to engage with adoptee perspectives in a way that so many people aren’t. And for that, I’m deeply grateful.

Because you’re here, I know that you understand that adoption isn’t a simple “happily ever after.” You know that love is important, but it’s not a substitute for racial identity, community, or space to process loss. But, perhaps you haven’t gotten around to reading my book, You Should Be Grateful! I want to invite you to dig deeper with me through a self-paced book club—a space designed to challenge old narratives and build something better. I’ve created a guided book club slide deck that includes:

✅ Thought-provoking discussion prompts ✅ Action steps to make real, meaningful change ✅ A live Zoom session with me to unpack it all (April 2025)

And because I love sharing my creative process with you, I’m throwing in some fun extras:

🎹 A personal piano performance 🎧 The Spotify playlist that shaped my writing process 📖 A few hilarious behind-the-scenes audiobook moments

Join Now:

✨ $5 for non-subscribers - Sign up here!

✨ FREE for all paid Substack subscribers (Email me at [email protected], and I’ll send you the deck.)

(Yes, the episode title is derived from Michelle Obama's famous line; "when they go low, we go high!")

Television influences public opinion of adoption. It's easy to see the influence shows like Annie and The Blind Side have had as they highlight the savior tropes and downplay or ignore the adoptees journey of grief and loss.  To my amazement, Long Lost Family seems to buck the trend! This show (which aired on TLC from 2016-2019) focuses on reuniting adoptees with their biological family. In the adoptee-world, shows like this often are termed 'reunion porn.' But this was different. Adoptee, Patrice Martin, was cast on Season 6, Episode 8 and to my amazement they resisted the urge to exploit her story. The production team treated her and her story with the humanity and care that we adoptees desire. Stunned and impressed, I just had to speak with the team that put this episode together. 

Listen to learn more about how a network television resisted the inevitable ratings gold.

This episode features:
Patrice Martin - Adoptee
Kathryn Takis - Long Lost Family producer
Lisa Joyner - Host of Long Lost Family
Jen Utley - Director of Family Research at Ancestry.com
Leslie Mackinnon - Therapist for Long Lost Family cast and crew
  

You can reach out to Angela through her website or on Instagram @angieadoptee.

Back in 2016, Angela had 12 year old transracial adoptee Alex, as a guest on her web series, The Adopted Life. In this episode, Angela reconnects with Alex, now a 17 year old transgender woman, to discuss adoption, the intersections of LGBTQ culture, and how quarantine provided a silver lining for Alex's transition period.

You can reach out to Angela through her website or on Instagram @angieadoptee.

Angela talks with Tiffany Henness about the surprising grief she experienced during her pregnancy and childbirth of her two biological kids. As a Christian she challenges the fairy-tale narrative about adoption and wonders if Christians may be use the book of Psalms to think differently about helping children through adoption. 

You can reach out to Angela through her website or on Instagram @angieadoptee.

Kristen and I talk about her identity as a white-passing Latina, adopted from Paraguay to Washington DC. The first time Kristen and I chatted she told me that she has only recently begun identifying as Latina.

You can reach out to Angela through her website or on Instagram @angieadoptee.

Over the past week it's become clear that most U.S. Americans view Amy Coney Barrett’s transracial family as noble, good and representing all things decent. However, transracial adoptees have a different take. It seemed to showcase white saviorism and virtue signaling. Torie and Angela discuss why the Supreme Court nominee's comment was so polarizing and why conversations about transracial adoption are so divided that even hearing directly from transracial adoptees, isn't enough to counter the dominant fairytale narrative. 

You can reach out to Angela through her website or on Instagram @angieadoptee.

The impacts of being told that you were adopted late in life are far reaching. One Late Discovery Adoptee (LDA) says "It feels like a cruel joke. Finding out that you are adopted late in life destroys part of your identity and turns your life upside down." Some parents think they are protecting their child by not telling them. However, finding out as an adult is undoubtedly a shock and for many LDA's they can't help but wonder what else their parents' may have lied about? 

But Jay sees it differently. He explains how he differentiates a secret versus a lie.

You can reach out to Angela through her website or on Instagram @angieadoptee.

Angela speaks with Black adoptee Maya Holmes, who was adopted by Black parents as an infant. Maya shares her perspective and challenges Angela's assumptions about racial identity formation for black same-race adoptees.

You can reach out to Angela through her website or on Instagram @angieadoptee.