The Affair Recovery Podcast

Should we just quit? What are we doing wrong? Why does it feel worse now than it did before? One minute you can't get close enough, the next a single look sends you both back to your corners, and you're left wondering if any of this is normal. In episode 25, Jeremy sits down with Rick, John and Laurie to answer the questions they hear most from couples in the thick of it, and to name the phases that feel like failure but aren't.

In this episode:

• The push and pull where one of you reaches out just as the other pulls away, and what to do when it feels like you can't win
• Why the unfaithful spouse often feels lighter first while the betrayed spouse carries the weight, and what Rick says the one who strayed owes their mate in that season
• How to tell a normal phase from a pattern that isn't one, and when "we survived the crisis" has quietly become "we stopped"

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‼️ Take the FREE Affair Analyzer: Understand your situation

🥾 Sign up for the FREE First Steps Bootcamp: Take the first step to heal

👥 Explore Our Courses: Get the support you need to recover

⚠️Disclaimer: Our resources are curated by experts but do not substitute for professional therapy. If you need personalized help, please seek out a qualified therapist or counselor. If you are in crisis, contact emergency services in your area. Transparency note: Some links above and in the comments may be affiliate links, which allow us to continue providing valuable resources for your recovery journey.

The affair most likely isn’t the only thing you’re carrying. There may be an illness, a loss, a job that fell through, kids who need you, or years of quietly holding it all together, and now you’re being asked to heal a marriage on top of it. In this episode, we sit down with Dr. Marcus Earle, Clinical Director of Psychological Counseling Services with 38 years in behavioral health, to talk about what so many of you have written in about: when infidelity isn’t your only crisis, where do you even begin?

In this episode:

• Why “fix one thing first” rarely works when you’re carrying more than one crisis, and the one thing Marcus and Rick say to address before anything else
• Whether marriage work and individual healing happen in order or at the same time, and the two situations where safety has to come first
• Three listener questions: a betrayed husband thirty years past discovery now facing cancer, a wife whose husband won’t address the affair, and an unfaithful wife asking how to tell her children about a pregnancy from the affair

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Dr. Marcus Earle is the Clinical Director for Psychological Counseling Services known for specializing in Marriage and Family Therapy, and Sex Addiction. With over 38 years of experience in behavioral health, they have helped countless patients achieve true healing.

• 🌐 Website: https://pcsintensive.com/
• 💼 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/psychological-counseling-services-ltd
• 🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@themindofatherapist
• 👥 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PsychCounselingServicesAZ/

For additional clinical resources referenced in this episode: International Institute for Trauma & Addiction Professionals

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‼️ Take the FREE Affair Analyzer: Understand your situation

🥾 Sign up for the FREE First Steps Bootcamp: Take the first step to heal

👥 Explore Our Courses: Get the support you need to recover

⚠️Disclaimer: Our resources are curated by experts but do not substitute for professional therapy. If you need personalized help, please seek out a qualified therapist or counselor. If you are in crisis, contact emergency services in your area. Transparency note: Some links above and in the comments may be affiliate links, which allow us to continue providing valuable resources for your recovery journey.

Whether it's been months or years, carrying the weight of betrayal can feel like something you'll never be able to set down. You'd let it go if you could, but forgiving feels like saying it was okay, or letting them off the hook. In this episode, we sit down to answer listener questions about forgiving what you can't forget, sharing what forgiveness looked like in our own recovery and starting with the piece so many people miss: what forgiveness actually is, and what it isn't.

In this episode:

• What forgiveness isn't: forgetting, reconciling, saying it was okay, or giving up your boundaries
• What forgiveness is: a choice you make for yourself, and why it costs you more to hold on than to let go
• The moments and rituals from our own forgiveness journeys that finally moved us from deciding to forgive to feeling it, even without the whole truth or an apology

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‼️ Take the FREE Affair Analyzer: Understand your situation

🥾 Sign up for the FREE First Steps Bootcamp: Take the first step to heal

👥 Explore Our Courses: Get the support you need to recover

⚠️Disclaimer: Our resources are curated by experts but do not substitute for professional therapy. If you need personalized help, please seek out a qualified therapist or counselor. If you are in crisis, contact emergency services in your area. Transparency note: Some links above and in the comments may be affiliate links, which allow us to continue providing valuable resources for your recovery journey.

Two years into their marriage, Ryan confessed an addiction. In the painful years that followed, Jessica had affairs of her own. In their words, they “set their marriage on fire.” Twenty years later, they are both therapists helping couples heal from infidelity, and in this episode they tell their own story.

In this episode:

• Ryan and Jessica's full story, from his confession to her affairs to the three disclosures it took for the whole truth to come out
• Why Jessica says affairs don't cause affairs, and the difference between a revenge affair and coping with pain
• A listener's question: when you're both betrayed and both unfaithful, how do you heal?

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Jessica and Ryan McDaniel are Licensed Professional Counselors who both graduated from UT Austin with degrees in Psychology before each earning an MA in Counseling at Denver Seminary. Jessica is passionate about walking with those experiencing betrayal trauma, identity and sexual brokenness, pregnancy grief and loss, and postpartum depression; she currently leads groups for Postpartum Support, Perinatal Loss, and Betrayed Wives impacted by infidelity. Ryan has pursued his passion of helping others with sexual addiction, infidelity, depression, anxiety, and trauma. Together they run McDaniel Counseling in Round Rock, Texas, and have been working with Affair Recovery since 2017. Having personally walked through both betrayal and infidelity in their own marriage, they've seen firsthand that hope and healing are possible for anyone willing to work through the pain.

Follow Ryan & Jessica:
📸 Instagram: @mcdanielcounseling
🌐 Website: https://www.mcdanielcounseling.com

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‼️ Take the FREE Affair Analyzer: Understand your situation

🥾 Sign up for the FREE First Steps Bootcamp: Take the first step to heal

👥 Explore Our Courses: Get the support you need to recover

⚠️Disclaimer: Our resources are curated by experts but do not substitute for professional therapy. If you need personalized help, please seek out a qualified therapist or counselor. If you are in crisis, contact emergency services in your area. Transparency note: Some links above and in the comments may be affiliate links, which allow us to continue providing valuable resources for your recovery journey.

A promise is not a boundary. Jim Ramos, author of Guardrails and founder of Men in the Arena, joins Jeremy and Rick Reynolds to lay out the practical guardrails that rebuild safety in a marriage, and why saying “you can trust me” changes nothing on its own.

In this episode:

• A guardrail breach begins small and compounds from there
• What a spouse is asking for when they ask for a boundary, and why it is not an attempt to manage anyone
• Why the charge of legalism misses what is actually at stake in a marriage after a breach

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Jim Ramos is a bestselling author, speaker, and the founder of Men in the Arena, an international ministry focused on equipping Christian Men in the 'Stress Bubble' of life - married, with kids in the home, struggling to lead their families, churches, and communities well. Jim passionately galvanizes men to fight passivity, "get out of the bleachers," and step up "into the arena" of spiritual leadership. He hosts the #1 ranked Spotify podcast for Christian men, the Men in the Arena Podcast, and has written numerous books, including the USA TODAY Bestseller Dialed In: Reaching Your Full Capacity as a Man of God.

April 7 was the release of his newest book, Guardrails: Ten Boundaries for an Unbreakable Marriage. In it, Jim outlines 10 time-tested boundaries designed to protect relationships from infidelity—one simple choice at a time.

Connect with Jim and Men in the Arena:

• 📚 Get the Book: tinyurl.com/Guardrails115
• 📸 Instagram: @themeninthearena
• 🌐 Website: meninthearena.org
• 🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@theMenintheArena

📞 +1 (737) 227-5014 Share a question for future episodes

‼️ Take the FREE Affair Analyzer: Understand your situation

🥾 Sign up for the FREE First Steps Bootcamp: Take the first step to heal

👥 Explore Our Courses: Get the support you need to recover

⚠️Disclaimer: Our resources are curated by experts but do not substitute for professional therapy. If you need personalized help, please seek out a qualified therapist or counselor. If you are in crisis, contact emergency services in your area. Transparency note: Some links above and in the comments may be affiliate links, which allow us to continue providing valuable resources for your recovery journey.

A song. A street you have to drive down. A photo your phone decides to resurface. You were fine five minutes ago and now you cannot breathe, and nobody warned you that this is what recovery would feel like. In Episode 21, our team focuses on 24/7 triggers: what they actually are, what to do when therapy or group is not available, and how the unfaithful can support their spouse in navigating these unexpected moments that rob everyday life.

In this episode:

• What a trigger actually is, why it fires before you can think, and why that is your brain trying to protect you
• What to do in the moment, from naming it out loud to anticipating a hard room before you walk into it
• How an unfaithful spouse can show up when their spouse is triggered, and the one sentence never to say

👀 WATCH the Episode

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‼️ Take the FREE Affair Analyzer: Understand your situation

🥾 Sign up for the FREE First Steps Bootcamp: Take the first step to heal

👥 Explore Our Courses: Get the support you need to recover

⚠️Disclaimer: Our resources are curated by experts but do not substitute for professional therapy. If you need personalized help, please seek out a qualified therapist or counselor. If you are in crisis, contact emergency services in your area. Transparency note: Some links above and in the comments may be affiliate links, which allow us to continue providing valuable resources for your recovery journey.

What does a true recovery roadmap look like? Does reaching the final destination simply mean stopping the addictive behaviors? In Episode 20, we welcome back Matt Wenger, Clinical Director at the Begin Again Institute, for part two of a conversation on healing sexual addiction. We get practical about the difference between sobriety and recovery, signs that someone is ready to address his/her addiction, how an unfaithful spouse can support a traumatized partner while doing their own healing, and so much more. We believe that no matter how far away it feels you can find real intimacy again.

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Matt is the Executive Clinical Director of Begin Again Institute, a treatment center that offers 14day  Trauma Based Intensives for Men seeking recovery from porn and sex addiction. Begin Again Institute also offers intensives for Betrayed Partners. He has served more than 1,500 families in that setting since 2019. Matt’s expertise is in men’s addiction, betrayal trauma, childhood trauma, couple’s recovery and the spiritual aspects of recovery. Matt holds a Master’s degree in Couples and Family Counseling and is credentialed as Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), and Certified Clinical Partner Specialist (CCPS). Matt lives near Boulder, Colorado and enjoys spending time with his family, friends and being in nature. 

Connect with Matt:

• 🌐 Website: beginagaininstitute.com
• 📸 Instagram: @beginagaininstitute
• 💼 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/matthew-wenger-19b883294/ 

📞 +1 (737) 227-5014 Share a question for future episodes

‼️ Take the FREE Affair Analyzer: Understand your situation

🥾 Sign up for the FREE First Steps Bootcamp: Take the first step to heal

👥 Explore Our Courses: Get the support you need to recover

⚠️Disclaimer: Our resources are curated by experts but do not substitute for professional therapy. If you need personalized help, please seek out a qualified therapist or counselor. If you are in crisis, contact emergency services in your area. Transparency note: Some links above and in the comments may be affiliate links, which allow us to continue providing valuable resources for your recovery journey.

If you've ever wondered why nobody knew what to do with you after your world fell apart, you're not alone. Board-certified betrayal trauma coach Andrea Rogers shares her own story of discovering a 12-year affair and the difference between real recovery and simply modifying behavior.

In this episode:

• The fallout of Andrea’s discovery and what she learned about betrayal trauma
• Real recovery versus just modifying behavior
• Intimate Partner Betrayal Awareness Day, launching August 4th

👀 WATCH the Episode 

Andrea Rogers is a Board Certified Coach and Certified Partner Coach with APSATS,  known for her empowering voice for betrayed partners. With over 20 years of experience in emotional wellness and empowerment coaching , she is the founder of Fully Alive Coaching and the Intimate Partner Betrayal Alliance, along with the creation of Intimate Partner Betrayal Awareness Day.

Connect with Andrea:

• 🌐 Website: www.fullyalivecoachingllc.com, www.ipbawareness.org 
• 📚 Get the Book: An Ember of Light - https://www.fullyalivecoachingllc.com/an-ember-of-light 
• 📸 Instagram: @coachandreafac @intimatepartnerbetrayal
• 📱 TikTok: @coachandreafac

📞 +1 (737) 227-5014 Share a question for future episodes

‼️ Take the FREE Affair Analyzer: Understand your situation

🥾 Sign up for the FREE First Steps Bootcamp: Take the first step to heal

👥 Explore Our Courses: Get the support you need to recover

⚠️Disclaimer: Our resources are curated by experts but do not substitute for professional therapy. If you need personalized help, please seek out a qualified therapist or counselor. If you are in crisis, contact emergency services in your area. Transparency note: Some links above and in the comments may be affiliate links, which allow us to continue providing valuable resources for your recovery journey.

Attempting to make sense of the affair is painfully confusing, especially when there are signs of sexual addiction. In Episode 19, Matt Wenger, Clinical Director at the Begin Again Institute, joins the podcast to explain how sex addiction looks different from other types of infidelity, and to share a message every betrayed spouse needs to hear: this is not your fault.

In this episode:

• What sets sex addiction apart from other types of infidelity
• Why abstinence alone doesn't constitute true recovery
• Why your skepticism is protecting you, and why you don't have to settle for anything less than a whole, authentic relationship

👀 WATCH the Episode 

Matt is the Executive Clinical Director of Begin Again Institute, a treatment center that offers 14day  Trauma Based Intensives for Men seeking recovery from porn and sex addiction. Begin Again Institute also offers intensives for Betrayed Partners. He has served more than 1,500 families in that setting since 2019. Matt’s expertise is in men’s addiction, betrayal trauma, childhood trauma, couple’s recovery and the spiritual aspects of recovery. Matt holds a Master’s degree in Couples and Family Counseling and is credentialed as Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), and Certified Clinical Partner Specialist (CCPS). Matt lives near Boulder, Colorado and enjoys spending time with his family, friends and being in nature. 

Connect with Matt:

• 🌐 Website: beginagaininstitute.com
• 📸 Instagram: @beginagaininstitute
• 💼 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/matthew-wenger-19b883294/ 

📞 +1 (737) 227-5014 Share a question for future episodes

‼️ Take the FREE Affair Analyzer: Understand your situation

🥾 Sign up for the FREE First Steps Bootcamp: Take the first step to heal

👥 Explore Our Courses: Get the support you need to recover

⚠️Disclaimer: Our resources are curated by experts but do not substitute for professional therapy. If you need personalized help, please seek out a qualified therapist or counselor. If you are in crisis, contact emergency services in your area. Transparency note: Some links above and in the comments may be affiliate links, which allow us to continue providing valuable resources for your recovery journey.

If one part of you wants to stay and another wants to leave, you know how exhausting that inner standoff can be. Many people believe that making the decision will finally quiet the pain. In Episode 18, Wayne Baker, LPC, explores why it actually works the other way around, and how getting curious about your own "parts" helps you begin to move forward. 

In this episode:

• Why you feel pulled in opposite directions and “crazy” in the midst of the pain
• "No bad parts": why even your anger has a good intention, though the behavior may not
• Why you work through the feelings to find the clarity, and only then make the decision

👀 WATCH the Episode

📞 +1 (737) 227-5014 Share a question for future episodes

‼️ Take the FREE Affair Analyzer: Understand your situation

🥾 Sign up for the FREE First Steps Bootcamp: Take the first step to heal

👥 Explore Our Courses: Get the support you need to recover

⚠️Disclaimer: Our resources are curated by experts but do not substitute for professional therapy. If you need personalized help, please seek out a qualified therapist or counselor. If you are in crisis, contact emergency services in your area. Transparency note: Some links above and in the comments may be affiliate links, which allow us to continue providing valuable resources for your recovery journey.