The Agewyz Podcast

When Judith Henry's parents became ill in 2007, not even her reputation as a pragmatist, a planner and responsible eldest sibling could prepare her for what lay ahead.  But Judith had one advantage: around age ten she had played a caregiving role for her mother, who was in and out of hospitals.  Judith's caregiver-in-training childhood and transition to aiding her elderly parents in the last phase of their lives is at the heart and soul of her book, "The Dutiful Daughter's Guide to Caregiving: A Practical Memoir."  Jana talks with Judith about her no-nonsense, witty and practical "Dutiful Daughter's Guide to Caregiving" and how being plunged into 24/7 care made her realize that when you're caring for a parent, it's not just the time you're actually caring for them - it's your past and your present and your future, all brought to the table.  From an astrologist's prediction that came true and giving her dad a time out during Hanukkah dinner to helping her mother plan her own funeral, Judith mixes it up in this lively conversation.  

Note: this episode originally aired April 8, 2016.

Learn more at Judith's website

Being able to speak and write were central to Debra Meyerson's career as a tenured professor at Stanford University, where her work revolved around diversity, gender, identity and organizational change. But when she suffered a severe stroke that nearly killed her, the career by which Debra defined herself was gone - cut short by her stroke. Jana talks with Debra and her son Danny Zuckerman, co-authors of the new book, "Identity Theft: Rediscovering Ourselves After Stroke," an account of Debra's extraordinary efforts to recover and her journey to redefine herself after her traumatic event. "Identity Theft" also includes stories of fellow stroke survivors and highlights the emotional journey in recovery and what family members and partners go through. The authors share how their family's lives changed as a result of Debra's stroke and talk about the hard work needed to regain everyday capabilities. All proceeds from the sale of "Identity Theft" will be used to fund a new nonprofit initiative called Stroke Forward.

Learn more about Stroke Forward and "Identity Theft"
Additional resource: CaringBridge

Music: "Burning Light" by Ketsa | CC BY NC ND | Free Music Archive

Former Ohio state trooper Matt Gurwell spent 20-plus years delivering bad news to family members about accidents involving older drivers. Now instead of delivering death notifications, he’s helping to preserve family relationships and saving lives with a self-assessment tool called Beyond Driving With Dignity. Matt is the founder of Keeping Us Safe, and Beyond Driving With Dignity is the organization’s proactive approach to helping family members and older drivers make their own decisions, but the right decision, about possibly giving up driving. Matt says not all older adults need to turn over their car keys. He explains why and tells us how Keeping Us Safe’s self-assessment tool works. Matt also explains why handicap parking spots actually increase accidents and why he dreads having the conversation with his own father about giving up the car keys. The work of Keeping Us Safe has been recognized by the NY Times, NPR, the Alzheimer's Foundation of America, NBC News and many other media outlets and organizations. 

Note: this episode originally aired December 14, 2017. We have an update at the end of today’s broadcast.

Learn more: Keeping Us Safe
Contact Keeping Us Safe: 877-907-8841

Music: "Growing Silence" by Ketsa | CC BY NC ND | Free Music Archive

AGEWYZ PODCAST FOUR-YEAR ANNIVERSARY EPISODE!

There are lots of books on the market about balancing career and children, but where do you turn for advice on balancing career and aging parents? With 10,000 people turning 65 every day and employers slow to acknowledge the needs of their caregiving employees, Liz O'Donnell's new book, "Working Daughter: How to Care for Your Aging Parents While Making a Living" could not be more timely. Liz was riding high in her career as a marketing executive and raising two children when both of her parents were diagnosed with terminal illnesses on the same day. Her book, "Working Daughter: How to Care for Your Aging Parents While Making a Living" is filled with vivid anecdotes from Liz's white-knuckle experience as the primary caregiver for both of her parents. A roadmap to caring for aging parents without losing your job, your marriage or your sanity, "Working Daughter" is a book for caregivers everywhere but especially working women. Liz O'Donnell is the founder of WorkingDaughter.com, a community for women balancing eldercare and career. She's also the author of "Mogul, Mom & Maid: The Balancing Act of the Modern Woman."

Buy Liz's book: "Working Daughter: How to Care for Your Aging Parents While Making a Living"
Visit Liz's Working Daughter website
Join the Working Daughter closed Facebook Group

Music: "Turning on the Lights" by Blue Dot Sessions | CC BY NC | Free Music Archive

Award-winning Canadian photographer Jay Perry dodged burning cars in Haiti after the country’s devastating 2010 earthquake, he’s had Haitian rebels point their guns in his direction and he’s driven across the country in a cramped van eating and drinking off four dollars a day. But watching his father slip away from cancer was harder than any of those ordeals. Jay tells us why, and he talks about his book, "My Dad Got Sick: Love and Insights From a Caregiver's Unexpected Journey Through Cancer," an emotional account of interrupting his skyrocketing career at age thirty-one to help his father battle terminal cancer. Jay shares the non-traditional medicine practices incorporated into his dad’s daily routine. He opens up about the anxiety of being in debt after leaving the workforce to care for his dad and explains why it was worth it. Jay also tells us about his mission trip to Haiti and how his photograph “Kettenie-Love” changed both his life and the life of the little girl in the photo. 

Note: this episode originally aired June 28, 2018.

Jay's book: My Dad Got Sick: Love and Insights From a Caregiver's Unexpected Journey Through Cancer
Explore Jay's photography
The story behind Jay's award-winning photograph “Kettenie-Love” 
Learn more about Jay's project Friends With Hearts

Subscribe to The Agewyz Podcast: iTunes
Got a story to share? Email us any time at [email protected]

Music: “Melancholia” by Dlay | CC BY NC ND | Free Music Archive

Did you know that Millennial caregivers make up nearly a quarter of America's 44 million family caregivers?  One of them is Atlanta writer and dementia care advocate Aisha Adkins.  An only child and African American who grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood near Seattle, Aisha was bullied in school and had forty operations as a child.  But resentment is not in her wheel house.  In 2017, she founded Our Turn 2 Care, a website that connects young adult caregivers with information, resources and each other.  Aisha helped care for her dad when he had a stroke and she now cares for her mother who has Frontotemporal dementia, the most common form of dementia for people under the age of 60.  Aisha talks about how her childhood prepared her for caring for her mom, getting her Master's degree piecemeal from Georgia State University and her advocacy work on behalf of her fellow Millennial caregivers.  She also shares her learnings from caregiving thus far, and she tells us why she's perfectly happy spending a Saturday evening sitting on the sofa with her parents.

Aisha's website
Explore Our Turn 2 Care

Music: "Save One Another" by Dlay | CC BY NC ND | Free Music Archive

Did you know that in the United States there are over 80,000 centenarians? Those are Americans who have made it to age 100 and beyond. They were born at a time when the life expectancy was just 53-1/2 for men and 56 for women. Today, life expectancy is 76 for men and 81 for women.  So what is it like to be age 100 or older?  And what can we learn from the men and women in this demographic?  LA photographer Robert Duron is finding out.  Robert is in the midst of photographing 100 of the nation's centenarians for California-based health plan SCAN, which is celebrating America's 80,000 plus centenarians with a new digital portrait series called, "stages: 100 over 100."  Robert Duron has photographed famous athletes and musicians, models and even Ron and Nancy Reagan for the LA Chamber of Commerce.  But "stages: 100 over 100" is nothing like his commercial work.  Robert tells us how this project is different and what he's learned from the centenarians.  He shares his approach to the photo shoots and why "stages: 100 over 100" is a project he wishes he could focus on exclusively.

Explore the project: "stages: 100 Over 100"
See some of Robert's other work: Robert Duron Photography

Pioneering educator and researcher Dr. Pauline Boss coined the term "ambiguous loss" to describe a form of grief that is common in caregivers of family members with Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia.  It's marked by a never-ending grief for the person with dementia who is "there but not there," and it forces the caregiver to confront a new and confusing relationship - one ruptured by dementia.  Dr. Boss tells us how the phrase "ambiguous loss" evolved and how she experienced it in her own childhood, growing up in Wisconsin in her Swiss immigrant family.  She explains why people who are mastery-oriented have a harder time with ambiguous loss, how Western culture has conditioned us to believe we can change things we can't and how this mindset prevents caregivers from having "good enough" relationships with care partners who have dementia.  We'll hear suggestions for how to lower stress levels and increase your tolerance for ambiguity, something Dr. Boss is working on in her own life as a caregiver for her husband, who is unable to walk.  When she's not caring for her husband, Dr. Boss is working on a new book called, "The Myth of Closure."  She recently launched her ambiguous loss online training program.  Dr. Pauline Boss is the author of five books including, "Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live With Unresolved Grief," and the book, "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia" which will be released as an audio book later this year.

Explore the work of Dr. Pauline Boss: Ambiguous Loss

We celebrate this Memorial Day with the story of a military caregiver whose husband returned from active duty alive but mentally wounded. Jill Armijo’s husband, Joe, served in the Navy as a machinist and was deployed to a ship in the Persian Gulf just before Operation Desert Storm. A gentle, generous man, Joe returned from the Gulf War paranoid and with delusions of grandeur. For the past 20 years, his greatest battle has been schizophrenia. Although the medical community eventually recognized Joe’s condition as Gulf War Illness, Jill says the VA wasn’t much help when he came back from the Gulf and most doctors didn’t know what to do with him. Jill talks about the pressure of caring for Joe while holding down a job for her entire family, and how her sons saved the marriage and was patient with Joe while she often lost her cool. She provides vivid examples of Joe’s behavior, offers coping tools for other caregivers and tells us how she stopped trying to cure Joe and learned to love him just as he is. Jill is currently working on a book about her family’s journey called, "Home of the Unknown Soldier: How Coming Back Became the Other Ultimate Sacrifice."

Explore Jill’s work and caregiving tools: Jill Armijo
Connect with Jill on Facebook | Instagram: @jarmiji1962 | Email: [email protected]

Chicago native Denise M. Brown founded CareGiving.com at a time when Google, Twitter, Facebook and Wikipedia didn't even exist.  Everyone told Denise she was wasting her time.  No one would be interested in a website like CareGiving.com.  She launched the site anyway and now, over twenty years later, CareGiving.com is the go-to destination for millions of family caregivers desperate for practical advice and encouragement.  Jana talks with Denise about her early influences, how she manages her own parents and the two-day, National Institutes of Health event that shocked Denise into the realization that caregivers are invisible even the medical community.  

Note: this episode originally aired November 2, 2017.  It has been lightly edited.

Blog post mentioned in the show (Denise M. Brown): "What They Need Isn't What I Need"