"I'm just trying to create the lunch table that I could never sit at myself."

The mistake happens in the first week.

You move to a new city, full of energy and ideas about community building. You've got credentials. Experience. A track record of making things happen.

So you announce your arrival. Start a meetup. Launch an initiative. Try to gather people around your vision.

And... crickets.

Tony Bacigalupo learned this lesson the hard way, even after founding Manhattan's first coworking space in 2008 and spending 18 years in the global coworking movement.

When he and his wife moved from New York City to Norwalk, Connecticut, two years ago, Tony did something different. Instead of leading with his experience, he started by becoming a regular at the local café. Instead of launching his events, he attended other people's meetings.

Instead of trying to be a leader, he committed to being a participant.

The result?

He's now leading weekly bike rides for Sustainable Streets Norwalk, has created a physical community directory in collaboration with city officials, and documented the entire journey through his "belongfulness" project.

This conversation reveals the counterintuitive truth about community building: the people who hunger for belonging are often those who have never found it themselves.

And the fastest way to create community isn't to start something new—it's to show up consistently to what already exists until leadership finds you.

For coworking operators, this reframes everything about how you build authentic community.

For anyone who has ever felt like an outsider, it's a blueprint for creating the belonging you wish you had.

Timeline Highlights

[01:16] "I led the charge to open what would become Manhattan's first coworking space back in 2008"

[03:01] Why Norwalk checked all the boxes: "not too big, not too small, vibrant, diverse, interesting"

[05:56] The hidden community everywhere: "There's so much going on here. You just don't know about it"

[07:48] The fundamental mistake: "It's hard to come into a new place and instantly become a leader"

[09:05] How opportunities started coming: "I looked for ways to become visible and consistent"

[09:54] The golden rule of community building: "build the cred and then let the mandate find you"

[15:23] Local newsletters as civic service: "filling the gap of the decline of local newspapers"

[21:09] Starting your radar: "You're listening for what is the signal that this place is interesting"

[22:35] The Sustainable Streets Norwalk story: from attendee to bike ride leader in two years

[24:48] Why community builders are different: "the popular kids growing up are never the community leaders"

[25:53] The lunch table revelation: "I'm just trying to create the lunch table that I could never sit at myself"

[28:10] Going beyond events: "find the city officials who are interested in supporting more community gathering"

[32:18] Local vs global influence: "When I focus on local, I have a locus of control"

[34:11] Finding Tony: "belongfulness.com" and "if you're working on something in your city, I want to hear about it"

The Popular Kids Never Become Community Leaders

Tony's most revealing insight cuts straight to the heart of why some people become community builders and others don't.

"The popular kids growing up are never the community leaders because the existing community infrastructure worked for them," he explains. "If you ended up finding your people just through sports or corporate or whatever the existing traditional infrastructure is, you're not looking to create community because your existing community stuff is already there for you."

This explains the hunger you feel at coworking conferences. That sense of finally being in a room of people who get it. As Tony puts it: "we so rarely are in a room of other people who feel the hunger to create the belonging that they couldn't find themselves growing up."

The coworking movement isn't just about flexible workspaces—it's about people creating the lunch tables they never had access to. Understanding this changes how you approach community building.

It's not about networking or growth hacking. It's about healing and creating a sense of belonging for people who've felt like outsiders.

The Cred-First Strategy That Actually Works

Most community-building advice gets this backwards. The conventional wisdom says: identify a need, create a solution, gather people around your vision.

Tony discovered something different in Norwalk. After 18 years of global coworking experience, he made himself invisible. He became a regular at the local café without mentioning his background. He attended Sustainable Streets Norwalk meetings for two years as just "a guy who showed up."

The breakthrough came when they needed someone to lead their weekly bike rides. Because Tony had shown up consistently, they asked him. He'd never led group bike rides before, but he'd built social capital. The mandate found him.

"In contrast, if I try to come in and do something from scratch, it's very, very hard for me to get people to show up," Tony admits. "It's better if you build the cred and then let the mandate find you."

This mirrors exactly how he became a coworking space founder in the first place—by showing up to someone else's tech meetup until people started asking him what to do.

The Hidden Community That's Already There

Bernie shares a familiar experience: when his wife moved to London from Argentina, they explored more of the city in three years than he had in 15 years of living there. "You just are immune to it," he reflects. "I've only been to the Tower of London once."

Tony discovered the same thing in Norwalk. While locals complained "there's nothing to do," Tony was finding vibrant communities, interesting projects, and regular events. The difference? He put "a very unusual amount of effort into mapping these kinds of things out."

His method is surprisingly simple: Start with Google Maps and drag around to see what pops up. Search for cafés, bars, libraries, bookstores, and community spaces.

Look for places with "charming second-hand furniture and colourful paint on the wall." Follow local Instagram accounts and see what suggestions they make.

The infrastructure for the community often exists—it's just invisible to those who aren't actively seeking it.

For coworking operators, this means your role isn't just providing workspace. You're making the invisible visible. You're the connective tissue that helps people discover what's already happening around them.

Local Newsletters as Civic Infrastructure

One of Tony's most practical insights involves the decline of local newspapers and the rise of community newsletters. He discovered a growing movement of people starting local newsletters to "fill the gap of the decline of local newspapers."

These aren't food blogs or lifestyle content. They're curated information about what's happening in town. Simple civic service that gives people "access to information about why they should leave the house this weekend instead of just staying at home to ignore their TV while scrolling on their phone."

Tony's theory is compelling: "We can't beat the addictions of the algorithms and the internet. But if you get invited to go do something in real life, then that's a hard thing to turn down."

For coworking spaces, this presents a clear opportunity. Instead of trying to compete with social media for attention, become the trusted source for what's happening in your local community.

Not as a marketing strategy, but as a genuine civic contribution.

The Google Doc That Changes Everything

Both Tony and Bernie discovered the power of simple, generous documentation.

Bernie created a Google Doc for people visiting Vigo: "go to this restaurant here and speak to Jamie, go to this restaurant here and speak to Carlos."

Tony suggests imagining "a dear old friend is moving to your town and they want your full download on how to find the best of everything and how to get connected.

Just dump that into a Google Doc, man, and then that's an excellent start."

This isn't about building a business. It's about being useful. And usefulness, consistently applied, builds the social capital that eventually creates leadership opportunities.

For coworking operators, this could be the most straightforward community-building strategy: create the definitive local guide that helps new people connect.

Not as a marketing ploy ("people will smell it"), but as genuine service to your city.

Why Local Beats Global Every Time

Tony learned this lesson during the recent US election cycle. Despite massive efforts—"sending postcards and text banking and phone banking"—trying to influence national politics felt futile.

"It's different when you're trying to make an influence on people that you don't have a relationship with, people who aren't your neighbours."

But when he focuses locally, everything changes. "I have a locus of control. I can have a lot more influence on what's going on close by to me."

City officials and community organisers are grateful when you show up and help. Your effort creates visible, tangible change.

The paradox is that local work often achieves global reach more effectively than global work does.

When Tony shares his Norwalk community directory online, it becomes interesting because it's real.

"What I did wasn't special, but it wasn't happening. I did it, and now it's something that's out in the world, and you can do this, too."

Bernie experienced this firsthand: "As I followed your move and the belongings for all these things came out... I remember Sesame Street visiting the café, the rain, the meet up in the café and everything like that."

Stories about specific places with specific people doing particular things are infinitely more compelling than abstract theories about community building.

The 40-Year Community Project

Perhaps Tony's most ambitious insight is considering community building as a lifelong commitment.

He calls it his "40-year community project"—wherever he puts down roots, that place becomes the focus of his community-building energy.

This long-term thinking changes everything. Instead of trying to create immediate impact, you're building relationships that compound over decades. Instead of launching initiatives, you're becoming infrastructure.

For coworking operators, this suggests a different approach to community building.

Rather than focusing on quarterly member growth or monthly events, think about your 40-year project.

How do you become essential civic infrastructure? How do you create a sense of belonging that lasts?

What This Means for Coworking Builders

Tony's approach offers a masterclass in authentic community building that directly applies to coworking spaces:

Start with respect, not ideas. Before launching new initiatives, it is essential to understand what already exists. Spend time as a participant before becoming a leader.

Build social capital first. Show up consistently. Be useful. Let opportunities find you rather than forcing them.

Make the invisible visible. Many communities already exist—they just need better connectivity and discoverability.

Think local, achieve global. Specific stories about specific places have a greater impact than abstract content about community building.

Play the long game. Community building is a 40-year project, not a quarterly initiative.

The coworking movement has always been about more than workspace. It's about creating a sense of belonging that many of us never found in traditional structures.

Tony's journey from Manhattan coworking pioneer to Connecticut bike ride leader demonstrates how that vision is put into practice.

Links & Resources

Tony Bacigalupo's Work

* Belongfulness Project

* Tony's LinkedIn

* TonyBGoode on social media: Tony

* New Work City: Manhattan's first coworking space (2008)

Community Building Resources

* Sustainable Streets Norwalk: advocacy for pedestrian-friendly policies

* Visit NorwalkWebsite for local event programming

* Norwalk Community Directory: physical brochure distributed in libraries and train stations

Coworking Celebrations

* International Coworking Day 9 August 2025

* Send photos to: [email protected]

Coworking Community

* London Coworking Assembly

* Coworking Values LinkedIn Group

* Workspace Design Show – Feb 2026

One More Thing

Coworking brings communities together, helping people find and share their voices.

Each episode of the Coworking Values Podcast explores Accessibility, Community, Openness, Collaboration, and Sustainability—values that shape the spaces where we gather, work, and grow.

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