For our 100th episode I brought on my husband, Matt. You've heard me tell our story a hundred times; you've almost never heard him tell it. This podcast started in 2021 as the two of us, talking openly about his pornography use and my betrayal for the first time, back when we had all the passion in the world and not one framework.

You'll hear what we believed then that we don't believe now, what we got wrong about healing as a couple, and the hardest part of doing this work in public since 2021. And you'll hear why we're still doing it. Thank you for being here. A hundred episodes is as much yours as it is ours.

https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/feelpeace

If you've asked yourself a hundred times why he says he'll stop and then doesn't — filters on his phone, check-ins every week, a promise after every relapse — and none of it holds, you're not crazy and he isn't just weak. In eight years, multiple therapists, couples counseling, and every class and
book I could get my hands on, nobody ever explained this to me the way I'm going to explain it to you today.

Porn isn't actually his problem. There's something underneath it that no one is treating, and once you can see it, you're going to see the uncomfortable part too — the exact same thing is running underneath your checking, your spiraling, and your blaming. You can't heal his. He can't heal yours. But you
can finally stop pouring all your energy into the wrong problem.

Free training - learn my 3 proven steps to heal from betrayal: https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/feelpeace

If you're the one checking his phone, running the weekly check-ins, and keeping track of whether he made it to his meeting — you probably don't call that controlling. You call it supporting him. I did too. For years I was the filters, the check-ins, the accountability partner, the wife who wouldn't leave the house so he'd never be home alone. And I genuinely believed I was being a good wife.

I wasn't. It was fear in the driver's seat, and he could feel it — which is exactly why none of it was working. In this episode I'm walking through the 7 things I stopped doing, including the one that finally got my husband to take full ownership of his own recovery. None of this means excusing him. It means putting down a job that was never yours to carry.

Doors to Becoming Whole After Betrayal close Monday, August 17th — this is your last chance to join: https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/becoming-whole-after-betrayal

If you're constantly checking his phone, jumping straight to couples therapy, or believing that if you just pray hard enough everything will magically get better – you might be slapping a band-aid over a gaping wound. Your brain loves these quick fixes because they feel productive and give you the illusion of control. But here's what nobody's telling you: these band-aids are actually making your wound deeper, and you don't even realize you're bleeding out underneath

In this episode, Katie breaks down the most common band-aids she sees women using to "heal" from betrayal – from avoiding all triggers to obsessively supporting your husband's recovery. You'll discover why your brain is so convinced these temporary solutions are working, the real cost of these band-aids, and why spiritual bypassing won't save you. When you learn to recognize which solutions are just covering the wound versus actually healing it, you'll finally stop exhausting yourself with quick fixes and start doing the deep work that creates lasting transformation.

https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/training

Trigger warning: this episode discusses sexual assault.

If you're carrying pain from long before your husband's betrayal — something you've never fully untangled — you're not alone, and it doesn't have to stay complicated. In this episode, Katie shares something she's never talked about publicly: an experience with sexual assault on her mission, years before she ever met her husband, that shaped how she saw men and love for a long time.

She opens up about how that old trauma got tangled up with her betrayal healing, and the surprising truth she found underneath it all — the same tools that healed her marriage pain healed this too. Whatever you're carrying, old wounds or new ones, there's a way through, and you don't have to figure out which one to heal first.

 https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/becoming-whole-after-betrayal

You're supposed to feel like healing only moves in one direction, right? Like once you decide to face your husband's betrayal, it's just up from here. This week I'm telling you the truth: the last few weeks have knocked me flat. My brain has been running wild, telling me I'm failing at everything, and I let it happen. If you've ever felt like you were going backward, you need to hear this.

I'm pulling back the curtain on what actually happens when you stop managing your thoughts, why your circumstances can stay exactly the same while everything in your head falls apart, and the one practice that's dragging me back out right now. If you've been telling yourself you'll figure it out on your own, that you shouldn't need help for this, this episode is your permission to stop white-knuckling it alone.

Becoming Whole After Betrayal

https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/becoming-whole-after-betrayal

If you've been wanting to stop checking his phone, stop spiraling, stop obsessing over his every move — but every time you get close, your brain stops you cold with "that's just being naive" — you're not alone. That fear feels so logical, so protective. But what if it's actually the very thing keeping you stuck in the pain you're desperate to escape? This episode is for you.

Katie unpacks what's really underneath that fear of being naive — and it's not what you think. You'll discover the faulty core belief quietly running the show, why letting go of control is actually the opposite of excusing his behavior, and how healing at the root changes everything. Real healing isn't turning a blind eye. It's finally trusting yourself enough to make clear, confident decisions — from peace instead of fear.

Stop the Spiral course: https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/stopthespiral

If you've been trying to get your husband to take accountability, be more transparent, or just change — you're not wrong for wanting that. But if you're honest with yourself, it probably hasn't worked. And deep down, you already know why. There are really only three options when you're married to someone struggling with pornography, and most women are stuck cycling between the first two without even knowing a third one exists.

In this episode, Katie breaks down what those three options actually are — and why only one of them leads to real peace, real clarity, and real freedom. Not the kind that depends on what your husband does or doesn't do, but the kind that puts you back in charge of your own life. If you're ready to stop fighting reality and start actually healing, this one's for you.

⁠https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/training-opt-in⁠

If you've been waiting for your husband to say the right thing, heal fast enough, or finally do something that makes you feel like you're enough — Savannah Paul was right there with you. She married knowing about her husband's pornography struggle, said yes anyway, and still spent years feeling like his past meant something was wrong with her. Her story starts exactly where so many of yours do: convinced that his healing was the key to hers.

But there was a moment — like there always is — when she realized he couldn't fix what was broken inside her. What happened after that is the part you need to hear. Savannah's journey through disclosure, deployment, a surprise pregnancy, and a retreat in Arizona led her somewhere most women don't believe is actually possible: free. Not because her husband got it all together. Because God got into the places she'd never let anyone touch.

https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/reset

If you've been wanting to heal from betrayal but a voice in your head keeps whispering, "if you open up those wounds, you'll just be sad all the time" or "if you feel those feelings, you're going to wallow" – this episode is for you.

Maybe you've convinced yourself you're protecting yourself by not going there. Maybe you've tried feeling your feelings before and it actually did make things worse, so now you're certain digging deeper is dangerous. But what if your brain has been lying to you this entire time?

In this episode, Katie pulls back the curtain on what actually happens when you feel your feelings the right way – including a real, behind-the-scenes look at a client who went from a 10/10 panic to 10/10 peace in under 10 minutes. You'll discover why most women have been doing emotional processing wrong (which is exactly why it's been making them feel worse), the 90-second truth nobody told you about hard emotions, and why the cycle you've been stuck in for months or years isn't going to break itself.

Membership enrollment is now open: 

https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/becoming-whole-after-betrayal

Free resource "The First Step to Heal from Betrayal": 

https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/firststep