Saul tries to kill David, Michal (whom David bought for 200 Philistine foreskins) helps him escape, Saul prophesies naked all day and night, and David and Jonathan kiss one another until David exceeded.

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This episode begins with Jonathan falling in love (or friendship) with David. He was so taken by him that he took off his clothes and gave him his sword, bow, and girdle.

Then David buys his first wife with 200 Philistine foreskins.

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This is one of the Bible's best-known and most-loved stories.

It's also a bit on the boring side. But don't blame us, we didn't write it.

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In the previous episode, God rejected Saul as king because he failed to commit complete genocide on the Amalekites. Now, God finds someone who would be more than willing to do something like that - David.

So God chose David, Samuel anointed him, and the spirit of God came upon David from that day forward.

Meanwhile, God's spirit departed from Saul and an evil spirit from God troubled him. And the only way Saul could get God's evil spirit off of him was to have David stand before him while playing the harp.

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This is an episode that everyone should know about. In it, God commands Saul to kill every man, woman, child, infant, baby, and animal among the Amalekites. And Saul sends an army of 210,000 to do that.

They kill everyone - except for the king (Agag) and a some of the animals to sacrifice to God. But God was angry at Saul for committing incomplete genocide on the Amalekites. And for that reason, God will take his kingdom from him and give it to someone who would be more than happy to do such a thing.

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In this episode, God helps Jonathan slaughter some uncircumcised Philistines, and Jonathan is nearly killed by his father for eating a little honey.

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The Spirit of God came upon Saul, and he took two oxen and hacked them to pieces, sending the pieces throughout Israel.

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The Israelites demand a king, so God and Samuel provide one: Saul, the best-looking guy in Israel and a foot taller than everyone else.

After God selected Saul, he was selected again, by lot this time - which is the Bible preferred way of choosing things.

But when Saul's lot came up, no one could find him, so God had to tell them where he was, saying: "He's hiding among the stuff."

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To punish the Philistines for stealing the ark of the covenant, God plagued them with hemorrhoids in their secret parts. Then, when the ark is returned to the Israelites, God kills 50,070 for looking in the ark.

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After the Israelites are defeated by the Philistines, they decide to get the ark of the covenant before trying to fight them again. But the ark didn't help, and another 30,000 of their soldiers were killed. During the battle, the Philistines stole the ark and killed Eli's sons, Hophni and Phinehas. Eli dies when he hears that the ark was stolen, and Phinehas's wife dies while delivering a baby boy that she named Ichabod.

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