In this episode, God tells David to have a census. Then he gets angry at David for having the census and sends a disease that kills 70,000 men (and God knows how many women and children).

The text and notes for this episode can be found here.

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In this episode, God sends a famine to punish Israel and then stops the famine after seven of Saul's sons and grandsons are hung up before him.

The text and notes for this episode can be found here.

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In this episode, Amasa is killed by being stabbed under the fifth rib, which is the preferred way of killing someone in 2 Samuel. And Sheba's head is cut off and a wise woman throws it over a wall.

David punishes his concubines for being raped by his son Solomon by refusing to have sex with them and forcing them to keep house for him for the rest of their lives.

The text and notes for this episode can be found here.

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In this episode, David and Solomon have it out. 20,000 are killed (most of them were killed by a spooky forest.)

Absalom get his head caught in an oak tree while riding on a donkey, and Joab killed him by putting three darts through his heart.

The text and notes for this episode can be found here.

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In episode 123, the prophet Nathan told David that God would punish him for the Bathsheba/Uriah affair by forcing his "neighbor" to have sex with his wives in front of everyone.

Now, in this episode, God's prophecy is fulfilled, with David's son, Absalom, being the "neighbor."

The text and notes for this episode can be found here.

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David runs away from his son Absalom, leaving his ten concubines to keep house.

The text and notes for this episode can be found here.

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This episode is all about David's family values. Incest, rape, and murder - it's all here in a single chapter.

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In the last episode, David impregnated Bathsheba and then had her husband, Uriah, killed. To punish him for this, God killed the resulting baby.

After the baby died, David impregnated Bathsheba again, and Solomon (whom God named Jedediah) was born.

The text and notes for this episode can be found here.

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This is probably the second most famous story about David. (The first being the story about David and Goliath.) I won't spoil it here, except to say that it is, according to the Bible, the only thing that David ever did that was wrong.

The text and notes for this episode can be found here.

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The episode begins with David setting an example for the treatment of prisoners of war. (He kills two-thirds and enslaves the rest.)

But when he sent ambassadors to Hanun, the king of Ammon, the king "shaved off one half of their beards, and cut off their garments in the middle, even to their buttocks, and sent them away."

The text and notes for this episode can be found here.

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