The Big D

In this episode I chat with Samantha Bitty about her own divorce story, how a relationship with an ex can evolve, how divorce impacts us in relationship to and with our communities, astrology, intimacy after rejection, healing... and her glam divorce photoshoot.

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samantha bitty (she/her) is an award-winning, interdisciplinary sexual health and consent educator, speaker, certified Emotional Intelligence coach and social change Entrepreneur. With humour, empathy and liberation as central to her work, Samantha uses games, drag, and media to push the boundaries of propriety and facilitate entry points into challenging conversations.

An education and media polymath, samantha has worked independently and in collaboration, at all phases of development, production and execution of small and large scale projects. Prioritizing art, aesthetics and accessibility, her practise is rooted in pleasure, anti-racism, disability justice, and is affirming to folks across the gender/sexuality spectrum and survivors of gender-based violence.

This episode is full of bravery and mega flavours.

I interview Chef Joshna Maharaj, and we talk about comfort food, food as a trigger, healing through food, and finding our way back to ourselves through food. I also go on a bit of a pre-ramble about my own journey with food post-divorce.

ANNOUNCEMENT - My season finale recorded with a live studio audience (you?!) will be Thursday, January 19th, 2023 in downtown Toronto, and my guest will be Samantha Bitty. Tickets will go on sale tomorrow! Stay tuned to my Instagram @BigDPod.

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Joshna Maharaj is a chef, a two-time TEDx speaker, & activist who wants to help everyone have a better relationship with their food. She believes strongly in the power of chefs & social gastronomy to bring values of hospitality, sustainability, & social justice to the table.

Joshna works with hospitals & schools in Canada to build new models for institutional food service. Her first book entitled Take Back the Tray (May 2020), captures the lessons and experience from her work in changing institutional food systems around the globe. She is an enthusiastic instructor of both culinary and academic students, constantly finding ways to make food stories come alive.

Joshna hosts Kitchen Helpdesk, a weekly call-in food show on CBC Radio, and she co-hosts a food & drink podcast called HotPlate, currently in its 4th season.

@joshnamaharaj

@takebackthetray

This episode features Kat Foldvari, and we’re talking about mental health. Kat also shares some of her own divorce story.

She talks about her own high expectations of herself to navigate her mental health through divorce, stigma, stress responses, triggers and ways we can pull ourselves through.

Recognizing that there is a huge gap in mental health services and support, especially for people going through separation and divorce, Kat’s dedicated to providing mental health education, helping people navigate the system and advocating for the development of additional resources.

Join The Big D community by supporting on Patreon or following along on Instagram!

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Kat Foldvari is a mental health social worker with a masters in public health systems research. Most recently she’s worked on projects building comprehensive mental health strategies and designing wellness programming for healthcare workers in response to the COVID-19 pandemic. She’s a fierce advocate for empathy and understanding, and passionate about the strength-based approach to coaching and guiding others.

She’s a certified daydreamer and avid trail runner; mother of three bio-kids and two bonus kiddos.

Resources:

Thinking Traps

Hypo- and Hyper-Arousal

Rejection and the Brain

Divorce and Suicide

How to Put Kids First

Tips from Canadian Mental Health Association

I’m so excited to share this chat with you, it’s a fun one. 

In this episode I’m interviewing Lynzie Kent from Pop Up Chapel and Mad Bash Group, getting the tea on wedding planning when it’s your second time around. I share the conversation with my wedding photographer - Eyekah Foto - that inspired this episode. Lynzie and I talk about traditional and modern weddings, what it's like when couples break up, suffocating expectations, and what couples doing it for a first or second time can learn from each other.

Find Lynzie here:

@lynzie.kent

@popupchapel.ca

@madbashgrp

In this episode, Nancy shares her divorce story.

"I help people hear themselves into being."

We talk about growing up in conservative Christian homes, all the ways we come out of different closets, the role of therapy in keeping a relationship together or its dissolution, knowing when to quit, and how her life coaching practice has informed her relationship evolution (and vice versa).

Join The Big D community by supporting on Patreon or following along on Instagram!

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Nancy Shadlock is the founder of Centered Life Coaching and the host of The Coming Out Chronicles podcast.  When Nancy finally discovered that she didn’t have to divorce her spirituality to embrace her sexuality she started creating the life she’s always dreamed of. 

Now she spends her days helping others break out of closets of all kinds, embrace who they are and stand in their truth through retreats and 1:1 sessions.  Nancy also helps organizations build resilience and create greater rates of retention by helping their leaders grow in empathy and connection.

Find Nancy on Facebook, LinkedIn and Instagram.

In this episode I chat with my pal, Elamin Abdelmahmoud about the best breakup music. We talk about ‘crying appointments’, music that softens us, brings us back, teaches us about love and holds us during the worst. Ranging from Rent and Bruce Springsteen to The Chicks and Adele to many, many more - we pack it in!

The Big D’s Ultimate Break-up Playlist on Spotify and Apple Music.

The Playlist He Didn’t Listen To on Spotify and Apple Music.

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Elamin is a culture writer for Buzzfeed News, and host of CBC’s pop culture show, Pop Chat. He was a founding co-host of CBC Politics podcast Party Lines, and is a contributor to The National’s “At Issue” panel. His work has appeared in Rolling Stone, the Globe and Mail, and others. When he gets a chance he writes bad tweets [Miranda edit: but he actually writes great tweets]. His book Son of Elsewhere, a memoir in pieces, was published this summer.

Get Son of Elsewhere at a local bookshop or here.

Read How The Chicks Continue To Be Unabashedly Political on Buzzfeed

This episode is short and sweet. Very sweet and earnest. This is Britt’s story, the real life Parent Trap. 

This is that real shit twist of life and love.

My parents have been married for 35 years so I don’t know what it’s like to be a child of divorce. I live vicariously through my friends. A lot of them still talk about the impacts of it, in their adult lives. Britt’s story though, it’s unique. She's a child of divorce, and reunification.

Join The Big D community by supporting on Patreon or following along on Instagram!

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In this episode I interview my friend Britt. She is a community organizer, dog mom, wannabe kid detective, bi cyclist who loves her friends.

*Siri, play Believe by Cher* Do you believe in life after love?

In this episode I reflect on my experience as a single gal, and have the opportunity to interview Nadine on her experiences of dating post-divorce. We talk about cold showers, making out in the summer, sexting, the expectations we set for ourselves and others - and the stories that define how we approach dating. 

Read Nadine's article In Chatelaine here: It's Never Too Late to Learn How To Sext

Join The Big D community by supporting on Patreon or following along on Instagram!

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Story coach Nadine Araksi writes for some of Canada’s best-known media brands and also appears on podcasts and television. She rose in the ranks as a leader on the business side of media before deciding that she wanted to do more coaching and writing, which married her love of exploring stories, helping women and building community. As a story coach, Nadine helps women seeking more joy and ease learn to manage their minds as they navigate living through these uncertain times. Nadine is obsessed with examining the stories we tell ourselves that keep us stuck and oppress us. As a first-generation Armenian-Canadian descendant of genocide survivors, Nadine’s passion is to rewrite societal, cultural, and familial stories to liberate and empower women and marginalized groups. Nadine lives in Toronto with her two teenagers and one very pretty cat. Find her on the internet: Website: www.kickstartology.com Instagram: @nadinearaksi @kickstartologycoaching Twitter: @scarbiedoll

My bestie Rachel interviews me based on questions I received through an anonymous link on the @BigDPod instagram. I didn't know what to expect, and you all did not hold back!

We tackle all of these questions:

Why did you get married in your teens?

Do you regret getting married?

What do you miss about your ex?

Do you think infidelity can be okay if a person is trying to get their needs met so they can stay in a partnership? (Rachel and I go back and forth on what ‘emotional cheating’ means.)

How much easier or harder or healing or harmful would a breakup be if we shared the full truth with each other?

Did your queerness play a role in the changing dynamics in your marriage?

Who are your celebrity sex dreams about?

What music got you through your breakups?

What's the worst thing someone can do on a date after they find out you’re divorced?

What’s it like online dating?

Do you have trust issues?

What’s a pickup line that worked on you?

What’s a celebrity breakup I’m happy about?

and finally...

Would you get married again?

In this episode, Danny shares her polyamorous breakup story.

What is polyamory? According to the Oxford dictionary, it's the practice of engaging in multiple romantic (and typically sexual) relationships, with the consent of all the people involved. When we recorded this episode, Danny was in the midst of planning her wedding to her nesting partner, which is already a sensitive, emotional, process to go through - which made me even more grateful that she took the time record with me. You'll hear all about how she processed the breakup, how she grew from self-judgement to trust, how her partner supported her, and the essential role of community in supporting our bonded relationships.

Join The Big D community by supporting on Patreon or following along on Instagram!

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Danny is an academic and social scientist studying kinship, and living on the West Coast of the country known as Canada.