The Bitterest Pill: The Dan Klass Monologues

I complain about Westchester and take a shower…

I recorded this episode a week and a half ago, and I don’t remember what I said…

My dad had an operation.

I made an AI version of my voice, I am a horrible friend, and Cousin Ronny (River) is a cowboy…

 

Cousin River’s new show is Ranch America on the Outdoor Channel, starting next month.

I switched to “less expensive” health insurance, tried to get AI to make me a Me, and finally fixed the washer and dryer…I think.

 

I bought a Koke Zeero laced with cyanide, got new glasses that are useless, called in “sick,” and tried to fix the leaking shower…

I talk about Hugo, our dog.

I talk about not wanting to go to the “Black Chipotle,” getting COVID twice, the proper way to write an obituary, Lighthouse Spaceship & card tricks, bald guy hair maintenance, and how I am no good at reacting to getting a traffic ticket…

After a bit of an extended hiatus (almost 3 years?), I am back with the usual nonsense about restroom phone etiquette, rabid raccoons, the Bitterest Pill connection to possibly the greatest movie ever made, my version of TikTok, and my expertise in installing smart thermostats…

 

“Dan vs. Rabid Raccoon” by Brahm Corstanje

(Originally posted May 3, 2011) I saw Beck at the doctor’s office and Tara Ried at the meat counter. Apparently neither of them were invited to the big wedding across the pond.  Man, I haven’t seen this many people get this excited about breeding show dogs since, well, 1981.   Frankly, I thought the whole monarchy thing had run it’s course, until I saw Prince William/The Duke of Cambridge and his new (hot) bride driving around in an Aston Martin Volante with a “Learner” plate on the front.  Sweet move, Billy!

I talked reality with my agent.  Honestly, if you’re trying to make it in show business, reality is the last thing you want to talk about.

We started the odyssey of getting a new heating system put into the house.  We’ll see how that all turns out.  We had guys from a major American retailer come over to give us a quote.  We thought they’d never leave.  Eventually we signed on the dotted line.  Then, they started to get cranky.  Bad move.  Something they need to keep in mind: We don’t need the heater until October.  Mind your manners…

My apologies to Tara Reid for not remembering she was Bunny Lebowski.