The Bold Acting Podcast

This episode previously aired on In the Dark, July of 2017..WARNING: Topics discussed include suicide and depression.

While in Bucharest, Romania I spoke with the acclaimed commercial director while we were working on a male incontinence campaign. I loved making these commercials.

Jeff will be guest-teaching in my online class this Sunday March 10, 2024. Email me at [email protected] if you want to audit for free.

Thank you for reading BOLD . This post is public so feel free to share it.

If you like the Bold Acting Podcast talk it up at your next dinner or book club. Word-of-Mouth is the best form of advertising. If you don’t like it maybe just keep that to yourself.

Rating and reviewing the thing is also greatly appreciated. It goes a long way to spreading the word.

Thanks for listening. I wouldn’t do it without you.

Jason Bryden in Toronto

To get in touch email me at:  [email protected] on Instagram  @jasonbrydenofcanada

The song used in this podcast is called Sure and it was made by Braak which is electronic and cinematic music made by Øyvind Strand Endal from Norway.Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!):https://uppbeat.io/t/braak/sureLicense code: AVTXANAUYZXHSHB0

Once I had a friend named Ben. He was really nice. I value friendship over most everything else and I wanted to be a man that makes friends easily. But Ben was boring. So boring. I felt terrible for leading him on. But not as terrible as I did hanging out with him. I ghosted him but he wouldn’t take a hint. Then he caught me in front of the butcher shop and confronted me. It was an amazing time, two middle-aged men having a hurt-feelings spat on the street like we were in high school again.

I love a youthful experience. For fifteen minutes all civility and age-won appropriateness was gone. It was two children breaking up with one another. It felt exhilarating and awkward and pitiful. I was alive. Present. Loved. Thrilled to be the victor, the perpetrator, the one in charge. I felt guilty for hurting him. I probably could have done that better. And then ashamed. But then defiant and righteous. Fuck him if he can’t read a room. People have broken up with me. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea all the time. When someone distances themself from me I know the best chance I have of being with them again is if I give them space. Play it cool. It’s not something I’m historically good at. But it pays off. The world isn’t looking for needy. The world isn’t looking for provocation either.

Unless it’s the world of performance.

Have you watched Phantom Thread? It’s Daniel Day Lewis and other people. He’s an uptight fashion designer who is cruel to his muses. The way he does it without showing us he is doing it. The way it’s always about what the audience is feeling and not about what he’s feeling. This is great acting. The famously-method actor must have been a real peach to work with. Which I would love to experience. To be affected by a fellow actor so much you wonder if something is wrong. Did I say something, you think? You go up to them at the end of the day and say “Is everything alright?”

“Yes, darling. I was acting.”

And they put the emphasis on the last syllable so it tings across the room like an olive pit launched from the toothy mouth of a Bertie Wooster: -ting!

But it’s an other, a jobbing actor that really impresses in the film. Harriet Sansom Harris as a proxy for the real-life Woolworth heiress Barbara Hutton. Drunk, fragile, unendingly rich, Harris plays victim and perpetrator all in the space of two minutes. Smiling through unbearable sadness, laughing, coquettish, stopping herself from crying, ending with quiet menace.

Harriet Samson Harris

That’s what you want in performance. Provocation. It’s not what you want in real life. Life is hard enough without buttheads breaking up with you in front of the butcher’s.

Still, a scrape is followed by a bandaid and a treat. And then it turns into a story.

And a story is always better than being boring, isn’t it?

How To Be A Person is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Guy MacPherson was a friend of mine. I only reconnected when I heard he had cancer. He didn’t seem to mind hanging out together. Guy was a lover of comedy and comedians. (He would object to me using the word lover.) He was Vancouver’s first comedy critic (The Georgia Straight), The world’s first comedy podcast and the longest running comedy radio show (WSF?) His legacy is large. You can read and listen to a lot of it at guymacpherson.ca.

RIP GMacP.

The World Keeps Turning

Okay, onto Isaac Butler’s The Method — How the 20th Century Learned to Act

Holy shit this felt like a long book. I like short books like French Exit by Patrick DeWitt, 12 Bytes by Jeanette Winterson and an all-time fave A Whole Life by Robert Seethaler.

Butler does however give a thorough overview of a group of disparate artists collaborating on a big idea. The biggest of them all is that we are post-Method. Nothing has come along since. There are no Stella Adlers, no Lee Strasbergs to carry-on an American tradition. There is no Stanislawski to sow the seeds of change.

But if art is born of adversity then there must be big ideas coming. We just don’t know about them yet. But we will. I for one can’t wait. Art is forged of blood, sweat and tears — but mostly blood.

We are in a golden age for art. Herein is a reminder that it has always been.

Thank you for listening to the Bold Acting Podcast. This post is public so feel free to share it.

If you like the Bold Acting Podcast talk it up at your next dinner or book club. Word-of-Mouth is the best form of advertising. If you don’t like it maybe just keep that to yourself.

To get in touch email me at:  [email protected] on Instagram  @jasonbrydenofcanada

The song used in this podcast is called Sure and it was made by Braak which is electronic and cinematic music made by Øyvind Strand Endal from Norway.Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!):https://uppbeat.io/t/braak/sureLicense code: AVTXANAUYZXHSHB0

Rating and reviewing the thing is also greatly appreciated. It goes a long way to spreading the word.

Thanks for listening. I wouldn’t do it without you.

Jason Bryden in Toronto

Anyone can call themselves an acting teacher. In 1898 in Moscow that’s exactly what an actor named Constantine Stanislavski did.

Stanislavski and his crew came up with what turned out to be the most enduring acting system in the world. And it needs a refresh. Actors are savvier these days. As are audiences. It’s 2024 and we are post-method.

Anytime everybody is doing the same thing move in the opposite direction. If the hills are on fire soon come the chanterelles.. Stanislavski was responding to Commedia dell'arte and stayed Victorian performance traditions. 125 years ago The Method — or The System as he called it — was a radical change from the status quo. Now, not so much. We don’t have to get so thinky about things. The truth is in us. We just have to be still and quiet enough for it to come out and show itself.

Audit for free my in-person class and see for yourself what an encouraging but no-bullshit approach looks like.

Email me at [email protected]

Find me on instagram @jasonbrydenofcanada

Go to boldacting.com/classes for more info.

Thanks for listening. If you’re feeling it, throw me a 5-star rating. I couldn’t handle anything less.

JB

The song used in this podcast is called Sure and it was made by Braak which is electronic and cinematic music made by Øyvind Strand Endal from Norway.Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!):https://uppbeat.io/t/braak/sureLicense code: AVTXANAUYZXHSHB0

There is so much Ven overlap between investors and actors. So this week I’ve cribbed from the best, Warren Butler’s partner, Charlie Munger. And then, because I love talking about me (and acting and teaching) I use Charlie’s wisdom as a jumping-off point. Because Charles and I are equals … in the pantheon of mind.

Charlie died a couple months ago but not without leaving a wealth of great advice. Here are some of the highlights from his book Poor Charlie’s Almanac: the Wit and Wisdom of Charles T. Munger.

- Good ideas are rare. When you find one bet heavily. But to get to the good ideas you gotta wade through the bad too. And when you find the good one then the work really begins. Everyone has ideas. They feel good to have. They’re a dime a dozen. You have to put the work in.

- Avoiding stupid mistakes is more important than being smart. So dither. Dilly dally. Be slow to pull the trigger. Make a decision deliberately. Avoid stupid mistakes. Don’t stay up late. Mistakes happen late at night. Don’t hang around lazy people. Lazy people make a tonne of mistakes. Same with nervous Nellies. Fear impairs judgement. Avoid unforced errors by using your brain slowly and fully.

- Don’t work with anyone you don’t admire. See above lazy bones. But remember there is value in working with people that aren’t as good a you or have less experience. These are opportunities to lead. But when you’re making your own stuff work with people you look up to. I am working with a bunch of big brains at the union these days. It’s impressive. Normally I don’t like a roomful of actors. That can be too much for me. But these folks are so smart.

- Work on your best idea. Don't diversify. Do one thing and do it well. Do it until you’re a master and then teach others to do it. That’s it. That’s the end. That’s your whole life and I also think it’s the definition of happiness.

Thank you for reading How To Be A Person. This post is public so feel free to share it.

- Learning is changing behaviour. Everything changes. Why are we so intent on fighting that? We go on-and-on about how hard change is and yet it is inevitable. If you get good at looking for adversity you’ll never plateau. You’ll always be on a steep learning curve. And what is more thrilling than that?

- Do the unpleasant tasks first. Get them out of the way. In stand-up comedy they call this The Bullet. Take the bullet every time. Expectations are lower in the beginning. You can set the tone. And then you can sit back and enjoy the rest of the show.

- Stop multitasking. Concentrate. You might have ADHD because of that supercomputer burning a hole in your pocket. I don’t know. I didn’t do any research but the onset of those four letters that everybody bandies about followed the advent of the smart phone, did they not? Put that thing away. Focus deeply on one thing at a time. You know who doesn’t have ADHD? People who are moving mountains.

- Clip your business and personal expenses. Small leaks sink big ships. Stop going out. Life is expensive. Stay home and work on acting. And stop networking while you’re at it. Networking is a waste of time. Think of your money as workers. When you spend a dollar you fire a worker. When you save a dollar that worker keeps working for you. It keeps earning for you. My friend, Jeff Low once said Money is hard to find and easy to lose.

- Steal ideas from dead people. They don’t need them anymore. No need to reinvent the wheel. Read biographies. Try stuff on. Look for shortcuts to learning. Find evidence that corroborates your instincts and then try things out on a small scale. Keep the stakes low.

- Bad things will happen to you; it’s inevitable. So practice not being surprised. The way we do this is by welcoming adversity. When it shows up, high five it, hug it and then bide your time and when adversity least expects it kick in the balls. But try not to take it personally along the way. This is hard because we always compare ourselves to others. We think other people are having a better time than we are. They’re not. They may look like it but they have diarrhea too and their kids are a disaster and even though they drive a BMW their marriage is falling apart and she’s cheating on him and he’s addicted to Tik Tok.

- Self-pity doesn’t serve. Get over yourself. Be kind to yourself. Put your head down and keep moving with your ears open and your complainy mouth shut. Suddenly you’ll hear and see other people instead of yourself and that’s what being an actor is all about. It’s not about us. It’s about us getting out of our own way.

- Avoid group think. Avoid dogma; nothing is really incontrovertible. A growth mindset means you hold loyalty only to the truth, not to any one set of ideas. That especially goes for any acting teachers you might run into. Always get a second opinion. And a third.

- Self-improvement has no end. But that doesn’t mean you’re broken. We often conflate wanting to hone skills with I’m not good enough. Don’t forget your self-worth. You had it as a kid. It’s along the lines of being. Just be. Don’t be demonstrative about it. No need to show us you’re grateful or you’re good enough. Just put the phone down. You got one shot at this. Go out there and serve people. That’s how you make your mark.

How To Be A Person is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This unsolicited advice is brought to you by boldacting.com. New classes are ongoing. Go to boldacting.com/classes to find out more. Or email me at [email protected]

Stella Adler was a giant within the modern method acting movement of New York beginning in the 1950s. Her book although prescriptive and judgemental still has many practical insights that apply to surviving showbiz these days.

I've read it and made copious notes that I read to you here.

If you like the Bold Acting Podcast talk it up at your next dinner or book club. Word-of-Mouth is the best form of advertising. If you don’t like it maybe just keep that to yourself.

Rating and reviewing the thing is also greatly appreciated. It goes a long way to spreading the word.

To get in touch email me at:  [email protected] on Instagram  @jasonbrydenofcanada

The song used in this podcast is called Sure and it was made by Braak which is electronic and cinematic music made by Øyvind Strand Endal from Norway.Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!):https://uppbeat.io/t/braak/sureLicense code: AVTXANAUYZXHSHB0

Gambling

Actors gamble with their feelings, their egos, humiliation. But you don’t want to bet the farm. Not every time. You’ll become depleted. Always keep one hog back. The winters can be long in this neck of the woods.

We deal in feelings and feelings are the reason we are all here however, we cannot be ruled by said feelings or we become victims instead of observers. Lemme explain.

To be a responsible actor means you have to show up early with your homework done. We can’t hope to be employable if we’re having a hard time with everything.

“Choose one thing to be outraged about not the 17 you’re currently juggling.” - David Sedaris.

Our job is connection. The most biggest, bestest amazing thing consistently at the centre of our being is our desire for community. We the actors just have to show that. All of its embarrassing, awkward, messy stuff — the weirder the better. So even if you’re auditioning for shredded cheese if you connect with the other person in the commercial the people at home will see it. They won’t know what it is but they will feel it. Here’s an example: have you ever cried at a commercial? Yes, of course. Maybe not the shredded cheese one but the hospital ads with the sick kid, the phone ad with the daughter and mother separated by geography, the one with the soldier coming home reunited with their spouse (if you’re into marriage).

If it’s humour you’re after then connect in a grounded way with the dialogue or the other actor. If you make it about them and about something other than being clever you will become funnier. First step: stop acting. Stop talking loudly. Tighten the cap on your bottle of effervescence. Dry out your performance. Take it off of your face. We don’t want you to indicate when we should laugh. We the audience wants to discover that for ourselves. Don’t map it for us and for you; live it. If you know the end, if you have a bunch of great ideas you negate the moment. Just stand there and listen. Maintain eye contact. Don’t look away.

How To Be A Person is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

The Responsible Actor

If you are the exact same person in all situations then you are a trustworthy performer that people can count on. Show up early with your lines memorized and the go in any direction. Every direction. You are a purveyor of feelings but you are not a victim of them.

What we feel becomes our perspective on how the world works. The problem with a singular perspective is that it can become confused with the only truth. That’s called dogma. Intransigence means we no longer entertain other human’s realities. If we let ourselves become calcified we are no longer open to human experiences. We kneecap ourselves both in our acting range and in our confidence.

To create the artificial connection between people — which actors must be able to do— you must tap into your ability to compartmentalize: feelings are a tool not something that takes over. Learn to manipulate yours and you can manipulate others. Have you seen Godzilla Minus One? It’s incredible in spite of many elements: For one: the acting is overwrought. Two, there’s a giant lizard terrorizing post-war Japan and Three sometimes the CG leaves you with a hollow feeling circa The Abyss. But between the story and the music and the sheer humanity of it all you are moved. Even though you can predict what will happen next. Speaking of predictions: It’ll win the Oscar for best visual effects even though they’re not entirely consistent. Why? Because it’s such a great all-around movie. I’d say, masterpiece even.

Why Story Is Overrated

It’s not about the story. There’s plenty of shit movies out there that are incredibly popular (Marvel Universe) that have no story. We are interested in biopics even when we know how it ends. Because we’re really interested in character and behaviour. It’s why we watch our favourite movies over and over.

So compartmentalize the feelings. The feelings are there. They are predictable. Create a relationship where you are in control and get the thing you want from your scene partner. And hopefully they’ll be doing the same. Now you have two people with goals, agendas and desires. Watch sparks fly.

If you’re out of control and feeling it all. All the time you won’t be able to hear or see the other person. Acting doesn’t have to hurt. We don’t have to live our characters pain. We show the audience ours instead. Take after take. Night after night.

Don’t ever bet the whole farm. Always keep one hog back.

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The voiceover I do for this newsletter is always a little different than the written version. Even more of me for you to enjoy!

David Rotenberg died recently in Toronto. He was a legendary acting teacher with a lot of big name students that came through his doors over the years. I lasted three classes with him before he emailed me and told me not to come back. I was missing the very basics of acting he said and there was nothing he could do for me. He didn’t offer me a refund.

When I was a kid my mum left for a month to hike in the Himalayas. She did this from time to time. A Mrs. McKay came to help around the house. One day I couldn’t get a jar open. She took it from me and said “It’s all in the way you hold your tongue.” Now I understand that to be metaphor for concentration. Focus on the jar and your hands. Or maybe perspective. It’s just a jar. You can do this. Relativism? Compared to kids in Beirut you got it easy.

In the 80s it was always Beirut.   

The angry people that feel threatened by diversity is a crowded field. In 2020 I certainly fell into that category. I have lost a lot of work to the push for inclusion in commercials. But I also lost work because of the pandemic, because I work in an agist industry and because I priced myself out of the competition.

Anger is an emotion I am all to familiar with. It has hurt me (loss of a marriage, loss of friends, alienation of family members) more than it has helped.

My students here in Toronto include a visually impaired social worker, a stand-up comedian in a wheelchair, a retired consultant, a truck driver a BIPOC project manager that is also a model, a BIPOC salon owner. My online students are virtually all performers with a disability. I’ve come to them through a talent agency out of Edmonton called Kello Inclusive.

My singing teacher Elizabeth Davidson suggested I teach. And she said I should go after students with day jobs. Because there are much more of them, because they have money to pay for classes. She doesn’t aim to teach the professional singers so much as those that have an interest or a passion for it.

Exposure to groups you wouldn’t otherwise have experienced does two things: it reinforces stereotypes or it breaks them apart. It’s all in the way you hold your tongue.

Why Is Change So Hard?

Change comes inevitably and endlessly. So why are we so bad at it? One of my students had vision four years ago. Now he’s legally blind. He still gets on a GO train for an 1.5 hrs to come to my class. He’s managed change. Was it hard for him? Does the level of difficulty or ease matter? What else are you going to do?

Change on a microlevel can be mitigated. We get into routines and when we have to change them we find it difficult. We insulate ourselves in the West from macro change by avoidance, acceptance, our busy schedules, the insularity of the nuclear family. If your dance card is full you’re not going to be marching in the streets. As long as I have a good excuse I’ll let someone else do that.

“Yes it’s not fair. And don’t be late.”

We think we can predict the future but we can’t. We think patterns will go on forever. That’s just the way my people do it, we say. We ask questions without question marks. The human need to be right and to be agreed with is strong.

This past weekend I talked to a Meisner teacher of mine, Shaun Benson. He said a lot of good stuff. You can hear the whole conversation at the Bold Acting Podcast. He’s a proponent of not knowing how things will end. The actor looks at a script and knows the words but what you don’t want to know is the behaviour. When you’re performing you don’t want to know how it go. I don’t want to map my life, I want to live it.

The very basics of acting I was missing was presence I discovered. I kept starring off into space. I was in my head and out of my body most of the time. A teacher of mine in Vancouver Ben Immanuel told me to read a book by Patsy Rodenburg (no relation) called The Second Circle. That and going to my first Meisner class with Shaun and I was present again. And I’ve never not been. It was so simple. Not nearly a firing offence.

To be included means a person keeps learning, keeps working, keeps engaging with their community, keeps hope alive, keeps leaving the house. To be included — to just be given the same chance as others — can make an immeasurable difference.

Lessons come from many places. When I got that email from  David Rotenberg my feelings were hurt. Now I am thankful someone saw something in me and gave me feedback that I was eventually able to respond positively to.

The gap between anger and perspective is narrowing albeit incrementally. Who knows how it’ll end. Not me.

What I do know is there is so much to learn. Consider the tongue.

Life is short. Make your move.

How To Be A Person is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

To get in touch email me at:  [email protected] on Instagram  @jasonbrydenofcanada

The song used in this podcast is called Sure and it was made by Braak which is electronic and cinematic music made by Øyvind Strand Endal from Norway.Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!):https://uppbeat.io/t/braak/sureLicense code: AVTXANAUYZXHSHB0

Shaun Benson was born in 1976 in Guelph ON. The son of an English professor and a German literature professor. Shaun started his creative career as a ballet dancer and a musician. He completed his undergrad, a Bachelor of Science in Biochemistry at Western University. But fate intervened. Upon seeing a play at the Stratford Festival starring national treasure Colm Fiore something switched on in his brain.

His early acting work includes roles on General Hospital, Being Erica, And the Associates. Career highlights include the films Bitter Harvest, Trench 11, Arq, Populaire, and the CSA-nominated Kept Woman.

Apart from acting Shaun holds black belts in karate and Brazilian Jui Jitsu, and he writes and directs his own projects.

Recent acting work includes the Boys for Amazon Prime, Mayans MC, Tiny Pretty Things and MGM’s Billy the Kid which is shooting in Calgary and that’s where I caught up with him today.

For more information go to boldacting.com/classes.

Sign up for my free newsletter at boldacting.substack.com

If you like the Bold Acting Podcast talk it up at your next dinner or book club. Word-of-Mouth is the best form of advertising. If you don’t like it maybe just keep that to yourself.

Rating and reviewing the thing is also greatly appreciated. It goes a long way to spreading the word.

To get in touch email me at:  [email protected] on Instagram  @jasonbrydenofcanada

The song used in this podcast is called Sure and it was made by Braak which is electronic and cinematic music made by Øyvind Strand Endal from Norway.Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!):https://uppbeat.io/t/braak/sureLicense code: AVTXANAUYZXHSHB0

YVR Jan 4, 2024

This morning walking back from the gym through the gloom and rain I saw that someone had written in marker on a large hydro box “All comparison is odious”.

I compare myself frequently to others. On instagram, at the gym or even in conversation. Like when I feel someone losing interest in me. I shut up as soon as I realize it now. I didn’t always have this self-awareness. But I wonder in the shutting up do I diminish myself? Am I just deferring to someone more confident?

On the other hand, if I’m bored in conversation I’ll start acting out. Once I was being far too blunt with an old friend and they said “you’re kind of autistic in your honesty, aren’t you?” That was a good one. It’s also true.

Things I Don’t Like About Vancouver

- Traffic is terrible.

- No one does u-turns.

- No one knows how to drive.

- There’s bridges everywhere. And water ‘neath those bridges. This makes traffic — as I think I’ve mentioned — more terrible than any other place on Earth.

- Also, they don’t have sun. Ever.

Thank you for reading How To Be A Person. This post is public so feel free to share it.

I look out the window at the comings and goings of those tiny airplane support vehicles; turning left then right according to lines painted on wet tarmac. Beyond is Richmond BC. Or the Rich Mound as my brother calls it. A rich mound of sand; river delta, once farmland now houses all below sea level. When the big one hits this city and the airport will be the first to go.

A mother over to my left is telling her young charge repeatedly what a good job it is doing. It, I’ve decided, is also a pronoun. I used to do this; praise my children wildly for things completely natural/insignificant. There’s a difference between a child progressing as they should and a child arrested in their development. The parents of the latter are allowed to lose their shit if the kid stops drooling for once.

I read a Swedish parenting book and it was annoying in how the author compared her mostly American readership, I imagine, to the much more capable Swedish parent. According to her we are total idiots over here and we’re doing everything wrong when it comes to whelping progeny. The other thing I learned from this book was overt praise is just as helpful as blame. We need to prepare kids for the real world and giving them a false sense of incredibleness isn’t the way to do it. I stopped good-jobbing my kids immediately. I was still startled daily by all that they accomplished on the swings or at daycare or at the dinner table. With the first child at least it’s a fucking miracle when they stop shitting themselves or eat more of their pre-masticated slop than they mash into that weary high chair. But you push down the effusiveness just like, in my family, you do with emotions.

There’s an old dad in front of me. Or a young grandad. He’s three steps behind the kids. He’s French. The kids are adorable. He’ll be 70 when the girl is 20. Aging is a such a ripoff.

At the gym I saw a man my age or close to it. He looked like a million bucks. So lean and muscular. I wanted to ask him how he did it but I didn’t because I knew the answer would be so unsatisfying.

“I only drink smoothies made of boiled chicken and kale and I work out twice a day seven days a week.” He’d say and then he’d continue to want to talk about his exercise regiment well into the night and I’d put my hand up to stop him and call an Uber and on the way home I’d be looking out the window and think “That’s the biggest drawback to people with ab muscles is they always want to talk about their ab muscles.”

And how did I end up back at his place?

The final boarding call is made before boarding had even started.

I approach the gate personnel: “Was that the final call for boarding?”

“Can I please see your boarding pass, sir?”

“No, I know what my boarding pass says. Do you know what the announcer lady just broadcasted to gate B27?”

“Oh, I pressed the wrong button. Boarding will begin soon.”

“Terrific, my confidence is restored.” 

Sometimes at an airport or a walk-in clinic or the cable company the customer service screams there’s plenty of top candidates for when the fascists take over and require their own Stasi.

Sun! The sun suddenly makes an appearance! I rush over to the large windows overlooking the tarmac as the sun streams in. This is the second time we’ve seen the sun since getting to Vancouver ten days ago. What a great day to fly.

While here I sat with a photographer named Rob for some new photos for my new website. What do you think about this one?

Photo: Rob Gilbert

In my ears Sam of the Talk Easy podcast is talking to Willem DaFoe about acting. And it’s edifying to hear Defoe speak of acting in spite of not exactly knowing how to describe what he does.

- He speaks of publicly creating opportunities. His time at the Wooster Group. And he uses the word practice. The practice is all. There’s no arrival, no final performance. Michael Phelps winning his 33 gold medals did the thing at the Olympics that he did in practice. The practice continues, the venue changes. This is supposed to take the pressure off.

— Willem truly doesn’t know what the stuff means. He feels irresponsible. Knowing what all the words mean is not as important as him being engaged, present and fully committed. It’s called a leap of faith. You’re diving into something you don’t exactly know what but the quality of going towards that thing is what’s important. If you know exactly where you’re going you tend to race towards it. Then it’s mapped but not lived.

— Everything is based on doing as opposed to showing. The audience can be with you and have a flavour of that experience. Rather than telling us something we already know. We are looking for the “Wow, I never thought of that.” That’s what you want. Give yourself to something or someone and then surprise them.

At the end of the interview I stop learning and start feeling sorry for myself comparing me to Sam the interviewer who was twenty the first time he interviewed Willem at TIFF. How does a twenty year old interview Willem Defoe at TIFF? And how does he have a great podcast that’s not entirely annoying on Malcolm Gladwell’s network? How do I not compare myself to that?

Suddenly an airport genius decides we’ve had enough of the sunshine and the view of the Rich Mound and lowers all the automatic blinds along the large windows. This is Vancouver in winter. We just can’t have sun, people. We just can’t. It’s not the Vancouver way.

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Boarding finally starts for real and me and the kids sail passed the throngs of unwashed to our premium economy seats at the front of the plane (I require legroom goddammit. If I must pay extra due to height discrimination I will.) It’s amazing how little it takes for relativism to kick in. To Sam (I can’t remember his last name) I feel inadequate. But to the host of CBC’s Writers & Co., Eleanor Wachtel — the greatest interviewer alive — she probably doesn’t even know Sam’s first name let alone his last. To others waiting in zone five, they watch me swan past and resent me. Then they’ll resent me again when they see me stretched out in row two sipping a free OJ. What’s that saying again … about fighting for scraps at the bottom of the barrel?

As I luxuriate in my free premixed Ol’ Fashioned the rich mound disappears beneath us and is replaced by the Pacific Ocean before we make a u-turn (the pilot must be from Toronto) and head East. Ahh Toronto, how I miss your broad but ugly shoulders. Your jerk chicken, your clear blue skies, your lumbering street cars, your criminal premier. I shall soon be in your cold, dark embrace once more.

Let the comparisons to New York City begin.

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