-Anytime I go to bottomless brunch, I treat the waiter or waitress like an enemy on the combat field. If they don’t come by to refill my drink within 10 minutes, I take that as a declaration of war. I don’t let them out of my line of sight the entire meal. And if they don’t come back for one last drink before the buzzer? I’ll wish nothing but the worst for them and every single person they’ve ever loved. Nothing is stopping from getting his $30 worth of bottomless mimosas.

-I’m so used to getting that “end of summer sadness” from years of childhood where late August would come around and I’d get all upset because summer is over and I have to go back to school. And I feel like we’re programmed to still feel that way as adults. But I’ve come to the realization that I shouldn’t feel that way anymore at 25 because the only real changes to my life in September are that the weather gets a little cooler and I get to start watching football.

-I think we can all agree that the worst people on the planet are the ones who stand up and crowd the aisle the second the plane ends. That happened the other day on my flight and everyone shot the scumbag a dirty look and he got some comments “Where are you going? What’s the rush?” And his excuse was “Ah sorry, I’m Italian.” And I just have to say that as an Italian myself, we have to stop using that line to justify despicable behavior. It’s definitely in the top 2 of worst things that excuse has been used for this month

-My favorite weather is when it looks like it should be raining outside but it doesn’t.

-I think that being exactly 6 feet is the toughest height for a guy. When I tell someone I’m 6 feet, even though it is the scientific truth,I feel like they assume I’m lying and think I’m actually like 5’10”. So I might be the only guy that goes down an inch when lying about my height. I’ll say I’m 5’11” because nobody lies about going up to 5’11”, they just would go up to 6 foot. So I’d rather people think I’m honest and 5’11” than a liar and 5’10”.

-I’ve never understood how a lot of social media contests work. The ones where there’s a prize for say, the 1 millionth follower of a page. Because why would anyone ever follow you until you’re at like 999,000? If you announce that contest at say, 985,000 followers, then why would anyone be incentivized to follow you right then? They’re all going to wait until it’s way closer. Nobody wants to be the 986,000th follower of the page. They’re gonna hold out. Theoretically, a contest like that should really stunt the growth of your page and make it impossible to reach your goal.