This week Kelly is joined by a very special guest- Thilinie, a past client of the Breakup Empowerment Programme, who has very generously agreed to come on & share her story.

Six months ago, Thilinie was navigating one of the hardest periods of her life. She had lost her dad in January. Her "situationship" of almost two years ended over the phone on St. Patrick's Day with no explanation. She moved into a brand new house alone, an hour away from everyone she knew, in an area she had never lived in before, knowing nobody except her ex. And she was meant to be exchanging on that house the very next day.

Today? She calls it her Barbie dream house ❤️‍🔥

You'll hear:

✨ Thilinie's full story; loss, a situationship ending, moving alone & starting completely from scratch

✨ What she was hoping coaching would give her & what it actually gave her that she didn't expect

✨ The limiting belief she had carried since childhood that she didn't even know was a limiting belief until they worked on it together

✨ How she went from T, the version of herself that threw everything into relationships & lost who she was- to Thilinie ❤️‍🔥

✨ The anxious preoccupied attachment style she thought she already understood & what actually helped her change it

✨ Why knowing your attachment style isn't enough & what the missing piece actually is

✨ What her non-negotiables list looked like when she started & how Kelly very kindly told her that most of them were actually just bare minimum 😂

✨ How dating feels completely different now & the very telling detail that she no longer scrolls back through old messages looking for validation

✨ Four coats of paint, a wardrobe room & a painter she is dating who was absolutely not allowed to touch a single wall 😂

✨ Why time does not heal & what actually does

✨ Her advice for anyone who is thinking about getting support but is not sure if it is for them

This one is for the girl who is in the thick of it & cannot see the other side yet. Thilinie can see it & she is sending you love from her Barbie dream house 🩷

Links and Resources

📧 Share your story for the Where Is She Now segment: [email protected]

📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram and TikTok: @kellyskoaching

🔗 Explore all links and resources: Linktree

Yes, Kelly is a Breakup Empowerment Coach & no, she is not automatically against you getting back with your ex. This week she's saying what she actually thinks & it might surprise you.

Two clients recently told her they'd gotten back with their ex. She was happy for both of them. Here's why- & here's what needs to be true for it to be a good decision.

You'll hear:

✨ Why Kelly is not against getting back with your ex & what actually determines whether it's the right call

✨ The two clients who got back with their exes & why Kelly responded the way she did

✨ Why hoping you'll reconcile is a completely normal part of a breakup & when that hope eventually goes away

✨ The wrong reasons to go back: loneliness, fear, scarcity, ego, obligation. None of these are reasons

✨ The right reasons to go back & what making that decision from a place of security actually looks like

✨ Why you need to be okay on your own before you can go back & how you know you're there

✨ What needs to be different this time- the non-negotiables, the changes, the work

✨ Why the people in your life who are against it deserve to be heard- when to listen to them & when to make your own decision

✨ The "keep going back until you hate him" trend & why Kelly can't get behind it

✨ Disney is Disney. Real life is real life... &they are not the same thing 😂

Whatever you decide, Kelly is rooting for your happy ever after. Whether that's with him, with someone new or just with yourself💚

Links & Resources

📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected]

📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching

🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

This week Kelly is getting personal- & practical!

No frameworks, no science, no guest. Just Kelly, her matcha & an honest run through of the actual things that helped her get over her breakups & her exes. The real ones. The ones she still swears by.

Some of them are basic. Most of them are basic. And that's kind of the point because the basics work! And when you're in the middle of heartbreak, sometimes you just need someone to remind you of that.

You'll hear:

✨ Why no contact is still the single most important thing you can do & how Kelly implemented it even when it was killing her not to reach out

✨ The dinner photo she almost sent him & why you will always find the most ridiculous excuses to reach out

✨ Muting all his friends on Instagram & the one she didn't mute, which later came back to bite her in a very spectacular fashion

✨ Why a daily walk was her non-negotiable & how it helped her in ways she didn't even realise at the time

✨ The therapy she was already in & why going to therapy before a crisis hits is one of the smartest things you can do

✨ Leaning on her people; who she called, who she spent time with & why good company is genuinely one of the best medicines

✨ Getting out of the house & not sitting with it alone all day

✨ Why she didn't go on the apps straight away & what the apps actually give you vs. what they don't

✨ Making a new vision board & why shifting your focus back to yourself is everything

✨ Not going through old photos and messages; why it's a form of self-torture & what to do instead

✨ Journaling & why having a safe space for your thoughts matters more than you think

✨ Finding & spending time in her happy place and a challenge for you to find yours

✨ Testing out the Breakup Empowerment Program on herself during her second breakup & the tweaks she made as a result

Some of these will resonate. Some won't. Take what works, leave what doesn't and if you have something that helped you that's not on this list, Kelly wants to know. Drop it in the comments or send a DM. We're not gatekeeping healing tips in here 💚

Links & Resources

📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected]

📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching

🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

She thought she was the strong one. The one holding the relationship together. The one who had it all under control.And then a relationship counsellor looked her in the eye & said- you're the codependent one 🤯This week Kelly is getting personal again. She shares the moment she was introduced to the word codependency & the journey from confusion and offence to complete understanding of how it had quietly shaped her entire marriage.You'll hear:✨ The relationship counsellor session that changed everything & Kelly's very relatable reaction to being told she was the codependent one✨ What codependency actually is & why it can be so easy to mistake it for love, devotion or just being a good partner✨ The difference between anxious attachment & codependency and why one is usually the root of the other✨ Why doing everything, managing everything & holding everything together is not strength, it's a sign✨ What it actually feels like to be the one always giving & never having your own needs fully met✨ The practical steps to start breaking codependent patterns, even if right now you can only notice them & not change them yet✨ How Kelly knows she did the work & what her life looks like now compared to a few years ago (Grey's Anatomy, pyjamas, face mask, no men changing the channel to golf 😂)✨ Why the relationship she has now is so much better because both people have their own identityWhether you're in a relationship, coming out of one, or just trying to understand your own patterns a little better, this episode is for you 💚Links & Resources📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected]📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

If you've been doing the healing work & you're starting to think about what comes next, this episode is your sign!This week Kelly sits down with Mairéad Loughman, Ireland's leading professional matchmaker & founder of Love HQ, who has helped close to 12,000 people find love since 2016. Mairéad brings the warmth, the wisdom, the straight talk — and the occasional absolutely hilarious reality check that you didn't know you needed ❤️‍🔥Whether you're freshly out of a breakup, have been single for longer than you'd like, or are just dipping your toe back into the dating world- this conversation is for you.You'll hear:✨ How matchmaking actually works in Ireland & why Mairéad thinks it's the country's best kept secret✨ Cuffing season is real & Mairéad's insider tip on exactly when to ramp up your dating game✨ Why so many women find themselves barely dating in their late thirties & the one pattern Mairéad sees almost every single time✨ How to know when you're actually ready to start dating again after a breakup✨ Masculine & feminine energy in dating, what it actually means, why it matters, & Kelly's very relatable story about a first date that went badly wrong✨ Why you should get your photos taken now while the sun is still out 😂✨ The ick- when to listen to it & when to absolutely ignore it✨ Why you need to stop talking to your friends about your relationship & who to talk to instead✨ Your standards aren't too high. His behaviour is too low ❤️‍🔥✨ How to communicate your standards early without being a "nag" & the two types of men you'll meet when you do✨ Why the most important decision you will ever make is who you choose to have children with✨ Some of the best days of your life are yet to happen ❤️‍🔥Find Mairéad:🌐 lovehq.ie📲 Instagram & TikTok: @lovehq.ie🎙️ Podcasts: Would Like to Meet & Tough Love with Stephanie ReganLinks & Resources📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected]📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

You've done some healing. Time has passed. And now you're starting to think about the future, about maybe meeting someone again, opening up, falling in love.

& then that thought arrives. What if it doesn't work out either?

What if you go through all of that again, the trust, the vulnerability, the plans, the investment & you end up right back here, heartbroken all over again?

This week Kelly is talking about that fear. The one that doesn't get spoken about enough. The one she cried about in a women's circle a few months after her own breakup. & the one she knows thousands of people are carrying too.

You'll hear:

✨ The memory that prompted this episode, Kelly opening up in a women's circle about her fear of putting herself out there again & the girl across the circle who said she felt it too

✨ Why this fear makes complete, primitive, neurological sense & the iron plate analogy that explains it perfectly

✨ The difference between staying single because you genuinely want to and staying single because you're scared- & why only one of those is okay

✨ Why the goal is not to stop the fear, it's to feel it & do it anyway

✨ The one thing that will actually help you overcome it & it has nothing to do with finding the right person

✨ Why Kelly's second breakup was worse than her divorce, but why she recovered from it faster

✨ The foundation concept- what it is, how to build it & why it means that if things go wrong again, you won't be starting from zero

✨ The role of vulnerability in new relationships & how Kelly had to consciously push herself to be open again after her marriage ended

✨ Why love is still worth it- even knowing the risk

Some things are worth the fear. Love is one of them 💚

Links & Resources

📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected]

📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching

🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

Why did I stay so long? Why did I let it go that far? I should have seen it sooner. I should have left sooner.

If you've ever said any of those things to yourself, this episode is for you.

This week, prompted by a listener question, Kelly is tackling one of the most common things that comes up with her clients, the shame of staying. Why we do it, why it makes complete sense, & why you need to stop kicking yourself for it right now.

You'll hear:

✨ Why staying in a relationship you know isn't right for you doesn't make you weak or stupid, it makes you human

✨ Why you can see your friend's situation clearly but can't see your own & the emotional investment that explains it

✨ The real reasons women stay; anxious attachment, low self-worth, sunk cost, biological clock, fear of being alone & the one that catches almost everyone: potential

✨ Why being a fixer & seeing potential in someone is one of the most common reasons women stay far longer than they should

✨ The difference between a hard relationship worth working on & one where you're the only one doing the work

✨ The compassion tool; how to treat yourself the way you'd treat your best friend if she came to you with this exact story

✨ What to do if you have a friend who you can see should leave & why telling her to leave is probably making things worse

✨ How to actually help her instead

You loved him. What else were you supposed to do? Stop carrying the shame of staying. You're out now & that's all that matters 💚

Links & Resources

📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected]

📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching

🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

⚠️ Trigger warning: this episode discusses drug use, lies & betrayal in relationships. If this is a sensitive topic for you, please take care of yourself first.

A first for The Breakup Debrief & a deeply personal one.

This week Kelly is talking about something that shaped a huge part of her own relationships & marriage, and something that has come up recently with a client- drug use, lying & the very specific kind of betrayal that comes when a partner hides a habit they know you don't want in your relationship.

No judgment here for anyone who uses drugs. This episode is not about that. This is about the lying. The hiding. The gaslighting. And the way being made to feel like the controlling one can make you question your own completely reasonable boundaries.

You'll hear:

✨ Kelly's own experience with drug use & lying in her ten-year relationship &marriage- and how it became less about the weed & more about the betrayal

✨ How an entire friend group was recruited to keep a secret & how the situation was framed to make Kelly look controlling rather than lied to

✨ The moment that changed everything & led to couples counselling before the wedding

✨ Why "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to upset you" is not protection, it's manipulation

✨ How hiding something until feelings are involved & it's harder to leave is also a form of manipulation- even when it's not conscious

✨ Why your boundaries around drug use are completely valid & you don't have to justify them to anyone

✨ The difference between the drugs & the lying and why you're entitled to treat them as two completely separate issues

✨ The murder analogy that will make complete sense when you hear it 😂

✨ Why if your partner doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone who does drugs, that is their decision to make- full stop

Your values don't have to match exactly. But they do need to align. And you never have to change yours just because someone else thinks you should 💚

Links & Resources

📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected]

📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching

🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

You might hate Kelly a little during this episode, she's prepared for that, but she needs you to hear her out.

This week Kelly is talking about the grudge. The anger you're still carrying. The flash of rage when someone mentions his name. The replaying, the revisiting, the weight of it all.

And the uncomfortable truth, he's not lying awake at night thinking about how angry you are. He's just living his life & the only person carrying all of that weight is you.

You'll hear:

✨ Why holding a grudge feels like you're doing something but is actually only draining you

✨ The real reason we hold onto anger after a breakup & why it makes sense

✨ Why the grudge can feel like justice, like significance, like not letting him away with it but why none of that is actually going where you think it is

✨ The big word that makes everyone uncomfortable- "forgiveness" and what Kelly actually means by it

✨ Why forgiving him does not mean what he did was okay, that he deserves it or that he gets access to you again

✨ His access to you and your forgiveness are two completely different things & they don't need to touch each other

✨ Kelly's own experience letting go of the anger towards her ex-husband & the person in her life who couldn't understand it

✨ Why forgiveness is one of the final stages of healing, not something to rush to or skip ahead to

✨ What to do if you're still neck-deep in the anger & why that's completely okay too

He's not losing sleep over your grudge but you might be & you deserve that energy back💚

Links & Resources

📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected]

📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching

🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

If you're new here- welcome! Pull up a chair, grab your matcha & let Kelly tell you everything 🤭

& if you've been here since the beginning, you might still want to listen to this one. Because over a year in, with new listeners joining every week, Kelly is doing a reintroduction. Her story, her why & everything that led her to sitting behind this microphone every Monday.

This episode covers it all the ten-year relationship that started at sixteen, the six-month marriage, the wedding night she spent alone in the smoking area in her wedding dress, the relationship that came after & the work she had to do on herself before she finally found what she'd always been looking for.

You'll hear:

✨ Why Kelly started The Breakup Debrief & where the name actually came from

✨ The ten-year relationship that started at sixteen, growing up together & breaking up

✨ The wedding that almost didn't happen because of COVID & the wedding night that told her everything she needed to know

✨ The moment she knew the marriage was over & how she found the courage to leave

✨ The relationship that came after- what she thought was healing & what it actually was

✨ The work she did on herself in between- therapy, coaching & getting to know who she actually was outside of a relationship

✨ Her current relationship; how it feels different, what it has that the others didn't & why she finally believes she deserves it

✨ The message she wants every listener to hear who is currently in the thick of it- whether you're heartbroken, healing, single, or somewhere in between

✨ Your Alan is coming. She met hers on Tinder. There is hope! 💚

Whether you're showing up today feeling great or feeling a bit sh*t, this is a safe space for all of it & Kelly is so glad you're here

Links & Resources

📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected]

📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching

🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree