It's Thanksgiving week, and we are grateful for you! Kevin and Jason are simply filled with gratitude for our listeners and for the chance to share our show with you! Don't worry, though; we aren't so thankful that we forgot to find something fucked-up for you this week. In fact, in honor of Thanksgiving, we are diving headfirst into the weird, craven event that's the real reason for the season: Black Friday. Every year, millions of Americans compete in our very own version of the Hunger Games, violently vying for the last Xbox or flat-screen TV, and often coming up with nothing but scars to show for it. Good luck this year, and may the odds be ever in your favor!

Who doesn't love a good sex cult? If you're wondering where the right to bear arms meets the right to bare butts, this is the episode for you! This week, the guys peek under the robes to discover the hidden world of Rajneeshpuram, the Oregon cult of the 70s and 80s. This episode is insane, so be prepared for everything from free love to terrorist bombings. After this wild, wild ride is over, you may not want to run out and out and join the Rajneeshees, but we guarantee you'll never look at a sneeze guard the same way again.

Human. It's what's for dinner. This week, the guys head out on the trail with the Donner Party, the famously doomed pioneer wagon train of 1846. Join this migrant caravan as they break axles, get dysentery, and invent the original frozen dinner. Feel free to join the party! You'll probably be able to snag some digits; just avoid the salsa.

Vampires are dicks. Even when you think they're dead, there they go, escaping the grave at night to slowly suck the life from their relatives. That's a dick move, vampires. This week, on a very special Halloween episode, the guys sink their teeth into the Vampire Panic of 19th-century New England. Along the way, you can learn a lot about tuberculosis, one-stop shopping, and why you never hear the phrase, "running around like a vampire with its head cut off."

OK, OK. All your heroes are a lie. History is told by those who live the longest, and this week, most of the people in our story don't live long enough to tell the tale. That's OK, though, because Jason T. Gaffney is on the case, ably assisted by best-selling author Suzanne Brockmann, who also just happens to be Jason's mom! This story gets dicey, but you'll be OK. Corral your feelings and check your weapons at the city limits!

Take me out to the ball game!

Throw hot dogs at my head!

Knife me and kiss me and scream at me.

I won't care, cuz the beer's almost free!

Yes, it's Ten Cent Beer Night in Cleveland,

Where thousands of fans broke the law;

Its a nightmare for normal folks,

But a dream for Kavanaugh!

There are millions of Deaf Americans. Tone deaf Americans, unfortunately, outnumber them massively. This week, the guys learn all about the 1988 Deaf President Now! movement within Gallaudet University, a school for the deaf in Washington, DC. It's an inspiring story of peaceful protest, unity, and corndogs, a story which will leave you filled with the spirit of Les Mis, complete with barricades! Draw near and listen, and maybe turn the volume down in solidarity.

The aliens are coming! The aliens are coming! But first, a word from Colgate Toothpaste! This week, the guys scan the airwaves for the truth behind Orson Wells' infamous "War of the Worlds" radio broadcast of 1938, which caused a nationwide panic, launched the career of a Hollywood legend, and led to the first recorded case of a lawsuit being settled with a pair of shoes. Stay off the streets for this one, and don't forget to tune in next week!

What is it with aliens and butts? This week, the guys take a probing (!) look at the supposed UFO crash in Roswell, New Mexico in 1947. Along the weird and winding way, they encounter Joseph Stalin, Josef Mengele, a bunch of mixed alien parts, and tiny Russian children plummeting from the sky. No one wants to feel alone, but if these are our interstellar neighbors, I'll take loneliness!

Toys are dangerous. We all know that Legos present a choking hazard and an Easy Bake Oven will burn your child to death, but did you know that Beanie Baby ownership can lead to a serious heroine habit? This week, the guys play around with the most tragic fad toys in history, from the Pet Rock to the Tomagotchi. Pitch a tent and stay up all night for this one!