The Broken Pack: Stories of Sibling Loss

In this episode of The Broken Pack: Stories of Sibling Loss, Dr. Dean talks with Gyani Richards, a Bay Area grief counselor and surviving sibling. Gyani is the fourth of five brothers. His younger brother Pete, the one the whole family gathered around, died of cancer in 2021, less than 18 months after his diagnosis.

Gyani and Dr. Dean talk about the conversation Gyani wanted to have with his brother and didn't get, and how losing his father at 13 shaped the way he met this loss decades later. They also talk about story, grief in the body, and what meditation and Aikido did and didn't do for his grief.

In this episode you will:

• Hear Gyani's story of Pete, the heart of a family of five brothers, and the memories that still make him laugh. 
• Learn how the Aikido principle of relaxing under pressure applies to grief, and why Gyani sees grief as a practice rather than a problem to be solved. 
• Be inspired by what Gyani learned about invitations, timing, and the love that stays after a sibling dies.

Connect with Gyani Richards:

• Website: https://www.ourgriefpath.com Substack: https://substack.com/@ourgriefpath Instagram: @gyanirichards (https://www.instagram.com/gyanirichards) Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100009737071788

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Gyani's essay, Grief and Aikido: Relaxing Under Pressure: https://gyanirichards.substack.com/p/grief-and-aikido-relaxing-under-pressure Robert Neimeyer, PhD, Portland Institute for Loss and Transition: https://www.portlandinstitute.org

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

If you would like more information or to share your own sibling loss story, please contact Dr. Angela Dean at [email protected] or go to our website, thebrokenpack.com.

Please like, subscribe, and share!

Please follow us:
Facebook:  @BrokenPack
Instagram:  @thebrokenpack
TikTok: @the_broken_pack
YouTube: @thebrokenpack

Sign-up for Wild Grief, our newsletter: https://thebrokenpack.substack.com/ 

Thank you!
Angela M. Dean, PsyD, FT, GTMR 

🐺Tony's Little Sister

Credits:

The Broken Pack: Stories of Sibling Loss is produced by Not Done Here Media.

IF TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME
    Written by Joe Mylward and Brian Dean
    Performed by Fuji Sounds featuring Joe Mylward
    Courtesy of Not Done Here Records
    Licensed for use by The Broken Pack

Full song: https://fujisounds.music

Content warning: This episode discusses addiction, suicidal ideation, incarceration, and the death of a sibling in jail after being denied medical care.

In this episode of The Broken Pack: Stories of Sibling Loss, Dr. Dean talks with Dr. Elizabeth Ostler, a Brooklyn-based theater maker, academic, and surviving sibling who has lost two of her three siblings. Elizabeth's sister Lisa died in 2016 at age 37, three days after being arrested and held as a pretrial detainee in a Salt Lake City jail, where she asked for help and was denied medical care. Six years later, Elizabeth lost her brother Rob.

Together, Elizabeth and Angela talk about what it means to love a sibling through more than a decade of addiction, the grieving that begins long before a death, and why the loss you thought you were prepared for still arrives as a shock. Elizabeth shares why she couldn't speak about how Lisa died for nearly ten years, what finally made it possible, and how that became SisterPlay, a new play premiering in New York City this September. She also reads a short passage from it. 

In this episode you will:

• Hear Elizabeth's story of losing Lisa and Rob, and where she was when the call about Lisa came. 
• Learn how grief changed shape for her over ten years, and what helped when one loss became two. 
• Be inspired by how a surviving sibling turned the worst thing that happened to her family into a work of art that refuses to let her sister become a statistic.

SisterPlay runs September 1 through 13, 2026, at The Flea Theater in New York City. Learn more and buy tickets: https://www.elizabethostler.com/sisterplay

Connect with Elizabeth Ostler:

• SisterPlay
• Communal Theater Company
• Instagram: @communaltheater  and @lizostler
• TikTok: @communaltheater and @lizostler700 
• Facebook: @communaltheater and @lizostler

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• COPE Foundation, sibling loss support group (New York)  
• The Other Side Academy 
• Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson
• The Equal Justice Initiative
• Speaking Grief (WPSU documentary)

Crisis Resources

Content warning: This episode discusses addiction, suicidal ideation, incarceration, and the death of a sibling in jail after being denied medical care. Please take care of yourself.

• In the US:
  • Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (US): Call or text 988
  • Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
  • SAMHSA National Helpline (substance use, for you or a loved one): 
    1-800-662-HELP (4357)
  • Peer support / warmlines: https://warmline.org
• International
  • International warmline directory: https://www.supportiv.com/tools/international-resources-
  • Find a helpline anywhere in the world: https://findahelpline.com

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

If you would like more information or to share your own sibling loss story, please contact Dr. Angela Dean at [email protected] or go to our website, thebrokenpack.com.

Please like, subscribe, and share!

Please follow us:
Facebook:  @BrokenPack
Instagram:  @thebrokenpack
TikTok: @the_broken_pack
YouTube: @thebrokenpack

Sign-up for Wild Grief, our newsletter: https://thebrokenpack.substack.com/ 

Thank you!
Angela M. Dean, PsyD, FT, GTMR 

🐺Tony's Little Sister

Credits:

The Broken Pack: Stories of Sibling Loss is produced by Not Done Here Media.

IF TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME
    Written by Joe Mylward and Brian Dean
    Performed by Fuji Sounds featuring Joe Mylward
    Courtesy of Not Done Here Records
    Licensed for use by The Broken Pack

Full song: https://fujisounds.music

In this episode of The Broken Pack: Stories of Sibling Loss, Dr. Angela Dean talks with surviving sibling Karin McLean, author of Bright Days Do Come. Karin is Brian's big sister. Brian, the baby of the family, died at 9-years-old in a 1991 car accident that nearly took Karin's life too. Karin had helped raise him since she was twelve, and she wrote her book more than thirty years later.

Together they talk about the secondary and non-death losses that follow a sudden accident, the long work of self-acceptance, and the practice of asking a sibling for signs.

In this episode you will:

• Hear how a surviving sibling carries a loss across more than three decades.
• Learn what secondary and non-death loss can look like after a single accident.
• Gain insight into how self-acceptance becomes its own grief work.
• Explore the practice of asking a sibling for specific signs.
• Discover one family's ways of keeping a brother present.

Connect with Karin McLean:

• Website
• Book (all stores): Bright Days Do Come
• Substack
• Instagram
• Facebook

Content warning: This episode discusses a fatal car accident, the death of a nine-year-old child, life-threatening injury, alcohol use to cope with grief, and a brief mention of miscarriage.

Resources:

• Find a Helpline (locate a local crisis or warm line) (US & International): https://findahelpline.com
• US Peer support: https://warmline.org
• International: Peer support warmlines

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

If you would like more information or to share your own sibling loss story, please contact Dr. Angela Dean at [email protected] or go to our website, thebrokenpack.com.

Please like, subscribe, and share!

Please follow us:
Facebook:  @BrokenPack
Instagram:  @thebrokenpack
TikTok: @the_broken_pack
YouTube: @thebrokenpack

Sign-up for Wild Grief, our newsletter: https://thebrokenpack.substack.com/ 

Thank you!
Angela M. Dean, PsyD, FT, GTMR 

🐺Tony's Little Sister

Credits:

The Broken Pack: Stories of Sibling Loss is produced by Not Done Here Media.

IF TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME
    Written by Joe Mylward and Brian Dean
    Performed by Fuji Sounds featuring Joe Mylward
    Courtesy of Not Done Here Records
    Licensed for use by The Broken Pack

Full song: https://fujisounds.music

In this episode of The Broken Pack: Stories of Sibling Loss, Dr. Angela Dean talks with surviving sibling Dr. Ken Doka, the grief scholar who coined the term disenfranchised grief. Ken is Frank and Dot's kid brother. His brother Frank, thirteen years older, died a few years ago after an illness. He spoke about the relationship of his living sister Dot, who helped raise him.

Together Dr. Doka and Dr. Dean talk about why the sibling bond is so often overlooked, how grievers process loss in different and equally valid ways, and what it means to enfranchise your own grief when no one around you names it.

In this episode you will:

• Hear how Dr. Doka came to study grief, and his own experience of losing his brother Frank.
• Learn why the sibling bond is the longest relationship most people have, and why it is so often disenfranchised.
• Learn the difference between instrumental, intuitive, and dissonant grieving, and why no single style is the right one.
• Be inspired to enfranchise your own grief, create your own ritual, and find a grief professional who actually fits.

Connect with Dr. Ken Doka:

• Kenneth Doka at TAPS: https://www.taps.org/kennethdoka
• Hospice Foundation of America: https://www.hospicefoundation.org

Content warning: This episode discusses the death of an adult sibling from illness, childhood cancer and pediatric illness, perinatal loss including miscarriage and stillbirth, twin loss, and a brief reference to a murder in the host's extended family.

Mentioned in the show:

• Hospice Foundation of America
• Association for Death Education and Counseling (ADEC)
• The Compassionate Friends
• The Surviving Sibling's Bill of Rights
• If you are struggling, in the United States you can call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. The Crisis Text Line is available by texting HOME to 741741.

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

If you would like more information or to share your own sibling loss story, please contact Dr. Angela Dean at [email protected] or go to our website, thebrokenpack.com.

Please like, subscribe, and share!

Please follow us:
Facebook:  @BrokenPack
Instagram:  @thebrokenpack
TikTok: @the_broken_pack
YouTube: @thebrokenpack

Sign-up for Wild Grief, our newsletter: https://thebrokenpack.substack.com/ 

Thank you!
Angela M. Dean, PsyD, FT, GTMR 

🐺Tony's Little Sister

Credits:

The Broken Pack: Stories of Sibling Loss is produced by Not Done Here Media.

IF TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME
    Written by Joe Mylward and Brian Dean
    Performed by Fuji Sounds featuring Joe Mylward
    Courtesy of Not Done Here Records
    Licensed for use by The Broken Pack

Full song: https://fujisounds.music

In this episode of The Broken Pack: Stories of Sibling Loss, Dr. Dean talks with surviving sibling Anne Pinkerton, author of Were You Close? A Sister's Quest to Know the Brother She Lost. Anne's brother David, twelve years her senior and an elite athlete and radiologist, died suddenly in 2008 after falling while hiking a 14er in the Colorado mountains. More than seventeen years later, Anne shares how losing the big brother she worshipped reshaped her understanding of sibling loss, continuing bonds, and the power of writing through grief.

Anne and Dr. Dean unpack the question that gives the book its title, "Were you close?"  as well as why it's far too blunt a tool for the complexity of any relationship. They talk about the hierarchy of grief that pushes surviving siblings to the margins, the disorienting limbo of those first days, the strangeness of out-aging an older brother, the small signs Anne takes as a hello from David, and how a bereavement writing group became an MFA and, eventually, a published memoir.

In this episode you will:

• Hear Anne's story of losing David and what it means to be a surviving sibling nearly two decades on. 
• Learn why "Were you close?" and questions like it can leave grieving siblings feeling unseen  
• Be reminded that there's no timeline for grief and how writing through grief aids memories
• Explore how  joy and gratitude can grow alongside the loss.

Connect with Anne Pinkerton:

• Website: https://annepinkertonwriter.com 
• Read  the book
• Instagram: @annepinkertonwriter 
• Faceboo: 
• TikTok: @annepinkertonwriter 

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

If you would like more information or to share your own sibling loss story, please contact Dr. Angela Dean at [email protected] or go to our website, thebrokenpack.com.

Please like, subscribe, and share!

Please follow us:
Facebook:  @BrokenPack
Instagram:  @thebrokenpack
TikTok: @the_broken_pack
YouTube: @thebrokenpack

Sign-up for Wild Grief, our newsletter: https://thebrokenpack.substack.com/ 

Thank you!
Angela M. Dean, PsyD, FT, GTMR 

🐺Tony's Little Sister

Credits:

The Broken Pack: Stories of Sibling Loss is produced by Not Done Here Media.

IF TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME
    Written by Joe Mylward and Brian Dean
    Performed by Fuji Sounds featuring Joe Mylward
    Courtesy of Not Done Here Records
    Licensed for use by The Broken Pack

Full song: https://fujisounds.music

In this episode of The Broken Pack: Stories of Sibling Loss, Dr. Angela Dean talks with surviving sibling Dr. Heidi Horsley. Heidi is Scott's big sister. Scott died about 40 years ago in a car accident at 17, alongside their 17-year-old cousin Matthew. Heidi is a licensed psychologist, an adjunct professor at Columbia University, and the co-founder, with her mother, of the Open to Hope Foundation.

Together they talk about the difference between sibling loss and parent loss, finding hope after a sudden death, and the way sibling loss reshapes identity, family roles, and decisions about the future. 

In this episode you will:

• Hear Dr. Heidi Horsley's story of losing her younger brother Scott and her cousin Matthew, and the night the call came.
• Listen to hear how the devastating loss changed her fundamentally and how how others reacted.
• Learn why sibling loss is treated differently than parent loss and child loss, how family identity gets rewritten, and how purpose can emerge slowly after sudden death.
• Be inspired by the community Dr. Horsley has built for other bereaved siblings, and the work she has carried out in Scott's memory for four decades.
• Find hope in the kind of relationship Dr. Dean and Dr. Horsley describe in the episode, between siblings further along in grief and those still in early loss.

Connect with Dr. Heidi Horsley: Open to Hope

Content warning: This episode discusses sudden death and a fatal car accident.

Mentioned in the show:

• TAPS, Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors
• The Compassionate Friends

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

If you would like more information or to share your own sibling loss story, please contact Dr. Angela Dean at [email protected] or go to our website, thebrokenpack.com.

Please like, subscribe, and share!

Please follow us:
Facebook:  @BrokenPack
Instagram:  @thebrokenpack
TikTok: @the_broken_pack
YouTube: @thebrokenpack

Sign-up for Wild Grief, our newsletter: https://thebrokenpack.substack.com/ 

Thank you!
Angela M. Dean, PsyD, FT, GTMR 

🐺Tony's Little Sister

Credits:

The Broken Pack: Stories of Sibling Loss is produced by Not Done Here Media.

IF TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME
    Written by Joe Mylward and Brian Dean
    Performed by Fuji Sounds featuring Joe Mylward
    Courtesy of Not Done Here Records
    Licensed for use by The Broken Pack

Full song: https://fujisounds.music

Amanda Miller is Shawna's big sister and one of her surviving siblings. She lives in St. Paul, Minnesota, and shares about losing Shawna in a sudden car crash on January 19, 2024. Shawna was 30 years old, pregnant, and the mother of an eight-year-old son. Amanda speaks as a surviving sibling and describes their relationship as close, with both care and conflict. The same crash also killed Shawna's partner, Jett's father. In a single moment the family lost Shawna, her unborn baby, and Jett's dad. 

The episode focuses on sibling loss, family roles, and the practical and emotional demands that followed the death. Amanda talks about taking on caregiving and decision-making tasks for her family, including helping with guardianship for Jett, Shawna's son. She also discusses surviving sibling loss in the context of a blended family, grief counseling, and why both kids and adults need bereavement support.

In this episode you will:

• Hear how Amanda took on a big-sister and caretaker role for Shawna, and how that shaped their bond.
• Learn how the family handled guardianship and other immediate responsibilities after the crash.
• Gain insight into the impact of sudden death on siblings, parents, and children.
• Explore how grief counseling and family grief resources supported Amanda and Jett.
• Understand the ongoing practical tasks involved after a death, including probate and the sale of Shawna's house.
• Discover how Amanda and her family keep Shawna present in everyday life.

Content Warning: This episode contains discussion of sudden death by car accident, pregnancy loss, and the death of multiple family members in a single event. Resources are located below.

Episode Resources:

 In the US:
- Call SAMHSA's National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357), text your 5-digit ZIP code to 435748 (HELP4U), or contact a peer support warmline.
- For more immediate crisis, call 911 or 988, or go to the nearest emergency room.

International:

• In the UK: Cruse Bereavement Support, a bereavement charity with  a helpline
• International crisis lines and warmlines

Mentioned in this episode:

• Brighter Days Family Grief Center - aTwin Cities nonprofit offering family bereavement support and grief programs
• FamilyMeans  - Stillwater, MN nonprofit offering grief counseling and family support services, formerly the Center for Grief
• The Compassionate Friends -  an international organization with chapter and online support groups, including a dedicated sibling group
• Camp Erin  - a free bereavement camps for grieving children and teens ages 6 to 17, offered nationwide through the Eluna Network

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

If you would like more information or to share your own sibling loss story, please contact Dr. Angela Dean at [email protected] or go to our website, thebrokenpack.com.

Please like, subscribe, and share!

Please follow us:
Facebook:  @BrokenPack
Instagram:  @thebrokenpack
TikTok: @the_broken_pack
YouTube: @thebrokenpack

Sign-up for Wild Grief, our newsletter: https://thebrokenpack.substack.com/ 

Thank you!
Angela M. Dean, PsyD, FT, GTMR 

🐺Tony's Little Sister

Credits:

The Broken Pack: Stories of Sibling Loss is produced by Not Done Here Media.

IF TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME
    Written by Joe Mylward and Brian Dean
    Performed by Fuji Sounds featuring Joe Mylward
    Courtesy of Not Done Here Records
    Licensed for use by The Broken Pack

Full song: https://fujisounds.music

In this episode of The Broken Pack: Stories of Sibling Loss, Dr. Dean talks with Dr. Valerie Lentine, a surviving sibling and physical therapist. Valerie's only sibling, her younger brother, Andy, died suddenly in 2022 at 22 years old. Three years in, Valerie opens up about what it has meant to walk through sudden loss, the identity shift she captures in her own words when she describes feeling like "half of myself," and what it takes to keep Andy close. 

In this episode you will:

• Hear Valerie describe who Andy was, the ordinary morning that changed everything, and what a surviving sibling carries out of a hospital. 
• Learn why a surviving sibling who is also an only sibling faces a specific kind of grief, and why sibling grief so often ends up at the bottom of the grief hierarchy. 
• Be inspired by how a surviving sibling carries her brother forward, and hear her name a long-term fear many surviving siblings know but rarely say out loud.

Content Warning: This episode discusses sudden traumatic loss, traumatic brain injury, and the withdrawal of life support.

Connect with Valerie Lentine:

Instagram: @val_lentine (https://www.instagram.com/val_lentine) 

TikTok: @valerielentine22 (https://www.tiktok.com/@valerielentine22)

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

If you would like more information or to share your own sibling loss story, please contact Dr. Angela Dean at [email protected] or go to our website, thebrokenpack.com.

Please like, subscribe, and share!

Please follow us:
Facebook:  @BrokenPack
Instagram:  @thebrokenpack
TikTok: @the_broken_pack
YouTube: @thebrokenpack

Sign-up for Wild Grief, our newsletter: https://thebrokenpack.substack.com/ 

Thank you!
Angela M. Dean, PsyD, FT, GTMR 

🐺Tony's Little Sister

Credits:

The Broken Pack: Stories of Sibling Loss is produced by Not Done Here Media.

IF TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME
    Written by Joe Mylward and Brian Dean
    Performed by Fuji Sounds featuring Joe Mylward
    Courtesy of Not Done Here Records
    Licensed for use by The Broken Pack

Full song: https://fujisounds.music

In this episode of The Broken Pack: Stories of Sibling Loss, Dr. Dean talks with Earla Legault, a surviving sibling, grief advocate, and co-author of Living with Sibling Grief: Imagining a Way Forward. Earla lost her younger sister, Leigh-Ann, to pancreatic cancer after serving as her caregiver for three months at home. This episode explores what sibling loss looks like when you're also the caregiver, how a surviving sibling navigates the grief no one talks about, and how Earla found her way forward through writing, drawing, and a grief buddy.

Earla and Dr. Dean also discuss why sibling grief is so often unspoken, what it means to lose the person who was the glue in your family, the difference between acknowledging a death and accepting it, and how continuing bonds show up in birds, pink skies, and grief dreams. Earla shares how she and co-author Monica Murphy went from strangers on Facebook to grief buddies to published authors, and why she believes finding your nature is more useful than any coping mechanism. In this episode you will:

• Hear Earla's story of sibling loss, their long goodbye, and what she calls the learning times of caregiving. 
• Learn why sibling grief goes unspoken and how family dynamics shift when the glue is gone. 
• Be inspired by how a surviving sibling found a grief buddy, co-wrote a book, and built a community around saying their names.

Connect with Earla Legault:

Instagram: @sibling.grief.buds

Book: Living with Sibling Grief: Imagining a Way Forward 

Grief Matters: https://griefmatters.ca/blog/drawing-through-the-grief-of-an-adult-sibling

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

If you would like more information or to share your own sibling loss story, please contact Dr. Angela Dean at [email protected] or go to our website, thebrokenpack.com.

Please like, subscribe, and share!

Please follow us:
Facebook:  @BrokenPack
Instagram:  @thebrokenpack
TikTok: @the_broken_pack
YouTube: @thebrokenpack

Sign-up for Wild Grief, our newsletter: https://thebrokenpack.substack.com/ 

Thank you!
Angela M. Dean, PsyD, FT, GTMR 

🐺Tony's Little Sister

Credits:

The Broken Pack: Stories of Sibling Loss is produced by Not Done Here Media.

IF TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME
    Written by Joe Mylward and Brian Dean
    Performed by Fuji Sounds featuring Joe Mylward
    Courtesy of Not Done Here Records
    Licensed for use by The Broken Pack

Full song: https://fujisounds.music

In this episode of The Broken Pack: Stories of Sibling Loss, Dr. Dean talks with Susan Kellam, journalist, surviving sibling, and author of Brilliant Disguise. Susan lost her brother Robert to suicide and has spent decades untangling the shared childhood trauma that shaped them both in very different ways.

Hear Susan's story of growing up as Little K to Robert's Big K, and how being his sister defined her before she ever defined herself. Learn how writing a rock and roll memoir unexpectedly became the vehicle for processing her brother's death, her childhood, and the warning signs no one recognized at the time. Be inspired by Susan's willingness to sit with the hard truths of sibling loss, childhood trauma, and Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), and her belief that understanding your story is worth the years it takes.

Connect with Susan Kellam: 

• Website: https://www.susan-kellam.com 
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kellam400/
• Book: Brilliant Disguise: A Memoir

Content Warning: Information presented in this episode may be upsetting to some people. It contains talk of suicide.

Resources:

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, support is available.

In the US:

• 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988
• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
• SAMHSA's National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or text your 5-digit ZIP code to 435748 (HELP4U)
• For more immediate crisis, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room
• Warmlines by state: https://warmline.org/warmdir.html
• American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: https://afsp.org/

International:

• Warmline directory for trained peer support in 20+ countries:  https://tinyurl.com/mr3ctvea (some may be hotlines)

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

If you would like more information or to share your own sibling loss story, please contact Dr. Angela Dean at [email protected] or go to our website, thebrokenpack.com.

Please like, subscribe, and share!

Please follow us:
Facebook:  @BrokenPack
Instagram:  @thebrokenpack
TikTok: @the_broken_pack
YouTube: @thebrokenpack

Sign-up for Wild Grief, our newsletter: https://thebrokenpack.substack.com/ 

Thank you!
Angela M. Dean, PsyD, FT, GTMR 

🐺Tony's Little Sister

Credits:

The Broken Pack: Stories of Sibling Loss is produced by Not Done Here Media.

IF TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME
    Written by Joe Mylward and Brian Dean
    Performed by Fuji Sounds featuring Joe Mylward
    Courtesy of Not Done Here Records
    Licensed for use by The Broken Pack

Full song: https://fujisounds.music