It's a spring double-holiday episode and Israel and Rob made sure Chris and Matty actually learned what the Battle of Puebla was about before they ran their mouths. From there: Mattie's iPhone alarm has ruined Bob Marley for him, he found a pile of dead flickers in Michigan and called the DNR, ramps are out, Chris recaps the Dallas / Tulsa / Portland / Eugene tour run, Texas writes everyone's textbooks, Homo sapiens vs Neanderthals (we won because we threw stuff), three new Favorite Animals including a monkey that looks like it got napalmed, Maeve buying a Costco pear tree that needs a buddy to fruit, an amphibious bike with big old titties (patent pending), and Oregon rocks for Treasure of the Week.

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Comedian Sam Rocha (@samhandleyrocha) joins us and the conversation goes everywhere. Sam moved from Santa Barbara to Chicago to study comedy at Columbia, AOC followed her after her political campaign manager sketch, and her commitment to Mariah Carey is unmatched on this earth. We get into the airline that genuinely forgot to book a pilot, the time Matty got chewed out by a pilot for trying to smoke a cigarette on the runway as a teenager, Chris's new Cat Bird ring, Matty's potentially 10,000-year-old arrowhead, picking your daemon if you lived in The Golden Compass, a 103-acre wallaby island for sale in Scotland that's allegedly full of homophobic wallabies, Things We Wrote Down™, the delivery robot surveillance soft launch theory, and the time Sam tried to convince ChatGPT that Mariah Carey was a hero of 9/11.

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Chris and Matty celebrate the most sacred of stoner holidays with an hour of weed stories, childhood chaos, and brand new cryptid content. From Chris kayaking to school in Boulder to Matty dodging undercover cops on the South Side of Chicago, the guys trade their wildly different paths to becoming functioning adult stoners. Plus, the debut of Cryptid of the Month featuring the Not Deer and Champy, a detour into Nepal's time zone situation, and the discovery that dwarf metal is a real genre of music.

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Our good pal Loosh comes by the studio to bum us tf out. She's got facts, she's got figures, and she wants to know if she should've brought her hat. Lucia Whalen is the first two time guest of the Buddy System and will be back a plenty with her new segment, "Lucia Bums Us Out"

Check it out! Its very fun and also informative!

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Chris and Matty are back with an episode that covers Mormon missionaries, battle horse PTSD, fake IDs, the world's dirtiest man, and the Swiss military strategy of just slapping people.

Chris tells a story about herding cattle in Montana and riding horses in the wild, Matty nearly dies horseback riding in Nicaragua, and both guys agree that bike cops are the least threatening form of law enforcement. They get into WWII history, defend Portland and Fargo, pitch a friendship kidnapping service called Napper, and Chris recounts taking acid at LCD Soundsystem and briefly wanting to run for president. Matty spots a barred owl at Montrose and goes deep on killer whale ecotypes.

Plus: the man who didn't shower for 65 years and why that ruins everything we know about medicine.

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Chris opened a tin of sardines at the studio and Matty is not having it. That somehow leads to the accidental invention of bread, T-Mobile charging ten dollars to talk to a human, Batman being a billionaire cop, their Batman villain names, and asking the warehouse ghosts to please keep things platonic. Two new segments debut this week — Things I Wrote Down and Treasure of the Week.

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The self-proclaimed best rapper in the United States and the guy born from a volcano -- Scoochie Boochie joins Chris and Matty at Iconoclast Studios for a conversation that covers improv burnout, comedy rap as an actual genre, pandemic hair disasters, and the hard truth about the improv industry (there isn't one). Plus a brand new segment drops: Notes from Our Phone, where everyone reads their most unhinged half-baked comedy premises. Things get educational — did you know toilet paper wasn't invented until 1857? Or that Romans shared a communal butt rag on a stick? Neither did we, and we're worse for knowing it now.

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It's Matty's birthday, it's St. Patrick's Day, and someone gifted him a whale penis sculpture. Chris and Matty get into the origin story of Chicago dyeing the river green, hotel horror stories, the NA beer and mocktail price scam, body proportion facts discovered in the shower, a love letter to San Francisco, and a top five sandwiches ranking that gets heated. Plus: a tanuki follow-up, playground violence nostalgia, and why modern conspiracy theorists might actually be the optimists now.

New episodes every Tuesday. Leave a review and join the Patreon at patreon.com/buddysystempod for bonus episodes, early access, and cooking segments.

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Our buddy Kristen Toomey pops by for a swell chat about stand-up, being on the road, and other notable points of intellect (rodents, wizards, etc)

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We had every intention of being mature this week.

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