The "Cake Doesn't Count" Podcast

Written by Jenn Hand, Holistic Nutritionist, Board Certified Health Coach, NBC-HWC

If you've been in the diet world for any length of time, you know how frustrating the weight battle can be. But what if we're believing the wrong things about weight loss? After helping hundreds of women overcome late night bingeing and finding their normal, I know a thing or two about what works, what doesn't and what keeps us stuck! This blog is going to debunk the 7 biggest myths of weight loss and show you where to focus instead.

I recently received an email from a blog reader who said:

"Is it normal that this journey is mind numbingly frustrating at times? I feel like I've made great strides in the areas of "normal" eating. I've let go of dieting overall (although I do still overeat at times). But my weight hasn't budged. What is the big secret to losing weight?! How can I view this part of the journey in a different way?

It can be incredibly frustrating when you've been desperately trying to find your "normal" around food but feel like you're not making any progress in the weight realm. There are so many "old tapes" we cling to and myths about diet and exercise that can keep us stuck. We're exploring all of this and more in today's blog!

Topics in This Article:

1. 1. So What Are the 7 Biggest Myths of Weight Loss?
   2. The True Key To Weight Loss
   3. Three Areas to Focus On Instead of Weight
   4. How I Found My Happy Weight (Personal Story)
   5. What's Next?

So What Are The 7 Biggest Myths of Weight Loss?

If you google "how to lose weight", approximately 4 million different articles come up. Most of the advice is fad diets, unsustainable food programs and advice that doesn't consider our preferences, lifestyles and complicated relationship to food.

Since we are not robots (It's not as simple as drink kale smoothies + run 5 miles = weight loss), our relationship to weight is complicated. Here are the top weight loss myths debunked:

Myth #1: Losing weight is a linear process

I wish this one was true! I can't tell you how many times I yearned for this process to be linear and straightforward. The reality is, underneath our food and weight struggles is a lot of other stuff!

(I.E. we don't trust ourselves around food, we feel out of control, we loath our bodies which impacts food choices, we try to be "good" all the time, we feel guilt over good vs bad foods, we don't know how to stop bingeing, etc)

If you're feeling like this process is a few steps forward, a step back, a detour to the side, a missed step, and then questioning any progress at all? That's normal. You ARE making progress. It's just not linear. Sometimes seeds are planted and sprout down the road. Other times we need to hear something multiple times before it clicks.

The beliefs that become ingrained in our minds from the diet world take some time to "unlearn" as we are strengthening the habits and beliefs that better serve us. (Read my "How Long It Took Me to Be a Normal Eater" here! I tell you the exact details of my diet journey.)

Myth #2: Carbs make you put on weight

Carbs get a bad rep when we're dieting. I work with so many women on breaking the "carbs are bad" food rule (that was one of my most stringent rules I tried to adhere too when I was trying to control my food!)

Almost all of us have the "carbs make you gain weight" belief in our minds. But remember that vegetables, fruits, beans, peas…are all considered carbohydrates! I'm a firm believer in all foods have their place.

That doesn't mean you just eat noodles and bread every meal, but it means that working to find a balanced approach where you can enjoy a piece of pizza IS a part of the larger strategy in finding a comfortable weight.

No food is good or bad; it's about finding what works and nourishes YOUR body instead of adhering to some prescribed plan. (And that usually includes finding a more balanced relationship to carbs! More on carbs here!)

Myth #3: Restricting is the best way to lose weight

So many of us have experienced "success" with this formula:

Eat less + restrict sugar/carbs = weight loss.

When we're working to find a more peaceful relationship around food, we cling to this old notion. We think we'll NEVER find a comfortable weight if we eat normally. But sustainability is the name of the game. Restriction, in any form, leads to frustration, crankiness, and inevitably going off whatever "plan" we were trying to follow.

(Followed by feelings of failures, guilt and blaming ourselves). The best way to restore our bodies weight equilibrium is NOT to restrict!

(**Thanks a lot, diet world, for messing with our heads on this one!)

Myth #4: Food that tastes good is always bad for you

Have you ever bitten into a fresh garden grown tomato? Eaten watermelon on a hot summer day? Tasted simmering homemade spaghetti sauce hot off the stove?

There are incredible whole foods that taste delicious and satisfying. In fact, I posted a poll in the Normal Eaters Club a few years ago and asked: If you could eat ANYTHING for your favorite meal, what would it be?

The answers were not donuts, cake, cookies, and brownies. They were "my mom's homemade spaghetti", "my grandma's roast chicken with potatoes", "a meal from a restaurant I went to in Italy", and "a Greek dish with cheese and dairy (that I've always told myself I couldn't have) that's been in my family for years", among others.

There are tons of foods out there that taste good AND are satisfying and nutritious. Sometimes it just takes a little bit of experimentation!

Myth #5: If you want to lose weight, go on a diet

The reality is that diets rarely result in long-term weight loss. Have you ever wondered why we keep going back, again and again, to diets? Because if we go on something, we inevitably go off, and so we keep searching for the next "solution" that'll be the one to last.

But none of them DO last. (*A UCLA study found that almost 2/3 of people who dieted gained MORE weight back than they initially lost.)

Diets are too hard to maintain. They are usually restrictive, signal to our bodies that we need to "keep fuel" instead of "burn fuel" and miss out on giving us all of the nutrients we need to thrive.

Plus, diets make us feel like a failure and we usually get even more frustrated and disillusioned than before! A more balanced, sustainable approach truly is what works for the long haul.

Myth #6: Eat less, move more

This one might be controversial, especially because most of our "success" around weight has been when we've eaten less and moved more. But hear me out…

When we eat less, we can move our bodies into "conservation mode". This means that our bodies hold onto fuel instead of burning it, in fear it needs to conserve energy for the future. In addition to that, our relationship to food is complicated!

Imagine a doctor telling someone who is overweight battling diabetes to just "eat less, move more". If it were that simple, millions of people wouldn't battle their weight. Food is emotional, mental and even spiritual.

So much of our relationship to weight is healing the deeper beliefs, emotions, and habits that keep us stuck if we want the change to last.

Myth #7: All calories are equal

Counting calories might seem like a great strategy for weight loss. But I could eat 1600 calories of Oreos, bread, steak and donuts or I could eat 1600 calories of vegetables, whole grains and lean proteins.

When we fixate just on calories, it misses the bigger picture of nutrition and health. Calorie counting gives us the illusion of control. It gives us a security that we can control what we eat.

The reality is, like another other form of trying to control our food, it usually backfires. We go on and off the counting. We rebel at the end of the week and binge on the weekends. Instead of focusing on calories, it can be helpful to focus on balance (see below for more tips on where to focus!)

If you prefer to listen to the podcast, check it out here:

Here Is the True Key To Weight Loss

So what is the biggest factor in weight loss? The most mind numbingly annoying secret to weight loss...

… is that it's actually NOT as simple as the diet world makes it out to be.

Here is the short list of things that impact weight loss:

• Genetics
• Metabolism
• Hormonal imbalances
• Stress
• Seasons
• Thyroid/Adrenal Glands
• Gut health
• Sleep
• Food sensitivities/allergies

And that's just the start!

When we're sold this idea that it's OUR fault if we can't lose weight, it only perpetuates the feeling of blame and shame if we struggle. One of my favorite blog posts I've ever written is "The Secret to Lasting Weight Loss" (read it here).

There is this deeper component to weight that's missing in the diet world. The real key to weight loss is that depth. Exploring emotions and mindset. Redefining food rules that don't serve us. Discovering what nourishes and satisfies us. Understanding our innate sense of worth (which can reflect out in how we eat). Learning the art of feeling emotions without turning to food.

None of this is addressed in the diet world (which is why our "results" don't last!) So where do you start to begin to shift out of the "old" way of viewing weight?

Bonus Tips: 3 Areas to Focus on Instead of Weight

If many of our weight beliefs and myths of weight loss aren't true, where should we focus instead?

Here are three areas to explore:

Aim for health over weight

When we fixate on weight, we often miss the big picture of overall health. We want to spot reduce, get rid of our flabby bellies or thighs, and get down to a smaller size. What would it look like to focus on health instead?

Explore what types of foods would feel nourishing and nutritious. Play around with different ways that you can move your body. Find new recipes to try.

Restoring our bodies to their comfortable weight doesn't involve hating ourselves into change. Lasting shifts come from kindness, curiosity, and compassion in learning to let go of habits that don't serve us and replace them with ones that do.

Here are some reflections to get you started:

• What would feel like a nutritious meal?
• What does it mean to be healthy?
• How does my body want to move?
• Where can I bring in more balance around food?
• How does it feel to explore health over weight?
• What is one healthy habit you want to play with?

Look at the emotional & mental side of food

When I used to desperately try to "stop" the diet/binge cycle, I neglected a huge piece of the puzzle: my emotions and mindset.

I ate when I was stressed, bored, had anxiety or felt angst. But I also ate because emotionally, I didn't know how to deal with life. Mentally, I was insanely critical of myself and hated my body (which would always cause me to overeat).

Our thoughts and emotions play a critical role in how we eat. This is a big missing piece of any diet; it doesn't look more deeply into WHY we do what we do around food.

Explore where your emotions and mindset play into how you're eating. This can be very eye-opening and insightful! Because when we get to the root of why we do something, we can address the real cause of the problem.

Work on one habit a day

Often when we have a lot of things we want to change, it becomes overwhelming, and we shut down (and then don't change anything)! What can you focus on today or this week?

Bring yourself back to just ONE thing you can change. It could be physical, mental, or emotional. This process is small daily habits that build up to big changes over time.

(The opposite of what we learn in the diet world…we do XYZ to "get" a result. This path is learning how to create small shifts over time vs getting to the "end" for a result).

Here are a few ideas to experiment with:

• Meal plan dinners for this week
• Moving your body for 10-15 minutes a day
• Eating a vegetable with dinner
• Trying one new fruit or vegetable 3x this week
• Packing your lunch for work Monday-Friday
• Say one nice thing to yourself in the mirror every morning

The path to weight loss is all about letting go of the myths we believed, exploring more deeply our emotions and mental tapes and redefining our areas of focus!

How I Found My Own Happy Weight

I always hesitate to share my own "weight" story, as I think for some people, it can detract from the overarching goal: finding food freedom and being "normal". But I've had many women ask about my own weight journey and here are some of the things that helped me arrive at my body's comfortable weight:

• Putting Weight Second

I always had this desperate battle between wanting to lose weight but also wanting to stop dieting/bingeing. When the desire to stop bingeing/dieting moved into the "top priority", it helped me heal what needed to heal.

That doesn't mean I didn't want to lose weight. It just meant that I was determined to learn how to stop bingeing, trust my body, figure out how to eat "normally", look at my emotions, explore body image, and do the hard inner work it takes to shift habits at a deeper level.

• Learning What My Body Needed

I've gone through a thousand different phases of how I eat over the years to learn more and more what works for my own body. This is important because we are not designed to just "follow" a plan. We need to learn what works for OUR OWN bodies! Each of us is different.

Some people do better with more or less animal protein. Others can handle higher carbs (others lower). Some people need to eat more often than others.

I've gone vegetarian, explored more vs less animal protein consumption, experimented with higher and lower amounts of carbs, eaten less dairy to see how it would impact my skin, played with amount of fat and fiber for satiation, and have learned to keep tuning in to see what my body is needing and wanting. This has helped settle my weight over the long haul.

• Hormonal Balancing

I've seen natural health practitioners and used many holistic health remedies over the years. My belief is that often times our out of balance weight may be a reflection of an internal imbalance. So when I've had weight stuckpoints, I've turned to the natural health world to calm my adrenals (hormonal balancing) and to help my body come back into balance.

(*This is my belief, so may not resonate with everyone!)

What's Next? More Resources For You

There are a bunch of different resources for you to explore different aspects of weight in more depth:

• Can You Lose Weight without Dieting?
• Food Freedom Bundle
• How to Be a Normal Eater Book
• 3 Best Tools to End Emotional Eating (And the Quiz)
• "I Gained Weight and Feel Like a Failure"

Work with Me

I've been helping women like you become normal eaters since 2015. I've worked with hundreds of women, helping them to balance their bodies, let go of the scale, stop obsessing over food, and start feeling amazing again! As an accredited health coach with a background in nutrition, I know how to support you into making real positive change that lasts. If you're ready to finally see a lasting change and experience true freedom, you can schedule a free introductory call with me. Click here to schedule a free 15-minute introductory call to see how I can help you become a normal eater!

Women often say to me (sometimes ashamed and embarrassed)... "I've gained weight and I feel like a failure".

In some form, I hear these words frequently.

I thought these same words thousands of times in my journey.

"Everyone must think I'm a failure because I've gained my weight back."

"How can I have it all together if I can't even control my weight?"

"What's wrong with me...I can't even manage something as simple as food?!"

And on and on it went in my head (and in the minds of those I work with).

So if you think this, you are most definitely not alone.

What to do if you gained weight and think you're a failure?

Tune into today's episode!

Related Post: 7 Biggest Myths of Weight Loss And Where to Focus Instead of Weight

Ok, here's the million dollar question...when you have a desire for something you don't think you "should" eat, should you give in to a craving or just ignore it?

When I was trying to stop dieting, I wrestled with serious dessert cravings. I often would have this internal battle with myself, fighting back and forth about trying to NOT give in.

And then of course, I'd be so tired of battling myself (inside my own head), that'd I'd end up giving in anyway, and stuck in feeling guilty and not enjoying eating the thing I had been craving!

So what is the happy medium? Do you try to fight the craving? Do you wait to see if it subsides? Or should you just say "screw it" and give in?

If you ever get stuck in a food battle around cravings...

"Don't eat it! You'll get mad at yourself after."

"Oh just have it. You deserve it."

"But I have weight to lose, I shouldn't!"

And on and on...

So should you give in to a craving?

Find out how to decide on the podcast!

PS--Have you seen the brand new e-book and book club?!

Check out the "7 Biggest Obstacles to Making Peace with Food and How to Overcome Them" here!

It's easy to be confused over the right way to eat.

There are approximately 3,456,878 articles on google talking about what's "good", what you're "supposed" to eat/not eat, and research supporting each claim.

(And every one seems believable!)

Every "expert" says something different.

Some people claim Keto is the best, others say Intermittent Fasting, and still others claim that Weight Watchers is it since it's just a "lifestyle" (and claims to not be a diet).

How do you actually know what to pick for a meal when you're confused over the right way to eat?!

Tune in as we're diving exploring that topic today!

Prefer to watch the video? Press play below.

Wan to listen? Head on over to the podcast underneath.

Struggling with the diet mindset? Grab the "How Not to Get Stuck in Diet Mentality & What To Do Instead" bundle!

Written by Jenn Hand, Holistic Nutritionist, Board Certified Health Coach, NBC-HWC

Do you feel shame and/or want to hide your body?

I've been talking a lot lately about shame around our bodies and how we, as women, want to hide our bodies.

We often carry this deep feeling of being ashamed of our weight and that, in turn, makes us want to hide.

We want to cover up, wear baggy clothes, hide during intimacy and not allow anyone to see us at our current size.

This only perpetuates the shame and then makes us want to hide even more!

• Are you constantly trying to hide your body?
• Do you always look for ways you can disguise, camouflage or cover those parts of yourself that you hate?

Then listen in, my dear, because this is for you. 🙂

BTW–I'm linking to a sample chapter in my book (click the book image or this link) where I write about a time in my life where I wanted to hide the most. I had gained 30/35 pounds and was asked if I was pregnant. It may be helpful if you need more support.

Help for when you want to hide your body in today's podcast!

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You don't have to be obsessed with food or have a million rules around eating to find your natural weight and learn to love your body. Ready to actually see a lasting change and experience true freedom?

About the Author:

Jenn Hand has been helping women like you become normal eaters since 2015.

She's worked with thousands of women, helping them to balance their bodies, end bingeing, stop obsessing over food, and start feeling amazing again. As a board-certified health coach and holistic nutritionist, Jenn knows how to support you in making real positive changes that last.

Her articles have been published on Mind Body Green, Tiny Buddha, Thrive Global and other local and global media platforms. She's the author of How to Be a Normal Eater and the creator of The Normal Eater's Club program. Listen to Jenn's advice and tips on the Cake Doesn't Count Podcast, or read more of her articles for free on the Food Freedom Blog.

https://www.jennhand.com/eat-healthy-without-dieting/

https://www.jennhand.com/can-really-lose-weight-without-dieting/

Whether you're new to learning how to eat normally or have been on this path for years, inevitably the fear will arise: what if I gain weight?

Typically, when we're focused on dieting it can seem to give us a sense of control around food.

We feel "safe" knowing we are following something.

So when we go off the plan and are working to find our normal, it can feel very scary!

It can seem like we're jumping off the proverbial cliff into the unknown.

So what to do when the fear of weight gain comes up on this path?

(Prefer to listen to the podcast instead of read? Do so here!)

1. Remember the 12 Step Program Slogan: One Day at a Time

When I went to my first Overeaters Anonymous meeting years ago, someone (who saw me struggling) leaned over and said to me:

"Your job is to stay in today".

That's it.

Don't think about tomorrow, 6 months from now, or your best friend's daughter's wedding next summer that you think you need to lose weight for.

Just for today, focus on nourishment, on trust, on fueling your body.

One of the things that really tripped me up was thinking I needed to "fix" this whole binge/restrict cycle FOREVER.

Of course, thinking about fixing anything forever is overwhelming.

It shut any progress down immediately and would send me into a binge.

So how can you focus on today?

What food would feel like a balanced meal today?

What's one thing you can do to help you trust your body today?

And when the anxious thought comes back in around needing to fix the issue forever, remind yourself of the 12 step slogan:

One day at a time.

2. Ask Yourself: What Are You Associating with Weight Gain?

Here's the thing. There is always something beneath our biggest fears.

If you would gain weight…

What does that mean to you?

• Maybe you're afraid of people commenting on your body
• Or you have a fear that you won't be enough (or desirable, confident, etc)
• Maybe you're afraid for health reasons (aka your doctor told you you needed to lose weight to prevent diabetes)
• Or you have a fear of spiraling out of control

Explore your fears. Ask. Listen to what comes up.

And then address THAT.

Because if we gain 25 pounds, it's just a number until we put a meaning on it.

Think about it: a rainy day is just a rainy day.

Unless you're on the beach in Jamaica and it's ruining your vacation.

Then it's terrible, awful and has put a damper on what's supposed to be an amazing week.

It's neutral until we put a meaning on it.

Same with weight. It's a neutral number until we assign a meaning.

(And trust me, even though I don't weigh myself anymore, I have put a meaning on every weight in my binge/restrict history. It's still a challenge for me, as I can look back on any photo and have a meaning etched into my mind of my size and where I was in the binge/restrict cycle).

Explore your fears, begin to bring those to light and it'll lose some of its power.

3. Explore What Would Help You Have Faith in this Process

This process of letting go of dieting and learning how to listen to your body, to build a new relationship to food, and to find your "normal" is just that.

A process.

It's challenging in this world of "quick fix" diets and instant gratification.

Every food plan can taut a temping promise:

"Do XYZ for 30 days and you'll lose X pounds!"

But these programs don't give us what we truly, deeply want.

Freedom.

Freedom to trust ourselves around food.

A peaceful and joyful relationship in what we choose to eat.

Tuning in to hear the wisdom of our bodies (yes, it's in there!)

This path gives us an incredible gift...

One where you don't HAVE to buy another food plan again because you've learned how to listen to your body.

So what would help you have faith in this process?

A support group? A book? Starting a journal?

Meditation? Prayer? 1:1 support? Research to remind you why diets don't work?

Writing about what you really desire and your "why" when things get tough?

Explore whys to help you have faith in the process.

This path is not the easy path. But it IS the path that ends up giving us what it is we really want: freedom.

Which of the three resonates with you to help you on this path? (Or maybe you came up with one on your own!) Feel free to share below :)

When we are trying to let go of dieting and be more "normal" around food, it can be verrrrry challenging to know when to stop eating.

Are you supposed to listen to your body?

Measure or count something?

Get specific portions?

When we're left with just ourselves (without following a food plan), how in the heck are we supposed to know when to put down our fork and leave the table?!

I'm sharing 3 different approaches today on the Youtube channel and podcast (below).

You'll find different "levels" based on how much structure vs allowing you need.

Dive on in!

How to Know When to Stop Eating:

(And be sure to let me know whatchya think in the comments :) )

Other related posts:

How Do You Stop Eating When You're Full?

3 Way to Quit the Clean Plate Club

How Do You Know When You Are Full?

If you prefer to listen to the podcast, dive in here:

If you haven't yet checked out the "How to Be a Normal Eater" book on Amazon, grab it here!

Have you ever gotten on the scale or glanced at your reflection in the mirror and have it completely ruin your day?

Maybe you've had a few days where you feel pretty good and decide to "check in" on your progress.

One glance or hop on the scale and BAM, it sends us spiraling into a rabbit hole of negative thoughts.

That negative spiral can derail our best laid plans, sink us into a dark place and keep us stuck at thinking we're a "failure".

So does the scale or mirror ruin your day? Check out these four things to help!

Other related helpful posts are linked below.

Other related posts and resources:

The 10 Day Let Go of the Scale Challenge

When You Can't Face Your Body in the Mirror

Why I Stopped Mirror Checking

The "Love Your Body" Resource

A quick check in question: what's your relationship to exercise?

For some women, exercise can mimic the diet mentality.

(AKA the all or nothing type of thinking)

Some women are in the "excessive, use it to burn something off, to not feel guilty" place with exercise. Others are on the opposite side: the "I have no motivation to do anything and can't get moving" struggle.

(As as aside, FitBits and other tracking devices have exacerbated our hyper focus on tracking steps/calories/activity...I know I used one for a day and quickly got super obsessed in an unhealthy way).

Regardless of where you are on the exercise spectrum, I'm addressing both in today's podcast!

I'm sharing 3 actionable takeaways for each "side", so you can find the middle ground with exercise (dare I say make it a positive, enjoyable part of your life?!)

No matter your relationship to exercise, today's episode will give you some good takeaways to implement in your life for a more balanced approach.

It is hard to let go of holiday food guilt.

For some reason, we think we have to be really "good" around food.

But enter the holiday Trifecta of dessert overload and it can be challenging:

Halloween + Thanksgiving + December holidays = lots of sweets.

I went to visit my niece in Raleigh over Halloween and had a few too many Reese's pumpkins.

Because I was a bit hungry and hadn't had enough dinner before we went trick-or-treating, I ended up eating more than I had "planned" in my mind.

I started feeling guilty, caught myself and channeled the 3 tips I'm talking about in the podcast today.

It's easy to get down on yourself when you've gone "off" whatever it is you think you should have eaten.

But keep these 3 tips in mind to help you let go of holiday food guilt that comes up!

There's also another way to look at approaching Thanksgiving, with the "Thanksgiving Challenge" post I wrote a few years ago here.

Also if you struggle to say to the food peddlers or the extra pie, check out the 4 Tips to Say No To Extra Food This Holiday blog post here!

And if you need some gratitude support? Brene Brown has some good thoughts on that :)