The Cannon Cruisers

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! Randy here! After five episodes and more than 150 movies, we've finally reached the end of the Cannon Countdown. JD and I have our Top 100 Cannon Films, and now it's time to put the whole thing in order before deciding which movie takes the number one spot.

The lower half comes together surprisingly easily. The Top 25 does not. Bloodsport, Ninja III: The Domination, Runaway Train, Lifeforce, The Apple and the American Ninja films all enter the argument as we try to balance quality, rewatchability and that indefinable quality of being unmistakably Cannon. Going Bananas somehow survived this entire process, 50/50 gives us an opportunity we absolutely cannot resist, and eventually there can be only one movie at the top.

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! Randy here! The Cannon Countdown reaches the point where the cuts really start to hurt. JD and I have narrowed more than 150 Cannon films down to a Top 50, and now we have to split that list in half again to determine which 25 movies will move on to the final ranking.

Making the Grade has already failed to make the grade, but the choices aren't nearly as easy anymore. Franchise favourites start competing against each other, movies we both genuinely like still have to go, and being a good film isn't always the same thing as being an essential Cannon film. Can Alien from L.A. survive alongside something as obvious as Bloodsport? Is Enter the Ninja safe just because of its place in Cannon history? By the end, we finally have our Top 25. We just haven't figured out the order yet.

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! Randy here! The Cannon Countdown continues as JD and I finally get our Top 100 Cannon Films sorted out and start cutting the list in half. After correcting the math from Part 2, thirty movies are locked into the lower end of the ranking, leaving seventy films fighting for fifty spots.

Now the arguments get harder. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace and Jean-Luc Godard's King Lear are back on the table. Going Bananas is still here somehow. Movies that were easy to defend as Top 100 picks suddenly have to prove they belong in the Top 50, and Exterminator 2 once again becomes an unlikely measuring stick for the entire Cannon catalogue.

Content Warning: This episode contains discussion of suicide-related themes, sexual exploitation, racism and other mature material in the films being discussed.

The Cannon Countdown II - Building Our Top 100 Cannon Films (1987-1994)

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! Randy here! The Cannon Countdown continues as JD and I tackle the back half of the Cannon Films catalogue, beginning in 1987 and working our way through the company's later years. With more than 150 movies watched, we're still trying to narrow everything down to a shared Top 100.

But the deeper we get into the catalogue, the stranger the choices become. How do movies like Over the Top, Masters of the Universe and Bloodsport compare with Superman IV: The Quest for Peace or Jean-Luc Godard's King Lear when the goal is to define essential Cannon? Memorability starts mattering almost as much as quality, old opinions get reconsidered and some movies inspire much stronger reactions than others. Some earn a debate. Gor gets a much shorter response. Eventually, even the math becomes a problem when we realize we've eliminated more movies than we were supposed to.

Content Warning: This episode contains strong language and discussion of sexual assault, racism and other mature themes in the films being discussed.

The Cannon Countdown I: Building Our Top 100 Cannon Films (1980-1986)

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! Randy here! After years of cruising the Cannon Films catalogue, JD and I begin narrowing more than 150 movies down to our shared Top 100. Part 1 covers the Golan-Globus era from 1980 through 1986 as we decide what stays in contention and, more importantly, what doesn't make the cut.

But what actually makes a great Cannon movie? Does it have to be good, or is being unmistakably Cannon enough? Those questions get harder once films like The Apple, Enter the Ninja, Breakin', Bolero, Ninja III: The Domination and Runaway Train enter the conversation. We revisit old favourites, reconsider movies we barely remember and start working out where the line between essential Cannon and everything else really sits.

Content Warning: This episode contains discussion of sexual assault, sex work, incest and other mature themes in the films being discussed.

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! Randy here! Before we start the Cannon Countdown, JD and I are looking back at more than 100 Non-Cannon movies we've covered and each putting together our own Top 25. That takes us through decades of cult and genre movies, with plenty of 1980s and 1990s favourites along the way. This isn't meant to be an objective list of the "best" films. These are the movies that stuck with us and the ones we'd most want to watch again.

Fourteen movies appear on both lists, which sounds like a lot until you see where we actually ranked them. How far apart can the same movie land? Which favourites don't make the other person's list at all? JD and I work our way from #25 to #1 and defend the choices as they come up. Somehow, that takes almost two hours.

Content Warning: This episode contains a brief discussion of suicide and other mature themes.

Bolero (1984) - Erotic Drama

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! Randy here! This week, JD and I (reluctantly) check out John Derek's Bolero (1984), the Cannon Films erotic drama starring Bo Derek and George Kennedy. Set in the 1920s, a young woman travels through Europe and North Africa in pursuit of an idealized romance, eventually becoming involved with a Spanish bullfighter.

JD and I spend much of the episode trying to work out what kind of movie Bolero actually wants to be, especially when its romantic story keeps colliding with the way it was marketed as an erotic film. We get into John Derek's directing choices and the production battles between the Dereks and Cannon Films. Somewhere along the way, Bolero completely breaks me, and JD seems to take far too much pleasure in watching it happen.

Happy New Year!

Content Warning: This episode contains mature sexual discussion, including discussion involving a minor.