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What do you do when you’re the one reading the books, going to therapy, initiating the hard conversations—and your spouse seems checked out, defensive, or emotionally unavailable? In this deeply honest episode of The Catholic Couch, Catholic therapist Amber Pilkington speaks directly to the woman carrying the emotional, spiritual, and relational weight of her marriage alone.

You’ll learn how attachment styles, trauma responses, and unmet needs shape relationship dynamics—and what Catholic theology teaches about staying faithful without becoming a martyr. This episode offers hope, clarity, and boundaries for the woman who feels abandoned in a marriage that’s still technically intact.

What You'll Learn:

• What it means when one spouse is "emotionally unavailable"
• The difference between self-gift and self-erasure
• What secure attachment looks like when only one person is doing the emotional work
• Why emotional labor isn’t sinful—but it is exhausting without reciprocity
• Catholic teachings on love, dignity, and when it’s okay to take a step back
• How to create boundaries rooted in truth, not punishment or manipulation
• Why spiritualizing passivity can actually delay healing for both spouses

Psychology References:

• Johnson, S. (2019). Attachment Theory in Practice
• Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection
• Porges, S. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory
• Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Catholic References:

• Catechism of the Catholic Church §§ 1604, 1644, 1649–1651
• Pope St. John Paul II, Theology of the Body
• Ephesians 5:25–33
• Galatians 6:2 – “Bear one another’s burdens…” but not become one another’s burden
• CCC 1782 – “Man has the right to act in conscience and in freedom…”

Quotes to Remember:

“You can love your spouse deeply and still say: I can’t carry both of us forever.”
“God does not ask women to save marriages by slowly disappearing inside them.”
“One-sided effort is noble for a season. But marriage is a covenant, not a performance.”
“Sacrifice is holy. But so is truth.”

Take Action:
If this episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend, a fellow Catholic wife, or someone quietly wondering if she’s the only one still trying. You’re not alone. And your love matters.

Don’t forget to subscribe, leave a review, and comment to let us know what parts spoke to you.

Disclaimer:
This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional counseling, spiritual direction, or medical advice. While I’m a licensed Catholic therapist, I am not your therapist—and listening to this podcast does not create a therapeutic relationship.If you’re experiencing significant distress, please reach out to a licensed mental health provider in your area, your parish priest, or a trusted support resource. If you're in crisis, contact 988 or your local emergency services.The Catholic Counseling Institute exists to support women with resources that integrate faith and psychological insight. We’re here to walk with you, but we are not a crisis line or emergency care provider.

Send us a text

If pornography has impacted your marriage, knowing where to turn can feel overwhelming. In this episode, Catholic therapist Amber Pilkington explains the real differences between coaching and counseling when it comes to healing after pornography-related betrayal.

You’ll learn:

• What the research says about therapy for problematic porn use
• Why coaching may help—but not in the early stages
• How to find a faithful, marriage-friendly therapist trained in betrayal trauma
• What questions to ask before choosing your provider
• How to use insurance and telehealth to access quality care

Plus: Amber shares a free guide to help you start the journey toward healing, restoration, and reconnection—with tools rooted in Catholic theology and modern psychology.

👉 Download your free guide: Choosing Support After Betrayal

https://catholic-counseling-institute-2.kit.com/2771c26557

Disclaimer:
This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional counseling, spiritual direction, or medical advice. While I’m a licensed Catholic therapist, I am not your therapist—and listening to this podcast does not create a therapeutic relationship.If you’re experiencing significant distress, please reach out to a licensed mental health provider in your area, your parish priest, or a trusted support resource. If you're in crisis, contact 988 or your local emergency services.The Catholic Counseling Institute exists to support women with resources that integrate faith and psychological insight. We’re here to walk with you, but we are not a crisis line or emergency care provider.

Send us a text

In this episode, we cover:

• How personality and upbringing shape emotional communication
• Why “mental load” causes resentment in marriages
• Dr. John Gottman’s research on “negative sentiment override”
• Emotional filters and the nervous system’s role in conflict
• Real-life boundary examples that invite connection, not conflict
• The difference between disharmony and disconnection
• Gentle strategies to reconnect with your spouse without blame
• John 8:32 and the role of truth in healing marriage

Featured fictional couples: Emily & Josh, Teresa & Mike, Carmen & Leo
Referenced research: Gottman (1999, 2000), Daminger (2019), Bowlby (1969), Johnson (2008)

Next episode: “What If My Spouse Gets Mad?”

Disclaimer:
This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional counseling, spiritual direction, or medical advice. While I’m a licensed Catholic therapist, I am not your therapist—and listening to this podcast does not create a therapeutic relationship.If you’re experiencing significant distress, please reach out to a licensed mental health provider in your area, your parish priest, or a trusted support resource. If you're in crisis, contact 988 or your local emergency services.The Catholic Counseling Institute exists to support women with resources that integrate faith and psychological insight. We’re here to walk with you, but we are not a crisis line or emergency care provider.

Send us a text

Episode Title: Kind Is Not a Virtue—St. Catherine and the Art of Holy Assertiveness
Host: Amber Pilkington, LPC-S | Catholic therapist, wife, and founder of The Catholic Counseling Institute

Episode Summary:
In this episode, we explore the bold and holy assertiveness of St. Catherine of Siena and why kindness—though lovely—is not one of the theological virtues. Many Catholic women confuse passivity with virtue and struggle with guilt when they say "no" or ask for what they need. This episode brings theological clarity, psychological tools, and one of Amber’s favorite therapy acronyms to help you speak the truth in love.

Timestamps
00:00 – Opening hook: “Kind is not a virtue”
01:20 – Welcome and podcast mission
02:40 – The Catechism on virtue: Faith, Hope, and Charity
04:05 – Who was St. Catherine of Siena, and why was she not "nice"?
07:30 – Passive, aggressive, assertive: communication styles explained
09:20 – What is the "Fawn Response" and why do people-pleasers develop it?
11:10 – DEAR MAN: A Catholic-friendly breakdown of assertive communication
14:55 – How to use these skills in real life (ministry, marriage, motherhood)
17:00 – Jesus and clarity in Matthew 5:37
18:10 – Reflection questions for journaling and spiritual growth
19:30 – Closing encouragement and how to support the show

Referenced Sources:

• Catechism of the Catholic Church, Paragraph 1813
• Matthew 5:37 – “Let your yes mean yes…”
• St. Catherine of Siena’s Letters to Pope Gregory XI
• Herman, Judith. (1992). Trauma and Recovery
• Linehan, Marsha. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder

Citations (APA Format)

Catechism of the Catholic Church. (1997). Part Three: Life in Christ, ¶1813. Vatican.va.
Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence—from domestic abuse to political terror. Basic Books.
Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of borderline personality disorder. Guilford Press.
New American Bible. (2002). Matthew 5:37.
St. Catherine of Siena. (2000). The Letters of St. Catherine of Siena (trans. Suzanne Noffke, OP). Paulist Press.Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for personal mental health care, diagnosis, or counseling. Listening to this episode does not constitute a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with a licensed professional if you are seeking clinical support. This content is intended to integrate Catholic teaching and psychological insights in a way that supports your personal and spiritual growth, but it is not a substitute for professional guidance or spiritual direction.

Disclaimer:
This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional counseling, spiritual direction, or medical advice. While I’m a licensed Catholic therapist, I am not your therapist—and listening to this podcast does not create a therapeutic relationship.If you’re experiencing significant distress, please reach out to a licensed mental health provider in your area, your parish priest, or a trusted support resource. If you're in crisis, contact 988 or your local emergency services.The Catholic Counseling Institute exists to support women with resources that integrate faith and psychological insight. We’re here to walk with you, but we are not a crisis line or emergency care provider.

Send us a text

In this episode, we untangle one of the most misused and misunderstood words in Catholic marriage: submission.

• What Ephesians 5 really says (and why it’s often quoted out of context)
• What mutual submission means from a Catholic theological and psychological lens
• The difference between virtue and erasure
• How wounds, wiring, and personality shape how we hear the word “submission”
• A breakdown of Pope St. John Paul II’s insights on love, reciprocity, and dignity
• Why boundaries are not a rejection of Catholic teaching—but a fulfillment of it
• When “spiritualizing” suffering becomes a trap
• Carmen, Emily, and Teresa return with lived examples of how submission gets twisted—and how to heal it
• A journaling prompt to help you reframe your history with this word

Disclaimer:
This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional counseling, spiritual direction, or medical advice. While I’m a licensed Catholic therapist, I am not your therapist—and listening to this podcast does not create a therapeutic relationship.If you’re experiencing significant distress, please reach out to a licensed mental health provider in your area, your parish priest, or a trusted support resource. If you're in crisis, contact 988 or your local emergency services.The Catholic Counseling Institute exists to support women with resources that integrate faith and psychological insight. We’re here to walk with you, but we are not a crisis line or emergency care provider.

Send us a text

In this vulnerable and validating episode, Catholic therapist, wife, and mom Amber Pilkington dives into one of the most hidden but widespread struggles in motherhood: loneliness. Especially for stay-at-home Catholic moms, the pressure to “cherish every moment” can collide painfully with the reality of feeling isolated, unseen, and emotionally spent.

Amber blends psychological research and Catholic theology to show how loneliness affects the mind, body, and soul—and what you can actually do about it. This episode will remind you that you're not a failure, you're not alone, and you were never meant to carry the weight of motherhood by yourself.

What We Cover in This Episode:

• The surprising research on parental loneliness
• Why Catholic moms may be especially vulnerable
• How loneliness impacts your nervous system, confidence, and mental health
• The difference between “hard” and “impossible”
• What the Catechism and Genesis say about being made for community
• Simple ways to build connection (even when you’re stuck at home)
• How to pray, parent, and ask for help when you feel invisible
• Why saying “I’m lonely” might be the bravest thing you can do

Quotes to Remember:

• “You’re not failing—you’re just lonely.”
• “Hard is not the same as impossible. What turns impossible into manageable is connection.”
• “Jesus didn’t carry His cross alone. Neither should you.”

Resources Mentioned:

• BMC Women’s Health Study on Maternal Loneliness (Arimoto & Tadaka, 2021)
• Perspectives in Public Health Scoping Review on Parental Loneliness (Nowland et al., 2021)
• U.S. Surgeon General Advisory on Loneliness (2023)
• Catechism of the Catholic Church, Paragraphs 1878–1880 on the human person and society
• Genesis 2:18 — “It is not good for man to be alone.”

If You Loved This Episode:

• Subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast app
• Share this episode with a Catholic mom who needs encouragement
• Join the conversation on Instagram [@yourhandle] and tag us with your takeaways

Disclaimer:
This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional counseling, spiritual direction, or medical advice. While I’m a licensed Catholic therapist, I am not your therapist—and listening to this podcast does not create a therapeutic relationship.If you’re experiencing significant distress, please reach out to a licensed mental health provider in your area, your parish priest, or a trusted support resource. If you're in crisis, contact 988 or your local emergency services.The Catholic Counseling Institute exists to support women with resources that integrate faith and psychological insight. We’re here to walk with you, but we are not a crisis line or emergency care provider.

Send us a text

Saint Ignatius of Loyola didn’t just change the Church—he may have accidentally invented a foundational practice in modern therapy. In this episode, Amber Pilkington breaks down how his method of discernment, emotional tracking, and truth-based reframing reflects key principles of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).

This episode covers:

• The story of Ignatius’s conversion and cannonball moment
• How the Examen reflects modern “thought logs”
• What CBT teaches about metacognition, reframing, and emotional regulation
• A modern reframe of common Catholic mom thoughts (with Scripture)
• How neuroscience affirms Ignatius’s practices
• A simple 2-minute nightly practice for thought renewal

Listener Practice Challenge:
Write down one consoling thought and one desolating thought each night. Ask:

• Where did this come from?
• What would Jesus say in response?

Free Resource: The Catholic Woman’s Thought Tracker — download at yourwebsite.com/ignatius

Next Week: St. Catherine of Siena & the Psychology of Assertiveness

Citations

1. Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
2. Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
3. Majeres, K. (n.d.). CatholicPsych Institute. https://www.catholicpsych.com
4. America Magazine. (2021, July 27). Was St. Ignatius the first cognitive behavioral therapist?https://www.americamagazine.org/faith/2021/07/27/st-ignatius-loyola-therapy-241154
5. Catechism of the Catholic Church (1992). §1776–1789 (Conscience); §1813 (Virtues).
6. Holy Bible. Lamentations 3:23; John 8:11; Romans 12:2 (NABRE).
7. Lieberman, M. D. (2013). Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect. Crown Publishing. [On emotional naming and amygdala regulation]

Disclaimer:
This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional counseling, spiritual direction, or medical advice. While I’m a licensed Catholic therapist, I am not your therapist—and listening to this podcast does not create a therapeutic relationship.If you’re experiencing significant distress, please reach out to a licensed mental health provider in your area, your parish priest, or a trusted support resource. If you're in crisis, contact 988 or your local emergency services.The Catholic Counseling Institute exists to support women with resources that integrate faith and psychological insight. We’re here to walk with you, but we are not a crisis line or emergency care provider.

Send us a text

DOWNLOAD YOUR FREE PRAYER CARD HERE:  https://catholic-counseling-institute-2.kit.com/f5ff865d5a

In this powerful episode of The Catholic Couch, Catholic therapist Amber Pilkington responds to Pope Leo XIV’s June prayer intention—calling the global Church to compassion for those suffering with mental and emotional illness.

For too long, mental health has been taboo in Catholic circles. But now, the silence is breaking. Pope Leo’s bold prayer offers more than awareness—it offers hope, healing, and a sacred mission.

🎙️ In this episode:

What Pope Leo XIV actually said—and why it matters so deeply

Why so many Catholic women feel unseen in their mental health struggles

The theology of consolation and the Sacred Heart

The role of comparison, silence, and emotional disconnection

What you can do (even in small ways) to live out this call to compassion

Whether you’ve struggled with anxiety, depression, postpartum, trauma, or burnout—or you love someone who does—this conversation will comfort, validate, and empower you.

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing.

Cacioppo, J. T., & Patrick, W. (2008). Loneliness: Human nature and the need for social connection. New York, NY: W. W. Norton & Company.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2023). Youth Risk Behavior Survey Data Summary & Trends Report: 2011–2021. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

Eisenberger, N. I., Lieberman, M. D., & Williams, K. D. (2003). Does rejection hurt? An fMRI study of social exclusion. Science, 302(5643), 290–292.

Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7(2), 117–140.

Gustafson, H. T., Kheriaty, A., et al. (2023). Movement behaviors and mental health of Catholic priests in the Eastern United States. Journal of Religion and Health.

Lup, K., Trub, L., & Rosenthal, L. (2015). Instagram #instasad?: Exploring associations among Instagram use, depressive symptoms, negative social comparison, and strangers followed. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 18(5), 247–252.

National Institute of Mental Health. (2021). Mental illness. In Mental Health Statistics. Bethesda, MD: National Institutes of Health.

Pew Research Center. (2019). Religion’s relationship to happiness, civic engagement and health. Religion & Public Life.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (2022). 2021 National Survey on Drug Use and Health: Detailed Tables. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

Vogel, E. A., Rose, J. P., Roberts, L. R., & Eckles, K. (2014). Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 33(3), 244–274.

Disclaimer:
This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional counseling, spiritual direction, or medical advice. While I’m a licensed Catholic therapist, I am not your therapist—and listening to this podcast does not create a therapeutic relationship.If you’re experiencing significant distress, please reach out to a licensed mental health provider in your area, your parish priest, or a trusted support resource. If you're in crisis, contact 988 or your local emergency services.The Catholic Counseling Institute exists to support women with resources that integrate faith and psychological insight. We’re here to walk with you, but we are not a crisis line or emergency care provider.

Send us a text

What if the burnout you’re feeling isn’t a sign of failure—but an invitation to rethink what love actually looks like?

In this powerful opening episode, Catholic therapist Amber Pilkington unpacks one of the most requested topics she hears from Catholic women: boundaries in marriage. With warmth, humor, and deep compassion, Amber introduces us to three fictional couples who mirror real-life dynamics—Emily and Josh, Teresa and Mike, and Carmen and Leo—and invites us to explore what boundaries are (and what they’re not).

Together, we’ll challenge common spiritual misunderstandings, explore what the Catechism and Scripture really say, and learn why boundaries aren’t barriers to love—they’re the structure that makes love sustainable.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Is it okay to need help?” or “Am I allowed to ask for space?”—this episode will meet you where you are.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• The true definition of a boundary (hint: not walls or ultimatums)
• Why emotional burnout doesn’t mean you’re doing marriage wrong
• What Jesus, the Catechism, and modern psychology say about personal limits
• How to take your first gentle step toward clarity, honesty, and connection

Resources mentioned:

• Matthew 5:37 – “Let your yes mean yes…”
• Catechism 1731 & 1782 – On freedom and conscience
• Cloud & Townsend (1992) Boundaries
• Maslach (2001), Figley (1995) – Research on burnout and compassion fatigue

Disclaimer:
This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional counseling, spiritual direction, or medical advice. While I’m a licensed Catholic therapist, I am not your therapist—and listening to this podcast does not create a therapeutic relationship.If you’re experiencing significant distress, please reach out to a licensed mental health provider in your area, your parish priest, or a trusted support resource. If you're in crisis, contact 988 or your local emergency services.The Catholic Counseling Institute exists to support women with resources that integrate faith and psychological insight. We’re here to walk with you, but we are not a crisis line or emergency care provider.

Send us a text

Welcome to The Catholic Couch—the official podcast of the Catholic Counseling Institute.

Hosted by Catholic therapist, wife, and mom Amber Pilkington, this podcast brings together the wisdom of the Catholic Church and the clarity of modern psychology to offer real tools for real life—on the ground, in real time.

Whether you're navigating intrusive thoughts and scrupulosity, Catholic parenting, marriage, boundaries, burnout, or just trying to keep your peace at 7:14 p.m. when the pasta’s boiling over and the kids are yelling upstairs—this podcast is here to help.

In this short trailer, you’ll hear what to expect from future episodes, who this podcast is for, and why this might become your new favorite place to exhale, regroup, and be reminded that you’re not alone.

✨ What you'll walk away with after each episode:
– Faithful, compassionate support
– Psychology-informed tools grounded in Church teaching
– Scripts, reframes, and steps you can actually use in the middle of real life
– Encouragement without pressure

If you’ve ever wished there was a Catholic podcast that spoke to the mess and the meaning of daily life, The Catholic Couch is for you.

Because here, we don’t preach at you.
We sit with you.

🛋️ Hit subscribe to join us—
There will always be a place for you on The Catholic Couch.

Disclaimer:
This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional counseling, spiritual direction, or medical advice. While I’m a licensed Catholic therapist, I am not your therapist—and listening to this podcast does not create a therapeutic relationship.If you’re experiencing significant distress, please reach out to a licensed mental health provider in your area, your parish priest, or a trusted support resource. If you're in crisis, contact 988 or your local emergency services.The Catholic Counseling Institute exists to support women with resources that integrate faith and psychological insight. We’re here to walk with you, but we are not a crisis line or emergency care provider.