The Cinderella Mindset

Network Marketing is populated by people mostly who have sought out the business model because they consider themselves naturally entrepreneurial.  They come into the industry and make decisions to work on their own terms because they are tired and 'over' the corporate pressure. Most of them love to say they 'fired their bosses'.

The only problem is that SOME leaders in Network Marketing actually are more familiar with corporate culture than living the entrepreneurial life  or interacting with entrepreneurs.   So at times we find upline leaders within Network Marketing who have left corporate america and yet haven't left corporate america.

If you are following me,  you will catch on.

In other words, they have brought with them a corporate sensibility. Oftentimes, they subconsciously will see their downline as their 'employees' that they get to 'boss' around.   So, for those of us who have 'fired our bosses,' and  have entered the industry for freedom as our own bosses, this projection by a strong upline can lead to conflict.  When a successful network marketer isn't really an entrepreneur at all but rather a corporate retiree, they may bring the concept and vision of hierarchy with them into their communication and team culture. This can be a problem.   I have observed several situations in Network Marketing of upline intimidation and fear-based leadership. I must also clarify that most of us have been blessed to not have to deal with that type of dynamic. However, it is important also to discuss and give perspective to a problem that does exist in the industry.

 

 

So how can you identify if you are under FEAR-BASED LEADERSHIP:

Thank you LIZ RYAN of FORBES MAGAZINE for inspiration behind this blog post....

THE FIVE CHARACTERISTICS OF FEAR BASED LEADERS.   

I created a list of 6 points.

I wanted to take my inspiration from this article and extrapolate it into the Network Marketing Industry:

*  YOU WILL LEARN IT THE WAY THEY TEACH IT OR BE CUT OFF:

Within NWM there are  systems. The systems are important to follow because they are tried and true. However, within companies, teams create their own systems as well that are not necessarily endorsed by corporate leadership.  Some of these systems that are created by an upline may never be taught in a national corporate training. However, I have seen many up and coming leaders be cut off from their upline because they choose to opt to follow standard practices only or get creative and add apply their own systems.  These new leaders have been cut out of Facebook support pages and been discredited within the team because they 'refused to follow protocol.' Upline leaders who will cut people off from not agreeing with the team system (over standard systems) are applying intimidation by excluding these downline distributors from their trainings and support.

2.   THEY EITHER EDIFY OR VILIFY (NOTHING IN BETWEEN):

If you are noticing high praise for one person and the demonizing of another you may be under fear-based leadership.  Fear based leaders like to praise people who are highly successful who are 'following the system and team rules,' and demonize the people who aren't.  Liz Ryan says 'you are either a friend or foe.'   There is really no in between.  The people in between are at times ignored and still vilified because they haven't risen to the ranks expected by their upline.  At times, very successful people within a team can be vilified because they aren't in full agreement of the culture of the team.

3. THEY CREATE STORIES ABOUT OTHERS AND SHARE THEM WITH THEIR TEAM (AKA Gossip):

Every week I hear stories of abuse from managers and supervisors who have no experience 'managing' and instead opt to lash out on people they were assigned to train.   Corporate abuse is not a new thing. Bullying in the office by bosses is more common than you would think.  However, sometimes the 'bullying' can be accepted as common practice.  Therefore, new employees tend to be given the message to 'toughen up' and not complain. In the meantime, there are serious emotional and physical byproducts that can occur from this abuse.

So how do you recognize the difference between abuse and just 'learning the ropes.' And what can you do if you discover that your boss is actually a total jerk and bully?

Gary Namie, PhD, director of the Workplace Bullying Institute, says these are the 25 most common tactics adopted by bullies, according to targeted victims:

* Falsely accusing someone of “errors” not actually made.

* Staring, glaring, being nonverbally intimidating and clearly showing hostility.

* Discounting the person’s thoughts or feelings (“oh, that’s silly”) in meetings.

* Using the “silent treatment” to “ice out” and separate from others.

* Exhibiting presumably uncontrollable mood swings in front of the group.

* Making up own rules on the fly that even she/he does not follow.

* Disregarding satisfactory or exemplary quality of completed work despite evidence.

* Harshly and constantly criticizing having a different ‘standard’ for the target.

* Starting, or failing to stop, destructive rumors or gossip about the person.

* Encouraging people to turn against the person being tormented.

* Singling out and isolating one person from co-workers, either socially or physically.

* Publicly displaying “gross,” undignified, but not illegal, behavior.

* Yelling, screaming, and throwing tantrums in front of others to humiliate a person.

* Stealing credit for work done by others.

* Abusing the evaluation process by lying about the person’s performance.

* Rebelling for failing to follow arbitrary commands.

* Using confidential information about a person to humiliate privately or publicly.

* Retaliating against the person after a complaint was filed.

* Making verbal put-downs/insults based on gender, race, accent or language, disability.

* Assigning undesirable work as punishment.

* Making undoable demands– workload, deadlines, duties — for person singled out.

* Launching a baseless campaign to oust the person.

* Encouraging the person to quit or transfer rather than to face more mistreatment.

* Sabotaging the person’s contribution to a team goal and reward.

* Ensuring failure of person’s project by not performing required tasks: signoffs, taking calls, working with collaborators.

In addition, Namie says confronting the boss is “rarely effective and ill-advised.” A few years ago, WBI asked 1,598 individuals who were personally familiar with workplace bullying what strategies they adopted to get their bullying to stop, and whether those actions were effective. Here’s what they said:

* About 38% of bullied employees essentially did nothing. In other words, he or she let time pass, hoping matters would improve on their own. Effectiveness of doing nothing: 3.25%

* About 70% of employees directly confronted the perpetrator. Effectiveness of confronting: 3.57%

* About 71% of bullied employees asked the perpetrator’s boss to intervene and stop it. Effectiveness of seeking support from bully’s boss: 3.26%

* About 74% told senior management/owner, expecting support.Effectiveness of seeking support from senior management/owners: 3.69%

This most recent season of my life has taught me a lot about true leadership.

I am so aware that real leadership has nothing to do with money or rank. Leadership is about rising up to accomplish your personal goals while inspiring and serving others in a capacity that will support them to reach their goals as well.

 

I am blessed to be a Top Leader in the massively growing industry of Network Marketing.  The particular company I work for is thriving. Still in the 4 years of building my Network Marketing business, I have made some observations on the difference between leading and following.

First off, we are all leaders because we are individual business owners who have taken a leap of faith to build something lasting.  However,  the culture and structure in many Network Marketing companies is such that those in high rank and income of course are edified and revered.  While I think that is totally justifiable, money and rank does not always make someone a leader worth following. There are some amazing leaders that we can all learn from.  But I have also witnessed so many people that are new to network marketing stuck in a paralysis and continuing  "sheep-like" mentality that is perpetuating lack of success and their rising into their full potential.

 

It is important to understand that when you enter into Network Marketing and open up your distributor account, that you are a boss man a boss lady in your own right.  LEAD! TAKE CHARGE...Learn the basics. Apply the systems.  Honor people worthy of respect.  But do not deny the fact that the only way this business will grow will be with you taking charge and LEADING....

 

I've outlined some traits and distinctions between leaders and followers:

1.DO YOU LOVE TEACHNG OTHERS TO GROW!  Are you a servant leader? Do you love helping to guide others in a healthy way while not enabling them? Great leaders motivate and inspire others to be the best versions of themselves.

2. ARE YOU COACHABLE?  Great leaders are always willing to be coached and taught.  Followers should also be willing to learn and apply principles.  Leaders also rise up to teach.

3. DO YOU LOVE PEOPLE?  Are you in the business because you love interacting with people or are you in mainly for the money.  True leaders in Network Marketing are genuinely attracted to the industry because they love serving others and watching people they partner with rise in leadership as well.

4.  Are you hyper focused on titles and rank? If recognition is your main reason for pursuing your business think again.  There are many people being recognized who are not exhibiting true leadership or taking action.  Pursue growth in the business in spite of the recognition.

5. Do you have a deep internal mindset that motivates you to grow? Stay positive above all.   Leaders know how to push through disappointment and persevere in spite of pitfalls.  Leaders take control of their bad days and turn them into something amazing.

6. Are you willing to admit your mistakes?  Excellent Leaders are willing to admit their mistakes and learn from others.

7. Do You Take Action?  Leaders take action first.  Followers wait for others to take action and then follow.  Assert     yourself .  TACKLE YOUR  goals and crush them.

8. Do You burn the midnight oil? Leaders are willing to work hard and tirelessly to achieve their dreams and goals.

9.  Do you have vision?  Leaders know where they are going and take action to see their vision become reality.

10.   Do you have a plan and blueprint?  Have you spent time being strategic and laying out your goals.  Leaders map out the plan and share it with their army and execute it.

When I said 'Yes' to starting a Network Marketing Business I had very little confidence that I would find success.  I had watched a thriving entertainment business of mine tank after the US economy dipped in 2008.

I had no experience in Network Marketing and was feeling insecure.

Had I engaged in some positive self-talk at the time, I would have reminded myself that I had built a very lucrative New York entertainment company from the ground up with no experience and that I had a track record of success in my life.   The 'failure' really came only after something out of my control. I had also made a decision not to rebuild. But looking back, I had over 10 years of strident growth and momentum in that company.

When I was a teen, I brought my softball team to championship as the lead pitcher.

I won out a single position to sing at Disney after auditioning with 5000 other hopeful vocalists.

I had a laundry list of success in my life.

Still, I was beaten down from one recent set-back.

How many of you underestimate your ability to become a top leader in your company?

How many times do we compare ourselves to others and question our abilities?

How often do we minimize our past success and magnify our failures?

How often do we think our past success was 'dumb luck' and had nothing to do with who we are or what we are capable of?

How often are we frustrated at new recruits into our business or long term product users who have everything it takes to crush this business but just don't believe it?

 

I love this quote from Tim Ferriss' 4 Hour Work Week

“If you are insecure, guess what?

The rest of the world is, too.

Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think.”

― Timothy Ferriss, The 4-Hour Workweek

 

You are better than you think.  You are more capable of maximizing the compensation plan and being recognized as a Top Leader in your company than you think.

You have the ability to build a team even when you are feeling beaten down from a recent 'failure' or 'set back'.

The big question is:

WILL YOU DO EVERYTHING IT TAKES TO CLAIM A POSITION AT THE TOP OF THE COMPANY?

 

Are you applying the training that leaders are teaching you?

Are you strategizing your social media?

I became a millionaire in my company.  I literally told my enroller that I didn't know 2 people who would join me.  I have tens of thousands of people in my downline now after 4 years.  

A lightbulb went off in my head when I realized that there were people like me (mums like me) who had become very successful in this business simply by making a decision to be coachable and commit time to LEARNING. 

In hindsight, I cannot think of another vehicle at the time that had the earning potential that I am experiencing now.  There was not a job or business presented to me that cost around $600-$1000 to start with a full return policy that could bring me to where I am now as a million in income in 3.5 years.

How hard are you willing to work to earn a life of freedom?  Remember you are capable of learning and applying yourself to leverage this opportunity.  Remind yourself who you are and make a DECISION to take it all the way.....

Here are a few tips to remind yourself that you can succeed in Network Marketing!

 

I've had my own business in the Network Marketing industry for 4 years now.  But I will never forget the first time I heard a top network marketer say, "I don't like sales. I hate sales. We don't sell, we share!"

Hold the phone! Shut the F%$& up!

WHAT the WHAT?

I couldn't believe I actually heard this guy say that he hates sales and yet he was a top incomer earner in the company.  In all honesty, I thought it was BS.

My mind went on this tangent.  I thought, "if he hates sales so much he should look at the fact that he has earned 4 million dollars SELLING STUFF!"

I then spent the next few years hearing people repeat what this guy said.  I also heard other top network marketers refuse to claim the word ...SELL or SALES.

I understand why they say they SHARE rather than SELL.  But they don't stop to think of how damaging and ludicrous that is. I love sharing too but at the end of the day if they buy what I'm sharing, it's a sale.

What they are trying to say is that they hate the STYLE of the stereotypical sales person in network marketing.  That we don't sell things THAT WAY.

Refusing to use the word "sell" and "sales"and telling potential customers, "we hate sales too,"  puts us in the same category as that sleezy guy who stereotypically also SELLS stuff. We hate that guy because he lies to people. He uses choice words to manipulate people to buy his product. But then we go ahead and lie to people and use choice words to convince people to buy our products by lying to them and using the word SHARE instead of SELL because we think they will like the word better.

This makes us the equivalent of 'THAT SLEEZY SALES GUY!"

I love sales and I love that I get to help people by introducing them to products that I stand by.   I am not that manipulative person. I am not someone who pitches things to people because I'm trying to just meet a quota. I love people. I love the products I sell and use them myself. I share stuff, I love! At the end of the day if my friends buy it, that means I sold it to them.  Thus, I am a sales person.

Stop being fake and stop lying to people! YOU SELL STUFF.....

We are in the most amazing industry in the world where we get to have freedom with time and money.   We get to work from home.  We get to choose which company and products we want to represent.  We get to be excellent customers with the companies that create products we love.

Personally, I am owning the word and refusing to attach negativity to it.  Check out my recent podcast above.  I have a little more to say on the subject.

 

People who find great success almost always have an un-natural obsession or focus on  reaching their goals. It is a fact that a concentrated focus on producing solid results combined with working smart will help to accelerate your success.

So the answer to the question:

"Is it necessary to remain laser focused to find success in network marketing?"

Would have to be...YES! But...

What happens when a network marketer is perceived to be distracted?  What happens when another leader in the company accuses a business builder of being lazy or unprofessional for taking a break or time painting a picture or writing a book?

Is extra attention to family a distraction?  Is expressing your art a distraction?  Is a time for reflection and peace a distraction?

I have heard criticisms by leaders of fellow distributors who are not 100% 24/7 focused on their tasks in Network Marketing.

In fact, I have noticed some people with solid identities prior to entering the industry flounder and dive into a serious identity crisis once they enter the industry and discontinue cultivating their talents outside of NWM.  Some people have been transformed into fully seeing themselves as Network Marketers first and foremost.

I worked as a singer prior to Network Marketing. I love to sing.  I have written books. I love to write.  My husband is an amazing musician.   I have people in my team that are athletes, artists and some continue to be employed in different professions while using their work-at-home businesses as a way to earn extra money.

While laser sharp focus on your NWM business will produce greater results, the definition of success can vary from person to person.

I personally see 'distractions' sometimes as being healthy.  Being a well rounded individual can help to attract a solid and unique team of individuals more equipped to connect with people on the field.

 

We want to be relatable.  We want to connect with people authentically.

So, the next time you hear someone accuse a business builder of 'sleeping on the job' , understand that many people enter the industry to find more time freedom and creative freedom.

Laser sharp focus requires a serious and intense commitment and isn't always fun. People build their businesses at difference paces and we have a right to speed up when we want to or slow down.

Just be aware that major distractions can and will slow down progress. If you desire to crush your goals, you will need to dig in your heels and fight your way to the top with your eyes fully on the prize.

I believe the best Network Marketers are balanced between having a healthy amount of 'distractions' and extra activities outside of their business combined with focused hours working smart inside of their businesses.

The beauty of this business though is that a 2 year commitment and laser focus could yield continual residual income streaming in for years.

The un-natural obsession may be worth it.  But at the end of the day, you are the person who gets to make that judgement call.

Seriously, I had to make this podcast because I have been getting so frustrated with the confusion in Network Marketing regarding what  a new business builder's relationship is expected to be with their upline.

The entire gist of my podcast is that you are the leader so LEAD.

Respect your upline if they earn your respect.  But you get to choose who you align yourself with.  It is not a requirement that you FOLLOW your upline blindly. If you are in a company that insists that you do then you might as well get a corporate job and work with a boss over you.

If you are coming from a corporate background then you may have the expectation that you have to follow some kind of corporate hierarchy.  Please keep your viewpoint in check.

You are not an employee to your upline.

IF you are coming into Network Marketing from the vantage point of having been an entrepreneur, you are accustomed to making your own decisions.  You already should know that mentorship and training is essential.  Whether or not that is your upline is up to you.

Most people have excellent relationships with their upline.

My point with the podcast is to emphasize the importance of a mindset that clearly understand that you are not bound to obey or follow blindly the person in your upline.

You get to choose.

So if you choose to align with the upline then that is a way to honor them.  But do not buy into the fact that you need to act like an employee.

BYOB....BE YOUR OWN BOSS!  Isn't that one of the reasons you entered this industry anyhow...

 

 

 

 

 

I wanted to talk about the definition of success and the images of success in NWM.

We are TOLD that success means rising to the top ranks of our companies, making the most money and  receiving the most recognition. The acquisition of super expensive cars and large ostentatious homes tends to be the stereorypical backdrop of ads for NWM and success coaches.

We live in America where things typically are big .I mean really big..

But does becoming the top earner in a company or the one with the most accolades really epitomize success.   Truly becoming the top income earner does epitomize that in some ways and reaching goals does as well.  So yes, you are successful in earning the most and accomplishing the most IF your definition is all about money, recognition and the acquisition of houses, cars, and expensive vacations.

NOW, what if your definition of success is something different.

I have been in NWM now for 4 years. I am an industry millionaire and have many awards in my trophy case. I also have watched as my first personally enrolled associate become a millionaire and several people in my team earn over 6 figures. BUT my team which represents tens of thousands of people, I think is more representative of the true success in NWM.  These people have accomplished their goals of paying for mortgages, putting their kids into private school, paying for physical therapy for their kids and adoptions…funding mission trips and paying for college for impoverished people in Uganda and Nicaraugua.

The images of mansions and expensive cars do not necessarily capture the visual of what today’s success in Network Marketing looks like. NOW there is nothing wrong with the cars or mansions but they imply that at the heart of NWM are people who value grandiose material acquisitions over simple and deep intangibles and quality connections and experiences.

Success can be defined in so many ways but what I have noticed is that the real nwm (not the airbrushed and photoshopped and pretending to own a mansion and TESLA NWM) is someone who wants financial, creative and time freedom over everything.

This is not always captured by a photo infront of a home in Beverly Hills.

And if we keep playing to the audience of people who we think wants  that…we will be losing out on enrollments and recruiting of the true lifeline of the new and real network marketers….these are people who see through the silk screen and filters of those pictures.

Let me tell you a couple of stories to sort of illustrate what I mean.

Prior to NWM I had a very successful entertainment company in NYC.

I worked hard to build my band up to earning about 30k a gig. My band played weddings for Michael Douglas and Catherine zeta jones, parties for Geraldo rivera, Jimmy Buffett, Donald Trump, Martha Stewart…many more…

The costs of these parties was about 500k to 2million per party. People in my industry (caterers, musicians, party planner )would be considered successful financially but not all of them were happy. I made great money but observed an emptiness within me…

The money and fancy places did not represent ultimate success to me.

I wanted freedom.. I had no freedom. I had to work …there was no residual income.

There was no time freedom and often there was no creative freedom..

Now during this time I purchased a huge home….I had the mansion….but when finances slipped and I left the industry of events…we were left with foreclosure and potential bankruptcy …we had no residual income and bought the mansion because it was an OLD dream of ours that we had actually grown out of.

When I was first introduced to NWM I didn’t want anything to do with it because of the fast talking, slick faced, expensive watch wearing, in front of a mansion, Tesla driving network marketer.

I DIDN”T WANT THAT…I am in awe at how many people still pe...