The ClearOut

In this episode, Dara looks at the Natasha O'Brien case which saw a young woman beaten unconscious in the street by a young man who wasn't known to her, and that same young man been given a suspended sentence so as not to jeopardise his career as an Irish soldier. There is nothing that isn't problematic about these events, but as ever, there are larger social questions to be asked beyond the ugly specifics of the case in question.

Dara considers the messages that are sent by the outcome of the case. Why isn't a higher price put on women's suffering? Why are violent men rewarded by the courts with their careers being prioritised over their abhorrent, life-ruining behaviour? Is the law a male-centric instrument, designed to protect male interests? Is the average man in any way benefiting from this adjudication?

Dara argues that both men and women are done a huge disservice by the ruling. A victimised woman is cast aside by the law, and all men are implicated in a decision that normalises male violence by giving it a pass. It prompts the question - if you're a man, do you care about women? Do you care about those who historically hold less power in society? Do you care about the assumption of male violence? How do you demonstrate that care?

Also covered in the episode - the relationship between fear and hate, the need for positive rites of passage, the importance of men doing deep work on themselves and more.

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In this hot and bothered episode, Dara tries to address the issue of racism in Ireland in the wake of the hate and racist abuse directed at Rhadisat Adeleke last week after her triumphant performances at the European Athletics Championships. A topic covered on the show before around the Emer O'Neill/Tommy Tiernan story, it seems to need speaking about again.

As part of his anti-racism strategy, Dara advocates a very simple policy before going online. It is a rule that would serve everyone well in all areas of their lives, and one that is antithetical to everything the internet wants us to do. If you put this rule front and centre before jumping into the online cess-pit, a lot of harm could be prevented.

Thinking less reactively to the situation, Dara considers issues of anger and the sense of being owed something and how they might feed into the hatred of others. If a wellness lens is to be applied to the expression of hate, it surely connects to personal suffering of some kind, and possibly the unwillingness to take responsibility for it.

Also in this episode, the magic of Irish summer green, hate for hipsters (again), and exhausted puppies!

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In this episode, Dara reads a short story that is new to the listener but not to him. The story has a female protagonist and when he shared it with a female friend a few years ago, he was told that not all women felt the same way as the character he'd written. In reply he said he'd never thought that would be the case.

In yet another example of the way assumptions and conflations are all too easily made, Dara pushes back against the idea of identifying creators too directly with their creations. He argues that other things are more readily identifiable, such as themes, trends, and tropes.

He hopes that his story, 'David Has Been Great', can be enjoyed without anyone thinking that the character's thoughts, feelings and prejudices are his own.

Guardian article on sigma masculinity (2024): https://www.theguardian.com/society/article/2024/jun/12/the-sad-stupid-rise-of-the-sigma-male-how-toxic-masculinity-took-over-social-media

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In this final part of his series on masculinity, Dara tries to bring things to a reasonable end. He talks about his lifelong attempt to embody a particular type of masculinity that was a direct response to sexist and reductive attitudes to men that he was exposed to in youth and early adulthood.

In the context of the current trends in public discourse, Dara once again pushes against the idea of a single person being representative of their designated identifying group. He argues for personal responsibility, self-reflection, and understanding oneself as a social animal. To that end, he examines the connection between a social and moral imperative and the implications for men.

Related ideas include the burden of responsibility, the expectations of others, the question of approval, and the need for greater consideration of the complexity of masculinity. Dara attempts to lay out a definitive description of ideal masculinity that could appeal to everyone. Amongst other things, this ideal includes an admission of uncertainty and the presence of vulnerability, as well as comfort with others, especially women and children.

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In the fourth part of his series on masculinity, Dara tries to point out the hierarchical nature of masculinity when the idea of manhood is being discussed. The legacy of Western European colonial domination has resulted in the idealisation of white, straight, middle class masculinity. In other words, for many people when they're asked to consider men and masculinity, they will default to the aforementioned model. But where does that leave other iterations and expressions of masculinity?

Looking through various 'othering' lenses, Dara considers men of colour, Blackness, queer men, disabled men, and men identified by class and feudality. Arguably, the idea of true equality amongst men is fantastical and utopian, but is there an optimal place to start looking at who gets to be a man and what that means?

Dara asks himself to whom he would deny manhood and finds himself arguing for a 'post-gender' world, again opening up the utopian debate. His own socialist and Marxist leanings inform his viewpoint, raising the issues of power, equal opportunity and economic equity. But he wonders if it is naive to pretend that discrimination and categorical relegation can be so easily bypassed.

Also this week, received cues and signals, the importance of context, and LGBTQ-affirming Eurovision vision!

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In this lachrymose episode and further exploration of masculinity, Dara is talking about the benefits of crying. He confesses to being a crier anyway, easily shedding tears over any number of things, but goes on to share an extremely recent loss that knocked him sideways with the tears it provoked. He argues that there is a ranking system that qualifies the when and how much of crying.

For Dara there is a strong connection, verging on causality, between problematic iterations of masculinity and male behaviour and the invalidation of the emotional lives of men. He believes this begins very early in male lives with the three words: boys don't cry. In the past week he was on his knees crying big fat tears. He's a boy. He was crying. What's the problem?

The problem is the conditioning that men receive for most of their lives that tells them it is unmanly to cry. Unmanly to show emotion. That crying is weak and feminine. Dara pushes hard against this rhetoric and performed masculinity and asserts that the emotional richness and vibrancy of men's lives needs to be given licence to express itself. And that includes crying!

Aeon article (2015) on men and crying: https://aeon.co/essays/whatever-happened-to-the-noble-art-of-the-manly-weep

Medium article (2024) on cultural attitudes to male crying: https://medium.com/the-no%C3%B6sphere/real-men-do-cry-why-in-some-cultures-its-actually-manly-to-cry-33ab44023635

Michael Kimmel article (2023) on toxic masculinity and male characteristics: https://iai.tv/articles/toxic-masculinity-is-not-a-useful-description-michael-kimmel-auid-2466

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Continuing his exploration of masculinity and maleness, Dara turns his gaze to movies and how men's stories, especially but not exclusively, straight men's stories have played out on screen. He looks at three totems of masculinity as the main discussion points - potency, violence, and morality.

Dara kicks off with the controversial Straw Dogs, Sam Peckinpah's 1971 examination of neutered masculinity being refused permission to remain inert by sinister and attritional male forces. That movie's star, Dustin Hoffman, embodied a new, sensitive version of manhood that chimed with the times - men in movies no longer had to recall the unambiguous heroic modes of earlier eras. But 70s directors recognised there was a tension that made good drama when these new men were pitched against iterations of manhood more resistant to change. John Boorman played this out to terrifying effect in 1972's Deliverance, for example.

Male cowardice is often a propulsive element in movies, and Dara looks at From Here to Eternity (1954) and the different faces of masculinity presented therein. Key to the piece is Montgomery Clift's Prewitt, the military trumpet player who refuses to box for the army. What does he do when faced with Burt Lancaster's male swagger or Ernest Borgnine's loutish bullying? And what happens to plucky but skinny Frank Sinatra when he sticks up for his pal? Clift's sensitivity and vulnerability, also essayed by Marlon Brando and James Dean, embodied another masculinity shift that paved the way for the male stars of the 70s.

The 80s were another thing completely, and the truly dominant stars of that period reflected a hyper-confidence in American consumption and bloated pride. Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger wore their alpha masculinity as explicitly as possible and audiences loved them for it. But another 80s actor couldn't have been less like them and enjoyed enormous success himself playing characters who were cerebral, sensitive, and importantly, non-violent. In fact, in one of his most acclaimed roles he played a cross-dressing gay seducer of a straight roommate, a subversive expression of masculinity that fascinated Dara as an adolescent.

Also, a couple of Kenny Rogers songs, father-son movie dynamics, modernity as identity eraser, and sneaking nerds into leading parts.

2023 article deconstructing the term 'toxic masculinity': https://iai.tv/articles/toxic-masculinity-is-not-a-useful-description-michael-kimmel-auid-2466

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Dara knew when he started recording this one that one episode was never going to cut it. So it is only the beginning of a conversation about being a man and trying to unpack what constitutes a man.

Before getting into more specific experiences and perspectives, Dara tries to sketch the current landscape, so heavily influenced by the tech age and social media, in which many men feel they have been pushed aside. There appears to be a huge hole in society, and in the discourse cauldron, that men are very unsure how to fill. This uncertainty has been capitalised upon, or catered to, by male figures all too willing to say 'this is how you should be'. But are they really helping?

Dara has embarked on a course of Men's Studies, and that in part is what has prompted this exploration. He discusses in detail his own primary model of masculinity and recognises how much it left a mark on him. He also looks at the centrality of martial arts codes and philosophy in his own conception of masculinity.

Finally, what cartoon figure popped in his head when thinking of a good male role model?

To be continued...

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In this episode, Dara has an update on the fox situation at Hashtag Blessed and admits he views the surviving chickens differently since last week’s attack. Is it just him, or do they seem to be grieving?

After thinking he was almost out of fuel during an excursion to the mountains, Dara reflects on the benefits of slowing down and lays out a couple of mindfulness exercises to encourage the illusion of stopping time. He looks at the relationship between care and action and acknowledges his own resistance to trying new things. It begs the question – what do you care about enough to take action?

Staying in the area of care, Dara discusses a couple of movies he watched with his daughter over the weekend. The obvious homophobia in one was a stark reminder of how gender politics have evolved since the 90s, when the film was made. Tolerance of homophobic slurs was accepted then in a way it simply isn’t now.

A comment from his daughter raised the issue of the dominance of straight male values in movies in the past. As a corrective, Dara put on a movie with a strong female lead to offer something different, but his daughter didn’t care for it!

Also this week, movies as provocation and social critique. Better than those that moralise?

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In this episode, Dara is reflecting on the overnight passing of two of the animal members of the Hashtag Blessed family. It reminds him of a key moment from the iconic TV show The Sopranos which centred on the idea of a changing world that couldn't be controlled. The idea of chaos and disorder prompting a desire for control feels like a very present concern.

A local death in the community spurs Dara to further examine the idea of the familiar and the habitual, and to look at the strength and reassurance we take from known quantities and knowable entities. He talks about the importance of the social space made for grief and is grateful that it is something that Irish culture is very good at.

Habits of thought and behaviour are also discussed, and Dara acknowledges how in an area of his own life he has allowed habitual behaviour lead him away from difficult situations. He pitches the idea of difficulties and challenges, and their avoidance, against the finality and true reality-altering nature of death. Perspective and proportionality are healthy things to bring to bear on the things that unsettle us. Can we find a way to deal better with interruptions to normal service? Can we break the pattern of our habitual responses?

Also in this episode, the humble offer, 1983's Risky Business, and the absence of bad influences in Dara's past.

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Email: [email protected]

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